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The Laws Of Rpgs


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#1 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 23 February 2005 - 04:44 PM

Murphy's Laws on RPG's

Micromanagment of specs leads to megalomaniac tools and munchkinism.
Excessive detail in examples does not grant simplicity in game theory.
The end of the world extends just a bit further into new adventures whenever book sales start to drop.
Munchkinism is contagious.
The more I deal with my game master, the more I understand terrorism.
A 500 credit weapon jams for one turn when you roll a one. The 50,000 credit weapon that you saved for, for a year explodes.
The adult great-horned dragon that nearly killed the entire party just gave all of his wealth to charity.
The Coalition will NOT reward you for returning that lost Mark V APC full of dead soldiers.
The unidentified magic item will be exactly what you need, but you will be afraid to use it.
The identified magic item will be absolutely useless, or only have one charge left.
If you try using an unidentified magic object, it will do the exact opposite of what you need.
The alien gun you are trying to use for the first time is pointed the wrong way.
Never press anything that says "PUSH".
Your 15th level locksmith will fail his roll to pick the only lock you've found in the entire campaign.
The hold-out laser pistol you were saving for backup will be empty.
The town full of friendly, charming people has an alien intelligence underneath it.
There is no such thing as too much recon.
There is no such thing as being too quiet.
The one important fact will be the one the GM forgot to give you.
Munchkins are great to hide behind.
Collorary: Or even better to step away from (gotta watch those area attacks).
That worthless, rusty sword you left behind was a disguised Sword of Atlantis.
That worthless, rusty sword you brought along, just in case, is really a worthless, rusty sword.
If you are the GM, the players will perform one simple action and ruin the adventure you spent months to complete.
The NPC you spent the longest time creating will be the first to die.
The nasty trap you set between the characters and the treasure will be nullified when the characters can't even find the dungeon.
The one day that you get off to play will be the one day everyone else has to work.
Corollary: If you're the GM, the one day everyone else gets off to play, you'll have to work.
The PBEM game you spent weeks creating a character for will be canceled by the GM.
You will be forced to cancel the PBEM game you finally started when you break your hand.
As soon as you find a good role-playing group in your city, you will move to another state.
The only role-playing shop within a hundred miles is out of the one book you need.
The only role-playing shop within TWO-hundred miles will go out of business.
The Coalition is a LOT bigger than you are.
If the Coalition ISN'T bigger than you are, you have a problem.
The rift you step through won't be the one you want.
1st Law of Fighting: Picking a fight with the Coalition is a bad idea.
2nd Law of Fighting: Picking a fight with Naruni Enterprises is a worse one.
The huge, ugly, evil-looking monster you just destroyed was on your side.
1st Corollary: The bigger, uglier one you just ran into isn't.
Amendment to the 1st Corollary: Neither is the cute little child with god-like powers.
The mercenary army you join will always assign you to the most dangerous missions.
The deserted town you walk through really isn't.
The town you think is full of vampires really is.
If collecting your bounty depends on returning with the monster's head, the head will be vaporized in the fire-fight.
If collecting the bounty simply requires you to kill the monster, another monster will kill the person who hired you before you get paid.
The tougher you are, the tougher the monster's the GM throws at you.
The other PC's will not appreciate your "surprise" plan.
The romantic interest you character develops is really an evil alien intelligence bent on destroying all other intelligent life.
There is no such thing as too much firepower.
Missiles can only be fired once. Built-in energy weapons can be fired until you're dead.
You will roll a 1 trying to dodge a natural 20.
You will roll a natural 20 trying to dodge the 1 that the GM was hiding from you.
You will run out of rations whenever the GM feels like it.
The person assigned to bring the pizza will be sick and unable to play.
Corollary: If no one is assigned to bring pizza, everyone will.
You will never win a fire fight with a Naruni repo man.
You won't be able to outrun him for long, either.
Never, EVER call anything ugly.
The higher the bounty on a criminal, the more body guards they'll have.
Just because there are no rules for it doesn't mean it can't be done
The GM knows exactly when your guard falls asleep.
The bigger the gun, the harder it is to aim.
The smaller the gun, the more your enemies will laugh.
Replying "Yes" to most questions will get you attacked by half the bar.
Replying "No" to the same question will get you attacked by the other half.
The alley cat you just sacrificed for the PPE was a very irritable (and powerful) mage's familiar.
Enemies never run out of PPE, ISP, or expendable ammo.
Collorary : Some enemies never run out of MDC, either.
The little kid you turned your back on was an evil, polymorphed dragon.
The little kid you shot, wasn't.
The little kid you shot WAS the kid of someone important.
Like Emperor Prosek.
The average distance between party members is equal to the explosive area of the smallest missle it will take to kill the largest party member.
1st Law of Unidentified Objects: Never pick a fight with someone surrouded by Cosmo Knight Armor.
2nd Law of Unidentified Objects: ESPECIALLY if you think they're not a Cosmo Knight.
No matter how munchkin you are, a good GM can top it.
Never call faeries "Freaks of nature."
Always use the munchkin to test the new toy out on. who knows? it might be s/hes one weak spot.
Never call a borg a rusted tin can with legs.
If you ticked off the GM recently... check your situation before firing a missile (especially from a vehicle with armored windows).
In the "No Weapons or MDC Armor" town, someone snuck some in.
You WILL encounter him!
The town's militia will NOT show up!
Unless he was a prominent town member or related to one.
Children with cute faces and big puppy eyes are some of the most dangerous beings in existence!
Even at gunpoint players will avoid your carefully designed adventure.
If a cosmo-knight shows up at any point buy bigger guns.
The one NPC person killed will be the best buddy of the person you must save.
collary: When the person you must save finds out you killed his/her best buddy. s/he will open fire and you'll have to kill him/her.
collary to the collary: this will tick your employer off, and s/he will have bodyguards and tanks.
You will ALWAYS roll a natural 20 right AFTER you need it.
Trying to dodge the enemy's super mega-damage weapon, which he rolled a natural 20 for.
Collary to above: Which you rolled a natural 1 for.
The GM may always be right, but that won't stop a good Rules Lawyer from trying...
A fantasy demon doesn't actually know what a plasma rifle is.
Collarary: He doesn't know what a plasma grenade is, either.
Collarary to the Collarary: Never send a fantasy demon to get you the former, as he may well come back with the latter.
In a Muchkin's hands, everything is a potential weapon. (Case in point, the Troll who killed a sea-serpent in the water with a chicken foot.)
When faced with an unarmed bandit in the woods, who informs the player characters of the fifteen bowmen in the woods, said players will always think he's lying.
Collarary: He usually isn't.

