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CTD - Alien Goal


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#1 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 04:55 PM

I felt like writing (more like just typing, actually :D ) and came up with this, I don't know if it fits the general storyline, but if it works...
Just a little experiment.

ALIEN GOAL
X-NET ENTRY//232938.563/GAMMCL/SP/G-7/PERSEUSNET/ALIEN/ALIENGOAL

We have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Alien efforts to conquer our planet: assimilation.
Of all the Alien races encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will, all alien creatures are being manipulated by the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all alien races have been both cybernetically and genetically modified to be more effective on the battlefield, they were all once naturally developed creatures such as we are, with the obvious exceptions of [Sectopods] and [Cyberdisks], with planets of their own, later captured by the Overmind and used as soldiers in this war against all sentient species. We have strong reasons to believe that the Overmind’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces, and use our capabilities to strenghten its army. The reasons of why would the Overmind be interested in species such as ours is quite evident; our natural abilities are a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained through cybernetic and genetic modification, we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, our brain structure is more developed than most alien races’, perhaps just under that of the [Sectoids], and so goes the list.
This gives us a new perspective on the Alien creatures we have so far encountered, they are slaves, poor unfortunate creatures that have been captured and submitted by the Overmind, we must not hate them, we must pity them.
Our mission now is not only to stop the Overmind to protect Earth and our race, we must stop the Overmind to prevent it from continuing this campaign of conquest it has started.

edit, RTF file here.

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Edited by Azrael, 14 October 2004 - 04:44 PM.


#2 The Master Maniac

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 05:20 PM

Us recruits can submit creative texts without being asked to? Hmm, I didn't know that...

Anywho, I thought I'd point out that you don't have to worry about that whole "put the name in brackets" thing, as the big guys have apparently finalized the names for the characters/items in the game. Should be somewhere in this forum. I think we're going with the Grays, Cloaks, etc.

You know, I'm not sure if Xenocide's storyline will be consistant with the original X-Com's. In fact, from what I've heard, they might decide to go in an entirely different direction, so I'm not that sure how accurate us CTD recruits have to be. Maybe the Cpl. can fill us all in on the details sometime.

For what it's worth, I rather like your idea. Assimilation sounds a great deal better than your standard 50's-era UFO lore. It gives the alien threat that extra gravity, I think, knowing that instead of just wanting to wipe us all off the face of the Earth, the driving force behind the invasion is to turn us into mindless, genetically-altered slaves. Besides, it doesn't seem so cliched, you know? I guess we'll have to wait and see until we get the basic story down, huh?

If I'm not incorrect, I do believe that the original story was that the Aliens simply wanted us for food, of all things, in accordance with the "Alien Harvest" part of the UFOpedia. Also, the game revealed that the Aliens wished to "grow" another genetic pool to tinker with by monitoring our race on another planet. Hmm...

Edited by The Master Maniac, 05 September 2004 - 05:25 PM.


#3 Cpl. Facehugger

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 06:24 PM

Recruits can submit anything they want to. So long as it's not already done.

Also; fairly decent. Comments to come later.
I'm only partially inactive. :P I can still be reached at cpl.facehugger@gmail.com, and via PM. Preferably the former.

*Coming back? Avast! Facehugger, finish your assignments!*

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#4 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 08:44 PM

Us recruits can submit creative texts without being asked to? Hmm, I didn't know that...


The thing is, that I'm not a recruit :naughty:, but of course you can, I did it with the Martian Solution. I agree with you Master Maniac, that ideas of the Aliens just wanting us for food or plain destruction don't appeal to me much :D .
Thanks for your quick reply ^_^ .

#5 The Master Maniac

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 09:52 PM

Oops--where's my head at? :hammer: Sorry about that.

I do concur, though, that the idea of aliens coming to kill us all got old a couple thousand movies ago. This is an interesting story direction, I think.

And sorry for the misconception. I was pointed towards the Heavy Plasma entry by someone else, so I wasn't sure what I was expected to do.

#6 RustedSoul

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Posted 06 September 2004 - 11:04 AM

posted link for reference and merge at later date

http://www.xcomufo.c...?showtopic=1416

topics have been left seperate based on the different goals topics are trying to achieve.

#7 Blehm 98

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Posted 06 September 2004 - 11:37 AM

you are allowed to submit any CTD you think may and could be relavent(like Facehuggers post) You could have an idea, and then write up a CTD and then you can post it. I actually started one on teh alien ranking system, but got too bored to finish it
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#8 The Master Maniac

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Posted 06 September 2004 - 05:21 PM

Noted, and thanks for pointing me in the right direction.

So, I assume that the aliens are going to have a distantly religious underpinning to their attack, or are they planned to be, essentially, mindless slaves? I'm interested to see how this goes.

#9 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 06 September 2004 - 05:37 PM

Thanks for that Rust, my bad.
It seems, MM, that it has already and is still being discussed, there are many ideas floating around, mine has just become one of them (I hope), reading through them gave me some new ideas.
Hey RustedSoul, should I keep posting here or I wait 'till its merged with the other topic?

#10 RustedSoul

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Posted 08 September 2004 - 11:24 PM

:D yeah m8, hash out that idea here as best you can. Better to have something else in the works rather than just pausing on the whole idea entirely.

If the text ends up representing all the ideas in that thread, then it will probably save some voting later on. Just keep tapping at it.

Edited by RustedSoul, 08 September 2004 - 11:29 PM.


#11 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 14 October 2004 - 04:41 PM

ALIEN GOAL
X-NET ENTRY//232938.563/DELTACL/SP/G-7/PERSEUSNET/ALIEN/ALIENGOAL

We have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Alien efforts to conquer our planet: assimilation.
Of all the Alien races encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will, all alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all alien races have been both cybernetically and genetically modified to be more effective on the battlefield, they were all once naturally developed creatures such as we are, with the obvious exceptions of Artopods and Terror Disks, with planets of their own, later captured by the Overmind and used as soldiers in this war against all sentient species.
We have strong reasons to believe that the Overmind’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces, and use our capabilities to strengthen its army. The reasons of why would the Overmind be interested in species such as ours are quite evident; our natural abilities are a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained through cybernetic and genetic modification, we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks; the Human brain structure is more developed than most alien races’, perhaps just under that of the Greys, and so goes the list.
This gives us a new perspective on the Alien creatures we have so far encountered, they are not conquerors, they are slaves, poor unfortunate creatures that have fallen under the control of the Overmind, and are now on its leash. We must not hate them, we must pity them.
Our mission now is not only to stop the Overmind to protect Earth and our race; we must prevent the Overmind from continuing this campaign of conquest it has started.

“Troopers, men… Humans, our mission is clear, the Alien menace is far worse than we had ever imagined, the starspawn will be relentless in their efforts to submit us, if we fail to stop them, we will become slaves to be used in their next war, we will not fail! We will crush them and make them regret ever coming to our planet! Their moral cannot be broken, we cannot scare them away, we cannot resolve this diplomatically, there is only one way, they only understand one thing: war!, we must fight!, we will fight!, and we will win!”
Red Knight, X-Corps Commander

#12 Qonfused

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Posted 15 October 2004 - 03:23 AM

I find this to be a bitt to... "certain". How about adding some sceptisisme.
somthing like:

Recent interigations has sprung a number of theoris about the motives of the alien threat. Most of our scientist belive that a alien "Overmind", seeks to assimilate the Human species into its forces. Of all the Alien races encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will, all alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all alien races have been both cybernetically and genetically modified to be more effective on the battlefield, they were all once naturally developed creatures such as we are, with the obvious exceptions of Artopods and Terror Disks, with planets of their own, later captured by the Overmind...

I don't belive that the project members would all come to the same conclusion. and if they did i don't think they would present it with such certainty.

I think it would "feel" more realistic.

Edited by Qonfused, 15 October 2004 - 03:26 AM.

My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therfore exused from saving Universes.

#13 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 15 October 2004 - 05:32 AM

I find this to be a bitt to... "certain". How about adding some sceptisisme.
somthing like:

Recent interigations has sprung a number of theoris about the motives of the alien threat. Most of our scientist belive that a alien "Overmind", seeks to assimilate the Human species into its forces. Of all the Alien races encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will, all alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all alien races have been both cybernetically and genetically modified to be more effective on the battlefield, they were all once naturally developed creatures such as we are, with the obvious exceptions of Artopods and Terror Disks, with planets of their own, later captured by the Overmind...

I don't belive that the project members would all come to the same conclusion. and if they did i don't think they would present it with such certainty.

I think it would "feel" more realistic.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


You're right, they don't, this is a first draft and will be "uncertained up" as soon as I know when in the game you can research this. Thanks for the feedback.

#14 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 26 December 2004 - 07:55 PM

There are over 20 pages of ideas for Alien Goal and such, I'll review them all, and once we have the tech tree I'll post a new draft.

#15 Qonfused

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Posted 27 December 2004 - 04:13 AM

i dont think i need to say this but:
please try to stay within the bounds of the alien origins consept entry.

Edited by Qonfused, 27 December 2004 - 04:14 AM.

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#16 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 27 December 2004 - 02:41 PM

Alien Origins may need to be revised, and some refitting as well.

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Posted 28 January 2005 - 04:46 PM

Now this is an Alien Goal entry! :naughty:

THE ALIEN GOAL
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Alien Goal

Our Research Division feels like it has enough pieces of the puzzle to figure out Alien activities on our planet, what is the large picture and how they intend to pull it off.

Evidence points to the fact that the Star-Spawn, as we have come to call the whole group of different Alien species that have launched this invasion against us, has arrived to the Sol System from a location we estimate, if our calculations and difficult distance translations are correct, is near the Beta Persei star, 115 light-years from Earth, approximately two millennia ago. The massive ship the Overmind occupied crashed in Mars for reasons yet unknown; crippled, the ship went into some kind of “sleep mode”, in which the Overmind remained in stasis while the main computer sent an automatic distress signal. Early radio waves from Earth at the end of the XIX Century were picked up by the main computer, awakening from its “sleep mode”. Still unable to achieve the FTL travel needed to resume its previous course, the Overmind’s attention turned to the Terrans, a species it had not previously detected due to the lack of Terran advanced technology.

At this point, interrogations turn a little confusing, we are not certain whether the Overmind was indeed travelling with a large number of Aliens, or if in fact it was alone in the ship, but carried the genetic maps of different Alien species and using cloning techniques it began to amass its army. Whatever means the Overmind might have employed, it took it nearly three decades to ready itself in the course of action it was about to undertake.

From ship logs and further interrogations, we know the Overmind’s minions had already established themselves here in the late 1930s, their activities at that moment, however, remain elusive, as no significant data is available. It is most likely that their operations were mainly of observation and harvesting for biological resources. First reported Human abduction was in 1961, so we believe that they were either not performing abductions or were much stealthier than they currently are. But intel-gathering seems the most plausible possibility; our world was immersed into conflict, the World War II was germinating, the Aliens were able to gain much information on Human psyche and military tactics used around the world, as nations collided in war one another. The Overmind must have been very impressed with our ability to slaughter our brothers and sisters in senseless wars, no doubt, specially with the shameful destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945, which must surely have shown Human capability for mass murder.

Right after the end of the World War II, the Overmind began preparing for its operations on Earth, but, due to reasons unknown, the Aliens remained in Mars for at least another decade without taking action, interrogation subjects haven’t responded to our questions with clarity; it seems the Overmind faced unexpected problems during that period, these may involve something called “Vaaish”, we, however, cannot infer on what “Vaaish” is, it might be a cosmic event we have failed to translate or even the name of an Alien species. Whichever the nature of these problems was, the Aliens proceeded to building their Earthly outposts on our planet after the resolution of the Vaaish event. The outposts were mainly for further observation and research; apparently the Overmind was very interested in our capabilities for war, and wanted to find out more about our species, so these bases were not equipped for military actions against us.
Human abductions presumably began in the early 1960s, with the first report being made in 1961, the possibility of Alien presence on our world became real for a limited portion of our planet’s population, but evidence was scarce and the Aliens activities were unnoticed. With the abductions, the Aliens managed to comprehend more about our physiology and psyche, they were, however, particularly interested in the Human Genome; endless genetic experiments were performed upon Human subjects, as stated in Alien Abductions (see X-Net Entry://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Abductions for more references), aimed at achieving a more thorough understanding, but also with others goals in mind.

Years of research into our DNA gave the Aliens a powerful weapon to be used in the Alien Terror Missions: The Spawn. The Alien creature known to us as Spawn is no more than a genetically engineered being, created for the sole purpose of fighting Human beings; the neurotoxicological venom that the creature possesses in its’ claws is not a result of natural evolution, the venom is specially designed to target Human cells, with the already known consequences.

Another of the most notorious consequences of Alien research into the Human genome is our evolutionary jump in psionic capabilities. There have always been legends and tales of men and women capable of performing the most amazing feats, beyond Human capacity; many of these feats were regarded as magical in nature, and its performers as mages and witches, as these people could read thoughts or even lift objects without physical contact, the individuals were capable of such actions by mere concentration of thought. In the last forty years, there was discovered an increasing number of people capable of performing psionic feats. These people, however, tend to maintain their psionic nature a secret, so we have no complete intel on the number of people capable of natural psionic abilities. It is a logical conclusion that this “psionic boom” is very much related with the Aliens’ manipulation of Human DNA. Psionic abilities, however, have proven to be inherent to the Human species; our inability to make use of them is due to the general population’s lack of knowledge and training on these, as only very psionically strong subjects are able to wield these abilities without training of any sort, it is most likely that DNA manipulation was precisely aimed, among others, at enhancing our natural psionic capability.
Research into the psionic capabilities of the Alien creatures known as Cloaks and the high-ranking Greys has provided us with the means to fully assess a determined subject’s psionic capability and train our troopers in the use of it, and thus to enable them to unleash all their psionic potential against the Alien menace.

When the Aliens’ presence became evident in 2011 and the first UFO was taken down, the Aliens had to change tactics from passive observation to active interaction, they had amassed all info they needed and it was time to take action. Observation outposts were dismantled as they were no longer needed and they posed a threat to the Aliens’ operations; Mankind was technologically advanced enough to be able to detect these outposts if actively searched for, and any captured outpost meant lost technology to the Human species, which would not hesitate in making good use of it against the invaders.
Military bases were erected to support the Alien ground operations, Alien Freighters were dispatched from Thanatos to deliver the necessary equipment and resources to maintain these bases and operations, as much of the needed supplies were unavailable on Earth, such as the precious Xenium-122 and the Alien Composites. Construction of attack vessels began almost immediately to the Aliens’ aerial defeat in 2011; assembly of all UFOs takes place on Mars, as no ship construction equipment of any kind was found on Alien bases, only the necessary for ship repairs, rearming and refuelling.

With all currently available intel on Alien operations, we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Alien efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation.
Of all the Alien species encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will; all Alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all Alien species have been both cybernetically and genetically modified to be more effective on the battlefield, they were all once naturally developed creatures such as we are, with the obvious exceptions of Artopods and Terror Disks which are mechanical constructs, with planets of their own, later captured by the Overmind and used as soldiers in this war against all sentient species.

We have strong reasons to believe that the Overmind’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces, and use our capabilities to strengthen its army. The reasons of why would the Overmind be interested in species such as ours are quite evident; our inborn abilities are a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained through cybernetic and genetic modification, we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks; the Human brain structure is more developed than most Alien species’, perhaps just under that of the Greys, and so goes the list.

