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CTD - Heavy Laser Rifle


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Attached, you will find the first draft of my heavy laser Ctd entry. If you can think of ways to improve or clarify it please post them here!

 

It is pretty long, so I won't post it, just attach it. :D

Heavy_Laser_Gun.doc

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If you can, switch it to a .txt so people can read it with just their browser.

 

It really shouldn't be a super weapon with ultra targeting if the laser rifle isn't(I thought they didn't have enough space anyway).

 

The firing mechanism on the heavy laser gun is quite a bit different from those on previous laser weapons. To fire the weapon, one must merely twist the primary grip forward or backwards.

Seems like this might cause a lot of accidents.

"whoops sorry Jim, Bob bumped into me. You can always reatach it later."

Also it's still easier to pull a trigger, since it involves one movement instead of two(you have to counter the pressure on the primary grip with pressure on the secondary one instead of countering pressure on a triggure with the rest of your hand, which is easier). This would also decrease accuracy if you made it too hard to fire, which would decrease the risk of accidents.

EDIT: I forgot to mention the fact that the soldiers have by now developed a finger reflex for whenever they see an alien

 

The primary capacitor is what draws energy from the laser cores and merges it into a beam. Once the main grip is moved forward, the weapon will begin charging. Less than a second later, the weapon will have gathered enough energy to fire. The heavy laser’s primary capacitor is significantly more robust than the earlier pistol’s, further decreasing the chance that the weapon will malfunction at the wrong moment.

How do they actually shoot the gun?

 

The wave modulator is a new component devised specifically for the heavy laser. It compresses or expands the laser burst in such a way as to provide maximum damage based on information from the targeting computer.

This makes it harder to write the laser cannon entry, since I feel obligated to use the whole wave modulater/prism thing.

Edit: I guess I can say somthing like: It has a prism which works in a similar way to the heavy cannons.(it might actually be helpful)

 

The secondary capacitor is situated below the primary grip and grounds the user from premature discharges. In the event of a complete failure of the primary capacitor, the secondary can merge a limited amount of laser energy, essentially reducing the heavy laser’s damage to that of the smaller laser rifle. Lastly, the secondary capacitor regulates the primary capacitor, preventing too much of a charge from being built up.

 

The primary capacitor is what draws energy from the laser cores and merges it into a beam. Once the main grip is moved forward, the weapon will begin charging. Less than a second later, the weapon will have gathered enough energy to fire. The heavy laser’s primary capacitor is significantly more robust than the earlier pistol’s, further decreasing the chance that the weapon will malfunction at the wrong moment.

People are going to be confused since you switched the rolls of the primary and secondary capacitor. Also, Is hydrogen storage really practical for a handheld weapon? Edited by Ancalagon
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Lets see.

Hmm,

Well next version will be txt I suppose.

Well, they didn't have enough space to cram all that stuff into the laser rifle because it is too small. I can change it I suppose.

Well, I asked the person who did the heavy laser model, and he said twist the grip.

Ok, Primary capicator charges. When trigger is used, primary capicator discharges laser at target.

Well, you don't have to use the wave mod (might get rid of it anyhow) or the prisim, you could just say that it doesn't need a prisim because it is hooked up to a plane with oodles of extra energy. Besides, these components were designed for the heavy laser's structure, they probably won't work in a laser cannon anyhoo.

I suppose I was in error when doing the secondary capacitor, I just wanted to make it seem a lot better than the laser rifle in every way.

Lastly, How else do you propose to power the laser weapons without hydrogen storage? Wasn't that what the laser pistol/weapons ctd used? I will need to check, tommorow. *Yawn*

Edited by Cpl. Facehugger
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You can add the second capacitor, just make sure people don't confuse it with the old second capacitor(you'll see what I mean when you see the laser pistol script.)

 

Why'd they think it would be a twist grip? -_- oh well, too late now. -_-

 

The targeting system is okay, just don't make it too good, something simple, such as locating targets at long distances (nozzle adjusment won't work since you'd have to move the laser unit itself or else it'd burn through, in fact, the gun shouldn't have a nozle at all exept for something like the prism).

 

EDIT: If you keep the prism the targeting system can deal with that too

 

I was in a bad mood last post, sorry about that.

Edited by Ancalagon
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Tis ok.

 

Yes, you do have many good ideas.

I will change the current secondary capicator to a tertiary capacitor.

They based the heavy laser on the "smartgun" from aliens

I suppose the motion tracking was a bit much :D

I pmed Cpt Boxershorts about his laser power source, so tommorow I will be able to put up a new and improved heavy laser.

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Hmm, I wonder who did make it, don't you mikker? :D

 

Update: Heavy laser take 2 is now complete. Unfourtnately, I can't post it as a txt file (it becomes unreadable with a bunch of numbers if I do that) so I had to post it as the closest thing, a rtf file. Sooo, without further ado, I unveil the heavy laser ctd mark 2!

Heavy_Laser_Gun.rtf

Edited by Cpl. Facehugger
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  • 2 weeks later...

Per your request I've reviewed the text and attached a revised version for you. Another thread is discussing nicknames for each item, I bolded call sign where that could go, it might sound better than repeating the phrase heavy laser gun in the text.

