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Wth Is That?!


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#1 dipstick

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 05:20 PM

Copied this from a site I found on google I take it that this was the first snake man terror ship this guy had faced...... there was quite a bit of swearing in it (as you can imagine) it probably will get picked up though...

X-Com:
A Bad Day in heck.
It was a large ship, and most of my crack squad had been wounded or killed in the previous mission, in which I took out an alien battleship and successfully stunned and captured a live commander (and also the team members in the vicinity of the stun bomb. Thus it was time to send in the inexperienced captain, 2 sharpshooters, and a whole bunch of cannon fodder (rookies). Still, I was feeling confident...





Captain: Okay men, deploy immediately around the interceptor and begin moving out. Jenkins, Taylor, and Schwinn - you check out those buildings to the north and then circle the ufo. Take care of any slime you see. I'll take Carey and Arkwright and circle the ufo to the south. Simmonds, you bring up the rear.


Various: Yo Captain!


( 5 minutes later )


Jenkins: My God! What the heck is that?


Taylor: It looks like a refugee from an Aliens movie.


Schwinn: I've got it covered.


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


Schwinn: I hit it three times and it's still standing. Damn that thing's tough.


Captain: Well hit again goddammit. And kill it this time.


Schwinn: Yo!


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Bzztz. Click. Chitter.


Schwinn: It be dead captain. I be a mean bug killer.


Taylor: Heads up guys, two more to the north, running this way.


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


( Mass Blamm!'s deleted )


Taylor: They're down, the bogeys are down. This area's clear.


(10 seconds later)


Taylor: shuckeroonies! Snakeman to the North. And what's that he's carrying? Hey, that looks like a blaster launcher! Oh my God!


BOOM!


Schwinn: Captain there's a big crater where Taylor used to be. There's a pair of shoes where he was.


Captain: Well kill that guy with the if-you-see-Kaying porta-nuke!


Schwinn: No need sir, he was killed in the explosion.


Captain: Well, retrieve the shoes and carry on around the ufo. We'll meet up later.


(10 minutes pass)


Captain: Where the heck is the door on this thing? I've been hearing it open but where the heck is it?


Carey: Double doors up ahead sir!


Captain: Okay, let's do this by the book. I'll take the right, you take the left.


Arkwright: Sir, you know there was another one of these things a way back don't you. We passed it a while ago.


Captain: What! Why the heck didn't you tell me?


Arkwright: I thought you knew sir.


Captain: Simmonds?


Simmonds: Yes sir?


Captain: Where are you Simmonds?


Simmonds: Just passed that rectangular thing in the hull sir. Why?


Captain: Oh nothing. Just turn around and take a look Simmonds. And do it fast.


Simmonds: Okay. Aaaargh!


Captain: Simmonds? You there?


Simmonds: I'm here sir. But not for long. There are two black bugs real close.


Captain: Well fire goddammit!


Simmonds: Firing sir.


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


Simmonds: One down sir. Firing again.


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


Simmonds: It's bad sir. I guess I'm dead. I missed. Tell Mom I loved her.


Captain: Carey, Arkwright, are either of you in position?


Carey: Nope. Sorry Simmonds. I'll take care of your kids.


Arkwright: In position. Firing.


Blamm!


Simmonds: You missed! You did that on purpose you bitch. You've always wanted my boyfriend!


Captain: Richenki, where the heck are you?


Richenki: In the interceptor captain.


Captain: Well what the heck are you doing there?


Richenki: You never told me to get out sir.


Captain: Well get the heck out and set fire to some slime!


Richenki: Yo!


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


Simmonds: Thank god! I'm saved!


Captain: Well keep that door covered. Schwinn, Jenkins, get back there and help them.


(10 minutes later)


Schwinn: Got it covered sir. We're behind a wall. They can't possibly reach us in time... Aargh!


Jenkins: It got Schwinn sir. It touched him and he don't look like him anymore.


Captain: Well shoot him then.


Jenkins: If you so order.


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


Jenkins: The thing that used to be Schwinn took two rounds full auto sir. And then he just split and out popped another big black guy. Now I'm standing next to two of them.


Carey: I got one of them.


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


Carey: It's down.


Richenki: I got the other.


Blamm! Blamm! Blamm!


Richenki: Good news sir. The other one's down. Unfortunately, it only took two shots and the other shot took out Jenkins.


Captain: Was he holding a primed grenade?


