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Issue #161: Thanatos: Operation Xenocide


Anthraxus

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Guest Azrael
I feel like something in missing, can't put my finger on it... I'll take a quick reading through Paradigm Shift and Alien Origins (which I need to rewrite a bit) and see if I can post something of use :) I see nothing to correct there, but I feel that you can still add a lot more.
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Mabe add some theorys about like one of the great astronomers seeing something on mars? a bit of history lesson? no?
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Mabe add some theorys about like one of the great astronomers seeing something on mars?
Then we will not add, but we will CHANGE, because Thanatos is supposed to be a common-looking area with nothing special.

 

a bit of history lesson?
Dunno... X-Net CTs are supposed to be scientific documents, and most of the time people complaint about CTs for being "too non-scientific".
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Mabe add some theorys about like one of the great astronomers seeing something on mars?
Then we will not add, but we will CHANGE, because Thanatos is supposed to be a common-looking area with nothing special.

Well, I don't see a problem here, it's not like they had to be right with what they saw. Plus, maybe they could see a special looking area, but with the time the Aliens managed to camouflage the impact point. We never trusted the eyes of the elders (hehe what a patos! :) ) and assumed they saw something which doesn't (didn't) exist...

a bit of history lesson?
Dunno... X-Net CTs are supposed to be scientific documents, and most of the time people complaint about CTs for being "too non-scientific".

Since I seem to be the master of "this is not scientific enough" :P I can safely say, I don't see a problem with this. One can easily write historic links in scientific language. :)

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THANATOS : PROJECT XENOCIDE

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Thanatos: Project Xenocide

 

When we began fighting this war, we believed that we could win it here, on earth. If enough UFOs were shot down, enough alien bases found and smoked out, enough of their soldiers killed, the Aliens would just lose interest or determine that fighting us is a waste of resources. But the more we learned about them, the more it became clear that they wouldn't just stop. They would continue to attack, abduct, investigate and terrorize us with a neverending supply of Aliens. And all Aliens are apparently fighting without fear, without remorse, without pause. They appear to be driven. We now believe to know why: Because they are all utterly under the control of a single commanding entity that makes them do what they do.

 

From the information that the Alien Commander has divulged to us, it has become clear that we must halt the Alien attacks directly from the source: Mars. Using an underground stronghold, the “Motherbase”, located in an area of the red planet we have code-named Thanatos, the Aliens have created a staging point for their earthly incursions. Our leading officials have no doubts that humanity is fighting a losing battle and cannot possible win a drawn-out war unless a final, decisive victory at Thanatos is achieved.

 

The interrogated Alien also incoherently spoke of some sort of central command, a brain so to speak. Much of it was rather absurd as a side effect of the administered

neurotoxins, yet some of that information may have some semblance of fact. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars’ surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. Indeed, on the surface the whole installation looks like a normal crater, explaining why we couldn’t ever find proof of the Aliens’ existence.

 

Interpreting the Alien Commander’s testimony, we suspect the existence of a powerful creature which controls the whole Alien Invasion. The presence of the Overmind cannot be ascertained by Surface scans, as it seems to be nested deep within the Motherbase and, according to our information, under heavy guard. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Therefore, our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so called Overmind, and destroy it if it indeed exists.

 

Our hope is that with the "brain" gone, the "body" will cease to function. The more primitive Aliens would no longer act like soldiers, and revert to more primal patterns of behavior. The more intelligent ones might even rebel against a path of action that kills so many of them. In any case, the command structure amongst the invasion force should be severely disrupted, making our task a lot easier if they continue the attacks.

 

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport the most experienced combat personnel and destructive arsenal that we can possibly muster to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

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actually I have just double-checked on "Paradigm Shift: Offensive Operations" and I believe that a large part of my new first paragraph belongs there, instead. I have made the appropriate post in the appropriate thread...

 

this is getting kind of confusing :P maybe we should have created sub-forums for texts that are closely related? I'm thinking of

"Paradigm Shift: Offensive Operations" + "Thanatos: Project Xenocide"

 

and

 

"Gravity Distortion Drone / Launcher" + "[Fusion Missile Launcher]" + "[Fusion Defense Array]"

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

changes... I didn't come up with "Overmind" and never really liked the term, so I deleted it.

