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#1 Extralucas

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Posted 25 September 2003 - 12:29 PM

EDIT: PLEASE NOTE THE XENOCIDE NAMES HAVE NOT BEEN DETERMINED YET FOR EVERY ITEM OR UNIT IN THE GAME, REFERENCES TO NAMES WHICH ARE THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF ATARI OR OTHER COMPANIES BY INDIVIDUAL PROJECT MEMBERS IS NOT CONDONED BY THE PROJECT AND THE PROJECT DOES NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR SUCH ACTIONS. INDIVIDUALS SHOULD REFER TO ENTRY NAMES AGREED TO BY THE PROJECT, AND IF SUCH A NAME DOES NOT YET EXIST THEY SHOULD USE A SUBSTITUTE IN [BRACKETS]. THANKS!

Here comes first part of possible Ammonite/Ethereal entry. It is soldier/all and contains some genereal info about race. Next will be leader and mybe commander, because I think research on him should reveal Ammonite Origin and there will be separate entry on that (Dipstick is working on it). Potential data acquired from engineers and medics could be put into autopsy entry, and more info about data of Ammonite homeplanet could be put into Ammonite Origin.

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Edited by Breunor, 24 February 2004 - 10:12 AM.

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#2 Cpl. Facehugger

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Posted 25 September 2003 - 12:57 PM

I like it, but you may want to run it through a spelling/grammar checker like the one that comes with msword.
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#3 Extralucas

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Posted 25 September 2003 - 01:02 PM

I don't have English version of it. :( Any idea where can I get it?

Edited by Extralucas, 25 September 2003 - 01:03 PM.

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#4 Cpl. Facehugger

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Posted 25 September 2003 - 01:07 PM

Kazaa? Edonkey? Staples? :)
Really any proofreader would do, maby rhylos (sorry if I misspelled your name) would do it?
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#5 Extralucas

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Posted 25 September 2003 - 01:16 PM

He offered his help so...
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#6 Aosar

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Posted 25 September 2003 - 01:44 PM

Sharereactor(www.sharereactor.com) is a good source for ed2k links, if you know what I mean. If you don't visit it anyways, might be usefull/entertaining...
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#7 j'ordos

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Posted 26 September 2003 - 06:05 AM

If it weren't so goddamn slow (especially the forum, which half the time isn't even available to me :cussing: )

edit: a few more times 'the' wouldn't hurt either ^_^

Edited by j'ordos, 26 September 2003 - 06:17 AM.

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#8 Deimos

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Posted 26 September 2003 - 06:31 AM

http://www.openoffice.org/ Please don't use warez on the project. Thanks.

Edited by Deimos, 26 September 2003 - 06:32 AM.


#9 Cpl. Facehugger

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Posted 26 September 2003 - 01:03 PM

Well, atleast I use a legitimate copy of msworks, that is if you can call any of microsoft's products "legitimate".
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#10 Extralucas

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Posted 27 September 2003 - 11:05 AM

Here comes an update for entry. Added Leader and, hopefully, fixed some mistakes.

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#11 RustedSoul

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Posted 15 October 2004 - 05:09 AM

BUMP - CURRENT TEXT - NEEDS REVISION

Results of study live alien on Ammonites/Ethereals...

[Soldiers/All]

Being known as Ammonite, appears to be extremly dangerous in any combat situation. Reports from battlefield reveal that this creature has natural ability to fly and is useing Psi skills commonly. The Ammonites are capable of surviving hits that would easly kill a snakeman. Also it is rumored that those creatures can move items just by their will.

The being has appearance of nothing more but just a floating robe, and it's weapon is just hovering before it. However, they are agile, strong, and have very good reaction time. They are able to conduct accurate firepower offences and are very good with their throwing skills. Their ability to fly lets 'em hide on roofs and avoid explosive weapons like rockets.

The Ammonites are relying on their PSI skills to perform all required tasks. While in captive at X-Corps base, being never used it's physical skills. Communication with the creature was really easy. It could read our thoughts such easly as we can hear sounds. However, this was very dangerous. The Creature couldn't be cheat, and was able to really easly control minds of scientific staff, working on the project.

The Ammonites are extremly inteligent and appear to be a commanders of the Alein Incursion. Even a simple soldier has many warriors of other races under his command. They seem to be especially close with a race called 'Mutons' which are kind of the Ammonites' bodyguards.

We have discovered the Ammonites had before a very well developed civilization. However, it all has changed now. The Ammonites' religion is to worship the Overmind, and to do whatever the Overmind wants 'em to do. If any indyvidual resists the Overmind, then is ritualy sacrificed to the Overmind. All of aliens watch the ceremony to see how the traitors are punished, and to learn the respect to the Overmind.

[leader]

Interogation reveals reason of making Ammonites commanders of the alein incursion. Their natural ability to read minds gives 'em a very important advantage in controling other races. The commanders always know what the soldiers think. Are they afraid, are they planning to rebel, is a creature lying. However, that doesn't apply to the PSI skilled species like the Ammonites or sectoid leaders and commanders, which can protect their minds efficent enough to prevent other indyviduals from reading all of their thoughts. To pass through the PSI defences, required is a creature with better PSI skills. Because higher ranked Ammonites have better skills than common soldiers, they can easly control their Ammonite minions just like soldiers of any other specie. At the top of Ammonite hierarchy are highly PSI specialized commanders, who have immense control over alien society, and are responsible to execute all of the Overmind's will.

