Right, hands to the job then.
'This unremarkable sphere, devoid of any obvious markings, has the potential to turn the tide in this war.' - Head Scientist of the Stun Bomb Project.
Fluff at the bottom
This succinct desciption of the [Stun Bomb] is very effective, because there is very little to distinguish it from, say, a football, but it is a very effective piece of ammunition. It is capable of stunning any known organism within its blast radius, and keeping them unconscious for the duration of a battle.
I don't think "effective" is the right term here, maybe "accurate"?
Also, there shouldn't be a direct mention of the fluff in the report, the fluff is kinda an extra, so no "this
succint desciption is...", plus once the fluff is at the bottom, it'll make no sense, maybe something (just a suggestion, don't take it
) "We have completed the research on the strange sphere that was brought from the battlefield, an unremarkable sphere that does not hint its real power, this small piece of Alien technology has made our Stun Batons obsolete", something like that, whatever "rocks" your boat
The [Stun Bomb] targets any neural systems that it can detect, and incapacitates them in two different, but equally effective methods. The first interrupts normal synaptic activity, particularly in the Central Nervous System and throughout the Sypmathetic Nervous System. This means that all conscious ability to move is temporarily inhibited to the point of total paralyisis. This is caused by a fast acting nerve agent which is spread throughout the blast radius by a small, xenium-produced explosion, which is triggered on impact of the [Stun Bomb] on any solid surface. The concoction used by the aliens is unrecognisable to our biochemical engineers, thus a derivative of Kolokol-1 has been used in its place.
Does the bomb actually detect neural systems or does it simply affect all that are within the blast radius? I find more likely the latter.
Also, what is Kolokol-1? if you mention it, you should explain it for the ignorants like me
(I think you do in the following pargraph, but a brief sentence should be here as well, saying at least that it is a chemical agent that makes x and y)
Both chemicals work by inhibiting the breakdown of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. The net result of this is paralysis and coma. The chemicals can be absorbed through the skin, and via inhalation, and the estimated time that is takes to incapcitate an enemy is 1-3 seconds. As with all nerve agents, continued exposure to the gas causes cumulative effects. Thus, if the initial blast is insufficent to paralyse an enemy, the presence of the gas could overwhelm them although the gas disperses within seconds. This time is about average for nerve agents, as there is no liquid stage in the production of the gas.
I agree on paralysis, but coma? I feel that is too extreme.
What does the average time have to do with liquid stages?
The second anti-personnel weapon employed by the device is an audio suppressant. This high-frequency sound is modulated to precisely interfere with a significant proportion of neural activity in the brains of living organisms.
Hmm, audio suppressant seems like it... suppresses sounds, so it seems contradictory with the following sentence. Also, "weapon" is certainly not the right word there, maybe mechanism? method? system?
The pair of systems utilised by the [Stun Bomb] are surprising because they are complementary. For example, rabbits were more susceptible to the audio suppressant, but less so to the toxin. This implies that the two systems act as a double-safety, and that it was known by the developers that some species had a natural immunity to one or other of the systems, yet when tests were conducted on how best to counteract the effects of the [Stun Bomb] it became evident that only one of the effects had to be totally overcome before the subject regained consciousness. This is significant because when on the field, the [Medikits] will automatically try to disrupt the audio suppressant's effects if the subject is unconscious (ie 'restart the brain'), but if the subject is conscious, the effects of the toxin will be treated. This is because in humans, the audio suppressant only becomes effective when the toxin has had a sufficient effect to enable the suppressant to begin deactivating the brain.
"are surprising..." I think a word is missing there, maybe "surprisingly effective...", as they can be surprising for their very nature, how they work, but no because they are complementary, doesn't sound correct.
"restart the brain" doesn't sound good, it sounds too much fantastic. It is not clear why only one of the effects has to be overcome and not the two of them, this seems to be explained at the last sentence, but it's still unclear, the toxin becomes inactive when the audio suppressant acts?
It is not known how effective these systems will be on alien lifeforms, but it is theorised that the aliens will be just as susceptible to this weapon as we are. This is drawn from the fact that it is effective against us. The mechanisms employed are not species-specific, thus it can be determined that they will work, at least at some extent, to all organisms that the X-Corps will face.
Well, they don't really know if it will work on all of them, it cannot be infered from the fact that it works on us
You forgot to explain why it works on robots (it works on them, right?)