This brings us to the point of two possible key failures in the Overmind’s strategy: The fact that it has not used weapons of mass destruction and it has not attempted to unleashed its full army against us. These, although at first sight appear as strategic slips, are in reality the very intentions of the Overmind and represent the geniality behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.
First let us look in detail at the existence and use of mass destruction weaponry. Though we have no real evidence that confirms the fact that the Aliens’ possess weapons of mass destructions such as our current Fission and Fusion Bombs [Fusion bombs are not intended here as Xenocide’s Blaster Bombs, but as our real life Fusion Bombs, we may have to see this possible problem in detail later], we do not have any evidence that denies it either. The level of technological advance showed by the Aliens is well above us, and as such, is very likely, if not almost certain, that the Star-Spawn have already achieved breakthroughs in the atomic field, gaining the power to split and merge atoms at will. Such power would undoubtedly have led to the usage of it for war purposes such as atomic bombs. So in sum, it would be illogical that the Aliens, with their advanced science, had not developed atomic weaponry such as ours. Our scientists have even expressed the possibility of Xenium-122 being used for bombs of mass destruction with destructive powers that could eclipse those of Uranium-238 bombs.
Now let us look into the matter of usage of such weaponry against us. Missiles launched from Mars would most likely to be detected and destroyed before even entering our atmosphere. But our possibility of long range detection of such missiles has died out with the complete annihilation of our satellite grid in 2012; the Aliens know that we would be defenseless against such an attack at this point, so we have to look for another reason of their apparent hesitation to destroy us in one blow. The Overmind, as powerful as it is, is not all-powerful, and it resources, as plenty as they seem, are not infinite. We have so far successfully managed to contain the full extent of the Aliens’ attack force, and thus, we have depleted the seemingly endless supply of Alien resources. Not only we have done that but we have also denied them the possibility of extracting more resources from our planet, any attempt to do so would attract enough attention for us to take action immediately. The Overmind is running low on supplies, no supplies means no military capability against us. If the Overmind was to bombard us with nuclear weaponry or its Alien equivalent, that would not only kill hundreds of thousands of potential Human slaves, but would also make our planet’s surface very radioactive. Studies of Alien physiology reveal that they are no more capable of supporting exposure to radiation than we are. So that would grant the Overmind the victory over this war, but would also leave it without resources and stranded on Mars, with less resources than it had began with and with an almost completely inhabitable planet as prize. So, to sum up, the Overmind is low on resources and it needs those of our planet, if it uses mass destruction weapons it cannot retrieve those resources and ends up alone in Mars; no Human slaves, no resources and no planet.
This is closely tied with the third possible strategic flaw: The strategy of Terror Missions instead of employing a full-out assault with all its troops.
There are two theories. The first one is that the Overmind at the beginning of the war had not produced enough of its clone troops to overcome us all, it did not attempt to use its full power because it underestimated our capacity for war and adaptation, once it realized that the tides of battle were turning against it, it was too late. And the second one is that the Overmind feared that an assault on our planet would lead to us making use of our own nuclear armament once we noticed that we were against impossible odds; usage of nuclear armament as last resource of desperation would lead to the already mentioned consequences, the Star-Spawn cannot let us destroy our planet as it needs it.
So, after analyzing possible flaws in the strategy being employed against us, we have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s tactics were the result of careful planning. Terror missions are the most viable way for the Aliens to seize power; to terrorize mankind to the point of it submitting to the Aliens with the signing of treaties that would slowly grant full power to the Overmind. The Overmind has plotted a master plan, which, fortunately for us, has had the only flaw of underestimating us.

This gives us a new perspective on the Alien creatures we have so far encountered, they are not conquerors, they are slaves, poor unfortunate creatures that have fallen under the control of the Overmind, and are now on its leash. We must not hate them, we must pity them.
Our mission now is not only to stop the Overmind to protect Earth and our species; we must prevent the Overmind from continuing this campaign of conquest it has started.

“So they want to assimilate us?”
“Yeah”
“So then resistan…”
“Don’t say it, it’s not funny!”
“Come on!, I HAVE to say it!”
“…Oh all right, go ahead”
“…Resistance… is futile”
“There, happy?”
“Very!”
- Star Trek fan Private Juan Vázquez and Private Dean Thompson.

“See? I told you!”
Matías Laíno – Research Division, Biochemistry Department.

-------------
fluff texts are still not final, don't really know what to put as fluff text yet.
At least it's an improvement, right? :)

Edited by Azrael, 28 January 2005 - 04:48 PM.


#18 Late Mr.Douglas

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Posted 30 January 2005 - 05:23 PM

Azrael, good job! Very well written. But I think you could improve the text.

- The 6th paragraph ("Years of research into our DNA gave the...") could be removed, as this description doesn't see to be necessary. If necessary, you could take the first sentence of this paragraph and use it in the previous one.

- I believe there is a contradiction between the begining of the ninth and tenth paragraph. In the ninth paragraph you say that "...we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Alien efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation.", but, in the next paragraph, you say that "We have strong reasons to believe that the Overmind’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces...". So, we are sure or not? IMO, our scientists couldn't be so sure about the Overmind's goal. This information would be revealed near/at the end of the game. So, you could sum up these two paragraphs and emphasize that the scientists are not sure about the Overmind's goal.

Greetings,
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#19 Astyanax

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Posted 30 January 2005 - 11:35 PM

HOLY SMOKES, AZ! This is the Porsche of X-Net entries!

Red text for additions, orange text for deletions. Since I know you're cool with it, Az, I will also edit parts of the text and suggest alternative word choices. Don’t mind the my terseness; I’m not that fast at typing.

FYI, when I write, I usually try to limit my use of vague terms (it, something, somewhere) and forms of the verb to be (is, was, were, are, have, have been, has, has been, had, had been, will, will be, etc.), making for a clearer and more dynamic writing style. Other words I try to watch for are this, that and things. Many of my suggestions in various posts stem from seeing these words. I’m not trying to direct this to you, Az, but I felt a need to articulate this thought as a rough guideline for writers in the Creative Text Department.

EDIT- original text in green because 20-odd quote tags don't seem seem register with the board.

THE ALIEN GOAL
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Alien Goal

Our Research Division feels like it has enough pieces of the puzzle to figure out Alien activities on our planet, what is the large picture and how they intend to pull it off.


The wording is a bit cumbersome. Suggest: "Our Research Division has finally pieced together enough information to decipher the Aliens' grand scheme behind their presence on Earth, as well as how they intend to accomplish their alien goals.” Note: “alien” in “alien goals” is NOT capitalized. It’s just a small pun. :)


Evidence points to the fact that the Star-Spawn, as we have come to call termed the whole group of different Alien species that have has launched this invasion against us, has have arrived to the Sol System from a location we estimate, if our calculations and difficult distance translations are correct, is near the Beta Persei star, 115 light-years from Earth, approximately two millennia ago. The massive ship occupied by the Overmind occupied crashed in Mars for reasons yet unknown; crippled, the ship went into some kind of “sleep mode”, in which the Overmind remained in stasis while the main computer sent an automatic distress signal. Early radio waves from Earth at the end of the XIX C 19th century were picked up by the main computer, awakening from its “sleep mode”. Still unable to achieve the FTL travel needed to resume its previous course, the Overmind’s attention turned to the Terrans, a species it had not previously detected due to their previous lack of Terran advanced technology.

Fixed verb agreement in the first sentence: "group" (singular) needs "has," while "Star-Spawn" (plural) requires "have."

Is "Star Spawn" really necessary? The other entries simply call them "Aliens." Maybe "Star Spawn" is what the Aliens call themselves: “Evidence points to the fact that the Star-Spawn (the name by which the Aliens refer to themselves)...”?

The first sentence seems to have too many parts, muddling the meaning. I suggest pruning it and reorganizing it with the subsequent sentences. I also think “uncertainty phrases” are used too frequently (if our calculations..., estimate, near, approximately). “Evidence suggests that the Star Spawn (the name by which the Aliens refer to themselves) originally came from near Beta Persei, 115 light-years from Earth. Over two millennia ago, a massive ship occupied by an Alien entity known as the Overmind suffered an unexpected malfunction and crash-landed on Mars.”

Suggest: “stasis mode” instead of “sleep mode.”

Suggest: “superluminal” or “faster-than-light” instead of the acronym “FTL.” Acronyms require the player to have previous knowledge on the subject, something we can’t assume.

Be careful to keep the Overmind and the main computer separate in the last sentences. The Overmind didn’t detect the Terrans (it was sleeping), the main computer did. OR, you could make an interesting twist: the Overmind is actually a bio-mechanical hybrid- the Alien Overmind IS the main computer, or to be even more bold, the Overmind is the actual ship...? Hm, that could tie in with the organic component of Alien Composites, and might explain its ability to replicate? Ok, I’m going on a bit of a tangent... back on topic.

Moved “previously” in the last sentence to subtly change the meaning. In the original sentence, the Overmind (main computer?) hadn’t detected the Terrans because the Terrans lacked technology: technology that humans may or may not currently possess. In the revised sentence, the Overmind/main computer hadn’t detected the Terrans because the Terrans lacked technology: technology that humans currently DO possess.

A radio distress signal was sent, right? How come humans didn’t detect it with their radiotelescopes? Perhaps use something less likely to be detected? Maybe: “...broadcasted [tachyonic] distress signals, and the Overmind/main computer awaited a response from its rescuers... rescuers that never came. Unfortunately, towards the end of the 19th century, the invention of the radio by Guglielmo Marconi marked the first time radio signals from Earth deviated significantly from background radiation, an event that the sleeping Overmind’s (unsleeping main computer’s?) broad spectrum receivers did not fail to detect. After the triggered re-initialization and re-activation routines, the Overmind was still unable to achieve the superluminal travel ...” Sorry I got a bit carried away. :unsure:


At this point, interrogations turn a little confusing, we are not certain whether the Overmind was indeed travelling with a large number of Aliens, or if in fact it was alone in the ship, but carried the genetic maps of different Alien species and using cloning techniques it began to amass its army. Whatever means the Overmind might have employed, it took it nearly three decades to ready itself in the course of action it was about to undertake.

Interrogations don’t usually become confusing; the knowledge gathered might, though: “At this point, the knowledge gleaned from Alien interrogations becomes somewhat inconsistent, and we are not certain...”

The last sentence is somewhat wordy and ends on a vague note. Suggest: “...it took nearly three decades of preparation before undertaking activities on Earth.”


From ship logs and further interrogations, we know the Overmind’s minions had already established themselves a presence here on Earth in the late 1930s, their activities at that moment, however, remain elusive unknown, as no significant data is available. It is most likely that their operations were consisted mainly of observation and harvesting for of biological resources. F The first reported Human abduction was occurred in 1961, so we believe that they were either not performing abductions or were much stealthier than they currently are. But intelligence -gathering seems the most plausible possibility; our world was immersed into conflict, the World War II was germinating, the Aliens were able to gain much information on Human psyche and military tactics used around the world, as nations collided in war one another. The Overmind must have been very impressed with our ability to slaughter our brothers and sisters in senseless wars, no doubt, especially with the shameful destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945, which must surely have shown Human capability for mass murder.

“Activities” can’t be “elusive”; they aren’t actively hiding. Rather, they can be “unknown.”

Suggest splitting up the first sentence: “...in the late 1930s. Their activities during that time remain unknown..."

Substituted out some “watched words” (were, was).

“Biological resources” is vague. It could mean humans, too. Suggest: “lesser biological resources.”

The third sentence is circumspect. Suggest: “The first reported human abduction occurred in 1961. Prior to this, the Aliens either conducted no abductions, or they have just become more brazen in their attempts.”

Structural suggestion: merge sentence two with sentence four, since they are similar in meaning, and move sentence three to paragraph four to preserve chronological continuity (actually, deleting sentence three entirely might be better): “Due to the low profile of Alien activities over the next 20 years, we surmise that information gathering was their primary goal. With the eruption of World War II, the Aliens had a prime opportunity to observe and assess human thought patterns and military strategies. The Overmind must have been very impressed...”

Careful with the opinions in the last sentence- they detract from objectivity and the X-Corps story. Instead of “shameful destruction” (opinionated), I suggest “utter devastation” (factual). Deleted the latter half because it repeats the sentiment already stated in “...our ability to slaughter our brothers and sisters in senseless wars...”


Right after the end of the World War II, the Overmind began preparing for its operations on Earth, but, due to reasons unknown, the Aliens remained ion Mars for at least another decade without taking action,. IInterrogation subjects haven’t responded to our questions with clarity; it seems the Overmind faced unexpected problems during that period, these may involve something called “Vaaish”, we, however, cannot infer on what “Vaaish” is, it might be a cosmic event we have failed to translate or even the name of an Alien species. Whichever the nature of these problems was, the Aliens proceeded to building their Earthly outposts on our planet after the resolution of the Vaaish event. The outposts were mainly for further observation and research; apparently the Overmind was very interested in our capabilities for war, and wanted to find out more about our species, so these bases were not equipped for military actions against us.

This paragraph seems unnecessarily wordy. Suggest: “After World War II, all reports of Alien activity ceased for nearly a decade. From ambiguous information culled from interrogations, the Overmind recalled all Aliens from Earth to face something they call “Vaaish,” a mysterious threat who’s nature is yet unfathomed. In any case, following the resolution of the “Vaaish” matter, the Aliens proceeded to build multiple research and observation outposts on our planet, presumably for the purpose of assessing human military capabilities.”


Human abductions presumably began in the early 1960s, with the first report being made in 1961, the possibility of Alien presence on our world became real for a limited portion of our planet’s population, but evidence was scarce and the Aliens activities were largely unnoticed. With Through the abductions, the Aliens managed to comprehend more about our physiology and psyche, they were, however, particularly interested in the Human Genome; endless countless genetic experiments were performed upon Human subjects, as stated in Alien Abductions (for more information, refer to Alien Abductions, see X-Net Eentry://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Abductions for more references), aimed at achieving a more thorough understanding, but also with others goals in mind.

Deleted “limited.” It can suggest that the portion of the planet’s population is limited (mentally), and doesn’t add to the meaning of the sentence.

Added “largely.” If it was truly unnoticed, then why are there scattered reports?

Suggest “countless” instead of “endless.” “Endless” can imply that each experiment went on forever, while “countless” implies that there were many experiments.

Suggest rewording the second sentence to simplify: “Through the abductions, the Aliens learned a great deal about our physiology and mentality, but they were particularly interested in the Human Genome. Countless genetic experiments...”

The last sentence ends on a weaker note. Suggest: “...more thorough understanding, and other, more sinister, goals.”


Years of research into our DNA gave the Aliens a powerful weapon to be used in the Alien Terror Missions: The Spawn. The Alien creature known to us as the Spawn is no more than a genetically-engineered being, created for the sole purpose of fighting Human beings; the neurotoxicological venom that the creature possesses in its’ claws is not a result of natural evolution, the venom is specially designed to target Human cells, with the already known consequences.

Suggest making the Spawn sound more fearsome, and clarifying “not a result of natural evolution”: “Years of Alien research into our DNA has brought about a new menace seen in Alien Terror Missions: the Spawn. The Spawn is nothing short of a genetically-engineered nightmare created solely for the purpose of human massacre. The lethal neurotoxological venom within its’ claws is not a result of natural evolution; the toxin sacs have been genetically grafted to transform the already dangerous Spawn into something unmistakably deadly.” But what does this have to do with the Alien Goal?


Another of the most notorious consequences of Alien research into the Human genome is our evolutionary jump in psionic capabilities. There have always been legends and tales of men and women capable of performing the most amazing feats, beyond Human capacity; many of these feats were regarded as magical in nature, and its performers as mages and witches, as these people could read thoughts or even lift objects without physical contact, the individuals were capable of such actions by mere concentration of thought. In the last forty years, there was discovered an increasing number of people capable of performing psionic feats. These people, however, tend to maintain their psionic nature a secret, so we have no complete intel on the number of people capable of natural psionic abilities. It is a logical conclusion that this “psionic boom” is very much related with the Aliens’ manipulation of Human DNA. Psionic abilities, however, have proven to be inherent to the Human species; our inability to make use of them is due to the general population’s lack of knowledge and training on these, as only very psionically strong subjects are able to wield these abilities without training of any sort, it is most likely that DNA manipulation was precisely aimed, among others, at enhancing our natural psionic capability.

“Notorious”? Doesn’t seem psionic abilities are bad...

“Psionic boom”? Reminds me of Street Fighter. :) However, I would change it to “increase in psionic abilities” because “boom” implies a sound, making for an unclear meaning.

