93 replies to this topic

[Harald387]

This is inspired by the '100 things Skippy is not allowed to do in the US Army' list.

100 Things Skippy is not allowed to do in X-Com:

1. 'Muton Girls are Easy' is not the motto of the Psi Divison.

2. I am not allowed to encourage the PsiDiv members to "have the aliens do the can-can".

3. Plasma Rifles may not be used to heat my morning coffee.

4. I may not accuse PsiDiv members of 'messing with my head'.

5. Even if they're actually doing it.

6. Commander Jonlan's proper form of address is "Commander", not "Miss Cleo"

7. Psi-amps are not filled with yummy candy.

8. Elerium-115 is not to be sold in schoolyards as 'the next wave in chemical entertainment'.

9. Proximity grenades may not be left in the latrines 'in case the aliens go to the loo'.

10. Filling aliens full of stimulants 'just to see them jitter and jive' is not an appropriate use of my medikit.

11. The purpose of rookies is *not* "To open doors carrying two primed grenades".

12. The Firestorm is not a UFO; I am not allowed to shoot at it.

13. I may not hang a 'Just Married' sign and a bunch of tin cans from the back of the hovertank.

14. Blaster Launchers are not to be sold on the black market.

15. Plasma weaponry is not to be sold on the black market.

16. I am not allowed to sell anything on the black market.

17. The alien surgery may not be used to 'play doctor'.

18. Alien Food is not food.

19. Snakemen may not be kept in aquariums.

20. Reapers are not fuzzy pets.

21. Alien Entertainment is not suitable for children.

22. Stun Bombs are not fireworks.

23. Flying suits may not be used to 'buzz the tower'.

24. Alien corpses may not be turned into 'Do It At Home Alien Autopsy Kits'.

25. Tinfoil hats are not a substitute for the base's Mind Shield.

26. Civilians are not "Chryssalids waiting to happen."

27. The Hyper-Wave Decoder does not receive cable TV.

28. I may not leave my pet rock in charge of my station.

29. Dead Silacoids may not be substituted for pet rocks.

30. Live Silacoids may not be substituted for pet rocks.

31. Aliens do not like bubblegum.

32. Not even if I brought enough for all of them.

33. Celatid venom is a paralytic nerve toxin, not 'happy juice'.

34. I may not sign a secret pact with the alien forces.

35. I may not sign a public pact with the alien forces.

36. I am not permitted to defect in order to get 'supreme alien powers'.

37. The X-Com Commander is not an alien, and I am not allowed to deploy the fusion ball defenses against him.

38. At no point during a mission should I point and scream "facehugger!!!".

39. Blaster Launchers may not be programmed for U-turns.

Further contributions are welcome.

(This list was made by K. Smyth (ksmyth387@sympatico.ca. Feel free to distribute it, but kindly attribute it as well. Thanks!)

-K"H"S

[Deimos]

2. I am not allowed to encourage the PsiDiv members to "have the aliens do the can-can".

10. Filling aliens full of stimulants 'just to see them jitter and jive' is not an    appropriate use of my medikit.

11. The purpose of rookies is *not* "To open doors carrying two primed grenades".

31. Aliens do not like bubblegum.

Or an easy lesson in how not to be drinking morning coffe when reading this. Where's my screen wipes, man that is funny stuff.

Number 10, why not? It just sooo funny. I reckon we should impliment that as an undocumented feature. Though I'd waste my medkits on them. Hmm maybe do the same for troopers, give them too much stim and they go jittering around like George of the jungle after too much espresso.

11. Is my standard operating procedure :devilsmile: what else are rookies good for?

31. Can you just imagine giving am muton bubblegum

40. When exiting landing craft do not leave primed proxy grenades on the floor, no matter how much of a laugh it is.

41. Alien bases are not the place to pronounce you're pregnant.

[Harald387]

Number 10, why not? It just sooo funny. I reckon we should impliment that as an undocumented feature. Though I'd waste my medkits on them. Hmm maybe do the same for troopers, give them too much stim and they go jittering around like George of the jungle after too much espresso.