[Commander]
[Could reveal Ammonites Origin and add new possible research subject "Overmind"]

#12 centurion

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Posted 15 October 2004 - 09:39 AM

[Soldiers/All]

Being known as Ammonite, appears to be extremly dangerous in any combat situation. Reports from battlefield reveal that this creature has natural ability to fly and is useing Psi skills commonly. The Ammonites are capable of surviving hits that would easly kill a viper. Also it is rumored that those creatures can move items just by their will.

The being has the appearance of nothing more but just a floating robe, and its weapon is just hovering before it. However, they are agile, strong, and have very good reaction time. They are able to ?conduct accurate firepower offences? and are very good at throwing. Their ability to fly lets 'em hide on roofs and avoid explosive weapons like rockets.

The Ammonites are relying on their PSI skills to perform all required tasks. While in captive at X-Corps base, the being never used its physical skills. Communication with the creature was really easy. It could read our thoughts as easily as we can hear sounds. However, this was very dangerous. The Creature couldn't be cheated, and was able to easily control the minds of scientific staff that was working on the project.

The Ammonites are extremely intelligent and appear to be commanders of the Alien Incursion. Even a simple soldier can have many warriors of other races under its command. They seem to be especially close to a race known as the Morlocks, which behave like if they were the bodyguards of the Ammonites.

We have discovered the Ammonites had a very well developed civilization in the past. However, it all has changed now. The Ammonites' religion is to worship the Overmind, and to do whatever the Overmind wants 'em to do. If any individual resists the Overmind, then it is ritually sacrificed to the Overmind. All the aliens watch the ceremony to see how the traitors are punished, and to learn the respect to the Overmind.

[leader]

Interrogation reveals the reason of making the Ammonites commanders of the alien incursion. Their natural ability to read minds gives 'em a very important advantage in controling other races. The commanders always know what the soldiers think : whether they are afraid, planning to rebel, or lying. However, that doesn't apply to the PSI skilled species like the Ammonites or Grey leaders and commanders, who can protect their minds efficently enough to prevent other individuals from reading all of their thoughts. To pass through the PSI defences, it is required to have better PSI skill. Since higher ranked Ammonites have better skills than common soldiers, they can easly control their Ammonite minions just like soldiers of any other species. At the top of Ammonite hierarchy are highly PSI specialized commanders, who have immense control over the alien society, and are responsible to execute all of the Overmind's will.

[Commander]
[Could reveal Ammonites Origin and add new possible research subject "Overmind"]
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#13 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 15 October 2004 - 07:33 PM

[Soldiers/All]

Being known as Ammonite, the creature appears to be extremely dangerous in any combat situation. Reports from the battlefield reveal that this creature has the natural ability to fly and uses Psi skills commonly. The Ammonites are capable of surviving hits that would easly kill a Viper. Also, it is rumoured that these creatures can move items just with their will.

The being has the appearance of nothing more but just a floating robe, with its weapon just hovering before it. However, they are agile, strong, and have very good reaction time. They are able to ?conduct accurate firepower offences? and are very good at throwing. Their ability to fly allows them hide on roofs and avoid explosive weapons like rockets.

The Ammonites rely on their PSI skills to perform all required tasks. While in captivity at X-Corps base, the being never used its physical skills. Communication with the creature was really easy. It could read our thoughts as easily as we can hear sounds. However, this was very dangerous. The creature couldn't be tricked, and was able to easily control the minds of scientific staff that was currently working on the lab.

The Ammonites are extremely intelligent and appear to be commanders of the Alien Incursion. Even a simple soldier can have many warriors of other races under its command. They seem to be especially close to the race known as the Morlocks, which apparently act as the bodyguards of the Ammonites.

We have discovered that the Ammonites had a very well developed civilization in the past. However, it all has changed now. The Ammonites' religion is to worship the Overmind, and to do whatever the Overmind wants them to do. If any individual resists the Overmind, then it is ritually sacrificed to the Overmind. All the aliens watch the ceremony to see how the traitors are punished, and to learn the respect to the Overmind.

[leader]

Interrogation revealed the reason of making the Ammonites the commanders of the alien incursion. Their natural ability to read minds gives them a very important advantage in controlling other races. The commanders always know what the soldiers think: whether they are afraid, planning to rebel, or lying. However, that doesn't apply to the PSI skilled species like the Ammonites or Grey leaders and commanders, who can protect their minds efficently enough to prevent other individuals from reading their thoughts. To pass through the PSI defences, it is required to have better PSI skill. Since higher ranked Ammonites have better skills than common soldiers, they can easily control their Ammonite minions just like soldiers of any other species. At the top of Ammonite hierarchy are highly PSI specialized commanders, who have immense control over the alien society, and are responsible to execute all of the Overmind's will.

[Commander]
[Could reveal Ammonites Origin and add new possible research subject "Overmind"]

Isn't there too much information about the Overmind?, I thought it was going to be a "surprise" for the near end of the game.
Alien Goal and Cloak entry will probably need synchronisation :idea: , possible contradiction in sight.

Edited by Azrael, 15 October 2004 - 07:40 PM.


#14 RustedSoul

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Posted 15 October 2004 - 10:26 PM

Being known as Cloaks, the creature appears to be extremely dangerous in any combat situation. Reports from the battlefield reveal that this creature has the natural ability to fly and uses Psi skills commonly. The Cloaks are capable of surviving hits that would easly kill a Viper. Also, it is rumoured that these creatures can move items just with their will.