I don't really like the interrogation transcript idea either... but if you really want it, I'll try to come up with something :)

 

 

THANATOS : OPERATION XENOCIDE

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Thanatos: Operation Xenocide

 

When we began fighting this war, we believed that we could win it here, on earth. If enough UFOs were shot down, enough alien bases found and smoked out, enough of their soldiers killed, the Aliens would just lose interest or determine that fighting us is a waste of resources. But the more we learned about them, the more it became clear that they wouldn't just stop. They would continue to attack, abduct, investigate and terrorize us with a neverending supply of Aliens. And all Aliens are apparently fighting without fear, without remorse, without pause. They appear to be driven. We now believe to know why: Because they are all utterly under the control of a single commanding entity that makes them do what they do.

 

From the information that the Alien Commander has divulged to us, it has become clear that we must halt the Alien attacks directly from the source: Mars. Using an underground stronghold, the “Motherbase”, located in an area of the red planet we have code-named Thanatos, the Aliens have created a staging point for their earthly incursions. Our leading officials have no doubts that humanity is fighting a losing battle and cannot possible win a drawn-out war unless a final, decisive victory at Thanatos is achieved.

 

The interrogated Alien also incoherently spoke of some sort of central command, a brain so to speak. Much of it was rather absurd as a side effect of the administered

neurotoxins, yet some of that information may have some semblance of fact. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars’ surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. Indeed, on the surface the whole installation looks like a normal crater, explaining why we couldn’t ever find proof of the Aliens’ existence.

 

Interpreting the Alien Commander’s testimony, we suspect the existence of a powerful creature which controls the whole Alien Invasion. The presence of this creature cannot be ascertained by surface scans, as it seems to be nested deep within the Motherbase and, according to our information, under heavy guard. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Therefore, our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so called Overmind, and destroy it if it indeed exists.

 

Our hope is that with the "brain" gone, the "body" will cease to function. The more primitive Aliens would no longer act like soldiers, and revert to more primal patterns of behavior. The more intelligent ones might even rebel against a path of action that kills so many of them. In any case, the command structure amongst the invasion force should be severely disrupted, making our task a lot easier if they continue the attacks.

 

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport the most experienced combat personnel and destructive arsenal that we can possibly muster to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

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We have been using that term to call the brain for a long time, maybe it'd be a good idea to name it here, but just explain that either that's what they call it, or that's what we've decided to call it :)
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re-wrote/re-phrased/re-structured most of the third and fourth paragraph to incorporate our learning about the Overmind creature

 

minor tweak later on to clarify an ambiguous sentence

 

what do you think?

 

THANATOS : OPERATION XENOCIDE

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Thanatos: Operation Xenocide

 

When we began fighting this war, we believed that we could win it here, on earth. If enough UFOs were shot down, enough alien bases found and smoked out, enough of their soldiers killed, the Aliens would just lose interest or determine that fighting us is a waste of resources. But the more we learned about them, the more it became clear that they wouldn't just stop. They would continue to attack, abduct, investigate and terrorize us with a neverending supply of Aliens. And all Aliens are apparently fighting without fear, without remorse, without pause. They appear to be driven. We now believe to know why: Because they are all utterly under the control of a single commanding entity that makes them do what they do.

 

From the information that the Alien Commander has divulged to us, it has become clear that we must halt the Alien attacks directly from the source: Mars. Using an underground stronghold, the “Motherbase”, located in an area of the red planet we have code-named Thanatos, the Aliens have created a staging point for their earthly incursions. Our leading officials have no doubts that humanity is fighting a losing battle and cannot possible win a drawn-out war unless a final, decisive victory at Thanatos is achieved.

 

The interrogated Alien also spoke of some sort of central command, a brain so to speak. Much of it was rather incoherent, and we suspect that this was only in part a side effect of the administered neurotoxins, but also the result of Alien memory-modification to keep us from learning about it. After the extended interrogation, we now believe some of that information may have some semblance of fact. We have reached the conclusion that there is one single Alien creature, which we have come to call "Overmind", that controls the invading forces. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars’ surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. Indeed, on the surface the whole installation looks like a normal crater, explaining why we couldn’t ever find proof of the Aliens’ existence.

 

Interpreting the Alien Commander’s testimony, we suspect the location of the "Overmind" to be inside the Mars base. The presence of the Overmind cannot be ascertained by surface scans, as it seems to be nested deeply underground within the Motherbase and, according to our information, under heavy guard. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Therefore, our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so called Overmind, and destroy it if it indeed exists.

