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Sergeant Ironhead Goes Wild (and Annoys His Boss)


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#1 jack cloudy

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Posted 19 August 2005 - 01:42 PM

Ok, This is a short story (with what's probably bad humor) about an attack on a Muton base. The main two characters are commander Vogel and one of X-com's finest, the allmighty, invincible, triggerhappy and the alien's worst nightmare, sergeant Ironhead! :ar15: Anyway, here goes!

Sergeant Ironhead goes wild (and annoys his boss)

Commander Vogel tapped with his feat on the ground in annoyance as he waited in front of the ramp of the Skyranger. Where the heck was that guy? They were going to attack an alien base somewhere in South-Eastern Asia, he needed every man or woman he could get. Just as he was about to turn around and enter the Skyranger with the intent of leaving without waiting for the late soldier, a power suited figure came running towards the Skyranger. In one hand he held a Heavy Plasma, while in the other one, he held a big bag that seemed to be filled with all kinds of things that were visible as unrecognizable shapes that were deforming the bag to the point at which it nearly burst apart. His belt and backpack were filled just as much as the bag, but this time with more clips than the rest of the squad combined. The figure skidded to a halt in front of the commander and raised a salute:,, Sergeant Ironhead reporting for duty, sir!” ,,Damn right you are, sergeant. Do you know that we were supposed to be leaving seven minutes ago? And what the heck is in that bag?” ,,Just…” ,,Never mind, drop the bag immediately and board the Skyranger. And if you’re late again, I’ll have you promoted to grenade suicide scout duty, sergeant. Is that understood?” The man dropped the bag which fell to the ground with a lot of noise and took out his helmet which was one of the things he had put into the bag. He started to board the Skyranger, but turned around at the top and said with a quizzical expression on his face:,, I never knew we had a grenade suicide scout.” ,,I just invented it, goddamned! Now get on board!” ,,Yes, sir!”

After four hours of flight, the Skyranger finally landed near what looked like the entrance to a cave. The X-com troops quickly evacuated the transport while looking out for any alien that might have decided to give them a welcome. There was nothing in the area, except for a few birds that flew up when one of the soldiers stepped on a branch which snapped. One of the birds disappeared when it was struck by plasma. ,,Goddamned, sergeant Ironhead! What the heck is that?!” ,,Weapon firing test, sir! To engage the enemy I have to be able to rely on my gun, sir!” ,,Next time, you do that at base at the firing range. You got that?” ,,Yes, sir!” ,,Now all units, enter that cave but be wary of any sentry that might be in there.

The cave led deep into the mountain side and after about three hundred metres, the solid rock rot replaced with all too familiar alien alloys. Now there was no doubt left that there was an alien base here. At the end of the long cave, the orange glow of a gravlift became visible. Carefully, the soldiers entered the lift and descended into a green room. Till now, not a single sign of an alien had been seen. It looked as if the whole place was deserted. But with the aliens, you never knew. ,,Allright, listen up. Squaddie Krauser and squaddie Perez, you’ll scout out ahead of us. The rest of us will follow behind you. Got that?” The commander said through his helmets communications system. ,,Yes, sir.” The two squaddies descended the big gravlift in a corner of the room. Immediately, the sound of plasma weapons discharging echoed through the base. ,,I’m going in!” Sergeant Ironhead shouted and stormed down the gravlift. ,,Sergeant, no! Come back here, you bloody buglover!” But it was too late.

At his feet, the corpses of the two unfortunate squaddies were lying on the ground. But the sergeant didn’t even noticed it, all he noticed was the Muton that was standing on the other end of the room, preparing to pull the trigger. The sergeant was quicker though, and mowed down the big alien with a barrage of his Heavy Plasma. He moved over to the Muton to check if it was death when suddenly plasma fire came flying all over the place from his left, missing him by centimetres. He spun around and fired his Heavy Plasma in the room were the plasma fire came from. He mowed down two more Mutons and completely disintegrated the alien plants that filled the room. When he entered the room, he came under fire again. He quickly turned in the direction of this new threat and tried to fire at the Muton, but his clip was empty.