The being has the appearance of nothing more but just a floating robe, with its weapon just hovering before it. However, they are agile, strong, and have very good reaction time. They are capable of coordinating truley lethal tactical offences with their unmatched prowess in accuracy and throwing. Their ability to fly allows them hide on roofs and avoid explosive weapons like rockets.

The Cloaks rely on their PSI skills to perform all required tasks. While in captivity at X-Corps base, the being never used its physical skills. Communication with the creature was really easy. It could read our thoughts as easily as we can hear sounds. However, this was very dangerous. The creature couldn't be tricked, and was able to easily control the minds of scientific staff that was currently working on the lab.

The Cloaks are extremely intelligent and appear to be commanders of the Alien Incursion. Even a simple soldier can have many warriors of other races under its command. They seem to be especially close to the race known as the Morlocks, which apparently act as the bodyguards of the Cloaks.

We have discovered that the Cloaks had a very well developed civilization in the past. However, it all has changed now. The Cloaks' religion is to worship the Overmind, and to do whatever the Overmind wants them to do. If any individual resists the Overmind, then it is ritually sacrificed to the Overmind. All the aliens watch the ceremony to see how the traitors are punished, and to learn the respect to the Overmind.

[leader]

Interrogation revealed the reason of making the Cloaks the commanders of the alien incursion. Their natural ability to read minds gives them a very important advantage in controlling other races. The commanders always know what the soldiers think: whether they are afraid, planning to rebel, or lying. However, that doesn't apply to the PSI skilled species like the Cloaks or Grey leaders and commanders, who can protect their minds efficently enough to prevent other individuals from reading their thoughts. To pass through the PSI defences, it is required to have better PSI skill. Since higher ranked Cloaks have better skills than common soldiers, they can easily control their Cloaks minions just like soldiers of any other species. At the top of Cloaks hierarchy are highly PSI specialized commanders, who have immense control over the alien society, and are responsible to execute all of the Overmind's will.

Bloody work of art fellaz :beer:

You are right Azrael, references to the overmind need to be removed and/or placed into the leader section for now.

edit.. also repetition of the alien name may need to be reduced a notch.

Edited by RustedSoul, 15 October 2004 - 10:31 PM.


#15 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 07:09 AM

Known as Cloaks, these creatures appear to be extremely dangerous in any combat situation. Reports from the battlefield reveal that these Aliens have the natural ability to fly and use Psionic skills commonly. The Cloaks are capable of surviving hits that would easly kill a Viper.

These beings have the appearance of nothing more but just a floating robe, with its weapon just hovering before it. However, they are agile, strong, and have very good reaction time. They are capable of coordinating truly lethal tactical offensives with their unmatched prowess in accuracy and throwing. Their ability to fly allows them hide on roofs and avoid explosive weapons like rockets and grenade blasts.

The Cloaks rely on their psionic skills to perform any physical activity such as holding a weapon or opening a door. While in captivity at X-Corps base, the being never made use of its physical attributes. Communication with the creature was really easy; it could read thought as easily as us Humans can hear sound. However, communication resulted to be very dangerous, the creature could not be tricked, and was able to easily control the minds of the scientific staff that was currently working on the lab.

The Cloaks are extremely intelligent and appear to be the commanders of the Alien Incursion. Even a simple soldier can have many warriors of other races under its command. They seem to be especially close to the race known as the Morlocks, which apparently act as the bodyguards of the Cloaks.

[leader]

Interrogation revealed the reason of making the Cloaks the commanders of the alien incursion. Their natural ability to read minds gives them a very important advantage in controlling other races. The commanders always know what the soldiers think: whether they are afraid, planning to rebel, or lying. However, that doesn't apply to the Psionic skilled species like the Cloaks or Grey leaders and commanders, who can protect their minds efficently enough to prevent other individuals from reading their thoughts. To pass through the PSI defences, it is required to have better Psionic skill. Since higher ranked Cloaks have better skills than common soldiers, they can easily control their Cloaks minions just like soldiers of any other species. At the top of Cloaks hierarchy are highly PSI specialized commanders, who have immense control over the alien society, and are responsible to execute all of the Overmind's will.

"Also, it is rumoured that these creatures can move items just with their will." Removed, it is obvious since it states that it uses psi skills commonly on the same paragraph.
"We have discovered that the Cloaks had a very well developed civilization in the past. However, it all has changed now. The Cloaks' religion is to worship the Overmind, and to do whatever the Overmind wants them to do. If any individual resists the Overmind, then it is ritually sacrificed to the Overmind. All the aliens watch the ceremony to see how the traitors are punished, and to learn the respect to the Overmind." Also removed from Soldier, needs to be checked.
Overmind references need to be checked as well.



#16 54x

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 10:22 AM

Communication with the creature was really easy;


That breaks register really badly- the rest is very good. I'd suggest:

Our experiences with captive Cloaks have quickly achieved success due to relative ease of communication;

Edited by 54x, 21 October 2004 - 10:23 AM.


#17 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 04:18 PM

Known as Cloaks, these creatures appear to be extremely dangerous in any combat situation. Reports from the battlefield reveal that these Aliens have the natural ability to fly and use Psionic skills commonly. These Aliens are capable of surviving hits that would easly kill a Viper.

These beings have the appearance of nothing more but just a floating robe, with its weapon just hovering before it. However, they are agile, strong, and have very good reaction time. They are capable of coordinating truly lethal tactical offensives with their unmatched prowess in accuracy and throwing. Their ability to fly allows them hide on roofs and avoid explosive weapons like rockets and grenade blasts.