I can just see it now: *blam blam blam blam blam blam* 'Armand Lacointe is high on stims' flashing up on the screen...

Added 'Proximity Grenades do not substitute for electro-flares' and 'Alien Bases are *not* the correct locale to announce that I am pregnant' to the list.

-K"H"S

[Harald387]

This list is now updated and maintained at http://mx-deus.net/xcom; please send submissions to ksmyth387-at-sympatico-dot-ca.

-K"H"S

Muton girls are still easy.

[Mustang]

Funny! :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

[GreatGold]

Hehe -

I especially like:

11. The purpose of rookies is *not* "To open doors carrying two primed grenades".

and

33. Celatid venom is a paralytic nerve toxin, not 'happy juice'.


Good stuff!
Gold

[Mustang]

I like the ones
Psi-Amps are not filled with "yummy candy" and
Celatid venom is a paralistic nerve toxin not 'happy juice'

Edited by Mustang678, 26 June 2003 - 11:50 AM.

[stoopher]

1 you do not talk about xcom
2 you do not talk about xcom
3 No shirt no shoes no belt (it is an alien)
4 an assault mission will go on aslong as it has to.
5 if they aliens go limp tap out the fight is over
6 Only two sides to a fight
7 (forgotten)
8 If it is your first assault mission you have to fight

[mikker]

42) Snakemen eggs does NOT fitt with bacon.
43) I may not press the red button on the control panel in the alien containment.
44) I may not take my new cryssaloid friend into the personal quarters.
45) While on the way to mars, i may not open the doors.
46) When on mars, I may not take of my mask to take some fresh air.
47) I may not take on an ethernal cape, and ring door bells.
48) When in battle, I may not panic, and take the skyranger home.
49) I may not play amarican football with a blaster bomb.

I've send it.


Edit: darn...i missed a f in "off" , and a s after "ethernal"

Edited by mikker, 27 June 2003 - 11:16 AM.

[j'ordos]

and it's etherEal

[mikker]

garrggg........


i need to get some more english lessons......

[hippyjon]

43) I may not press the red button on the control panel in the alien containment.

43a) i may not press any button onthe control panel in the alien containment.
43b) i may not press buttons, flick switches or poke things with sticks



eastereggeastereggeasteregg
somewhere on the reserch tree, you only get it in rare cirumstances (like if things are reserched in a particular order and not in your first game)

[mikker]

yes, you would get a thing in the general store called easteregg. When you bring it with you into battle, it will take up 1 space, and you will get an engergizer rabbit with the drum weapon! and when you come back, you have 2 eggs!

[Atropos]

I will never again teach a Muton to play poker.

If I do teach a Muton to play poker, I will not play with him.

If I do play with him, I will not bet the Skyranger.

If I do bet the Skyranger, I will not do so in the hopes that I will draw into an inside straight.

[Fafnir]

Hehehe, this is some pretty funny stuff, man.
Good work!

[Judge_Deadd]

I'm not allowed to take prox grenades home and use them as burglar alarm.

[miceless]

Do not eat flares, regardless of how 'cool' you look in the dark.

Stun rods are not to be used for recreational purposes

[Fred the Goat]

Funny stuff!

The equipment lockers are to remain closed and locked through the week preceding the fourth of July. - Inspired by Deadd

Aliens are dangerous - do not tap, moon, or lick the glass.

Stun bombs are not for playing hot potato.

I just read all of them at the website, that is some seriously hilarious sh!t.

Edited by Fred the Goat, 01 August 2003 - 08:32 PM.

[Raven]

Laser rifles are not to be used to cook my food
The Fusion Ball launcher is not a deep frier
I may not use any weapons for cooking food

[Raven]

The White House is not an alien base. I may not destroy it.
The Statue of Liberity is not a ufo.
The Mexican bull run is not target practice.

[Limit Four-Five]

Stupid government that takes all the fun out of the bull run.