The paragraph is interesting, but it doesn’t seem to fit because the information is largely extraneous. What is the Alien purpose in conducting psionic experiments, then letting them go? Why enhance human psi abilities? The answer is mentioned much later, so I would trim this paragraph to avoid the tangential discussion.

Recommend consolidating this paragraph into two or three sentences, then merging them with the following paragraph, or delete altogether.


Research into the psionic capabilities of the Alien creatures known as Cloaks and the high-ranking Greys has provided us our troopers with the means to fully assess a determined subject’s psionic capability and train our troopers in the use of it, and thus to enable them to and unleash all their psionic potential against the Alien menace (for more information, refer to [Psi stuff], X-Net entry://[Pegasus.net/Psi stuff]).

Simplified. Use of the word “means” suggests that humans have the ability to assess and unleash psi potential, but it does not say either way whether how easy or difficult it might be. The reason why I suggest being a little more vague is because there are already other X-Net entries that discuss the matter in more detail.


When the Aliens’ presence became unquestionably evident in 2011 and after the first UFO was taken shot down, the Aliens had to change changed their tactics from passive observation to active interaction,; they had amassed all information they needed and it was time to take action proceeded with decisive action. OUnnecessary observation outposts were dismantled as they were no longer needed and since they posed a threat to the Aliens’ operations; Mmankind was technologically advanced enough to be able to detect these outposts if actively searched for, and any captured outpost meant lost technology to the Human species, which would not hesitate in making good use of it against the invaders.

Added “unquestionably” to make a clear distinction between the “limited population” group mentioned previously that believed in Aliens and the whole world believing in Aliens.

Switched “and” to “after” to suggest that the UFO being shot down was the unquestionable evidence of Alien presence.

Changed “taken” to “shot” to connote a more forcible event.

Changed “it was time to take action” to “proceeded with decisive action” to prevent confusion of the speaker. In the former case, it sounds like you’re speaking from the Aliens’ perspective, while in the latter case, the speaker is narrating what the Aliens did.

The two sentences in this paragraph are very packed with information; I’ve simplified them. “Unnecessary” replaces “as they were no longer needed” and “they posed a threat to the Aliens’ operations” is already suggested by “mankind was technologically advanced enough to detect these outposts...”

Suggest truncating the second sentence to simplify further. The point is that the Aliens are taking steps to prevent losses and also to prevent humans from gaining. Readers can infer that humans finding poorly-defended Alien outposts would be a bad thing for the Aliens without having to specifically tell them why (lost technology, mankind using it, etc.): “...Unnecessary outposts were dismantled since human technology had advanced to the point where these poorly defensible research outposts could possibly be detected.”


Military bases were erected to support the imminent Alien ground operations, Alien Freighters were dispatched from Thanatos to deliver the necessary equipment and resources to maintain these bases and operations, as much of the needed supplies were unavailable on Earth, such as the precious Xenium-122 and the Alien Composites. Construction of attack vessels began almost immediately to following the Aliens’ aerial defeat in 2011.; aAssembly of all UFOs currently takes place on Mars, as because no ship construction equipment of any kind was found on Alien bases, only the necessary for ship repairs, rearming and refuelling.

Added “imminent” to clarify that Alien ground operations had NOT yet started at this point in the narrator’s story and that they are just preparing.

Suggest splitting the first sentence into smaller sentences: “...imminent Alien ground operations, and Alien Freighters were dispatched from Thanatos to deliver resources not readily available on Earth, such as the precious Xenium-122 and Alien Composites.”

Suggest removing “to maintain these bases and operations” since that is already implied. What else are the Aliens going to use them for?

Potential consistency error: in the Alien Composites entry, the composites had the ability to incorporate new materials into itself, effectively possessing the ability to “grow,” if I recall correctly. If this is the case, then Alien Composites shouldn’t be as “precious”?

“Aerial defeat” sounds like a large-scale disaster, but only one UFO was shot down, right? Suggest: “aerial incident of 2011.” If it was a large skirmish, I suggest making it more apparent to the reader.

Separated the second sentence into two parts because multiple subjects: initiating vessel construction isn’t quite the same as vessel assembly details.

Substituted “because” for “as”; “as” has been used very frequently in the recent text.

Added “currently” to denote a change of time frame from “began” in the previous sentence.

Suggest simplifying the “no ship construction equipment” portion of the last sentence (“...because terrestrial bases only had facilities for the repairing, rearming, and refueling of attack vessels.”) OR change the meaning and say that the readily available resources and the lower gravity of Thanatos facilitated the ship construction (i.e. constructing ships on Earth was costly, inefficient, and impractical).


With all our currently available intelligence on Alien operations, we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Aliens’ efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation.

Of all the Alien species encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will; all Alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all Alien species have been both cybernetically and genetically modified to be more effective on the battlefield, they were all once naturally developed creatures such as we are, with the obvious exceptions of Artopods and Terror Disks which are mechanical constructs, with planets of their own, later captured by the Overmind and used as soldiers in this war against all sentient species.


Changed “all” to “our” (possessive) in the first part of the first sentence to agree with “we” in the latter part.

Possible consistency error dependent on the nature of Overmind control of the Alien species: if it is a constant control, I doubt the Overmind would allow information to be extracted by humans from interrogated Aliens. If it is manipulation, then the Aliens have free-will but are just misguided. If it is beyond that, I might suggest the word “enslaved.”

Depending on the mood you want to portray, suggest replacing “both cybernetically and genetically modified” with either “both cybernetically and genetically enhanced” or “tampered with both cybernetically and genetically.” The former focuses on their increased capabilities, while the latter focuses on their lack of free will, increasing sympathy for them.

Suggest changing “...they were all naturally developed creatures” to “they once possessed untainted biologies” to symbolize their previous “purity” and subsequent warping by the Overmind.

This paragraph-long sentence is, well, too long; suggest splitting it up into several smaller sentences.

“Mechanical constructs”... Constucted by whom? Perhaps their creators were deemed “unfit” by the Overmind and consequently eradicated, but the Artopods and Terror Disks were considered worthy salvage?


We have strong reasons to believe that the Overmind’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces, and use our capabilities to strengthen its army. The reasons of why would the Overmind be interested in species such as ours are quite evident; oOur inborn abilities are a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained only through cybernetic and genetic modification, we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks; the Human brain structure is more developed than most Alien species’, perhaps just under that of the Greys, and so goes the list.

After the statement in the first sentence, it follows that the second sentence would support of the first; no preface is necessary.

Added “only” to the second sentence to further stress the fact that unmodified human abilities are comparable to altered Aliens. Freaky! Actually, you might want to say the “unmodified humans vs. altered Aliens” bit in the text, and how dangerous a modified human might become...

Be careful not to list all these positive human attributes so exuberantly- you should also comment on obvious human weaknesses to make the assertion seem less one-sided and more believable. I.e. “despite having less brute strength than [Alien X],...” or “in spite of limited temperature tolerances...”


This brings us to the point of two possible key failures in the Overmind’s strategy: Tthe fact that it has not used weapons of mass destruction and it has not attempted to unleashed its full army against us. These, although at first sight appear as strategic slips, are in reality the very intentions of the Overmind and represent the geniality behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.

Suggest: “...strategy: the use of only low-yield weaponry and limited troop deployment” to simplify.

Suggest: “Although at first, these appear to be strategic slips, they are in reality intentional decisions by the Overmind...” to improve flow.

“Geniality”? I don’t think the Aliens’ plan is friendly. Suggest: “...and belie the sinister purpose behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.”


First let us look in detail at the existence and use of mass destruction weaponry. Though we have no real evidence that confirms the fact that the Aliens’ possess weapons of mass destructions such as our current Fission and Fusion Bombs [Fusion bombs are not intended here as Xenocide’s Blaster Bombs, but as our real life Fusion Bombs, we may have to see this possible problem in detail later], we do not have any evidence that denies it either. The level of technological advance showed by the Aliens is well above us, and as such, is very likely, if not almost certain, that the Star-Spawn have already achieved breakthroughs in the atomic field, gaining the power to split and merge atoms at will. Such power would undoubtedly have led to the usage of it for war purposes such as atomic bombs. So in sum, it would be illogical that the Aliens, with their advanced science, had not developed atomic weaponry such as ours. Our scientists have even expressed the possibility of Xenium-122 being used for bombs of mass destruction with destructive powers that could eclipse those of Uranium-238 bombs.

This paragraph and the two paragraphs are very pedantic; suggest combining and using a more direct, dynamic style. Introduction: “Although we have no evidence of Alien long-range, high-yield, area-effect weaponry, it is almost certain that the Aliens possess knowledge of such weapons at their advanced level of technological expertise.

Optional: “In fact, our scientists have been stunned at the sheer destructive potential of a mere two grams of Xenium-122.” Might run into a consistency problem if the result isn’t radioactive: if a Xenium-122 bomb doesn’t result in radioactive debris, then the radiation argument in the next paragraph is invalid.


Now let us look into the matter of usage of such weaponry against us. Missiles launched from Mars would most likely to be detected and destroyed before even entering our atmosphere. But our possibility of long range detection of such missiles has died out with the complete annihilation of our satellite grid in 2012; the Aliens know knew that we would be defenseless against such an attack at this point, so we have to look for another reason of for their apparent hesitation to destroy us in one blow. The Overmind, as powerful as it is, is not all-powerful, and its resources, as plenty as they seem, are not infinite. We have so far successfully managed to contain the full extent of the Aliens’ attack force, and thus, we have depleted the seemingly endless supply of Alien resources. Not only we have done that but we have also denied them the possibility of extracting more resources from our planet, any attempt to do so would attract enough attention for us to take action immediately. The Overmind is running low on supplies, no supplies means no military capability against us. If the Overmind was to bombard us with nuclear weaponry or its Alien equivalent, that would not only kill hundreds of thousands of potential Human slaves, but would also make our planet’s surface very radioactive. Studies of Alien physiology reveal that they are no more capable of supporting exposure to radiation than we are. So that would grant the Overmind the victory over this war, but would also leave it without resources and stranded on Mars, with less resources than it had began with and with an almost completely inhabitable planet as prize. So, to sum up, the Overmind is low on resources and it needs those of our planet, if it uses mass destruction weapons it cannot retrieve those resources and ends up alone in Mars; no Human slaves, no resources and no planet.

“Complete annihilation of our satellite grid”? By the Aliens (was there a war then?)? By budget cuts? Meteor strike?

Continuation: “We can also assume that the Aliens had knowledge of the (destruction/disarray/dismantling) of our satellite defense grid in 2012.”

Question: “Obviously, this begs the question: why haven’t the Aliens used such potent weapons against us?

Answer: “The Overmind, powerful as it is, is not omnipotent, and the resources at its disposal are becoming increasingly constrained. Our continued resistance to the Overmind’s plans has cost the Alien war machine valuable materiel and denied it a terrestrial resource base, as well as forcing it to maintain a logistically-impractical supply line from Thanatos. It now appears that although Overmind is running into resource shortfalls, the Star-Spawn still refrain from using nuclear devices. After a comprehensive review of Alien biological data, we think we’ve finally hit upon an answer: the Aliens are as vulnerable to gamma radiation as we are. In short, a nuclear exchange would only result in a Pyrrhic victory for the Overmind: an inhospitable environment, no human slaves, and irretrievable resources.

Potential consistency problem: Aliens possess superior genetic engineering skills- why not capture several human specimens and propagate an Alien-Human strain? There is another Alien species that I can’t remember the name of that incorporates human parts, right? This would sidestep their need to continue their costly fight the X-Corps, and there are other planets in the Solar System that could have resources...


This is closely tied with the third possible potential strategic flaw: Tthe strategy of pursuing Terror Missions instead of employing a full-scale out assault with all its troops.

There are two theories. The first one is that the Overmind at the beginning of the war had not produced enough of its clone troops to overcome us all, it did not attempt to use its full power because it underestimated our capacity for war and adaptation, once it realized that the tides of battle were turning against it, it was too late. And the second one is that the Overmind feared that an assault on our planet would lead to us making use of our own nuclear armament once we noticed that we were against impossible odds; usage of nuclear armament as last resource of desperation would lead to the already mentioned consequences, the Star-Spawn cannot let us destroy our planet as it needs it.

So, after analyzing possible flaws in the strategy being employed against us, we have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s tactics were the result of careful planning. Terror missions are the most viable way for the Aliens to seize power; to terrorize mankind to the point of it submitting to the Aliens with the signing of treaties that would slowly grant full power to the Overmind. The Overmind has plotted a master plan, which, fortunately for us, has had the only flaw of underestimating us.


Added “pursuing” be symmetric with “employing.”

Changed “full-out assault with all its troops” to “full-scale assault” to simplify.

Recommend removing the “Aliens underestimate humans” angle- it dilutes the message of “careful planning by the Aliens.” Besides, it can be mentioned later in a 1-liner at the end of the paragraph.

Reasons: “We have constructed a theory explaining the Alien course of action. After nearly a century of observations, the Overmind acknowledged the destructive spirit of humans and has at all costs prevented putting us in a situation where we might destroy ourselves and the planet to forestall an Alien victory. Therefore, we have concluded that the using Terror Missions to coerce individual nations of the Earth into signing treaties was the most viable way for the Aliens to establish a foothold in the terrestrial theater. Fortunately, the flaw in the Overmind’s master plan was in underestimating our abilities.


This gives us a new perspective on the Alien creatures we have so far encountered, they are not conquerors, they are slaves, poor unfortunate creatures that have fallen under the control of the Overmind, and are now on its leash. We must not hate them, we must pity them.

Our mission now is not only to stop the Overmind but also to protect Earth and our species; we must prevent the Overmind from continuing this its millennia-old campaign of conquest it has started and subjugation.


The “we must not hate them, we must pity them” line is pretty heavy-handed. I would recommend a softer approach. Suggestion follows.

The transition from the previous paragraph is a bit abrupt- going from “the Overmind’s master plan” to “let’s pity the Aliens.” Suggest: “The fact that we, as unmodified humans, are succeeding in our stubborn resistance against the Overmind’s array of heavily-enhanced Aliens only demonstrates our potential and makes us all the more valuable to the Overmind. It makes us shudder for the future of universe should we fail and become the latest brainwashed, gene-altered and machine-grafted minions of the Overmind. Considering the Overmind's plan to enslave and assimilate our species, we can view the other Aliens races, despite their Overmind-induced hostility, as unfortunate slaves engineered into rapacious killers. They have been turned into biomechanical horrors against their will and are unfeelingly sent to die at our hands for a goal they can no longer comprehend. Outside of the battlefield, they deserve our pity. On the battlefield, we must do our duty and preserve our planet.”

Final line: "Our mission now is not only to thwart the Overmind's malevolent designs but also to protect Earth and our species; we must at all costs prevent the Overmind from continuing its millennia-old campaign of conquest and subjugation."


“So they want to assimilate us?”
“Yeah”
“So then resistan…”
“Don’t say it, it’s not funny!”
“Come on!, I HAVE to say it!”
“…Oh all right, go ahead”
“…Resistance… is futile...
“There, happy?”
“Very!”
- Star Trek fan Private Juan Vázquez and Private Dean Thompson.


Haha! :) I like it!


“See? I told you!”
Matías Laíno – Research Division, Biochemistry Department.


Not sure I understand this one, but I do like the non-English names in these quotes- makes the game seem more realistic and heterogenous.


Hey Az, this is a long piece with lots of good ideas, and it summarizes the whole Alien history, to boot. Unfortunately, I feel that text occasionally gets off topic while it should be furthering the reader’s understanding of the “Alien Goal.”

Hopefully, you won’t take offense to my marking up your entry, especially in the last few paragraphs. To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve closely proofread something so extensive, so I am completely exhausted. Let me just say that I’m in awe of your writing prowess- I’m sure my proofreading has taken but a fraction of the time that you’ve spent writing it. :unsure:

After a bit of polish, this piece will be the Lamborghini of X-Net entries! Good job, Az!