,,Allright, if you wanna play rough, then let’s play rough, hotshot!” The sergeant shouted as he picked up a Muton corpse lying at his feet with his free hand and threw it at his foe. The Muton managed to get of one more shot which scratched the Sergeants shoulder plate before it was struck on the chest by the corpse of his death ally. The Muton dropped to the floor and wrestled in an attempt to get the heavy corpse off of him. It growled while showing its sharp fangs as the sergeant reloaded his weapon and moved over to the fallen alien. ,,Are you hungry? Here, eat daddy Ironhead’s special meal.” And he send a plasma bolt into the aliens wide open mouth.

,,Sergeant, how much I appreciate the fact that you’re enjoying yourself, next time you follow orders and stay with the rest of the squad, is that understood?” ,,Yes, sir!” The sergeant responded as he picked up the Heavy Plasma that the now headless Muton was carrying.
,,Now I want you to cover our rear as we advance towards the enemies command centre.”
,,Fine, sir, but I wanted to be on the front lines. I hate missing all the action.” ,,Just follow your orders sergeant! That’s what you’re being paid for, not for having some fun!”

The assault on the alien’s base went quite smoothly, and only half the squad was killed when they reached the corridors that surrounded the command centre. ,,Allright, listen up. That place will be heavily defended, we will have to overrun the enemy as quickly as possible. I want you, you, you, you and you two to charge down those corridors from both sides and take out the enemy. No not you, sergeant! You’re staying here to cover our rear, you triggerhappy freak!” The six chosen soldiers charged down the corridors and disappeared out of sight. Seconds later, the sound of a huge explosion could be heard. Then, silence. ,,Come in, answer me. Report your status immediately!” The commander’s only answer was static. ,,Finally, some action! Get ready, mutated gorillas. Here I come!” The sergeant raised his two Heavy Plasmas and stormed down the corridors towards the place were just a few moments ago, six other soldiers had found their deaths.

For minutes, the sounds of plasma and explosions echoed through the base. When it finally ended the commander rallied his two remaining soldiers, both rookies and entered the corridor, knowing that he could not abort this mission, or his superiors would surely ruin him. Death from a plasma bolt sounded a lot less painful ,,That son of a bitch sure made them pay a large price for his skin. They might be softened up.” The commander muttered as he passed the six death soldiers and approached the lift leading to the command centre. He and the two rookies quickly ascended the lift, ready to fire at anything that moved. The commander froze in disbelief at what he saw.

The walls, floor and ceiling of the room were filled with holes and scorch marks from the fire fight. Four wrecked remains of what looked like alien computers stood in the corners. Across the room, the corpses of death Mutons and a few of their terror units were lying on the floor, or what was left of them. And leaning against a wall, holding a somehow unshattered bottle of whiskey in one hand and a big smoking cigar in the other, stood sergeant Ironhead. With his armour covered in scratches and dents but miraculously, unharmed.

,,Sergeant, how do you do that?!” The sergeant blew the smoke of his cigar out of his mouth and took a long gulp of his whiskey before he answered:,, I’ll tell you how, commander. It’s all because of the character shield. I bought it from ebay, wasn’t even used!” The commander was speechless and just stood there, mouth wide open. ,,I do wish I didn’t had to drop my bag though.” ,,Uh…why’s that?” ,,Because I wanted to hold a big barbeque. Most of these bugs are a real delicacy you know. Man I’m hungry!”

#2 Jamaru

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Posted 19 August 2005 - 02:46 PM

Thats the coolest and funniest story I've ever heard. LOL
~Plasma

#3 Blehm 98

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Posted 19 August 2005 - 02:46 PM

i agree
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#4 Zombie

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Posted 19 August 2005 - 10:28 PM

Thanks for the story, jack cloudy! It really made my day. :)

- Zombie
The Mr. Grognard of X-COM

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
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of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!


#5 jack cloudy

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Posted 20 August 2005 - 01:42 AM

Thanks, If I feel like it, I might make a story in which sergeant Ironhead goes to Cydonia, but that needs some work. Anyway, thanks for your praise. (something like that does wonders for your self-confidence. Boy I better watch out before I become an arrogant bastard.)

#6 Kratos

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Posted 21 August 2005 - 08:15 AM

Nice story. :)