Richenki: Don't look like it sir. No explosion.


Captain: Damn. Oh well. Let's kill the rest of these bugs.



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#2 mikker

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 01:45 PM

heh :)

"Jenkins: It got Schwinn sir. It touched him and he don't look like him anymore.

Captain: Well shoot him then."

hehe!

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#3 Trevelyan

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 12:47 PM

Captain: Richenki, where the heck are you?


Richenki: In the interceptor captain.


Captain: Well what the heck are you doing there?


Richenki: You never told me to get out sir.


ROFL
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#4 SupSuper

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Posted 22 February 2004 - 04:12 PM

If Infocom had written X-COM (by Jason Scott)

Bottom of the Ramp.
 
>look
You are at the bottom of the ramp of your Skyranger. The rest of yoursquad can be seen in the Skyranger, to the west. There is a large hedge blocking your path to the south. A gate leads to an open pasture to the east. To the north is a small, white house. It is nighttime.
 
>inventory
You are currently holding:
-your standard issue rifle
-four standard issue rifle magazines
-a handheld motion detector
-two standard issue grenades
-two electric flares
-a proximity grenade
 
You are also wearing the latest in fashionable X-COM body armour.
 
>examine motion detector
The motion detector reveals no motion.
 
"Well, get on with it!", your Squad Leader yells from above.
 
>examine rifle
Your rifle is standard X-COM issue, firing 6.5 millimeter caseless ammo, one of the deadliest weapons in the world. You are filled with confidence just looking at it.
 
There is a small switch on the side of the rifle.
 
>examine small switch
It has two positions: "S" and "F". The switch is currently pointed towards the "S"
 
There is a terrible scream from the north!
 
>throw switch
The switch flips over, readying the rifle for action with an ominous click.
 
>n
Back of the House
 
You walk up the short path to the back door of the small, white house. To the north is the closed door of the house. Your path to the west is blocked by a low, decorative fence. A footpath leads around the eastern side of the house. The ramp of your Skyranger is to the south. It is darker here, away from the light of the Skyranger.
 
There is a dead goat here.
 
>examine goat
The goat has been sliced open from throat to anus, and had it's internal organs removed. It is quite dead.
 
>examine house
Before you is a small, white house. The path you are standing upon leads to a closed door in front of you. There are windows on either side of the door.
 
>open door
The door is locked.
 
>kick door
The door is made of sterner stuff than you. You wish you had spent more time in the base gym.
 
>kick door
You produce a loud "thud", but nothing else.
 
>shoot lock
There is now a hole in the door.
 
>open door
Although now not locked, the door still does not open. It seems that it may be barred from the inside.
 
>shoot window
Which window? The left or the right window?
 
>right window
You've always wanted to do this! The plate glass window shatters into a thousand pieces.
 
>enter right window
You begin to enter the window, but the jagged line of broken glass along the bottom edge gives you second thoughts. Maybe you had better find another entrance.
 
>e
South East corner of the House
 
You are at the south east corner of the house. The path continues on into the darkness, to the north. To the west is the back door of the house. Your path is blocked to the east by a large hedge. A fence blocks your way to the south.
 
>n
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
 
>examine flare
You can't! It's too dark to see!
 
>s
South East corner of the House
 
>examine flare
The flare is round, made of two translucent halves, with a powerful LED in the center.
 
There is a small sticker with barely legible writing on the side of the flare.
 
There is a button on the side of the flare.
 
>read sticker "Product of Frobozz Electric. Made in Port Foozle."
 
>push button
The flare lights up with a nearly blinding light.
 
>n
East Side of the House
 
You are on a path leading along the east side of the house. There are two open windows here, west of you, but a low hedge prevents you from entering them. The path continues to the north, or you can go south. A large hedge prevents movement to the east.
 
Your motion detector is glowing faintly.
 
>n
North East corner of the House
 
The path leads from the side of the house around to the front. You can follow the path back to the south, or to the Front Door, west. A large hedge blocks your way to the east. There is a sidewalk to the north.
 
Your motion detector is glowing faintly.
 
>w
The Front Door
 
You stand before the front door of the house. The door is open to the south. The front walk leads towards a mailbox to the north, and a path leads away east. A flower bed blocks any movement westward.
 
Your motion detector is glowing faintly.
 
>s
Parlor
 
You are in the parlor of the white house. There is a closed wet closet to the west. Another open door leads south. You can exit the house to the north.
 