-Asty

Edited by Astyanax, 31 January 2005 - 12:05 PM.

EXCLUSIVE: Read the top-secret Creative Text Department Status Report by the Xenocide Internal Investigation Department!

#20 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 02 February 2005 - 07:10 AM

Azrael, good job! Very well written. But I think you could improve the text.

- The 6th paragraph ("Years of research into our DNA gave the...") could be removed, as this description doesn't see to be necessary. If necessary, you could take the first sentence of this paragraph and use it in the previous one.

I'll take a look.

- I believe there is a contradiction between the begining of the ninth and tenth paragraph. In the ninth paragraph you say that "...we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Alien efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation.", but, in the next paragraph, you say that "We have strong reasons to believe that the Overmind’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces...". So, we are sure or not? IMO, our scientists couldn't be so sure about the Overmind's goal. This information would be revealed near/at the end of the game. So, you could sum up these two paragraphs and emphasize that the scientists are not sure about the Overmind's goal.

Greetings,
Late Mr.Douglas

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I see the contradiction, did before, don't know why I didn't correct it before, thanks.

HOLY SMOKES, AZ!  This is the Porsche of X-Net entries!

Red text for additions, orange text for deletions.  Since I know you're cool with it, Az, I will also edit parts of the text and suggest alternative word choices.  Don’t mind the my terseness; I’m not that fast at typing.

Of course, give me the best you've got :knockout: !

“See? I told you!”
Matías Laíno – Research Division, Biochemistry Department.


Not sure I understand this one, but I do like the non-English names in these quotes- makes the game seem more realistic and heterogenous.

This was lamely aimed at following the fluff text that I put in The Martian Solution, but I don't really like it anyway. :)

Hey Az, this is a long piece with lots of good ideas, and it summarizes the whole Alien history, to boot.  Unfortunately, I feel that text occasionally gets off topic while it should be furthering the reader’s understanding of the “Alien Goal.”

My objective here was indeed to summarise everything that has happened in the game and before the game, that's why it has a little bit of history there. About the opinions about the world war, maybe you're right, but just came out with my sudden inspiration, as I see it it was shameful, both the war and the atomic bombs in the japanese cities, but as you said, maybe I shouldn't put that in an entry...

Hopefully, you won’t take offense to my marking up your entry, especially in the last few paragraphs.  To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve closely proofread something so extensive, so I am completely exhausted.  Let me just say that I’m in awe of your writing prowess- I’m sure my proofreading has taken but a fraction of the time that you’ve spent writing it. :unsure:

Of course I won't take offense, the point of critisising is to improve the entry, I expect others to comment on my work as I comment on theirs. We are a team.

Thanks for your comments, new version coming up as soon as I have the time :D

#21 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 03 February 2005 - 12:09 AM

[QUOTE] Fixed verb agreement in the first sentence: "group" (singular) needs "has," while "Star-Spawn" (plural) requires "have."[/QUOTE]
Read again, you have named the group of Alien species that have launched the invasion, the sentences talks about the species that launched the attack, not the group. Rephrased anyway, I’d like to have other way to call them, rather than always call them Aliens. I figured out that maybe the Aliens had a name for the entire group, I don’t think they call themselves “Aliens” :P, every group has a flag, a name, a symbol, a song, something to identify themselves, since the Aliens are little more than slaves, the OverMind could have named its attacking force like that, or maybe all the OverMinds call themselves Star-Spawn. Or maybe Star-Spawn is the name that the slave aliens gave the OverMinds before they were assimilated, you know, it sounds kinda despective. And… don’t criticize my “Star-Spawn”!!!!!!! *smashes keyboard in rage* :)

[QUOTE]I also think “uncertainty phrases” are used too frequently (if our calculations..., estimate, near, approximately[/QUOTE]
That’s because we don’t have really much clue where are they from, it’s all estimates which could all be wrong.

[QUOTE] Suggest: “stasis mode” instead of “sleep mode[/QUOTE]
The OverMind goes into stasis, the ship does not. I want to have them differentiated. Stasis gives the feel of something like cryogenic sleep (like in Aliens, right?), like the creature in stasis does not grow old while in stasis. That is, at least, the feeling that it gives to me. The ship enters a mode like (to lack a better comparison at the moment) windows does, it is still functioning but in a much limited way, sensors and life support may be active, but not the engines, weapons, shields, (cloaking?), etc. Get my point?, but we can name it different if “sleep mode” sounds too odd.

[QUOTE]Be careful to keep the Overmind and the main computer separate in the last sentences. The Overmind didn’t detect the Terrans (it was sleeping), the main computer did. OR, you could make an interesting twist: the Overmind is actually a bio-mechanical hybrid- the Alien Overmind IS the main computer, or to be even more bold, the Overmind is the actual ship...? Hm, that could tie in with the organic component of Alien Composites, and might explain its ability to replicate? Ok, I’m going on a bit of a tangent... back on topic. [/QUOTE]
I based the overmind somewhat in Tzuchan’s backstory, it’s an interesting creature, have you read it?

[QUOTE]A radio distress signal was sent, right? How come humans didn’t detect it with their radiotelescopes? Perhaps use something less likely to be detected? [/QUOTE]
Mainly because the signal was sent 2000 years ago, I didn’t say the signal was continuously being emitted. It was emitted, period, they are still waiting for the response. Hmmm, that gives me a new idea…

[QUOTE] Interrogations don’t usually become confusing; the knowledge gathered might, though: “At this point, the knowledge gleaned from Alien interrogations becomes somewhat inconsistent, and we are not certain...”[/QUOTE]
I meant the results of the interrogations. Added it.

[QUOTE] we know the Overmind’s minions had already established themselves here[/QUOTE]
That did sound like the Aliens had married and bought a house on Earth :P

[QUOTE] “Activities” can’t be “elusive”; they aren’t actively hiding. Rather, they can be “unknown.”[/QUOTE]
But they were actively hiding at that moment.

[quote] “Biological resources” is vague. It could mean humans, too. Suggest: “lesser biological resources.”[/quote]
It is making reference to the Alien Harvest Missions. For Humans it would be abducting, does it need clarification anyway?

[quote]… deleting sentence three entirely…[/quote]
*Howls in pain while deleting the sentence*

[quote] “After World War II, all reports of Alien activity ceased for nearly a decade.[/quote]
There are no reports from that time, this is all result of interrogations, ship logs, etc.

[quote] …spawn…But what does this have to do with the Alien Goal? [/quote]
Well, Terror Missions play a very important role in the Alien Goal, and Spawns were created solely for the Terror Missions. Here, after fighting countless spawns and the rest, you read this and it all makes sense now. Just piecing together all parts of the puzzle.

[quote] Notorious”? Doesn’t seem psionic abilities are bad...[/quote]
Who said notorious was bad?

[quote] Psionic boom”? Reminds me of Street Fighter.[/quote]
Yeah, me too :), but boom is acceptable outside sounds, like economic booms, or when they talk about a new fashion, the [] boom, I don’t know. I want to give the idea that it wasn’t evolution, as evolution takes millions of years, it seemed to happen in just decades. Also, the purpose of the paragraph is also to let the player know that the Aliens aren’t the responsible for psionics, that the psionics existed long before them.
As to why letting them go, for observation of course, they toy with the DNA of a pregnant woman or that of a psionic kid (if possible), then they release them into they natural environment (like discovery channel!) and watches the new and more powerful psionic test subject grow up and develop its abilities naturally, should I mention that?

[quote] or delete altogether.[/quote]
*Screams in agony* I…like…psionic…paragraph….

[quote] If this is the case, then Alien Composites shouldn’t be as “precious”?[/quote]
I don’t think so, if Humans can make Alien Composites easily, imagine them, it’s a valuable resource, but not as precious as the Xenium, which is irreplicable.

[quote] Possible consistency error dependent on the nature of Overmind control of the Alien species: if it is a constant control, I doubt the Overmind would allow information to be extracted by humans from interrogated Aliens. If it is manipulation, then the Aliens have free-will but are just misguided. If it is beyond that, I might suggest the word “enslaved.”[/quote]
It is constant, so the Humans have to force answers, remember at this stage of the game you have the Psi-Amp, imagine it used to attempt to override the Overmind’s mind control, even for a limited period of time. Read The Martian Solution, the last part of the interrogation was hinting at something like this.

[quote]“Mechanical constructs”... Constucted by whom? Perhaps their creators were deemed “unfit” by the Overmind and consequently eradicated, but the Artopods and Terror Disks were considered worthy salvage?[/quote]
That is in their respective entries. Terror-Discs were created by Greys. Artopods we don’t know, maybe they were some sort of automated defense mechanisms in the ship, later to be modified to be used as soldiers?

[quote] Might run into a consistency problem if the result isn’t radioactive: if a Xenium-122 bomb doesn’t result in radioactive debris, then the radiation argument in the next paragraph is invalid.[/quote]
Let’s just pretend that it is :wink1:, we don’t know enough about Xenium to know how to make a bomb or if it would make earth radioactive or not, I guess.

[quote] “Complete annihilation of our satellite grid”? By the Aliens (was there a war then?)? By budget cuts? Meteor strike?[/quote]
Imagine you are the Aliens, you come to this planet to conquer, and you see all those pretty satellites, what would you do?, destroying them you reduce the capability of the Humans to react more effectively, to detect the ships coming from Mars. I have an idea for a newspaper article on this for the beginning of the game…

[quote] Potential consistency problem: Aliens possess superior genetic engineering skills- why not capture several human specimens and propagate an Alien-Human strain? There is another Alien species that I can’t remember the name of that incorporates human parts, right? This would sidestep their need to continue their costly fight the X-Corps, and there are other planets in the Solar System that could have resources...[/quote]
Ahhh, mystery, we cannot know every little detail about what they can or cannot do, why they did this and not this, we can only speculate on the most obvious of things, that is something I think nobody has a response for. AFAIK there is no such Alien, not in X-Com and not in Xenocide, interesting idea for V1+ though…
There are other planets, but there is not much you can take from a gas giant, and there are certainly no biological resources the Overmind might need. Anyway, Earth must surely have more resources than mars, I think I’ve read that Mars has much iron, but lacks organic compounds.

[quote] Geniality”? I don’t think the Aliens’ plan is friendly. Suggest: “...and belie the sinister purpose behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.”[/quote]
Where does it say “friendly”?

Edited by Azrael, 03 February 2005 - 12:14 AM.


#22 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 03 February 2005 - 12:15 AM

THE ALIEN GOAL
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Alien Goal

Our Research Division has finally pieced together enough information to decipher the Aliens' grand scheme behind their presence on Earth, as well as how they intend to accomplish their mischievous goals.

Evidence points to the fact that the Star-Spawn, as the Aliens appear to call themselves when referring to the whole group of Alien species, arrived to the Sol System from a location we estimate, if our calculations are correct, is near Beta Persei, 115 light-years from Earth, approximately two millennia ago. The massive ship the Overmind occupied crashed-landed in Mars for reasons unknown; crippled, the ship went into some kind of “sleep mode”, in which the Overmind remained in stasis while the main computer sent an automatic distress signal. Early radio waves from Earth at the end of the 19th Century were picked up by the main computer, awakening the Overmind from its stasis. Still unable to achieve the Faster-Than-Light (FTL) travel needed to resume its previous course, the Overmind’s attention turned to the Terrans, a species it had not detected due to their previous lack of advanced technology.

At this point, interrogation reports turn a little confusing, we are not certain whether the Overmind was indeed travelling with a large number of Aliens, or if in fact it was alone in the ship, but carried the genetic maps of different Alien species and using cloning techniques it began to amass its army. Whatever means the Overmind might have employed, it took nearly three decades of preparation before undertaking activities on Earth.

From ship logs and further interrogations, we know the Overmind’s minions had already established a presence here on Earth in the late 1930s; the purpose of their activities at that moment, however, remain elusive, as no significant data is available. It is likely that their operations consisted mainly of observation and harvesting of biological resources. But information-gathering seems the most plausible possibility; our world was immersed into conflict, with the outbreak of World War II the Aliens were able to gain much information on Human psyche and military tactics used around the world, as nations collided in war one another. The Overmind must have been very impressed with our ability to kill and destroy with no apparent remorse, no doubt, especially with the utter destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945.

Right after the end of the World War II, the Overmind began preparing for its operations on Earth, but due to reasons unknown the Aliens on Earth were recalled to Mars by the Overmind, Alien activity on our planet ceased for nearly a decade. Interrogation subjects have not responded to our questions with clarity; it seems the Overmind faced unexpected problems during that period, these involve something called “Vaaish”, we, however, cannot infer on what “Vaaish” is; it might be a cosmic event we have failed to translate or even the name of an Alien species. In any case, following the resolution of the “Vaaish” event, whatever its nature may be, the Aliens proceeded to build multiple research and observation outposts on our planet, presumably for the purpose of assessing human military capabilities

Human abductions presumably began in the 1960s, with the first report being made in 1961, the possibility of Alien presence on our world became real for a portion of our planet’s population, but evidence was scarce and the Aliens activities were largely unnoticed. Through the abductions, the Aliens learned a great deal about our physiology and mentality, but they were particularly interested in the Human Genome; countless genetic experiments were performed upon Human subjects (For more information, refer to Alien Abductions, X-Net Entry://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Abductions), aimed at achieving a more thorough understanding, and other, more sinister goals.

Years of Alien research into our DNA has brought about a new menace seen in Alien Terror Missions: the Spawn. The Spawn is nothing short of a genetically-engineered nightmare created solely for the purpose of human massacre. The lethal neurotoxological venom within its’ claws is not a result of natural evolution; the toxin sacs have been genetically grafted to transform the already dangerous Spawn into something unmistakably deadly

Another of the most notorious consequences of Alien research into the Human genome is our evolutionary jump in psionic capabilities. There have always been legends and tales of men and women capable of performing the most amazing feats, beyond Human capacity; many of these feats were regarded as magical in nature, and its performers as mages and witches, as these people could read thoughts or even lift objects without physical contact, the individuals were capable of such actions by mere concentration of thought. In the last forty years, there was discovered an increasing number of people capable of performing psionic feats. These people, however, tend to maintain their psionic nature a secret, so we have no complete information on the number of people capable of natural psionic abilities. It is a logical conclusion that this “psionic boom” is very much related with the Aliens’ manipulation of Human DNA. Psionic abilities, however, have proven to be inherent to the Human species; our inability to make use of them is due to the general population’s lack of knowledge and training on these, as only very psionically strong subjects are able to wield these abilities without training of any sort, it is most likely that DNA manipulation was precisely aimed, among others, at enhancing our natural psionic capability.

Research into the psionic capabilities of the Alien creatures known as Cloaks and high-ranking Greys has provided us with the means to fully assess psionic powers and enable our troopers to unleash all their psionic potential against the Alien menace.

When the Aliens’ presence unquestionably became evident in 2011, after the first UFO was shot down, the Aliens changed their tactics from passive observation to active interaction; they had amassed all information they needed and proceeded with decisive action. Unnecesary observation outposts were dismantled; Human technology had advanced to the point where these poorly defensible research outposts could possibly be detected and easily captured.

Military bases were erected to support the imminent Alien ground operations, Alien Freighters were dispatched from Thanatos to deliver the necessary equipment and resources, as much of the needed supplies were unavailable on Earth, such as the precious Xenium-122 and the Alien Composites. Construction of attack vessels began almost immediately following the downing of the Alien Probe UFO in 2011. We know for a fact that assembly of all UFOs takes place on Mars, as only the necessary equipment for ship repairs, rearming and refueling was found.

With our currently available intelligence on Alien operations, we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Aliens’ efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation.
Of all the Alien species encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will; all Alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all Alien species have been tampered with both cybernetically and genetically to be more effective on the battlefield, they all once possessed untainted biologies, with the obvious exceptions of Artopods and Terror Disks which are mechanical constructs, with planets of their own, later captured by the Overmind and used as soldiers in this war against all sentient species.