I may not use the Psi-Amp on the bank manager to give myself enormous amounts of money
Cyberdiscs are not frisbies
Reapers are not big shaggy dogs
When irritated i cannot use the Stun Baton on the NCO
Ethreals are not Heart Donors

[Raven]

:happybanana: Migets are not Sectoids in Disguise
"The door was locked" is not an exuse for not infiltrating an alien base
I am not a Chryssalid, you may not shoot me
Last nights dinner was not "Sectoid Soup"
Snake Men are not to be taken home as pets
Ethreals are not to be taken home as pets
I am not permitted to take any alien home as a pet
The Psi amp is not to be used to get cars for a low price
The Psi amp is not to be used to get a condo for a low price
I may not use the Psi amp for my own pleasure

[mikker]

I may not buy 500 avalance launchers, instead of avalance misiles.

[j'ordos]

So you have done something like that as well
"Oh I'm out of Avalanches, better buy some new ones"
couple of hours later: "new cargo arrived at xcombase1: 30 Avalanche Launchers"

*silence, stares in disbelief*
!!! :o

[mikker]

thats because the launchers comes before misiles :/

[Raven]

Sectoids do not drive Corvettes

[Mustang]

I may not take a plasma cannon home to take care of those "nosy neibors"
(I know I spelled it wrong)

[Deathskull]

Mind probes are not bowling balls since they dont any finger holes.

If you find a mind probe with finger holes you may not use it as a bowling ball, unless nobody can tell the diference.

Proximity mines are not to be put into toilets or alien corpses that are about to be disected, even if its to protest alien disection.

Edited by Deathskull, 05 November 2003 - 10:52 PM.

[SupSuper]

You can't target the Firestorm at George Bush even if you think he's an alien.

Flying Suits are not to be used for "air shows".

Blaster Launchers are not to be used in-doors.

Research equipment is not to be stolen just to "mess around".

Manufacturing plans are not to be stolen for making home-made weapons.

[Deimos]

The Large radar is not a microwave. Do not use it to cook popcorn.

The alien hyerwave decoder is not to be used to send text messages to the aliens.

Alien autopsies do not make good haloween gifts.

The base raid alarm is not to be used on April the 1st.

[Raven]

The Firestorm is not for street racing
Even if you know you'll win
Do not challenge the police to a race in the Firestorm
I don't know why you want to but you can't take the Firestorm to Mexico
No you can't have an open house party at the base
No you can't invite the Sectoids to a party at the base

[mikker]

shouldnt this be ranamed "100 things Tommy can't do in X-com"?

[Raven]

-_- Yeah, that would be a lot better.
Whats skippy got to do with X-Com anyway
Last I checked you can't buy him as a unit ( although that could be a bit funny, Skippy Vs Ship full of Sectoids) Bets now :1 for skippy, 2 for ship full of sectoids

[Cpl. Facehugger]

Well, Skippy comes from "100 things skippy can't do in the army" list. It is sort of like Murphey's law.

[Raven]

I havn't looked at the 100 Things Skippy can't do in the army yet. I think it's lying around on my computer at home. I'd check it tonight but I've got an AIRTC meeting

[mikker]

-_- Yeah, that would be a lot better.
Whats skippy got to do with X-Com anyway
Last I checked you can't buy him as a unit ( although that could be a bit funny, Skippy Vs Ship full of Sectoids) Bets now :1 for skippy, 2 for ship full of sectoids

i herby bet a million on the sectoid ship.

[Raven]

I don't like skippys chances either, 2 million on the sectoids to win

[SupSuper]

3 million!

[Judge_Deadd]

100000.000000.0000000.000000 million x 10000!

[LordT]

Oh, you're SO going to lose that bet. Skippy Is Great.

[Cpl. Facehugger]

Yeah, skippy can't really die. Otherwise, who would write skippy's 100 list?

[revenant4]

I got 1 thing to say about #11...Awesome

[Judge_Deadd]

I am not allowed to play football with blaster bombs.

[Raven]

I may not play Hot Potato with a primed grenade

[Deathskull]

Psi amps may not be used make 'friends'

Edited by Deathskull, 12 January 2004 - 09:36 PM.