The Cloaks rely on their psionic skills to perform any physical activity such as holding a weapon or opening a door. While in captivity at X-Corps base, the beings never made use of their physical attributes. Our experiences with the creatures have quickly achieved success due to relative ease of communication; they could read thought as easily as us Humans can hear sound. However, communication resulted to be very dangerous, the Aliens could not be tricked, and were able to easily control the minds of the scientific staff that was currently working on the lab with ease, resulting in immediate security personnel intervention.

They are extremely intelligent and appear to be the commanders of the Alien Incursion. Even a simple soldier can have many warriors of other races under its command. They seem to be especially close to the race known as the Morlocks, which apparently act as the bodyguards of the Cloaks.

[leader]

Interrogation revealed the reason of making the Cloaks the commanders of the alien incursion. Their natural ability to read minds gives them a very important advantage in controlling other races. The commanders always know what the soldiers think: whether they are afraid, planning to rebel, or lying. However, that doesn't apply to the Psionic skilled species like the Cloaks or Grey leaders and commanders, who can protect their minds efficently enough to prevent other individuals from reading their thoughts. To pass through the PSI defences, it is required to have better Psionic skill. Since higher ranked Cloaks have better skills than common soldiers, they can easily control their Cloaks minions just like soldiers of any other species. At the top of Cloaks hierarchy are highly PSI specialized commanders, who have immense control over the alien society, and are responsible to execute all of the Overmind's will.

"Also, it is rumoured that these creatures can move items just with their will." Removed, it is obvious since it states that it uses psi skills commonly on the same paragraph.
"We have discovered that the Cloaks had a very well developed civilization in the past. However, it all has changed now. The Cloaks' religion is to worship the Overmind, and to do whatever the Overmind wants them to do. If any individual resists the Overmind, then it is ritually sacrificed to the Overmind. All the aliens watch the ceremony to see how the traitors are punished, and to learn the respect to the Overmind." Also removed from Soldier, needs to be checked/added to Leader.
Overmind references need to be revised as well to fit Alien Goal CT (or revise Alien Goal to fit Cloak CT).


Corrected, thanks 54x, switched all singular references to plural (since most of them were already in plural).
Changed some "Cloaks" to "Aliens" or "Creatures" :)


#18 The Master Maniac

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 11:04 PM

Wow, how did I miss this awesome entry? Very cool! Not to intrude, I figured I'd make a bit of a comment here: that little bit about the ritual sacrifice thing sounds a bit off to me. Let's face it--there are a LOT of aliens, and most of them are pretty much simple clones, not to mention almost brainlessly devoted to the cause. While the idea of having any who opposes their orders offed in some way is excellent, giving the aliens a devious feel, the image of a public sacrifice doesn't set too well. Not to go too much with the cliche, the simple "Darth Vader choke" method sounds that bit more evil and less silly. Perhaps those who hesitate to do their master's bidding are simply shot right then and there? Bah, just a thought. The fear of having their brains singed by the all-powerful cloaks sounds a bit more interesting, I think... :naughty:

Edited by The Master Maniac, 21 October 2004 - 11:06 PM.


#19 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 22 October 2004 - 08:28 AM

AFAIK, all leader parts have to be revised, as they give out too much information on both the overmind and on Alien society, in my Alien Goal, religion of the Overmind doesn't fit (it can be made fit, however), but I don't like the idea of the Cloaks sacrificing other aliens to the overmind. The brain is supposed to be trying to conquer us, what good is it to lose troops in some dumb sacrificial way?
We'll have to consult RustedSoul for this.

#20 Hailfire22

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 04:49 AM

Ok, here's my go at the cloaks ^_^
I took some parts from the CT RustedSoul gave me but most of it was re-written by me. Tell me what you guys think of it.


--------
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corp operatives have face to date with their great psionic skills and horrifying accuracy. The entity that was captured by the brave men from Company K has allowed us to study up close these creatures.

At first the subject was withdrawn but did not seem at all scared or intimidated by the research personnel’s supervision. Further “testing” lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate in mid-air. As of now we are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic “tweaking” and grueling training from their earliest stages of life.

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange cloaks on their bodies. Currently there are three hypotheses. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psycological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow boosts their already frightening psionic abilities even more but recent analysis of the cloak could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The final idea is that the cloak originates from some sort of cult but the likeliness of this is remote.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the cloak thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the cloaks have little or no use of verbal communication and instead send/read telepathic messages. Due to this all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate for the cloak could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanor as cool, logical, and calculating. These beings seem to have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, making them all the more dangerous.

In the last scheduled meeting the cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given and spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the cloak used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was eventually subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the cloak was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is almost certain that the cloaks are the commanders of the alien invasion. Even the lowliest cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. They pose the most threat to the existence of the human race and make finding an end to this war more urgent then ever before.
---------

#21 RustedSoul

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 04:58 AM

I give him the frame and he puts a picture in it. Much better m8 :)

#22 Hailfire22

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 09:24 AM

I give him the frame and he puts a picture in it. Much better m8 :)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Well thanks, just do'n my job ^_^

#23 Qonfused

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 10:01 AM

"...the likeliness of this is remote."
Does not make sense in a definitional term. might pass in commen language, but not in a scientific article.

"...psionic abilities but through genetic “tweaking” and grueling training from..."
I thinke you should use a term like; "genetic therapy", "genetic modification" or "gene splicing".
My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therfore exused from saving Universes.

#24 Hailfire22

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 10:10 AM

Updated version. As for the genetic "tweaking", it covers all of those possibilities so I'm not sure if I should change it. It just sounds better then therapy or gene-splicing; they already have the powers, they just modify themselves a little bit to squeaze out that last little bit of brain power.