We have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces, and use our capabilities to strengthen its army. Our inborn abilities are a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained only through cybernetic and genetic modification, we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks; the Human brain structure is more developed than most Alien species’, perhaps just under that of the Greys. It is evident that we are not all superior to each and every one of the distinct Alien species, but our combined strengths outmatch any of them in a leveled combat situation. We can only guess what could become of us should the Overmind succeed.

This brings us to the point of two possible key failures in the Overmind’s strategy: the fact that it has not used weapons of mass destruction and it has not attempted to unleashed its full army against us. Although at first, these appear to be strategic slips, they are in reality intentional decisions by the Overmind and represent the true geniality behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.

First let us look in detail at the existence and use of mass destruction weaponry. Though we have no real evidence that confirms the fact that the Aliens’ possess weapons of mass destructions such as our current Fission and Fusion Bombs [Fusion bombs are not intended here as Xenocide’s Blaster Bombs, but as our real life Fusion Bombs, we may have to see this possible problem in detail later], we do not have any evidence that denies it either. The level of technological advance showed by the Aliens is well above us, and as such, is very likely, if not almost certain, that the Star-Spawn have already achieved breakthroughs in the atomic field, gaining the power to split and merge atoms at will. Such power would undoubtedly have led to the usage of it for war purposes such as atomic bombs. So in sum, it would be illogical that the Aliens, with their advanced science, had not developed atomic weaponry such as ours. Our scientists have even expressed the possibility of Xenium-122 being used for bombs of mass destruction with destructive powers that could eclipse those of Uranium-238 bombs.

Now let us look into the matter of usage of such weaponry against us. Missiles launched from Mars would most likely to be detected and destroyed before even entering our atmosphere. But our possibility of long range detection of such missiles has died out with the complete annihilation of our satellite grid in 2012 performed by the first wave of Alien attack vessels; the Aliens know that we would be defenseless against such an attack at this point, so we have to look for another reason for their apparent hesitation to destroy us in one blow. The Overmind, powerful as it is, is not omnipotent, and the resources at its disposal are becoming increasingly constrained. Our continued resistance to the Overmind’s plans has cost the Alien war machine valuable materiel and denied it a terrestrial resource base, as well as forcing it to maintain a logistically-impractical supply line from Thanatos. It now appears that although Overmind is running into resource shortfalls, the Star-Spawn still refrain from using nuclear devices. After a comprehensive review of Alien biological data, we think we’ve finally hit upon an answer: the Aliens are as vulnerable to gamma radiation as we are. In short, a nuclear exchange would only result in a Pyrrhic victory for the Overmind: an inhospitable environment, no human slaves, and irretrievable resources. The Overmind is getting desperate.

This is closely tied with the third potential strategic flaw: the strategy of pursuing Terror Missions instead of employing a full-scale assault.

We have constructed a theory explaining the Alien course of action. After nearly a century of observations, the Overmind acknowledged the destructive spirit of humans and has at all costs prevented putting us in a situation where we might destroy ourselves and the planet to forestall an Alien victory. Therefore, we have concluded that the using Terror Missions to coerce individual nations of the Earth into signing treaties was the most viable way for the Aliens to establish a foothold in the terrestrial theater. Fortunately, the flaw in the Overmind’s master plan was in underestimating our abilities.
So, after analyzing possible flaws in the strategy being employed against us, we have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s tactics were the result of careful planning. Terror missions are the most viable way for the Aliens to seize power; to terrorize mankind to the point of it submitting to the Aliens with the signing of treaties that would slowly grant full power to the Overmind. The Overmind has plotted a master plan, which, fortunately for us, has had the only flaw of underestimating us.

The fact that we, as unmodified humans, are succeeding in our stubborn resistance against the Overmind’s array of heavily-enhanced Aliens only demonstrates our potential and makes us all the more valuable to the Overmind. It makes us shudder for the future of universe should we fail and become the latest brainwashed, gene-altered and machine-grafted minions of the Overmind. Considering the Overmind's plan to enslave and assimilate our species, we can view the other Aliens races, despite their Overmind-induced hostility, as unfortunate slaves engineered into rapacious killers. They have been turned into biomechanical horrors against their will and are unfeelingly sent to die at our hands for a goal they can no longer comprehend. Outside of the battlefield, they deserve our pity. On the battlefield, we must do our duty and preserve our planet.
Our mission now is not only to stop the Overmind but also to protect Earth and our species; we must prevent the Overmind from continuing its millennia-old campaign of conquest and subjugation.

POSSIBLE FLUFF TEXTS (OR RAMBLING TEXTS):
“So they want to assimilate us?”
“Yeah”
“So then resistan…”
“Don’t say it, it’s not funny!”
“Come on!, I HAVE to say it!”
“…Oh all right, go ahead”
“…Resistance… is futile”
“There, happy?”
“Very!”
- Star Trek fan Private Juan Vázquez and Private Dean Thompson.

“See? I told you!”
- Matías Laíno – Research Division, Biochemistry Department.

“Let’s pity the Aliens!”
- Astyanax

Or “I pity the fool who tries to conquer my planet”
-Mr. T :P

Great suggestions and comments! I feel like this text has been greatly improved now, not that it cannot be further improved of course. Thanks!

#23 Astyanax

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Posted 03 February 2005 - 12:11 PM

Dang quote tags. Quoted text is in green.

Read again…
You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking! :hammer:

I’d like to have other way to call them, rather than always call them Aliens. I figured out that maybe the Aliens had a name for the entire group…
I think we agree here.

[QUOTE]I also think “uncertainty phrases” are used too frequently (if our calculations..., estimate, near, approximately[/QUOTE]
That’s because we don’t have really much clue where are they from, it’s all estimates which could all be wrong.

True, but I’m not saying get rid of all of them… just some of them. :) Starting the sentence with “Evidence points to the fact…” means that the information leads to a certain conclusion, but it still is not a fact. Otherwise, you’d start this sentence with “It is a fact that…”

[QUOTE] Suggest: “stasis mode” instead of “sleep mode[/QUOTE]
The OverMind goes into stasis, the ship does not. I want to have them differentiated. Stasis gives the feel of something like cryogenic sleep (like in Aliens, right?), like the creature in stasis does not grow old while in stasis. That is, at least, the feeling that it gives to me. The ship enters a mode like (to lack a better comparison at the moment) windows does, it is still functioning but in a much limited way, sensors and life support may be active, but not the engines, weapons, shields, (cloaking?), etc. Get my point?, but we can name it different if “sleep mode” sounds too odd.

I understand now. It wasn’t clear to me that “sleep mode” and “stasis” were referring to different things.

I based the overmind somewhat in Tzuchan’s backstory, it’s an interesting creature, have you read it?
Not yet. I have a lot of catch-up reading to do. :)

[QUOTE] we know the Overmind’s minions had already established themselves here[/QUOTE]
That did sound like the Aliens had married and bought a house on Earth

Haha, I hadn’t thought of that meaning. Maybe “established a presence here”?

[QUOTE] “Activities” can’t be “elusive”; they aren’t actively hiding. Rather, they can be “unknown.”[/QUOTE]
But they were actively hiding at that moment.

The Aliens were hiding, not the activities. Activities can be hidden, but they can't be in hiding. The Aliens were elusive and their activities unknown. Hey, that sounds pretty cool.

[quote] “Biological resources” is vague. It could mean humans, too. Suggest: “lesser biological resources.”[/quote]
It is making reference to the Alien Harvest Missions. For Humans it would be abducting, does it need clarification anyway?

Probably not. The way I read it was that the Aliens were conducting experiments on lesser life forms until they started human experiments, roughly in the 1960s. I have yet to read the Alien Harvest Missions, though. Don’t know if you’ve heard of “Harvest Missions” or “Harvest Crusades" (they’re sort of recruitment/praise drives for Christians here in the US), but “Alien Harvest Missions” certainly sounds quite amusing in that context.

Well, Terror Missions play a very important role in the Alien Goal, and Spawns were created solely for the Terror Missions. Here, after fighting countless spawns and the rest, you read this and it all makes sense now. Just piecing together all parts of the puzzle.
Well, it does make sense. I hadn’t finished reading the whole text at that point and forgot to go back and change it. Still, I think (from your original text, not your revised one- I’ll get to it eventually) that the Spawn paragraph is a bit out of place here and would be better placed near the “…third strategic flaw… pursuing Alien Terror missions” paragraph.

[quote] Notorious”? Doesn’t seem psionic abilities are bad...[/quote]
Who said notorious was bad?

Notorious means infamous, having an exceedingly bad reputation, ill-famed. It’s ok if you mean that, but I wasn’t sure whether that was the case.

[quote] Psionic boom”? Reminds me of Street Fighter.[/quote]
Yeah, me too , but boom is acceptable outside sounds, like economic booms, or when they talk about a new fashion, the [] boom, I don’t know. I want to give the idea that it wasn’t evolution, as evolution takes millions of years, it seemed to happen in just decades. Also, the purpose of the paragraph is also to let the player know that the Aliens aren’t the responsible for psionics, that the psionics existed long before them.
As to why letting them go, for observation of course, they toy with the DNA of a pregnant woman or that of a psionic kid (if possible), then they release them into they natural environment (like discovery channel!) and watches the new and more powerful psionic test subject grow up and develop its abilities naturally, should I mention that?


[quote] or delete altogether.[/quote]
*Screams in agony* I…like…psionic…paragraph….

I understand “boom” in both contexts, but I was suggesting the change to prevent any possible confusion between the two definitions. About the letting them go, I was wondering why the Aliens were bringing out latent abilities and “improving” humans: in a way, making us stronger and more aware of our hidden potential… Though it’s an interesting excerpt, I still don’t see how these psi experiments fit into the overarching Alien Goal. Perhaps it might be better off in a different entry? Or maybe you could give a reason, something like: "These experiments offered the Aliens insight into the human mind and human thought patterns, allowing the psi-talented races among them to exploit our weaknesses, especially on the battlefield (and the political stage?)..." Hm, that makes me wonder why the Aliens haven't tried mind control on government officials? Or have they? :naughty: Maybe tie this in as the covert facet of the overt Alien Terror Mission strategy? Scare governments with terror missions, and use psionic powers to play on their fears in order to "persuade" governments to sign pacts with them?

[quote] Possible consistency error dependent on the nature of Overmind control of the Alien species: if it is a constant control, I doubt the Overmind would allow information to be extracted by humans from interrogated Aliens. If it is manipulation, then the Aliens have free-will but are just misguided. If it is beyond that, I might suggest the word “enslaved.”[/quote]
It is constant, so the Humans have to force answers, remember at this stage of the game you have the Psi-Amp, imagine it used to attempt to override the Overmind’s mind control, even for a limited period of time. Read The Martian Solution, the last part of the interrogation was hinting at something like this.

I will read it. From my knowledge of X-Com, though, couldn’t players research Aliens without having psi-related items/research?

[quote]“Mechanical constructs”... Constucted by whom? Perhaps their creators were deemed “unfit” by the Overmind and consequently eradicated, but the Artopods and Terror Disks were considered worthy salvage?[/quote]
That is in their respective entries. Terror-Discs were created by Greys. Artopods we don’t know, maybe they were some sort of automated defense mechanisms in the ship, later to be modified to be used as soldiers?

Your scope of Xenocide knowledge far outstrips mine, Az. It makes more sense in that context, but I was confused mainly about the “with planets of their own” part that immediately followed. I had imagined that the Overmind took the mechanical constructs and killed their makers, leaving the planet to the machines.

[quote] Might run into a consistency problem if the result isn’t radioactive: if a Xenium-122 bomb doesn’t result in radioactive debris, then the radiation argument in the next paragraph is invalid.[/quote]
Let’s just pretend that it is , we don’t know enough about Xenium to know how to make a bomb or if it would make earth radioactive or not, I guess.

Yeah, I might be getting into too much detail.

[quote] “Complete annihilation of our satellite grid”? By the Aliens (was there a war then?)? By budget cuts? Meteor strike?[/quote]
Imagine you are the Aliens, you come to this planet to conquer, and you see all those pretty satellites, what would you do?, destroying them you reduce the capability of the Humans to react more effectively, to detect the ships coming from Mars. I have an idea for a newspaper article on this for the beginning of the game…

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a clear idea of the background, but was there an Alien invasion prior to Xenocide? From the previous parts of the text here, I inferred that the Aliens quietly infiltrated the Earth in the 1930’s and remained furtive until much later.

[quote]Potential consistency problem: Aliens possess superior genetic engineering skills- why not capture several human specimens and propagate an Alien-Human strain? There is another Alien species that I can’t remember the name of that incorporates human parts, right? This would sidestep their need to continue their costly fight the X-Corps, and there are other planets in the Solar System that could have resources...[/quote]
Ahhh, mystery, we cannot know every little detail about what they can or cannot do, why they did this and not this, we can only speculate on the most obvious of things, that is something I think nobody has a response for. AFAIK there is no such Alien, not in X-Com and not in Xenocide, interesting idea for V1+ though…
There are other planets, but there is not much you can take from a gas giant, and there are certainly no biological resources the Overmind might need. Anyway, Earth must surely have more resources than mars, I think I’ve read that Mars has much iron, but lacks organic compounds.

Ok, I was basing my thoughts on a false information in my head (the existence of Alien-Human hybrid). Maybe I was thinking of X-Com 2 (the one I'm currently playing). Feel free to disregard.

[quote]Geniality”? I don’t think the Aliens’ plan is friendly. Suggest: “...and belie the sinister purpose behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.”[/quote]
Where does it say “friendly”?

Genial means gracious, having a pleasant or friendly disposition… I don’t think this is the word you mean.

Hm, it might sound odd that I'm suggesting expanding :blink: this entry, but it might be neat if there was some information about the various Alien races before they were enslaved by the Overmind... but maybe this isn't the entry for that? Maybe Alien Origins? Er, perhaps I should go and read it now. :unsure:

EDIT- I was thinking... maybe restructure the text a bit. Have the intro stay the same, then mention "A look into the history of the Aliens will help put our current situation into context." Then keep all those history paragraphs the same, saving both the Spawn and Psi paragraphs for later use (yes, you won't have to emit the wrenching "Howl of Deletion Desolation"). After that, talk about the Alien Goal (Assimilation and resources), then the two possible flaws and the possible third flaw, terror missions. The key change is that after that, talk about the Alien Strategy- how the Aliens are implementing their two-pronged "subvert world governments" strategy: overtly with the terror missions, Spawn, etc., supported covertly with the use of psionic influence in world governments (talk about psi experiments). Then use the "Their only flaw was in underestimating us" line. Then close with "Let's pity the Aliens!" :P

Then again, maybe I should read your revision first before making all these comments.

Edited by Astyanax, 03 February 2005 - 02:03 PM.

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#24 Astyanax

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Posted 05 February 2005 - 02:56 AM

Hey Az, it’s me again. The majority of the markings are suggestions to improve flow rather than grammatical corrections, so keep what you like and discard what you dislike. I’ve tried not to repeat corrections I’ve made previously, but forgive me if I accidentally reiterate them. Tell me what you think!

One thing: consider changing "key flaws" or "key failures" to "key weaknesses," which I feel is more accurate within the text's context.

Red text indicates additions, orange text indicates deletions, and blue text indicates comments.

THE ALIEN GOAL
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Alien Goal

Our Research Division has finally pieced together enough information to decipher the Aliens' grand scheme behind their presence on Earth, as well as how they intend to accomplish their mischievous goals. “Mischievous” does not have a very strong emphasis.  I’d suggest something stronger, like “nefarious,” “wicked,” “fiendish,” or “malevolent.”