There is a hat rack here.
 
Your motion detector is glowing.
 
>s
Living Room
 
You are in a sparsely appointed living room. The furniture, while pleasant, is somewhat dingy. It also seems to be quite blood-splattered. There is a TV on a stand against the far wall, and sofa and loveseat set in the center of the room. A personal computer sits in a hutch against the east wall. The parlor lies to the north. An open door leading to the kitchen is to the east, and a dark hallway leads to the west.
 
There is a TV here. It is on, tuned to "Independence Day"
 
There is a personal computer here. It is on. It is currently displaying a screen full of flying toastie makers.
 
There is a Snakeman here, holding a plasma rifle. He looks surprised.
 
Your motion detector is glowing brightly.
 
>shoot Snakeman
You shoot the Snakeman in the center of the chest. It only succeeds in making him angry.
 
The Snakeman shoots at you with his plasma rifle. He misses badly.
 
Your motion detector is glowing brightly.
 
>shoot Snakeman
Once again, you shoot the Snakeman square in the chest. He is really mad now.
 
The Snakeman shoots at you with his plasma rifle. He misses to the left.
 
Your motion detector is glowing brightly.
 
>shoot Snakeman
Once again, you shoot the Snakeman square in the chest. He is livid.
 
The Snakeman shoots at you with his plasma rifle. He misses to the right.
 
Your motion detector is glowing brightly.
 
>shoot Snakeman
Once again, you shoot the Snakeman square in the chest. He is livid.
 
The Snakeman shoots at you with his plasma rifle. He just misses, hitting the floor in front of you. He won't miss next time.
 
>kill Snakeman
Tired of this tom-foolery, you decide to end this little game... now. Holding down the trigger, you fill the Snakeman with enough lead to sink a battleship. He falls to the floor, twitching spastically.
 
You have just earned 10 points.
 
There is a dead Snakeman here.
 
Your motion detector is glowing faintly.
 
>examine computer
It is your standard, run of the mill Frobozz Personal Electronics home computer. It has a mouse (not the rodent), a keyboard, two speakers, and a monitor, which is currently occupied by many flying toastie makers.
 
There is an enticing smell coming from the east.
 
Your motion detector is glowing faintly.
 
>e
Kitchen
 
A small kitchen, bare except for a sink, refrigerator, a stove, and microwave. A door opens to the west.
 
A delicious smell pervades the room.
 
There is a toastie maker here, sitting on the counter.
 
Your motion detector is glowing faintly.
 
>examine toastie maker.
It seems to be a normal toastie maker. Printed on top are the words "Frobozz Electric Toasted Sandwich Maker". It is closed.
 
>open toastie maker
Opening the toastie maker reveals two freshly made toasties.
 
>take toasties
You can't! You are carrying too much. You'll have to drop something.
 
>drop rifle
Dropped.
 
>take toasties
You take both of the toasties.
 
You have just earned 5 points.
 
>eat toastie
It's a cheese toastie, your favorite! And it's still warm! Mmmmmm...
 
You have just earned 5 points.
 
>w
Living Room
 
Your motion detector is glowing faintly.
 
>operate computer
 
Moving the mouse, you reveal that a newsgroup reader is open. It is currently displaying the message logs for a newsgroup called alt.games.x-com.
 
Your motion detector is glowing.
 
>read newsgroup, eat toastie
 
The newsgroup is quite fascinating, with many interesting and intelligent posters. You find yourself drawn in.
 
Your motion detector is glowing.
 
cheese toastie: eaten
Yummy, yummy cheese!
 
You have just earned 5 points.
 
A Chrysallid has just entered the room!
 
Your motion detector is glowing brightly.
 
>shoot chrysallid
With what?
 
>with rifle
You don't have a rifle!
 
The Chrysallid moves closer, clicking it's claws in anticipation.
 
>e
Kitchen
 
There is an open toastie maker here. It appears to be empty.
 
There is a standard issue rifle here.
 
Your motion detector is glowing.
 
>take rifle
You pick up your rifle. It feels good to have it back in your hands.
 
The Chrysallid has just entered the room!
 
Your motion detector is glowing brightly.
 
>shoot Chrysallid
You carefully take aim and shoot the Chrysallid in the middle of the thorax. It seems to have no effect.
 
The Chrysallid advances quickly...
 