--------
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corp operatives have face to date with their great psionic skills and horrifying accuracy. The entity that was captured by the brave men from Company K has allowed us to study up close these creatures.

At first the subject was withdrawn but did not seem at all scared or intimidated by the research personnel’s supervision. Further “testing” lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate in mid-air. As of now we are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic “tweaking” and grueling training from their earliest stages of life.

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange cloaks on their bodies. Currently there are three hypotheses. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psycological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow boosts their already frightening psionic abilities even more but recent analysis of the cloak could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The final idea is that the cloak originates from some sort of cult but the possibility of this is remote.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the cloak thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the cloaks have little or no use of verbal communication and instead send/read telepathic messages. Due to this all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate for the cloak could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanor as cool, logical, and calculating. These beings seem to have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, making them all the more dangerous.

In the last scheduled meeting the cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given and spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the cloak used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was eventually subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the cloak was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is almost certain that the cloaks are the commanders of the alien invasion. Even the lowliest cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. They pose the most threat to the existence of the human race and make finding an end to this war more urgent then ever before.
---------

#25 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 07:06 PM

Reviewed, it's your previous version, but my suggestions stand for the new one as well.

CLOAK

X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their great psionic skills and horrifying accuracy. The entity that was captured by the brave men from Company K has allowed us to study up close these creatures.

“horrifying psionic abilities” and “great accuracy” works best :D, remember the scariest thing about Ethereals was their psionic powers!
“Creature” or similar instead of “entity”. Don’t mention who captured the Cloak, we don’t know the organisation of troops X-Corps has, besides, we don’t know who the player captured the Cloak with, and a company sounds way too big for a small detachment of ten or so soldiers, just don’t be so specific as to who captured the Cloak.


At first the subject was withdrawn but did not seem at all scared or intimidated by the research personnel's supervision. Further "testing" lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate in mid-air. As of now we are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic "tweaking" and gruelling training from their earliest stages of life.

Change the “as of now”, to something like just “we are unsure of …”.
Cut the quotes, remember it’s a scientific report, the don’t “test”, they test, find another word for “tweaking” if you have to quote it.


Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange cloaks on their bodies. Currently there are three hypotheses. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow boosts their already frightening psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the cloak could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The final idea is that the cloak originates from some sort of cult but the likeliness of this is remote.

They are not hypotheses, they are theories. Don’t talk about the cloak of the Cloak, it gets confusing, find another word, I thing “robe” would work ok.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Cloak thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication , sending/reading telepathic messages instead . Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Cloak could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanor as cool, logical, and calculating. These beings seem to have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, making them all the more dangerous.

In the last scheduled meeting the Cloak took control of several members that
were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Cloak used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was eventually subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the Cloak was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is almost certain
that the Cloaks are the commanders of the alien invasion. Even the lowliest
Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to
handle any situation in every possible way. They pose the most threat to the
existence of the human race and make finding an end to this war more urgent
then ever before.

Don’t use the word “Cloak” too repetitively; change a few for “creature”, “Alien”, or such. Keep it one or two “Cloak” per paragraph, only one per sentence. Remember that they’re Aliens!, names in capitals!, cloak is clothing, Cloak is an Alien :)
Good job.


#26 Hailfire22

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Posted 26 October 2004 - 09:36 AM

Ok, revised version 0.2 ^_^
Tell me what you guys think.

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their terrifying psionic skills and frightening accuracy. The alien that was captured by the brave men from our X-Corps ground team has allowed us to study up close these creatures.

At first the subject was withdrawn but did not seem at all scared or intimidated by the research personnel's supervision. Further testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate in mid-air. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic tweaking and grueling training from their earliest stages of life.

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes on their bodies. Currently there are three hypotheses. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow boosts their already frightening psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The final idea is that the clothing originates from some sort of cult but the likeliness of this is remote.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanor as cool, logical, and calculating. These beings seem to have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, making them all the more dangerous.

In the last scheduled meeting the Cloak took control of several members that
were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was eventually subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is almost certain
that the Cloaks are the commanders of the alien invasion. Even the lowliest
Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to
handle any situation in every possible way. They pose the most threat to the
existence of the human race and make finding an end to this war more urgent
then ever before.
-----

Edited by Hailfire22, 26 October 2004 - 09:37 AM.


#27 Qonfused

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Posted 26 October 2004 - 09:54 AM

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their terrifying psionic skills and frightening accuracy. The alien that was captured by the brave men from our X-Corps ground team has allowed us to study up close these creatures.

"... ground team has allowed us to study up close these creatures" refrace; "allowed us to study these creatures up close."
"frightening accuracy"! considre refrace. remember that this is a scientific article.


At first the subject was withdrawn but did not seem at all scared or intimidated by the research personnel's supervision. Further testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate in mid-air. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic tweaking and grueling training from their earliest stages of life.

consider replacing "and even gift them with the ability to levitate in mid-air". with "and the ability to levitate in mid-air" "levitate in mid-air" sounds funny.

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes on their bodies. Currently there are three hypotheses. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow boosts their already frightening psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The final idea is that the clothing originates from some sort of cult but the likeliness of this is remote.

"...their enemies and therefore gain..." consider refrace, eks; "...their enemies gaining a psycological...".
"...cult but the likeliness of this is remote." considre refrace eks; "..cult, this is however unlikly."