Evidence points to the fact that the Star-Spawn, as the Aliens appear to call refer to themselves when referring to the whole group of Alien species as a collective group, arrived to in the Sol System from a location we estimate, if our calculations are correct, is roughly 115 light-years from Earth near Beta Persei, 115 light-years from Earth, approximately two millennia ago. The massive ship occupied by the Overmind occupied crashed-landed in on Mars for reasons unknown; crippled, the ship went into some kind of “sleep mode”, in which placing the Overmind remained into stasis while the main computer sent and broadcasting an automatic distress signal. Early radio waves from Earth at the end of the 19th Century late 19th century Earth were picked up by the ship’s main computer, awakening causing it to rouse the Overmind from its stasis. Still unable Unable to achieve the Faster-Than-Light (FTL) travel needed to resume its previous course, the Overmind’s attention turned to the Terrans, a species it had not detected due to their previous lack of advanced technology.

We might have to agree to disagree, Az, but I still feel the three uncertainty terms (we estimate, if our calculations are correct, near) in rapid succession in the first sentence overly weaken the point you’re trying to make, but I’m trying to work it out your way.  In my revisions to the text above, I’ve changed “estimate” to “roughly” and rearranged the sentence to space out the uncertainty.

On another note, the first sentence still reads a little awkwardly- there’s too many commas, imho.  It’s almost as if there’s TOO much information in the sentence.  I had an ulterior motive when I suggested deleting one of the uncertainty terms (if our calculations are correct): I wanted to pare the sentence into something that flowed better.  At the moment, though, I feel the “approximately two millennia ago” phrase hangs awkwardly off the end of the sentence.

Lastly, I removed the reference to the main computer in the “sleep mode” sentence to simplify.  Here, the ship (which implies “ship systems,” which includes the main computer) places the Overmind into stasis, and the ship broadcasts the distress signal.


At this point, interrogation reports turn a little confusing, become confused, and we are not certain whether the Overmind was indeed travelling traveling with a large number entourage? of Aliens, or if in fact whether it was alone in the ship, but carried the and cloned its Alien army from available genetic maps of different various Alien species and using cloning techniques it began to amass its army. Whatever means the Overmind might have employed, it took the Overmind nearly three decades of preparation before undertaking activities on Earth.

From ship logs and further interrogations, we know the Overmind’s minions had already established a presence here on Earth in by the late 1930s; the purpose of behind their activities at that moment during that time, however, remains elusive, as no significant data is available. It is likely that their operations consisted mainly Their operations likely consisted of observation and harvesting of biological resources in order to gather information. . But information-gathering seems the most plausible possibility; our world was immersed into conflict, with With the outbreak of World War II, the Aliens were able to gain much information on insight into the nature of Human psyches and military tactics used around the world, as nations collided in war against one another. The Overmind must have been very impressed with our ability to kill and destroy with nolittle apparent remorse, no doubt, especially with the utter destruction of unleashed on Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945.

Right after the end of the World War II, the Overmind began preparing for its operations This is confusing.  I thought the Overmind already had begun intelligence-gathering operations on Earth?  Do you mean “military operations”? on Earth, but due to unknown reasons unknown ”reasons unknown" was already used in the first paragraph.  The phrasing is unusual enough that the repetition would be immediately noticed. the Aliens on Earth were suddenly recalled to Mars by the Overmind, and Alien activity on our planet ceased for nearly a decade. Interrogation subjects have not clearly responded to our questions inquiries into this event with clarity; it seems the Overmind faced unexpected problems during that period, these involve involving something called “Vaaish”., we, however, cannot infer on However, we have had little success in discovering exactly what “Vaaish” is; it might be refer to a cosmic event that we have failed to translate or even the name of another Alien species. In any case, following the resolution of the mysterious “Vaaish” event, whatever its nature may be, the Aliens proceeded to build resumed their terrestrial intelligence operations and built multiple research and observation outposts on our planet, presumably for the purpose of assessing human military capabilities.

Human abductions presumably began in the 1960s, with With the first report being made incident being reported in 1961, the possibility of an Alien presence on our world became real for a small portion of our planet’s population, but though scant evidence was scarce and the often meant that Aliens activities were went largely unnoticed. Through the abductions, the Aliens learned a great deal about our physiology and mentality, but they were particularly interested in the Human Genome; countless genetic experiments were performed upon Human subjects (For more information, refer to Alien Abductions, X-Net Entry://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Abductions), aimed at achieving a more thorough understanding, and other, more sinister goals.

Years of Alien research into our DNA has have brought about a new menace seen in to Alien Terror Missions: the Spawn. The Spawn is nothing short of a genetically-engineered nightmare created solely for the purpose of human massacre. The lethal neurotoxological venom within its claws is not a result of natural evolution; the toxin sacs have been genetically grafted to transform the already dangerous Spawn into something unmistakably deadly.

Another aspect of the most notorious consequences of Alien research into the Human genome is our evolutionary jump in psionic capabilities. Human history is littered with legends and tales of people There have always been legends and tales of men and women capable of performing the most amazing feats, well beyond Human capacity; many of Often, these feats were regarded as magical in nature, and its performers practitioners as mages and witches: they, as these people could read thoughts or even lift objects without physical contact, the individuals were capable of such actions by mere concentration of thought. In the last forty years, there was discovered an increasing the number of reports regarding persons people capable of performing psionic feats has increased dramatically. These people, however, tend to maintain have the tendency to conceal their psionic nature a secret, so we have no incomplete information on the total numbers of psionically-capable people world-wide capable of natural psionic abilities. It is a logical How is it logical? What evidence is there?  Perhaps it is “speculated”? conclusion that this “psionic boom” is very much related correlates closely with the Aliens’ manipulation of Human DNA. Psionic abilities, however, have Because psionic abilities have been proven to be inherent to the Human species; in humans to some degree or another, it follows that our inability to make use of them is due to the general population’s stems primarily from our lack of knowledge and training on these, as. Further research has indicated that only very the most psionically strong gifted subjects are able to wield these amazing powers abilities without training of any sort, it innately.  It is most likely that DNA manipulation by the Aliens was precisely aimed, among others, at enhancing awakening our natural latent psionic capability abilities. Research into the psionic capabilities of the Alien creatures known as Cloaks and high-ranking Greys has provided us with the means to fully assess psionic powers and enable our troopers to unleash all their full psionic potential against the Alien menace.

I’m going to be blunt.  The previous paragraph has some serious issues.  First and foremost, it explains what the Aliens did, but offers no explanations on why they did it- or how it relates to the overall Alien goal.  This also applies to the Spawn paragraph to some degree, but in that one, it has a reason- Terror Missions- but that reason isn’t explained until many, many paragraphs later.  So it’s a bit out of place here.  I understand you’re trying to list the Alien activites on Earth chronologically, but I feel that the Spawn and Psi paragraphs would be better served the entry if they were more strongly tied to “Human Assimilation”: after all, that’s what the Alien Goal is all about.  Personally, I think the following is the best course of action (well, naturally... since I wrote it. :P) in order to better organize the text:

I was thinking... maybe restructure the text a bit. Have the intro stay the same, then mention "A look into the history of the Aliens will help put our current situation into context." Then keep all those history paragraphs the same, saving both the Spawn and Psi paragraphs for later use (yes, you won't have to emit the wrenching "Howl of Deletion Desolation"). After that, talk about the Alien Goal (Assimilation and resources), then the two possible flaws and the possible third flaw, terror missions. The key change is that after that, talk about the Alien Strategy- how the Aliens are implementing their two-pronged "subvert world governments" strategy: overtly with the terror missions, Spawn, etc., supported covertly with the use of psionic influence in world governments (talk about psi experiments). Then use the "Their only flaw was in underestimating us" line. Then close with "Let's pity the Aliens!"

Hm, you could move the Psi and Spawn paragraphs to tie them in with the Alien Strategy, but keep a small placeholder here to keep the chronology intact. Maybe mention something like: “The Aliens conducted many horrific experiments on the abductees, but we could not fathom their motives. Through painstaking research, we believe we have found an answer, and everything shall become clear shortly.” (it’s a little rough).

When the Aliens’ presence unquestionably became evident in 2011, after the first UFO was shot down, the Aliens changed their tactics from passive observation to active interaction; intervention: they had amassed all the information they needed and proceeded with decisive action. Unnecessary observation outposts were dismantled; Human technology had advanced to the point where these poorly defensible research outposts could possibly be detected and easily captured.

Military bases were erected to support the imminent Alien ground operations, and scores of Alien Freighters were dispatched from Thanatos to deliver the necessary equipment and resources, such as Alien Composites and the precious Xenium-122, since and as much of the needed supplies were unavailable on Earth, such as the precious Xenium-122 and the Alien Composites. Construction of Alien attack vessels began almost immediately following the downing of the first Alien Probe UFO in 2011. We know for a fact that assembly the manufacture of all UFOs takes place on Mars, as because only the necessary equipment for ship repairs, rearming and refueling was found have been found at Alien bases.

With our currently available intelligence on Alien operations, we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Aliens’ efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation of biological and physical resources. I know this weakens the emphasis of the sentence, but you make the point that the Overmind also want Earth’s physical resources, so you should mention it here. Maybe: “...Assimilation and Resource Appropriation”? The resources aspect is important for the Overmind to presumably regain FTL abilities and move on.

Of all the Alien species encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will; all Alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all Alien species have been tampered with both cybernetically and genetically to be more effective to increase their effectiveness on the battlefield, they all once possessed untainted biologies, with the obvious exceptions of being the mechanical constructs, the Artopods and Terror Disks, which are mechanical constructs, with planets of their own, later were captured by the Overmind and used as soldiers in this war against all sentient species.

Still a bit confused that the mechanical constructs had planets of their own...

We have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s goal is to assimilate the Human species into its forces, and use our capabilities to strengthen bolster its army. Our inborn abilities are a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained only through cybernetic and genetic modification:, we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks, and; the Human brain structure is more developed than most Alien species’, perhaps just under second only to that of the Greys. It is evident that although we are not all superior to the respective strengths of each each and every one of the distinct Alien species, but it is our combined strengths that allow us to outmatch any of them in a leveled combat situation most combat situations?. We can only guess at the horrific disfigurements the Overmind would perpetrate on the Human race should it succeed what could become of us should the Overmind succeed. Unfortunately, it would seem that enslaving humanity is the Overmind’s primary imperative.

This brings us to the point of In our analyses of Alien tactics, we have uncovered two possible key failures in the Overmind’s strategy: the fact that it has not used weapons of mass destruction extensively destructive area effect weapons Changed to sidestep possible politics and it has not nor has it attempted to unleashed its full army against us. Although at first glance, these appear to be strategic slips, they are in reality intentional decisions by the Overmind and represent the true geniality behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.

”Genial” means gracious, having a pleasant or friendly disposition. I don’t think you mean this, so I still suggest: “...by the Overmind and belie the sinister purpose behind the Star-Spawn’s plan.” (Belie means “disguise”)

First let us look in detail at the existence and use of mass destruction weaponry. Though we have no real evidence that confirms the fact that the Aliens’ possess weapons of mass destructions such as long range, high-yield, area effect weaponry similar to our current Fission and Fusion Bombs [Fusion bombs are not intended here as Xenocide’s Blaster Bombs, but as our real life Fusion Bombs, we may have to see this possible problem in detail later] nuclear devices, we do not have any evidence that denies it either. The the level of technological advancement shown showed by the Aliens is well beyond ours, and it is virtually certain above us, and as such, is very likely, if not almost certain, that the Star-Spawn have already achieved militarily applicable breakthroughs in the atomic field science., gaining the power to split and merge atoms at will. Such power would undoubtedly have led to the usage of it for war purposes such as atomic bombs. So in sum, it would be illogical that the Aliens, with their advanced science, had not developed atomic weaponry such as ours. You’re making a circular argument. Looking at the original text, the following is what I’m seeing... Premise: Aliens may or may not have nuke-equivalents. Assertion: they probably have the knowledge judging from their tech level. Conclusion: it doesn’t make sense that the high-tech Aliens don’t have nuke-equivalents. Your assertion and conclusion say the same thing, and there is only circumstantial evidence, hence the changes I have wrought. Our scientists have even expressed the possibility of Xenium-122 being used for bombs whose sheer destructive powers of mass destruction with destructive powers that could eclipse those of even our most potent Uranium-238 bombs by several orders of magnitude.

If the Aliens do indeed possess weapons of such power, why have they been reluctant to use them? Now let us look into the matter of usage of such weaponry against us. Missiles launched from Mars would most likely to be detected and destroyed before even entering our atmosphere. But our possibility of long range detection of such missiles has died out with the Our ability to detect incoming missiles died out with the complete annihilation of our satellite grid in 2012 performed by the first wave of Alien attack vessels, so; the Aliens know that we would be defenseless against such an attack at this point are well aware of our vulnerability to an obliterating interplanetary missile strike., so we have to Since no such attack has occurred, we mustlook for another reason for their apparent hesitation to destroy us in one a single blow. The Overmind, powerful as it is, is not omnipotent, and and it seems that the resources at its disposal are becoming increasingly constrained. Our continued resistance to the Overmind’s plans has cost the Alien war machine valuable materiel and denied it a terrestrial resource base, as well as forcing it to maintain a logistically-impractical supply line from Thanatos. It now appears that although Overmind is Although the Overmind appears to be running into resource shortfalls, the Star-Spawn still refrain from using nuclear devices. After a comprehensive review of Alien biological data, we think we’ve finally hit upon an answer: the Aliens are as vulnerable to gamma radiation as we are. In short, a nuclear exchange would only result in a Pyrrhic victory for the Overmind: an inhospitable environment, no human slaves, and irretrievable resources. The Overmind is getting desperate.

This is closely tied with the third potential strategic flaw: the strategy of pursuing Terror Missions instead of employing a full-scale assault.

We have constructed a theory explaining the Alien course of action. After nearly a century of observations, the Overmind acknowledged the destructive spirit of humans and has at all costs prevented putting us in a situation where we might destroy ourselves and the planet to forestall an Alien victory. Therefore, we have concluded determined that the using use of Terror Missions to coerce individual nations of the Earth into signing treaties was the most viable way for the Aliens to establish a foothold in the terrestrial theater. Fortunately, the flaw weakness in the Overmind’s master plan was in underestimating our abilities.

Er, I just noticed this after already proofing the previous and following paragraphs... they are basically the same! I personally prefer the previous paragraph and would recommend deleting the following one, but I’m biased. :)

So, after analyzing possible flaws in the strategy being employed against us, we have come to the conclusion must conclude that the Star-Spawn’s tactics were the result of careful planning. Terror missions are the most viable way feasible method, given their constraints, for the Aliens to seize power; to terrorize mankind to the point where individual nations, one by one, would be forced to sign of it submitting to the Aliens with the signing of treaties that would slowly grant full power to the Overmind. The Overmind has plotted a master plan, which, fortunately for us, has had the only flaw of underestimating us. Delete this paragraph due to similarity to previous paragraph?

The fact that we, as unmodified humans, are succeeding in our stubborn resistance against the Overmind’s array of heavily-enhanced Aliens only demonstrates our potential and makes us all the more valuable to the Overmind. It makes us shudder for the future of universe should we fail and become the latest brainwashed, gene-altered and machine-grafted minions of the Overmind. Considering the Overmind's plan to enslave and assimilate our species, we can view the other Aliens races, despite their Overmind-induced hostility, as unfortunate slaves engineered into rapacious killers. They have been turned into biomechanical horrors against their will and are unfeelingly sent to die at our hands for a goal they can no longer comprehend. Outside of the battlefield, they deserve our pity. On the battlefield, we must do our duty and preserve our planet.

Our mission now is not only to stop the Overmind but also to protect Earth and our species; we must prevent the Overmind from continuing its millennia-old campaign of conquest and subjugation.

POSSIBLE FLUFF TEXTS (OR RAMBLING TEXTS):
“So they want to assimilate us?”
“Yeah”
“So then resistan…”
“Don’t say it, it’s not funny!”
“Come on!, I HAVE to say it!”
“…Oh all right, go ahead”
“…Resistance… is futile”
“There, happy?”
“Very!”
- Star Trek fan Private Juan Vázquez and Private Dean Thompson.

“See? I told you!”
- Matías Laíno – Research Division, Biochemistry Department.