 

Our hope is that with the "brain" gone, the "body" will cease to function. The more primitive Aliens would no longer act like soldiers, and revert to more primal patterns of behavior. The more intelligent ones might even rebel against the invasion for being a path of action that kills so many of them. In any case, the command structure amongst the invasion force should be severely disrupted, making our task a lot easier if they continue the attacks.

 

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport the most experienced combat personnel and destructive arsenal that we can possibly muster to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

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  • 4 months later...

some further re-phrasing

 

[EDIT: you know, reading this again I think it should be named "project: pathos" LOL especially the last paragraph]

 

THANATOS : OPERATION XENOCIDE

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Thanatos: Operation Xenocide

 

When we began fighting this war, we believed that we could win it here, on earth. If enough UFOs were shot down, enough alien bases found and smoked out, enough of their soldiers killed, the Aliens would just lose interest or perhaps determine that fighting us is a waste of resources. But the more we learned about them, the more it became clear that they wouldn't just stop. They would continue to attack, abduct, investigate and terrorize us with a neverending supply of Aliens -  Aliens apparently fighting without fear, without remorse, without pause. They appear to be driven. We now believe to know why: Because they are under the control of a single commanding entity that makes them do what they do.

 

From the information that the Alien Commander has divulged to us, it has become clear that we must halt the Alien attacks directly from the source: Mars. Using an underground stronghold, the “Motherbase”, which is located in an area of the red planet we have code-named Thanatos, the Aliens have created a staging point for their earthly incursions. Our leading officials have no doubts that humanity is fighting a losing battle and cannot possibly win a drawn-out war unless a final, decisive victory at Thanatos is achieved.

 

The interrogated Alien spoke of some sort of central command, a "brain". Much of what it told us was rather incoherent. We suspect that this was only in part a side effect of the administered neurotoxins, but also the result of Alien memory-modification to keep us from gaining access to this information. After the extended interrogation, we now believe that some of that information may be factual. We are now convinced that there is one single Alien, a creature we have come to call "Overmind", that controls the invading forces. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. On the surface the whole installation looks almost like a normal crater, explaining why our previous analysis was unable to identify it.

 

Interpreting the Alien Commander’s testimony, we suspect the location of the "Overmind" to be inside this Mars base. The presence of the Overmind cannot be ascertained by surface scans, as it appears to be nested deeply underground within the Motherbase. According to our information, it is heavyly guarded. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Therefore, our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so-called Overmind, and destroy it if it indeed exists.

 

Our hope is that with the "brain" gone, the "body" will cease to function. The more primitive Aliens would no longer act like soldiers, instead reverting to more primal patterns of behavior. The more intelligent ones might even rebel against the invasion - a path of action that kills so many of them. In any case, the command structure of the invading forces should be severely disrupted, giving us an invaluable advantage should they continue to attack.

 

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport the most experienced combat personnel and destructive arsenal that we can possibly muster to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

Edited by Moriarty
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  • 3 weeks later...

It's good, just some ideas in blue and deletions in red

I'm a little confused with your "have"s. Don't know if present perfect is the correct tense here.

 

Ups, sorry, I think I might have gone a little berserk on this text. Hope you don't mind... ^_^

THANATOS : OPERATION XENOCIDE

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Thanatos: Operation Xenocide

 

When we began fighting this war, we believed that we could win it here it could be won?, on earth. If enough UFOs were shot down, enough alien bases found and smoked out don't like the "if " in the beginning here. Maybe something with "hoping..."?, enough of their soldiers killed, the Aliens would just lose interest or perhaps determine that fighting us is a waste of resources. But the more we learned about them, the more it became maybe just "came clear"? clear that they wouldn't just stop. They would continue to attack, abduct, investigate and terrorize us with a neverending supply of Aliens -  Aliens apparently fighting without fear, without remorse, without pause. They appear to be driven. We now believe to know why: Because they are under the control of a single commanding entity that makes them do what they do.

