The usual stuff: Red text
indicates additions, orange text
indicates deletions, and blue text
indicates comments or suggestions.
Added [brackets], capitalizations of the word "Alien", and British spellings replaced by American ones are not denoted.
The [XLW-01 Laser Pistol] is the first of X-Corps' newly developed portable laser weaponry. Despite the fact that heavier conventional weaponry has both better accuracy and greater damage capacity than the laser pistol, it should not be discounted as a sidearm. Field tests indicate that the primary advantage of the [XLW-01] over the current standard sidearm is its virtually unlimited firing capacity. Unlike conventional pistols, which hold no more than 15 rounds, this weapon can last the duration of a sustained firefight on a single charge. Isn't the laser pistol also faster and more accurate than other Terran weapons? Maybe mention it and attribute it to lack of recoil?
The [laser pistol] can be broken down into four main components: the laser core, located in the front half of the barrel; the firing mechanism, located behind the laser core, which includes the trigger and the secondary capacitor; the primary capacitor, located in the handle; and the cooling system, sheathed around both the secondary capacitor and the laser core, and extending into the heat exchanger along the bottom of the barrel.Suggest reorganizing so that the primary capacitor comes before the secondary one, while keeping the core before the firing mechanism. Minor tweaks added, too.
The [laser pistol] can be broken down into four main components: the primary capacitor, located in the handle; the laser core, located in the anterior half (portion?) of the barrel; the firing mechanism, located behind the core and includes the trigger and secondary capacitor; and the cooling system, encasing both the secondary capacitor and the laser core and extending into the heat exhanger along the underside of the barrel.
Early rate of fire problems issues?
were solved by the addition of the secondary capacitor. This "This" is vague; it can refer to the "addition" or the "secondary capacitor"
also acts as a safety precaution Suggest: "This addition enhances the safety of the [laser pistol]
, buffering the user in case of primary capacitor discharge. The primary capacitor acts as the "magazine" magazine-equivalent?
of the [XLW-01], holding the full power charge. The secondary capacitor functions similarly to the chamber of a mundane pistol, only charged charging
when the weapon is about to be fired. This secondary charging occurs when the shooter's finger rests against the trigger. Full compression of the trigger is still required to activate the pistol, and the secondary charge will dissipate approximately 20 seconds after the finger is removed from the trigger.
Trials have shown that despite being able to achieve a maximum?
rate of fire of 1 per 0.4s 2.5 shots per second?
, the [laser pistol] cannot sustain this rate of fire beyond ten shots. The cooling system no longer provides is unable to provide?
adequate heat dissipation of the core, resulting in breakdown of the core material, and in some cases,
catastrophic failure of the primary capacitor. Breach of the primary capacitor can cause severe burns, electrocution, or even explosions. Maintaining the maximum?
rate of fire for up to six shots and beyond beyond three shots?
has a tendency to cause stress fractures to occur in the laser core, reducing both the effectiveness of the laser core risks the formation of stress fractures in the laser core?
, as well as
shortening its life span by as much as eighty percent. As such, the [XLW-01] has been limited to a maximum of three shots in rapid fire mode. After that, safety mechanisms will take effect and prevent the [laser pistol] from being fired until core cooling is complete. Suggest: "As such, the [XLW-01] has can fire three shots in this rapid fire mode, after which an automatic safety mechanism will prevent further firing until the laser core has cooled sufficiently."
At room temperature, this takes between .5 and 1.5 seconds, however ambient temperature other ambient temperatures?
will increase or decrease this time accordingly.
It should be noted that the [laser pistol] can sustain a rate of one discharge per second without any serious repercussion without overheating the core?
. Agents MUST be warned that attempts of overriding the three shot limit or attempting to bypass the secondary capacitors are likely to result in missing limbs or even cause death severe injury, or even death?
Preliminary reports from agents assigned this weapon indicate that
most agents have found the [laser pistol] to be extremely effective Maybe: "Preliminary field trials demonstrate the high combat effectiveness of the [laser pistol], and we recommend..."
and recommend that standard issue handguns be replaced with the laser pistol. Field tests indicate that the major drawback of this new weapon is the difficulty of field repairs due to the intricate electronics. As such, a newer model that can be broken down into several standardized components has been developed. Damaged mechanisms can be easily replaced with new systems, or by cannibalizing another damaged [laser pistol]. This standardized layout will be incorporated into all further future? successive?
laser designs.Everything from "Field tests indicate that the major drawback..." isn't really a part of the gameplay; suggest deleting and moving the remaining sentence to the end of the first paragraph.
"We'd been sweeping through a disheveled group of Greys from a downed Probe
for a minute or two. We were down to the last few bugs; we . We
had them pinpointed, and we and
were closing fast. After a small brief?
firefight, we had one left there was only one left?
, firing out of some bushes. We didn't have any injuries so far "We hadn't taken any casualties yet"?
, so I was feeling pretty good. I let the soldiers exchange fire with the last Alien, figuring we had better cover and could outlast it. Unfortunately, one of my soldiers, Ensign Sam Mugalla, known around the unit as Grizzly, or Griz , Ensign Sam "Grizzly" Mugalla, ?
got tired of being shot at, and, ?
you know, had a little shell shock going. He bolted straight at the target with a nice, steady grip on the trigger of his [laser pistol], something [RD] We'll figure this out after the Xenocide Organizational Scheme gets figured out...
had just cooked up. Unfortunately, those things overload pretty easily, especially when you strip the safety catch.
He scared that little bug-eyed freak to death, and then shot it some more just for good measure. I kept calling him back to formation, but I figured he'd shoot until he was good and ready to come back. Then the pistol overloaded right in his hand. That put him in the medical bay for a few weeks. Now they have a tamper-proof,
integrated safety override mechanism?
. They call it the Grizzly Circuit."
- Captain Sandra Campori
Edited by Astyanax, 02 April 2005 - 05:04 PM.