“Let’s pity the Aliens!”
- Astyanax Haha! =b

Or “I pity the fool who tries to conquer my planet”
-Mr. T

Whew. Hope you appreciate this, Az! :P

-Asty

Edited by Astyanax, 23 February 2005 - 12:39 PM.

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#25 Astyanax

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Posted 16 February 2005 - 04:13 PM

I was just thinking about a reason to address why the Aliens haven't attacked humanity full-bore. Maybe after its long hibernation, the Overmind's cells were largely dormant- there weren't enough resources to rouse the entire Overmind colony at once. This severely restricts its mental capacity; affecting its decisions and limiting the number of minions it could control at a time. The research missions helped it assess humanity's capabilities, and the biological harvest missions were to "rebuild/reawaken" the remaining Overmind cells and construct an adequate military fleet.

Fast forward to the beginning of the game- the Overmind's partially rejuvenated colony/self possesses sufficient psionic ability to control several UFO's simultaneously, though rest is required between each sortie. As the game progresses, the Overmind becomes increasingly intelligent and capable, which explains the appearance of new, more difficult to control Alien races (Ethereals, Mutons), larger, heavily-crewed UFOs (battleships and dreadnaughts), and bolder, more tactically complicated missions (base attack).

However, in order to rebuild itself, the Overmind had to use precious resources that would otherwise have been used for fleet construction or accelerating the growth of its minion ranks. Additionally, as many resources were squandered in early missions by the unexpected effectiveness of the X-Corps organization as through strategically suspect decisions of a partially incoherent Overmind.

As the Overmind gets closer to regaining its original capabilities, it runs into increasing resource shortfalls (due to the larger army it must control and maintain), and the lack of resources is a large reason for the bolder strikes, but also explains their limited scope (not blasting us using nukes).

Just playing around with the idea. Do you think it's viable?

-Asty

Edited by Astyanax, 16 February 2005 - 04:36 PM.

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#26 tzuchan

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Posted 16 February 2005 - 04:23 PM

Hmm... Me like! But would the human scientists know about this? After all, there's not much chance of any Terran scientist to watch "Thanatos LIVE on Jay Leno!" to have such indepth understanding about the Overmind... Nice reasoning though!
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#27 Astyanax

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Posted 16 February 2005 - 04:34 PM

Hmm... Me like! But would the human scientists know about this? After all, there's not much chance of any Terran scientist to watch "Thanatos LIVE on Jay Leno!" to have such indepth understanding about the Overmind... Nice reasoning though!

Hm, I hadn't considered that... I guess this sort of information wouldn't be available to the Overmind's minions. Dang, I liked it, too. Maybe it's a purely speculative theory based loosely on xenobiological and psionic evidence? Or maybe an after-you-win-the-game explanation to fill in the plot holes?
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#28 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 16 February 2005 - 04:50 PM

How about this: The Overmind has the Aliens all controlled via psi, right?, then picture them all linked together in a sort of psionic web that goes all the way back to the Overmind, now the psi Aliens cannot make use of this web in any way, but the Overmind uses it to pass information, orders, requests, etc to its minions, in order to prevent any attempt from its slaves from using the psionic link against it, the Overmind seals the "psionic passageways" with some sort of psionic seal. The X-Corps, right before going to Thanatos, use psi-amps and powerful psionics to in some way break the psionic seal I proposed in The Martian Solution and manage to obtain that kind of information right before the Overmind realises he is being *downloaded* of all its history and sends a form of psionic feedback to the Alien captured, booom, Alien dies and the X-Corps are left standing with the Overmind's History Book.
That or we can have the Overmind be so certain it will win that it allows the X-Corps to know its history, since it won't help them in their fight, maybe just to scare them when they realise "gasp!, it's been here for millenia!". The Overmind can just be mockering the pathetic attempts of the Humans to understand what is it, so it *reveals* non-sensitive information.

How about it??? :banana: :banana:

#29 Sinscale17

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Posted 17 February 2005 - 06:13 AM

How about this: The Overmind has the Aliens all controlled via psi, right?, then picture them all linked together in a sort of psionic web that goes all the way back to the Overmind, now the psi Aliens cannot make use of this web in any way, but the Overmind uses it to pass information, orders, requests, etc to its minions, in order to prevent any attempt from its slaves from using the psionic link against it, the Overmind seals the "psionic passageways" with some sort of psionic seal.


It depends how you consider a psionic interconnection to take place.

Variant 1: Psionic connections are tangible, or at least permanent "links" between minds.

This would be the easiest explanation that would allow such a process to take place. You'd need to explain the maintenance of such links however, since this would imply that even psionically dead races such as mutons maintain their "end", or that the overmind is powerful enough to simply dominate the entire population of earth with the amount of power "she" is dedicating to maintaining psionic webs across the million mile distances involved in interplanetary activities.

Variant 2: Mutual communication. Aliens and Overmind talk and reply constantly, like an internet modem.

Though the second method by which this would work, this is impossible. The idea of intercommunication by even Cloaks implies their mental superiority is absolutely inconcievable, and this method would require morlocks to possess one and the same. One wonders "how?".

Variant 3: One way comms.

Each alien is essentially a reciever, and like a remote controlled machine, they are controlled by signals direct from overmind, or at the very least, their motivations are directed so they "want" to act in certain ways.
Even with the latter (a much easier proposition), this is dubious. If the overmind could operate at that sort of range, once again, why does she not simply start dominating world leaders, and indeed, X-Corps leaders?

Variant 4: Alien Relay.

The most achievable, in my mind, the alien overmind is just that. Not spawning from any single focal point alone, but an overriding group consciousness supported by high-psi mentality nodes. Motherbrain (heh heh) communicates and controls key Ethereal and Sectoid leaders, the leaders in turn manipulate their underlings (with the aforementioned manipulation of motive, not motion), and communicate information and commands from node to node. Underlings thoughts are probed and recorded by leaders, transferred from the leaders back along the network until reaching the primary circuit of leaders, who then transmit the data along to the Motherbrain.

From the surface, this bears some similarity to the "web" of interlocking psi, but there is a major difference. Each activity is one way, requires large numbers of nodes, each of which is needed to "amplify" the psychic signal, and most importantly - the central node does not depend on directly linking its mind to the mind of underlings, or on having mental powers capable of subjugating entire alien species on her own. Though secondary nodes - the commanders and such, can "transmit" data to this node, they cannot simply "access" data, merely request it.

Given the completely unnecessary nature of this type of information, such requests would most likely be refused.

As to how this would mesh with the "Seal" mentioned, there's already "sealing" technology in Xenocide. It's called a Mind Shield facility, and penetrating a mind shield that actively persuaded people that there was nothing to see in a location would indeed be important and possible, possibly even by sending chaotic data through a commander to the brain - the resultant "headache" caused by successful research would briefly disrupt the Motherbrain produced mindshield long enough for scientists to conclude the location of the alien's solar-system base.

Something that does raise serious issues in this "goal", however, no matter the psi explanation arrived on in the end, is the "what next"? Does the death of the brain kill every single alien within its aura of influence, or does it simply free them from its "tyranny"?

The overmind might actually be a very good thing, for the aliens at least. Mutons don't randomly rampage killing sectoids, who don't get into brain fights with Ethereals, Vipers don't set Spawns on everyone and start randomly eating people, and floaters are still alive despite being the weakest race of weenies ever to bob around.
The overmind could even be keeping these races alive, and have actually been placed in the position it's in by the aliens themselves, having been designed to do so (perhaps, without order, the grays were dying out? Maybe the Cloaks need the brain's influence to let them rest their psi powers without dying sometimes? Maybe somebody needed to stop the Snakemen from breeding out of control and devouring the universe?). If there's some reason why the alien brain's death halts alien incursions (even if only in the locality), without suddenly unguided aliens going beserk and attacking everyone anyway, then that implies symbiosis, rather than domination.

That or we can have the Overmind be so certain it will win that it allows the X-Corps to know its history, since it won't help them in their fight, maybe just to scare them when they realise "gasp!, it's been here for millenia!". The Overmind can just be mockering the pathetic attempts of the Humans to understand what is it, so it *reveals* non-sensitive information.


I've never liked the tendency to assume that aliens would share human motivations and vices. Would a brain truly understand the concept of fear? Or "mockery"? Was it picked on in baby-brain school by other brains for its consistency being slightly higher than that of toothpaste? Why would an alien entity have motivations similar to those of a human?
It may react on an instinct to expand and dominate from an evolution to mentally compel other races on its home planet, it may, from its own point of view, not care about individual lives, human or otherwise, because its entire mentality is in maintaining a hive of beings, not individuals, and as such doesn't percieve any immoral overtones to the idea of vivisecting humans to find out what makes them tick, or causing havoc in particular clusters of human "hive" activity (terror missions), with the view that the leader is the most important entity.

Or on the other hand, it may not. Part of the beauty of X-Com was that it didn't try to answer all the questions it raised, and much of this information was indeed "unknowable", and all the better for it. You might discover some clue as to how long the aliens had occupied Thanatos through thorough investigation, and tissue examinations of the dead brain might even include some hint as to how old it was, but there wouldn't be any clear cut answers.

Mankind might never know why it was attacked, only that, like any lifeform, it had defended itself, and that was what truly mattered.
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#30 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 01:35 PM

I've never liked the tendency to assume that aliens would share human motivations and vices. Would a brain truly understand the concept of fear? Or "mockery"? Was it picked on in baby-brain school by other brains for its consistency being slightly higher than that of toothpaste? Why would an alien entity have motivations similar to those of a human?
It may react on an instinct to expand and dominate from an evolution to mentally compel other races on its home planet, it may, from its own point of view, not care about individual lives, human or otherwise, because its entire mentality is in maintaining a hive of beings, not individuals, and as such doesn't percieve any immoral overtones to the idea of vivisecting humans to find out what makes them tick, or causing havoc in particular clusters of human "hive" activity (terror missions), with the view that the leader is the most important entity.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why not?, it is not impossible for it to understand such things, as I see it, every intelligent sentient being can feel fear, and 'Human vices' as you call them. Also, the creature is not a brain this time, read Tzuchan's backstory (altough we have no final art concept...). Besides, it's not a vice, it can be to psychologically strike the enemy, by showing them that what's behind it all is a millenia-old creature that can psionically control an army and has been watching and tempering with the little poor humans.
Also, this is how I see the OM's psi works: when cloned, the aliens are implanted with some basic knowledge of their respective areas of expertise, only basics, except Alien leaders and commanders, that for the need of commanding their troops, have to have more significant knowledge to properly understand why they do what they do and how to do it more efficiently, so they have more understanding of what the Overmind is and what it's doing. The Aliens were assimilated, which means that the Overmind has somehow found the way to have them all under permanent control, maybe by mutation (the Overmind researches a particular species for years until it's got enough information to mutate and gain control with its new genetic traits, which are the ability to control the species), so it sends the creatures down to Earth, when the X-Corps capture alien Commanders, they use the Psionic Amplifiers to force their way into the mind of the creature and unlock whatever it knows about the Overmind; either the creature knows what the OM is, or the psionic web that spawns from the OM to the rest of the creatures is accessible from a Leader or Commander by force entry. There is much room as to where this might be obtained, I like this however.

#31 Astyanax

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 01:48 PM

Sounds like we need to vote!

Frankly, I'm not fond of overanalyzing (oops, almost used a British spelling *gasp*), though I have been known to indulge from time to time.

Anyway, all this discussion is pretty much only for the purpose of including the ideas in my previous post, right? Maybe we should simplify matters and say fragmentary knowledge gained through psionic means, circumstantial evidence, and the opinions of X-Corps top xenobiologists lead to [my post's ideas].

That way, there isn't an overexplanation, and the subject remains mostly speculation; it's still somewhat "fuzzy" and nebulous, allowing for some uncertainty regarding the Aliens' true motives, which is the way I personally feel is the right. :)

Or, not include my ideas at all? ^_^

But should we all still disagree, we should have a "vote-off"! :D

Edited by Astyanax, 24 February 2005 - 01:51 PM.

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#32 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 01:53 PM

Vote for this?, we can't even get people to put a darn vote on xenocide names and you want to have them read the text and vote for an option?, no way, if it's going to create too much problem I'd rather just scrap my whole text and have another one have it. This was not in regards to anything with you, it was in response to Sinscale17's post.

#33 Astyanax

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 02:03 PM

No, no... I meant vote for the psi ideas, but I was being whimsical (I was actually hoping you two would resolve your differences before voting was needed).

Honestly, I don't think it's much of an issue- the whole psionic stuff in this thread need not even be addressed, imho; it's mountains and molehills.

Your text is fine, but I am thinking of having a new CT :naughty: to speculate on the reasons for the Aliens' erratic strategy: Alien modus operandi (ok, lame name, but you get the idea)... It could work, imho.

Edited by Astyanax, 24 February 2005 - 02:04 PM.

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#34 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 02:06 PM

I conceived this text exactly to that purpose. This is the final one, look at the tech tree and see how much is needed to even get this, it's gotta be worth the pain of getting all those things, it's gotta contain a lot of info.

#35 Astyanax

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 02:21 PM

All right then, let's see if we can work this out...

I'm not sure if my ideas match the tone of your text, though. The latter half of your text already pretty focused; I don't think diluting it with my ideas would be good. Imho, the best place to put it would be somewhere around the "At this point, interrogation reports turn a little confusing" and "From ship logs and further interrogations" paragraphs. Maybe preface it with a disclaimer: "From the fragmentary knowledge gained through psionic means and circumstantial evidence, our top xenobiologists suggest the following scenario..."

The text is pretty long already (and that's an understatement! :)), so I don't think it would be wise to go into psi-webs/psi theory/psi mechanics or whatnot in great detail (or any detail!).

Alternatively, my ideas could fashioned into another after-you-win-the-game CT or left out entirely.

Edited by Astyanax, 24 February 2005 - 02:22 PM.

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#36 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 02:24 PM

I don't want to include anything else on this text either.

#37 Astyanax

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Posted 24 February 2005 - 02:40 PM

That's fair- it's your text, after all. :)
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#38 Mad

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Posted 22 March 2006 - 04:58 AM

Ok, someone needs to have a look at this, to ensure it will fit the official background story. Azrael, do you want to finish it?

Edited by Mad, 22 March 2006 - 04:58 AM.

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#39 kafros

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Posted 08 June 2006 - 11:44 AM

I was thinking lately:

1) What's the official backstory???! WTF

2) Many CTs rely on this one. So, should we all work on this one for the time being, and then complete the others?

#40 Mad

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Posted 08 June 2006 - 12:18 PM

I was thinking lately:

1) What's the official backstory???!  WTF

2) Many CTs rely on this one. So, should we all work on this one for the time being, and then complete the others?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

For Security reasons (so nothing leaks too soon :) ) the official backstory can be found here in the CTD meeting room. However this is only the frame. But, since this is not going to be an X-Net entry, but going to be told with cutscenes there is no need for a Backstory. If you absolutely want to write one, be my guest. Tell me you want to work on this, take the frame, make a story out of it, post it in the Meeting room. :)
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#41 kafros

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Posted 08 June 2006 - 12:25 PM

Sorry, I guess you couldn't be in my mind... ;)

"this" refered to Alien Goal. Alien Goal relies on the backstory (partially at least), and most "Alien <something>" texts rely on the Alien goal, that's my point

#42 Mad

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Posted 08 June 2006 - 02:22 PM

Sorry, I guess you couldn't be in my mind... ;)

"this" refered to Alien Goal. Alien Goal relies on the backstory (partially at least), and most "Alien <something>" texts rely on the Alien goal, that's my point

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I see. Sorry. Actually this is a high priority CT (BUGS #216), but then again, this is still assigned to Azrael. That said, I would prefer if this CT would be finished soon, but I think, everyone should first finish the CTs assigned to them. (And, not to offend you, but I don't think I have to tell you, that you already have about 6(!) texts you are working on.)
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#43 kafros

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Posted 08 June 2006 - 02:52 PM

No problemo, I just thought it would make our lives easier.