We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanor as cool, logical, and calculating. These beings seem to have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, making them all the more dangerous.

In the last scheduled meeting the Cloak took control of several members that
were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was eventually subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is almost certain
that the Cloaks are the commanders of the alien invasion. Even the lowliest
Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to
handle any situation in every possible way. They pose the most threat to the
existence of the human race and make finding an end to this war more urgent
then ever before.

"They pose the most threat to the existence..." refrace, does not make sense.
My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therfore exused from saving Universes.

#28 RustedSoul

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Posted 26 October 2004 - 11:00 AM

final para.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is almost certain
that the Cloaks are the commanders of the alien invasion. Even the lowliest
Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to
handle any situation in every possible way. They pose the most threat to the
existence of the human race and make finding an end to this war more urgent
than ever before.

#29 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 26 October 2004 - 11:04 AM

X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their terrifying psionic skills and frightening accuracy. The Alien that was captured by the brave men of our ground team has allowed us to study up close these creatures.

Removed “X-Corps” from ground team, it’s redundant, this is a X-Corps report, so ground teams are X-Corps’, not necessary to mention. Hadn’t noticed, Qonfused is right, the last sentence needs to be rephrased. Ex: “The superb and commendable performance of our tactical teams has allowed us to obtain a live specimen, making possible a thorough analysis of these creatures”

At first the subject was withdrawn but did not seem at all scared or intimidated by the research personnel's observation. Further testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate in mid-air. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic tweaking and gruelling training from their earliest stages of life.

The first sentence is about how the Cloak behaved in captivity, and the second about the body and powers. This paragraph has to be reorganised, if you talk about the behaviour, talk about the behaviour, don’t just jump to the body and powers.
“Modification” instead of “tweaking” is more professional, and scientific-like. Rephrase second paragraph. Ex: “Having discovered that the Cloak body is amazingly fragile and weak to the point of not being able to support its own weight, our scientists have come to the conclusion that the creature utilizes its psionic powers to boost physical strength and endurance, also to levitate in mid-air, a rare ability which the Alien seems to make use of constantly, another proof of its great psionic powers.


Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes on their bodies. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The final idea is that the clothing originates from some sort of cult but the likeliness of this is remote.

They are not hypotheses, they are theories! Change “boost” and “frightening” to not make them repetitive. Rephrase final sentence, sounds funny.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. These beings seem to have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, making them all the more dangerous.

Rephrase last sentence, sounds very funny, specially the last part.

In the last scheduled meeting, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

“last scheduled meeting”?, that sounds as if the Cloak was an executive or something, rephrase. Removed “eventually” from before “subdued”.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is almost certain that the Cloaks are the commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowliest Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. They pose the most threat to the existence of the human race and make finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.

Don’t jump to the conclusion of who are the commanders of the invasion, if you like say that it seems the most logical conclusion or that it is likely. The last sentence is very funny looking, and makes little sense, rephrase urgently.

Edited by Azrael, 26 October 2004 - 11:05 AM.


#30 Hailfire22

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Posted 26 October 2004 - 03:01 PM

Here's another one for you guys to tear into ^_^


-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

Testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak. This would hinder their ability to function but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes on their bodies. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but most of the research staff finds this to be absurd and unlikely.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowliest Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.

Edited by Hailfire22, 26 October 2004 - 03:03 PM.


#31 Qonfused

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Posted 27 October 2004 - 07:39 AM

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

"unnerving"!, rewrite, does not make sense
Main Entry: un·nerve
Pronunciation: -'n&rv
Function: transitive verb
Date: 1601
1 : to deprive of courage, strength, or steadiness
2 : to cause to become nervous : UPSET
- un·nerv·ing·ly /-'n&r-vi[ng]-lE/ adverb
synonyms UNNERVE, ENERVATE, UNMAN, EMASCULATE mean to deprive of strength or vigor and the capacity for effective action. UNNERVE implies marked often temporary loss of courage, self-control, or power to act <unnerved by the near collision>. ENERVATE suggests a gradual physical or moral weakening (as through luxury or indolence) until one is too feeble to make an effort <a nation's youth enervated by affluence and leisure>. UNMAN implies a loss of manly vigor, fortitude, or spirit <a soldier unmanned by the terrors of battle>. EMASCULATE stresses a depriving of characteristic force by removing something essential <an amendment that emasculates existing safeguards>.

source: Britanica Online


Testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak. This would hinder their ability to function but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

"arduous conditioning" ???

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes on their bodies. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but most of the research staff finds this to be absurd and unlikely.

considre cutting "...orange robes on their bodies." down to "...orange robes." seems unnecessary.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

"...the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base" considre rewrite. eks "...The subject showed amasing resolve in its attemt at escape" just don't think scientists would refere to its escape with military tactics, as the personal under controll would mainly be scientists not soldiers.
you could get the military tactic thing through in fluff. eks.

"...it felt like i was fighting Sun Tzu
-Lt somthing."


From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowliest Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.

"Lowliest"! consider replacing. sounds funny.
My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therfore exused from saving Universes.

#32 Hailfire22

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Posted 27 October 2004 - 09:27 AM

Here's another go at it.

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

Also, I feel that unnerving is correct. If your enemy almost always hits you when they fire, wouldn't that cause you to be less inclined to fight? :huh?:

Testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak. This would hinder their ability to function but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and [arduous] conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

I like arduous, it's a fancy way of saying hard but if any of you have another please tell me.