>shoot Chrysallid
This time you shoot the Chrysallid in the middle of the head. The bullet caroms off the creatures thick armour and then ricochets off of the toastie maker, finally ending up in your leg. You fall to the floor in pain.
 
The Chrysallid approaches, hissing in amusement...
 
Plunging it's ovipositor deep into your abdomen, it implants an embryo that quickly takes over your body, turning you into a drooling, shuffling zombie.
 
Under control of the alien embryo, you move back outside to the Skyranger, where the X-COM commander seems only too happy to shoot you with a rocket launcher.
 
With it's human host now dead, the now fully matured Chrysallid bursts forth from the wreckage of your body, to dash quickly up the ramp and implant several of your squad mates, including your commander, with more embryos. If only you had chosen to kill the Chrysallid instead of just shooting at it...
 
You have died.
 
Your score is 25 out of a possible 550 points, giving you the rank of Floater Bait.
 
Would you like to Restore, Quit, or Start Over?
 
>quit

:LOL:

too bad, now you will never know the ancient secrets of supsupers long gone avatar ;)

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#5 XcomVic

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Posted 22 February 2004 - 05:15 PM

haha.nice one sup
...just a thought...

#6 Deathskull

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Posted 24 February 2004 - 02:32 PM

I would like to play that game
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

#7 Cpl. Facehugger

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Posted 25 February 2004 - 01:47 PM

I would too.

Remember...Kill the chryssalid, not shoot it!
I'm only partially inactive. :P I can still be reached at cpl.facehugger@gmail.com, and via PM. Preferably the former.

*Coming back? Avast! Facehugger, finish your assignments!*

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#8 SupSuper

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Posted 25 February 2004 - 02:07 PM

what's Infocom's (or some person/company that makes text-based games) e-mail? ;)

too bad, now you will never know the ancient secrets of supsupers long gone avatar ;)

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#9 Deathskull

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Posted 25 February 2004 - 02:26 PM

I would too.

Remember...Kill the chryssalid, not shoot it!

>win game
You have won the game! Congragualations!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

#10 Robo Dojo 58

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Posted 25 February 2004 - 03:39 PM

>win game
You have won the game! Congragualations!

Wha? Three... three long years... and all... I had to do... was that... :crying:
Posted Image Haha! I'm now the Supreme Commander of X-COM. Time to kiss Earth goodbye.

My first order of business: Homeless people make cheap rookies, and are great at opening UFO doors. Heck, they're so cheap, I'm going to replace all personel with them!
Secondly: This organisation takes too much money to run. Weapon shipments will come from Siberia from now on. Costly maintenance is to be cut on all facilities. That includes venting.
Thirdly: We have a new colonel. His name is Facehugger, he loves aliens, and I want you all to treat him with respect.
Lastly: I'll be in my condo on an undisclosed island, if you need me. Good day.

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#11 Deathskull

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Posted 28 February 2004 - 02:23 PM

In reality.....

>win game
Command not recogized
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

#12 SupSuper

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Posted 28 February 2004 - 02:50 PM

or...

>win game
Who do you think you are? Quit trying to cheat and go back to playing!

:P

too bad, now you will never know the ancient secrets of supsupers long gone avatar ;)

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#13 Deathskull

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Posted 28 February 2004 - 03:21 PM

>win game
You take out your Gameboy Advance that you always carry around and start to play a random game. Eventually you win.

>what game?
Oh I dont know, you played Checkers Advanced.

>that game is stupid
Fine, you played Barbie Superstar Advanced.

>not that game
Stop being so picky! I say say you played Barbie Superstar Advance! Now stop complaining or Ill bring in a pair of sectopods!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

#14 mikker

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Posted 29 February 2004 - 08:00 AM

try "thy dungonman 2" on www.homestarrunner.com, for the same thing :)

Some people say that dreams are a portal to the subconscious. If that is so, I am a very disturbed person.

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#15 floater medic

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Posted 19 June 2004 - 02:21 PM

>n
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.



LOL i love ADOM (where that is from)
-WHEN THERES A WILL THERES A WAY WHEN THERES A WHIP THERES A GAY-
-STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WHIPS AND CHAINS EXITE ME-
-MOTHER ALWAYS SAID LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF EGGS......STUPID COW-

"a plastyc bag??? we cent tayk a plastyc bag if it hasen` got a speshel mark! doos eet hev a speshel mark????? oo it dont hev a speshel mark!!!!! we cent tek that eet cud strngle a lil kiddie that cud!!!!!!!"