Why should I be offended? I have subscribed in 4 CTs (Terror, Retaliation, NEUDARS, Silabrate autopsy). Alien Reproduction and Motion Sensor are already complete, while the small UFOs are Morty's. So, I work on the first 3, and I will work on the autopsy last. Sounds good, right? ;)

#44 Mad

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Posted 08 June 2006 - 04:22 PM

No problemo, I just thought it would make our lives easier.

Why should I be offended? I have subscribed in 4 CTs (Terror, Retaliation, NEUDARS, Silabrate autopsy). Alien Reproduction and Motion Sensor are already complete, while the small UFOs are Morty's. So, I work on the first 3, and I will work on the autopsy last. Sounds good, right? ;)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You forgot Alien Base (Bug #209)... and I counted NEUDAR for two... :)
But back to topic... :) Well, yes, it might make our life easier, but I think for the CTs currenty in progress it's not that deciding. Well, maybe for Alien Base. But I think the short version in the meeting room will have to do for that - at least for now. I really want to get rid of some CTs. This is all taking too long.
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And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#45 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 09 June 2006 - 11:01 PM

Sorry, I've tried but I have neither the time nor the patience to work on this atm :(

#46 Mad

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Posted 10 June 2006 - 02:26 AM

Sorry, I've tried but I have neither the time nor the patience to work on this atm :(

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OK, So we'll set this one to unassigned. :(
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#47 Mad

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Posted 05 August 2006 - 10:51 AM

Largly overworked version. Let me know what you think :)

THE ALIEN GOAL
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Alien Goal

Our Research Division has finally pieced together enough information to decipher the Aliens' grand scheme behind their presence on Earth, as well as how they intend to accomplish their fiendish goals.

Evidence points to the fact that the arrival of the "Star-Spawn", as the Aliens refer to themselves as a collective group, in our Solar system has to be dated around 500 BC. We were able to triangulate a possible flight vector placing their origins to a location near Beta Persei approximatly 115 light-years from Earth. Reasons unkown to us forced the ship occupied by the "Overmind" to crash land on Mars. To ensure his survival the crippled ship placed the Overmind in stasis and kept only essential systems like Life support online, hoping to recieve an answer to the automated distress signal broadcasted into space. Earths first radio transmissions at the end of the 19th century might have been interpreted as the anticipated answer, causing the ships computer to awake the Overmind from stasis. Seeing a way out of his misery, the Overmind takes interest in the Terrans, a species it had not detected on his approach, due to their previous lack of advanced technology.

We do not know exactly why it took the Overmind more than three decades to undertake activities on earth, however, we suspect a massive cloning program as well as establishment of an operational base and construction of a medium sized fleet.
From ship logs and further interrogations, we know the Overmind’s minions had already established a presence here on Earth in the late 1930s; nevertheless, the purpose of these activities remains elusive, as no significant data is available. It is likely that the Aliens operations consisted mainly of observation and harvesting of biological resources. However, with the outbreak of World War II, the Aliens were able to gain a deep insight into the nature of Human psyches and military tactics used around the world, as nations collided in war against one another. The Overmind must have been very impressed with our ability to kill and destroy with no apparent remorse, no doubt, especially with the utter destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945.

Human abductions presumably began in the 1960s, with the first report being made in 1961, the possibility of Alien presence on our world became real for a small portion of our planet’s population, however evidence was scarce and the Aliens activities were largely unnoticed. Undoubtably these abductions told the Aliens a great deal about our physiology and mentality, but were particularly designed to decode the Human Genome; countless genetic experiments were performed upon Human subjects (X-Corps: X-Net Entry://Pegasus.net/Alien/Research/Abductions), aimed at achieving a more thorough understanding, and other, more sinister goals.

One of the of the most notorious consequences of Alien research into the Human genome is our evolutionary jump in psionic capabilities. There have always been legends and tales of men and women capable of performing the most amazing feats beyond human capacity; many of these merits were regarded as magical in nature, and its performers as mages and witches as these people could read thoughts or even lift objects without physical contact by mere concentration of thought. Though these people tend to maintain their psionic nature a secret, an historical analysis by X-Corps scientists led to the discovery of an increased number of individuals capable of such actions in the last fourty years. It is speculated, that this “psionic boom” is very much related with an Alien manipulation of Human DNA. Psionic abilities, however, have proven to be inherent to the Human species; our inability to make use of them is due to the general population’s lack of knowledge and training on these, as only very psionically strong subjects are able to wield these aptitudes without training of any sort; it is likely that at least some DNA manipulations were precisely aimed at enhancing our natural psionic capability. Research into the psionic capabilities of the Alien creatures known as Cloaks and high-ranking Greys has provided us with the means to fully assess psionic powers and enable our troopers to unleash all their psionic potential against the Alien menace.

When the Aliens’ presence unquestionably became evident in 2011 after the first UFO was shot down, the Aliens changed their tactics from passive observation to active interaction; they had amassed all information they needed and proceeded with decisive action. Unnecessary observation outposts were dismantled; Human technology had advanced to the point where these poorly defensible research outposts could possibly be detected and easily captured. Military bases were erected to support the imminent Alien ground operations, Alien Freighters were dispatched from Thanatos to deliver the necessary equipment and resources such as the precious Xenium-122 and Alien Composites.
Construction of larger attack vessels began almost immediately after the downing of the first Alien Probe UFO in 2011. We know for a fact that assembly of all UFOs takes place on Mars as only the necessary equipment for ship repairs, rearming and refueling was found on earth bases.

With our currently available intelligence on Alien operations, we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Aliens’ efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation of biological and physical resources, especially of mankinds great ability of creative thought. Of all the Alien species encountered, not one was found to be acting on its free will; all Alien creatures are being manipulated by the being we now know as the Overmind in order to gain a foothold on Earth. Our scientists agree that although all Alien species have been tampered with both cybernetically and genetically to be more effective on the battlefield, they all once possessed untainted biologies, with planets of their own; at some point in their history captured by the Overmind, freezing their social and technological development at the point of the assimilation into the "Star-Spwan".

We have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s goal is not to completely assimilate the Human species into its forces by mind controlling us, but to brain-wash us to make use our inborn abilities beeing a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained only through cybernetic and genetic modification: we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks, and; the Human brain structure is more developed than most Alien species’, perhaps just under second only to that of the Greys, but with the great advancement of free thought, allowing for development of new strategies as well as technologies desperatly needed by the Overmind to face those who forced him to retreat to our corner of the galaxy.

Needing us "alive and unharmed" the Overmind had to refrain from using massive destruction weaponry - undoubtly at his disposal, and tried to infiltrate world governments to lure us into enslavement.
After analyzing possible flaws in this strategy being employed against us, we have come to the conclusion that all steps in the Star-Spawn’s tactics were the result of careful planning. Terror missions are the most viable way or the Aliens to seize power; to terrorize mankind to the point where individual nations submitt to the Aliens with the signing of treaties that would slowly grant full power to the Overmind. The Overmind has plotted a master plan, which, fortunately for us, has had the only flaw of underestimating us and the world leaders willingness to stand together in desperate times.

The fact that we, as unmodified humans, are succeeding in our stubborn resistance against the Overmind’s array of heavily-enhanced Aliens only demonstrates our potential and makes us all the more valuable to the Overmind. It makes us shudder for the future of universe should we fail and become the latest brainwashed, gene-altered and machine-grafted minions of the Overmind. Considering the Overmind's plan to enslave and assimilate our species, we can view the other Aliens races, despite their Overmind-induced hostility, as unfortunate slaves engineered into rapacious killers. They have been turned into biomechanical horrors against their will and are unfeelingly sent to die at our hands for a goal they can no longer comprehend. Outside of the battlefield, they deserve our pity. On the battlefield, we must do our duty and preserve our planet.

Our mission now is not only to stop the Overmind but also to protect Earth and our species; we must prevent the Overmind from continuing its millennia-old campaign of conquest and subjugation.

“I pity the fool who tries to conquer my planet”
-Mr. T


Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#48 EHUDs_Rhino

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Posted 05 August 2006 - 02:53 PM

I'll fight the temptation to proofread. For now.

The Overmind must have been very impressed with our ability to kill and destroy with no apparent remorse, no doubt, especially with the utter destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945.


What evidence do we have for that? Was there a surge in alien activity immediately following Hiroshima? Has X-Corps research established conclusively that the Overmind revels in wanton destruction? Inquiring minds want to know!

One of the of the most notorious consequences of Alien research into the Human genome is our evolutionary jump in psionic capabilities.


Whoa, there. Evolution is by definition a mind-bogglingly slow process. Even mentioning something like a "leap in evolution" sounds a bit too X-Men for my taste. Also, there's nothing to suggest that psionic ability is a natural "next step" in our development as living creatures. We really should just leave this as a "revolutionary discovery" or "an astounding development."

There have always been legends and tales of men and women capable of performing the most amazing feats beyond human capacity; many of these merits were regarded as magical in nature, and its performers as mages and witches as these people could read thoughts or even lift objects without physical contact by mere concentration of thought. Though these people tend to maintain their psionic nature a secret, an historical analysis by X-Corps scientists led to the discovery of an increased number of individuals capable of such actions in the last fourty years. It is speculated, that this “psionic boom” is very much related with an Alien manipulation of Human DNA. Psionic abilities, however, have proven to be inherent to the Human species; our inability to make use of them is due to the general population’s lack of knowledge and training on these, as only very psionically strong subjects are able to wield these aptitudes without training of any sort; it is likely that at least some DNA manipulations were precisely aimed at enhancing our natural psionic capability. Research into the psionic capabilities of the Alien creatures known as Cloaks and high-ranking Greys has provided us with the means to fully assess psionic powers and enable our troopers to unleash all their psionic potential against the Alien menace.


This paragraph really belongs in a separate entry for Psionics.

When the Aliens’ presence unquestionably became evident in 2011 after the first UFO was shot down, the Aliens changed their tactics from passive observation to active interaction; they had amassed all information they needed and proceeded with decisive action.


Observation and interaction are by definition passive and active, respectively; we don't need to say so.

Unnecessary observation outposts were dismantled; Human technology had advanced to the point where these poorly defensible research outposts could possibly be detected and easily captured. Military bases were erected to support the imminent Alien ground operations, Alien Freighters were dispatched from Thanatos to deliver the necessary equipment and resources such as the precious Xenium-122 and Alien Composites.
Construction of larger attack vessels began almost immediately after the downing of the first Alien Probe UFO in 2011. We know for a fact that assembly of all UFOs takes place on Mars as only the necessary equipment for ship repairs, rearming and refueling was found on earth bases.


We need some antecedent for Thanatos. What and where is it? Why are the aliens contacting Thanatos if they originally came from Beta Persei?

With our currently available intelligence on Alien operations, we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Aliens’ efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation of biological and physical resources


We have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s goal is not to completely assimilate the Human species


We should avoid directly contradicting ourselves in successive paragraphs. Maybe in the first paragraph, the aliens aren't here to assimilate us, but rather to gain dominance over the planet in order to plunder its natural resources. THEN we mention that it's not just "resistance is futile" assimilation like one might expect.

into its forces by mind controlling us, but to brain-wash us to make use our inborn abilities beeing a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained only through cybernetic and genetic modification: we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks, and; the Human brain structure is more developed than most Alien species’, perhaps just under second only to that of the Greys, but with the great advancement of free thought, allowing for development of new strategies as well as technologies desperatly needed by the Overmind to face those who forced him to retreat to our corner of the galaxy.


Oh my. I understand what's meant here, and I realize it's just a first draft, but this desperately needs to be rewritten. There are a lot of really long compound-complex sentences, and the whole paragraph took me a couple of tries before I felt like I "got" it.

I'm new enough that I don't fully get the process involved here, but can I please do some major surgery on this whole article? The story is good, but the text explaining it needs a lot of work.

#49 Mad

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Posted 05 August 2006 - 03:39 PM

I'll fight the temptation to proofread. For now.


Please do. Proofreading is for the proofreading team.

The Overmind must have been very impressed with our ability to kill and destroy with no apparent remorse, no doubt, especially with the utter destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima in 1945.

What evidence do we have for that? Was there a surge in alien activity immediately following Hiroshima? Has X-Corps research established conclusively that the Overmind revels in wanton destruction? Inquiring minds want to know!


This is the final entry, puzzeling together all the evidence. Thus it is entitled to include a psichological profile of the OM. I don't see a problem in saying that a beeing obsessed and soleley created for war (see official backstory in CTD meeting room) is impressed by the first use of two fission bombs to anhilate two cities.

One of the of the most notorious consequences of Alien research into the Human genome is our evolutionary jump in psionic capabilities.


Whoa, there. Evolution is by definition a mind-bogglingly slow process. Even mentioning something like a "leap in evolution" sounds a bit too X-Men for my taste. Also, there's nothing to suggest that psionic ability is a natural "next step" in our development as living creatures. We really should just leave this as a "revolutionary discovery" or "an astounding development."


This is part of the Xenocide Universum. And if you read this text correctly, it's not the Aliens researching our leap, but the Aliens being responsible for this jump. Given their genetical possibilites I don't see a problem with that.

Edited by Mad, 05 August 2006 - 04:03 PM.

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And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#50 Mad

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Posted 05 August 2006 - 04:04 PM

This paragraph really belongs in a separate entry for Psionics.

I don't share your oppinion on this matter. There is a seperate entry, but it is not able to reveal the complete picture. This is what this § is all about.

When the Aliens’ presence unquestionably became evident in 2011 after the first UFO was shot down, the Aliens changed their tactics from passive observation to active interaction; they had amassed all information they needed and proceeded with decisive action.


Observation and interaction are by definition passive and active, respectively; we don't need to say so.


Agreed. although I think it's a nice emphasis.

We need some antecedent for Thanatos. What and where is it? Why are the aliens contacting Thanatos if they originally came from Beta Persei?


No offense, but you really should at least read some of the other XNet entrys before posting something like this. There is a special entry dealing with Thanatos.

With our currently available intelligence on Alien operations, we have finally uncovered the real objectives behind the Aliens’ efforts to conquer our planet: Assimilation of biological and physical resources


We have come to the conclusion that the Star-Spawn’s goal is not to completely assimilate the Human species


We should avoid directly contradicting ourselves in successive paragraphs. Maybe in the first paragraph, the aliens aren't here to assimilate us, but rather to gain dominance over the planet in order to plunder its natural resources. THEN we mention that it's not just "resistance is futile" assimilation like one might expect.


skipped my attention. good catch. Will work on a rephrasing.

into its forces by mind controlling us, but to brain-wash us to make use our inborn abilities beeing a natural combination of those that the Aliens’ have obtained only through cybernetic and genetic modification: we are capable of developing strong psionic powers, comparable to those of the Cloaks, our soldiers have proven to be a match for the Alien troops, even Morlocks, and; the Human brain structure is more developed than most Alien species’, perhaps just under second only to that of the Greys, but with the great advancement of free thought, allowing for development of new strategies as well as technologies desperatly needed by the Overmind to face those who forced him to retreat to our corner of the galaxy.


Oh my. I understand what's meant here, and I realize it's just a first draft, but this desperately needs to be rewritten. There are a lot of really long compound-complex sentences, and the whole paragraph took me a couple of tries before I felt like I "got" it.


Would you be so kind to provide constructive criticism? Please elaborate your difficultied with this § and offer possible rephrasings instead of just saying that it's not good? Thank you.

I'm new enough that I don't fully get the process involved here, but can I please do some major surgery on this whole article? The story is good, but the text explaining it needs a lot of work.


Sorry, for one, I now took this CT, I would ask you to respect that, second I think it might be a bit early for a CT of this magnitude. There are a lot of CTs that need attention. However, you are welcome to comment.

Edit: hmm.. some problems with the quotechain... :-/ .. which I seem to be unable to solve right now... strange... maybe I should get some sleep... :)
Edit 3054883: Ok, seems like it's a forum bug. Had to split my response in two posts, because the forum software couldn't handle that many quotes.. . :) Hope it won't merge them...

Edited by Mad, 05 August 2006 - 04:05 PM.

Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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