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but most of the research staff finds this to be absurd and unlikely.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.
------

Also:

"...the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base" considre rewrite. eks "...The subject showed amasing resolve in its attemt at escape" just don't think scientists would refere to its escape with military tactics, as the personal under controll would mainly be scientists not soldiers.
you could get the military tactic thing through in fluff. eks.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Explanation:
They are under the control (mind control that is) of the Cloak, which would make them fight like they were trained soldiers.

Edited by Hailfire22, 27 October 2004 - 09:42 AM.


#33 RustedSoul

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Posted 27 October 2004 - 12:02 PM

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

The Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date, with their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

Just a suggestion for rephrase..

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.


Testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak. This would hinder their ability to function but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and [arduous] conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but most of the research staff finds this to be absurd and unlikely.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. Also, all of the staff involved in the interrogation of the subject described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

Maybe consider..

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All  staff involved in the subjects interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.



In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

Pretty funky m8 :)

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.
------

Edited by RustedSoul, 27 October 2004 - 12:04 PM.


#34 Hailfire22

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Posted 27 October 2004 - 05:13 PM

Here's (another) rewrite. Seems to be getting better and better (mainly from the lack of large sections of highlighted text) ^_^

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

Testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak. This would hinder their ability to function but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

No one has said anything about the word arduous so I'm going to keep it, for now. Might change it later <_<

Also a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but most of the research staff finds this to be absurd and unlikely.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subjects interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

Pretty funky m8 :)

Is that good or bad?

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.
------

#35 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 28 October 2004 - 05:21 AM

Here's (another) rewrite. Seems to be getting better and better (mainly from the lack of large sections of highlighted text) ^_^

That's mainly 'cause I haven't been here for some days :naughty: , let's see now :)
-----

X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy, the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

Testing lead us to discover that their bodies are amazingly fragile and weak. This would hinder their ability to function but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

Talking about the body is more related to the autopsy, don't you think? I think that only minor modifications are needed.

Also, a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but most of the research staff finds this to be absurd and unlikely.

-Leave the analysis of the robe for the autopsy, this is mostly for behaviour, appearance and powers of the Cloak. Besides, if you already know that it does not boost its powers, then it's no longer a theory. But keep it as a theory and leave the analysis for autopsy.
Don't have the cult or religion to be absurd, it can be a plausible theory, you can say that due to lack of information on Alien society and religion, it cannot be confirmated.


We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subject's interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

-Even mentioning the possibility of the Cloak falling in love is just horrendous :wacko: , I'm not saying that it's wrong mentioning that it can't fall in love, it just seems so out of place, maybe it's just me, but think about it, or let's hear some opinions!

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.

-First sentence. Cloaks are not the commanders of the Alien invasion. They are, at most, the commanders of the Alien ground forces, calling them the commanders of the whole invasion makes them sound as if they were the ones behind the invasion. You could say that it is most likely that Cloaks are the military commanders for the Alien Forces on Earth, but that it is yet unknown who is the master of the Cloaks.
"Lowest Cloak" is kinda odd, change to something like "Lowest ranking Cloak".
I still find funny the last part of the last sentence "finding an end to this war..." It still doesn't sound right at all.

Edited by Azrael, 28 October 2004 - 05:22 AM.


#36 Hailfire22

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Posted 28 October 2004 - 10:48 AM

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

In observations of the Alien its body appears fragile and weak, but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subject's interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the ground force commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest ranking Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.
------

#37 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 28 October 2004 - 03:40 PM

The robe part goes into this ct :hammer: , sorry about that, put it back on and modified it a little, check it.

X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

In observations of the Alien its body appears fragile and weak, but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

Also, a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but lack of pertinent data makes us impossible to corroborate this theory.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subject's interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating. It seems these creatures have rid themselves of all their primal emotions, which means we cannot expect them to fall prey to love, hate, or other emotions that could cloud their judgment.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the ground force commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest ranking Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.
------

#38 Hailfire22

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Posted 29 October 2004 - 09:52 AM

The robe part goes into this ct  :hammer: , sorry about that, put it back on and modified it a little, check it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


:hammer: <------Here's some more. Anyway, it looks alright, just remember that I'm the one who wrote the thing ^_^

#39 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 30 October 2004 - 01:14 AM

The robe part goes into this ct  :hammer: , sorry about that, put it back on and modified it a little, check it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


:hammer: <------Here's some more. Anyway, it looks alright, just remember that I'm the one who wrote the thing ^_^

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Got it pretty clear, why should I forget? All my modifications are just suggestions, you're allowed not to listen to me if you prefer, I haven't highlighted them in blue this time cause I was just doing quick corrections while on a free hour in school.

Edited by Azrael, 30 October 2004 - 09:08 PM.


#40 RustedSoul

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Posted 01 November 2004 - 05:02 AM

I agree with Azrael on the emotions call. Saying that it has rid all primal emotion would suggest that it is completely immune to psi attacks, namely panic (based on fear)

#41 Hailfire22

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Posted 01 November 2004 - 10:58 AM

I agree with Azrael on the emotions call. Saying that it has rid all primal emotion would suggest that it is completely immune to psi attacks, namely panic (based on fear)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Alright, I'll work on the emotions thing tonight. I think I might say that they are trained to resist emotions (like fear) but they are still suspect to it under certain conditions. Sound good to you?

#42 RustedSoul

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Posted 01 November 2004 - 11:50 AM

You'll have to be careful how you rephrase it since it can be associated with.

arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life


You may inadvertently bring it back to "Can't touch me Psi boy".