 

hmmm.. This first § really needs some serious rephrasing. I feel, it reads a little rough - you know, like there is no flow. Last three sentences might have a little too much pathos for a scientific report. Even if the future of mankind is at stake. :)

 

From the information that the Alien Commander has divulged to us, it has become clear that we must have to? halt the Alien attacks attack? directly from the source: Mars. That we have to eradicate the alien threat at it's source? Using an underground stronghold, the “Motherbase”, which is located in an area of the red planet our red neighbour? we have code-named Thanatos, the Aliens have not sure, but I feel the have is too much in here as well. created a staging point for their earthly incursions. Our leading officials have no doubts that humanity is fighting a losing battle and cannot possibly win a drawn-out war unless a final, decisive victory at Thanatos is achieved.

 

The interrogated Alien spoke of some sort of central command, a "brain".  I had to think what Alien might it be that was interrogated. You speak of it in the beginning, but somehow it feels awkward to mention it again like this - but maybe I'm just tired. Much of what it told us was rather incoherent. We suspect that this was only in part a side effect of the administered neurotoxins, but also the result of Alien memory-modification to keep us from gaining access to this information. After the extended interrogation, we now believe that some of that information may be factual. We are now convinced that there is one single Alien, a creature we have come to call "Overmind", that controls the invading forces. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. On the surface the whole installation looks almost like a normal crater, explaining why our previous analysis was unable to identify it.

repetition of analysis

 

Interpreting the Alien Commander’s testimony, we suspect the location of the "Overmind" to be inside this Mars base. The presence of the Overmind repetition of Overmind cannot be ascertained by surface scans, as it appears to be nested deeply underground within the Motherbase. According to our information, it is heavyly guarded. Strange sentence - Maybe try to fit it to the previous sentence, or add something like "heavily guarded by it's best trained soldiers. I know, there is no difference between them, they all are clones, but it's obvious that it would be heavily guarded, we want some information that is not that obvious. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Therefore, Maybe remove the therefore. our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so-called Overmind, and destroy it if it indeed exists. repetition of "it"

 

Our hope is that reads strange with the "brain" gone, the "body" will cease to function. The more primitive Aliens would no longer act like soldiers, instead reverting to more primal patterns of behavior. The more intelligent ones might even rebel against the invasion - a path of action that kills so many of them. In any case, the command structure of the invading forces should be severely disrupted, giving us an invaluable advantage should they continue to attack.

 

Have you read the new overall backstory? Please try to incorporate the ideas a bit more, you have done it well, but it still could be a bit nicer... :)

 

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport the most experienced combat personnel and destructive arsenal that we can possibly muster to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

 

Hand on the heart and sing to the official earth anthem  ;) Maybe - as you mentioned yourself - a little bit too much pathos... :)

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  • 1 month later...

major overhaul. have no time to read through it again right now... but if you post some suggestions, I might work on it again before or just after midnight. :D midnight CET, that is.

 

 

THANATOS : OPERATION XENOCIDE

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Thanatos: Operation Xenocide

 

When we began fighting this war against the Alien agressors, we believed that it could be won on earth. We thought that if we could shoot down enough of their UFOs, find and smoke out enough of their bases and kill enough of their soldiers, we could scare the Aliens away or at least make them see that fighting us is a waste of resources. But the more we learned about them, the more it became clear that they would not just stop. They would continue to attack, abduct, investigate and terrorize us with a neverending supply of Aliens - Aliens apparently fighting without fear, remorse or pause beyond rational thought. By more than a few of our soldiers, they are described as "driven". We now believe that  this is, literally, true: The Aliens may be under psionic control of a single commanding entity.

 

The information forced from the Alien Commander shows us that we have to eradicate the Alien threat at its source. This source is an underground stronghold, the “Motherbase”, located in an area of our red neighbour mars we code-named Thanatos. We have no reason to doubt that humanity is fighting a losing battle and cannot possibly win a drawn-out war unless a final, decisive victory at Thanatos is achieved.

 

Further data gathered in the interrogation speaks of a single "brain" behind the assault. The obscure and sometimes contradicting statements on this subject lead us to believe that the researched Alien has been the subject of memory-modification to keep us from gaining access to this information. Despite this, we have been able to extract some believable facts. We are now convinced that there is one single Alien, a creature we have come to call "Overmind", that controls the invading forces. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. On the surface the whole installation looks almost like a normal crater, explaining why our previous scans were unable to identify it.

 

We suspect the location of the "Overmind" to be inside this Mars base, although this cannot be ascertained by surface scans. The only way to prove this assumption is to enter the base, a difficult task because according to our information, it is heavily guarded. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so-called Overmind, and destroy it.