#2 Robo Dojo 58

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Posted 23 February 2005 - 07:20 PM

If you are the GM, the players will perform one simple action and ruin the adventure you spent months to complete.
Even at gunpoint players will avoid your carefully designed adventure. 

Heheh. I did a D&D mission, once. My cousin was GM'ing it. I started at a bar, immediately picked a fight with EVERYONE, and left the bar in a body bag. Good times. :P Fortunately, the GM was smart enough to have a cleric NPC overlooking that mission. Let this be a lesson to all GMs, always have a backup plan or NPC to keep the quest going. The GM must always have a miracle, or a disaster, ready at all times.

In the "No Weapons or MDC Armor" town, someone snuck some in.
You WILL encounter him!
The town's militia will NOT show up!
Unless he was a prominent town member or related to one.

The prominent town member (or relative) called the town militia because he hates you.
The town militia you'll fight WILL have weapons and armor.
Posted Image Haha! I'm now the Supreme Commander of X-COM. Time to kiss Earth goodbye.

My first order of business: Homeless people make cheap rookies, and are great at opening UFO doors. Heck, they're so cheap, I'm going to replace all personel with them!
Secondly: This organisation takes too much money to run. Weapon shipments will come from Siberia from now on. Costly maintenance is to be cut on all facilities. That includes venting.
Thirdly: We have a new colonel. His name is Facehugger, he loves aliens, and I want you all to treat him with respect.
Lastly: I'll be in my condo on an undisclosed island, if you need me. Good day.

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