It would be easier to remove it, but if you want to attempt a rescue op.. go for it :)

#43 Hailfire22

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Posted 02 November 2004 - 04:08 PM

Seems as if this CT is almost done. Might need a few finishing touches but all in all I think it's completed.

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

In observations of the Alien its body appears fragile and weak, but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

Also, a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but lack of pertinent data makes us impossible to corroborate this theory.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subject's interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the ground force commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest ranking Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.
-----

Attached Files



#44 RustedSoul

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Posted 02 November 2004 - 04:51 PM

para 3:

Also, a mystery to us is why they wear orange robes. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhance their already powerful psionic abilities even more, but recent analysis of the robe could not find any devices that might serve that purpose. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but lack of pertinent data makes us impossible to corroborate this theory.


The color may conflict with the art departments end result. I suggest replacing it with something like "insidious" and let the model show what color it is.

This is an example of what I mean
Posted Image

Psychological profiling is acceptable for a live specimen, however, "fiber/device" analysis leans it more towards an autopsy. Consider Rephrase to more of an observation.

#45 Hailfire22

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Posted 02 November 2004 - 05:01 PM

That was an easy fix ^_^

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

In observations of the Alien its body appears fragile and weak, but their psionic powers help boost their strength, senses, and even gift them with the ability to levitate, allowing them to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how these creatures can achieve their psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from their earliest stages of life.

Also, a mystery to us is why they wear the insidious robes that cover their bodies. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhances their already powerful psionic abilities even more. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but lack of pertinent data makes it impossible to corroborate this theory.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subject's interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the ground force commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest ranking Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.
-----

Attached Files


Edited by Hailfire22, 02 November 2004 - 07:07 PM.


#46 RustedSoul

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Posted 02 November 2004 - 05:07 PM

Excellent!

I'll leave this alone for a few days and see what others have to say, other than that and a final proofread it's practically completed :)

#47 Hailfire22

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Posted 05 November 2004 - 05:37 PM

Excellent!

I'll leave this alone for a few days and see what others have to say, other than that and a final proofread it's practically completed :)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Not much feedback. I think we could proofread it but it's pretty much complete.

#48 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 05 November 2004 - 05:53 PM

One thing, check that all paragraphs are set to the same grammatical person (or whathever it is called), either you talk about "the Aliens" or about "the Alien".

#49 Hailfire22

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Posted 06 November 2004 - 10:34 AM

Here it is :D

-----
X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

In observations of the Alien its body appears fragile and weak, but the creature’s psionic powers helps boost its strength, senses, and even gift it with the ability to levitate, allowing the Alien to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how the creature can achieve its psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from the earliest stages of life.

Also, a mystery to us is why they wear the insidious robes that cover their bodies. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhances their already powerful psionic abilities even more. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but lack of pertinent data makes it impossible to corroborate this theory.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subject's interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the ground force commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest ranking Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.

Attached Files



#50 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 09 November 2004 - 09:52 AM

X-NET Entry DN153-75-987d
Alien specimen: Cloak (Live)

With their alarming psionic skills and unnerving accuracy the Cloaks are the most dangerous foes X-Corps operatives have faced to date. Due to the brave and commendable performance of our Tac-Ops team, we have been able to obtain a live specimen, which has allowed us to thoroughly analyze these creatures.

I believe you "study" an specimen, not "analyze" it.

In observations of the Alien, its body appears fragile and weak, but the creature’s psionic powers help boost its strength, senses, and even gift it with the ability to levitate, allowing the Alien to overcome this handicap. We are unsure as to how the creature can achieve its psionic abilities but through genetic modification and arduous conditioning from the earliest stages of life.

Also, a mystery to us is why they wear the insidious robes that cover their bodies. Currently there are three theories. One is that they wear them to intimidate their enemies and therefore gain a psychological advantage in battle. Another is that it somehow enhances their already powerful psionic abilities even more. The last theory states that the clothing is a form of ceremonial dress for some sort of cult or religion, but lack of pertinent data makes it impossible to corroborate this theory.

We were able to quickly gain an understanding of the way the Alien thinks due to the relative ease of communication. It seems that the Cloaks have little or no use for verbal communication, sending/reading telepathic messages instead. Due to this, all attempts of deceit failed and eventually it was deemed hazardous to communicate, for the Alien could easily take control of the scientific staff. All staff involved in the subject's interrogation described its demeanour as cool, logical, and calculating.

In the last planned interrogation of the creature, the Cloak took control of several members that were involved and we were given a spectacular, although unfortunate, demonstration of why these creatures are natural leaders. Using the staff under its control, the Alien used a variety of military tactics in an attempt to break out of the base. After several minutes of intense fighting the specimen was subdued and all affected personnel quarantined until it was deemed safe to release them. All contact with the creature was quickly terminated.

From this and all the other information we have gained, it is most likely that the Cloaks are the ground force commanders of the Alien invasion. Even the lowest ranking Cloak commands many warriors from a wide variety of races and is trained to handle any situation in every possible way. Due to this they pose an immeasureable threat to the existence of X-Corps and the human race, which makes finding an end to this war more urgent than ever before.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


How about a fluffie? ^_^
"He is my friend... I will release my friend from Containment... bad men are shooting my friend... I will protect my friend... my friend is bleeding... bad men are grabbing me... What the?, let me go!! - Argil Levine, Research Division, Observation Team #2, upon capture for releasing a Cloak from Alien Containment." Ok, It may not be too good, but it's your ct :rolleyes:

Edited by Azrael, 09 November 2004 - 09:52 AM.