 

Our strategic analysts claim that when the "brain" is gone, the "body" will cease to function. The more primitive Aliens will no longer act like soldiers, instead reverting to more primal patterns of behavior. The more intelligent ones might even rebel against the invasion - a path of action that kills so many of them. In any case, the command structure of the invading forces should be severely disrupted, giving us an invaluable advantage should they continue to attack.

 

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport our most experienced combat personnel equipped with destructive arsenal to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

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major overhaul. have no time to read through it again right now... but if you post some suggestions, I might work on it again before or just after midnight. :D midnight CET, that is.

So I will hurry to say: Marvellous!

Just 1 or 2 things:

 

Further data gathered in the interrogation speaks of a single "brain" behind the assault. The obscure and sometimes contradicting statements on this subject lead us to believe that the researched Alien has been the subject of memory-modification to keep us from gaining access to this information.

 

Repeated use of subject. For the second one maybe "victim"?

 

Despite this, we have been able to extract some believable facts. We are now convinced that there is one single Alien, a creature we have come to call "Overmind", that controls the invading forces. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. On the surface the whole installation looks almost like a normal crater, explaining why our previous scans were unable to identify it.

 

We suspect the location of the "Overmind" to be inside this Mars base, although this cannot be ascertained by surface scans.

 

You see what I mean? Try finding another word for surface and scan. :)

 

The only way to prove this assumption is to enter the base, a difficult task because maybe just leave the "because" out of it or replace it with a "since"? according to our information, it is heavily guarded. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so-called Overmind, and destroy it.

[...]

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport our most experienced combat personnel equipped with destructive arsenal to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

 

still - as mentioned before, pretty much pathos, but I think you can leave it in. It fits, somehow. :)

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  • 1 year later...

small changes, fixed forum software mess.

 

THANATOS : OPERATION XENOCIDE

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Thanatos: Operation Xenocide

 

When we began fighting this war against the Alien agressors, we believed that it could be won on earth. We thought that if we could shoot down enough of their UFOs, find and smoke out enough of their bases and kill enough of their soldiers, we could scare the Aliens away or at least make them see that fighting us is a waste of resources. But the more we learned about them, the more it became clear that they would not just stop. They would continue to attack, abduct, investigate and terrorize us with a neverending supply of Aliens - Aliens apparently fighting without fear, remorse or pause beyond rational thought. By more than a few of our soldiers, they are described as "driven". We now believe that this is, literally, true: The Aliens may be under psionic control of a single commanding entity.

 

The information forced from the Alien Commander shows us that we have to eradicate the Alien threat at its source. This source is an underground stronghold, the "Motherbase", located in an area of our red neighbour mars we code-named Thanatos. We have no reason to doubt that humanity is fighting a losing battle and cannot possibly win a drawn-out war unless a final, decisive victory at Thanatos is achieved.

 

Further data gathered in the interrogation speaks of a single "brain" behind the assault. The obscure and sometimes contradicting statements on this subject lead us to believe that the researched Alien has been the victim of memory-modification to keep us from gaining access to this information. Despite this, we have been able to extract some believable facts. We are now convinced that there is one single Alien, a creature we have come to call "Overmind", that controls the invading forces. In-depth analysis of the most recent Mars surface scans has confirmed many of the commander's statements. On the surface the whole installation looks almost like a normal crater, explaining why our previous scans were unable to identify it.

 

We suspect the location of the "Overmind" to be inside this Mars base, although this cannot be ascertained by analysis of our data. The only way to prove this assumption is to enter the base, a difficult task since, according to our information, it is heavily guarded. Nonetheless, we must dare this expedition or our planet will be overrun. Our objective is to gain entry into the Alien Motherbase, confirm the existence of the so-called Overmind, and destroy it.

 

Our strategic analysts claim that when the "brain" is gone, the "body" will cease to function. The more primitive Aliens will no longer act like soldiers, instead reverting to more primal patterns of behavior. The more intelligent ones might even rebel against the invasion - a path of action that kills so many of them. In any case, the command structure of the invading forces should be severely disrupted, giving us an invaluable advantage should they continue to attack.

 

We will need an XC-33 Vengeance to transport our most experienced combat personnel equipped with destructive arsenal to Thanatos. This will be the final battle. This is do or die. There is nothing more for us to do here but await the outcome of this desperate assault. The fate of the Earth lies in the hands of X-Corps.

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