 

The trigger grip was reworded to include a recessed safety catch so it wouldn't be triggered by accident. Unlocking the safety is what causes the capacitor to charge.

 

Since there's no in-game use of a reduced damage weapon, should the tertiary capacitor just be a backup for the primary that functions at full power? If you say there's a chance the weapon would function at lower power the player may wonder if/when that could happen. Just a thought.

 

I suggest adjusting the targetting computer. In the previous paragraph you explain that the larger, more advanced amplifier boosts damage by 200% and increases accuracy. The accuracy increase over the rifle in-game is only 10%, so the amplifier justifies that on its own. I think having the targetting laser tied to the HUD is good since it's shot from the hip. Having the HUD highlight when the you're aiming at the target sounds good, but since there's no windage to deal with on a laser beam there's no need to have any calculations or adjustments happening.

 

I'd change the testimonial wording as well, I don't think you can damage UFOs with laser weapons, just plasma, right? I had it burn a hole in a tree instead.

 

I've made these changes and attached it here.

Heavy_laser.rtf

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  • 1 year later...

Red text indicates additions, orange text indicates deletions, and blue text indicates comments or suggestions.

 

Added [brackets] and capitalizations of “Alien” have not been denoted.

 

[“STARFIRE” ADVANCED HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Advanced Heavy Laser]

 

The [starfire advanced laser] is an improved [laser rifle], featuring both better damage and accuracy, but at the cost at the expense of rate of fire. This [advanced laser]’s damage potential is great enough to punch through even heavy Alien armor, making it vital in combating  the more resilient strains of Alien life.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger, more powerful? version of the [laser rifle] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good:; our soldiers were getting pasted- we needed more firepower. In an attempt to tip the scales in humanity’s Suggest “our” because few people refer to ourselves as “humanity” favor we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a [heavy cannon]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the [starfire advanced laser]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The [starfire] is currently the pinnacle Here’s “pinnacle” again. :) Suggest changing it to “most advanced terrestrial personal weapon” of human personal weapons. Its damage and range has been significantly increased from the earlier rifle and pistol designs.  In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have moved away “Moved” is used twice in this sentence; suggest “shunned” in lieu of "moved away from"? from a hand-held rifle concept and embraced a larger two hand frame similar to the [heavy] and [auto cannon]s currently in use. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality.  The Starfire consists of seven This number may need to change distinct components: laser cores “a laser core” if my later suggestion is heeded, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor This might be removed if a later suggestion is kept, amplifier, and targeting computer system Changed to reflect the fact that there is more than just a targeting computer- there’s also the targeting lasers, etc..

 

There are two large laser cores within the weapon that allow it to fire if one fails during use. Should one of the laser cores become overheated or otherwise damaged the other will quickly take over to allow continuous use. There is a lot of redundancy in this laser’s design, much of it which is not reflected in actual gameplay.  I suggest changing this paragraph to: “The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle.

 

The firing mechanism on the [starfire] differs significantly from those of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the rear grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. By depressing a recessed safety catch and twisting the grip, the weapon can be discharged.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lazing lasing material in the cores within the core(s) depending on how many cores this laser ends up having... and merges the product (a HEL or high-energy laser impulse) into a coherent beam. Once the trigger grip’s safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within. Within a second, it the weapon will have gathered enough energy to fire. The [heavy laser]’s primary capacitor is significantly larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, further significantly decreasing the chances of a weapon that the weapon will malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor is situated below the primary grip and grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing too great of a charge from building up.

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will quickly need to be recharged, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed, the weapon was out of commission.  Although redundant, it was deemed important enough to include in this advanced design. Despite it’s self-acknowledgement of redundancy, I still feel this tertiary capacitor should be entirely removed and its functions relegated to the secondary capacitor.

 

The [starfire]’s larger frame allows for a larger and more advanced black carbon prism to be mounted as an amplifier. The amplifier is a special synthetic black carbon prism. When the laser beam directed through this prism, the beam’s energy is magnified by 200% two-fold, doubling. This doubles the [heavy laser]’s striking power and significantly increases its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system. The weapon which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released to paint the target. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD includes a filter is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [heavy laser], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires itself! The only thing I had to do was center the gGrey’ in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too:; it actually burned through the bug and went on to burn a foot-wide hole through a boulder Suggest: “It’s powerful, too: it didn’t just stop at the Grey, it went on to burn a foot-wide hole through a boulder”! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont

Edited by Astyanax
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XLW-07 “BROILER” [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The Broiler is an basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring both better damage and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. This [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch even through heavy Alien armor, making it vital in combating the more resilient strains of Alien creatures.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor; we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a [HEAVY CANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler[HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced terrestrial personal weapon available. Its damage capability and range have been significantly increased from the earlier rifle and pistol designs. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have moved away from a hand-held rifle concept and embraced a larger two hand frame similar to the [HEAVY] and [AUTOCANNON]s currently in use. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of seven distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, amplifier, and targeting computer system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from those of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the rear grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. By depressing a recessed safety catch and twisting the grip, the weapon can be discharged.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material within the core and merges the product (a HEL or High-Energy Laser) into a coherent beam. Once the trigger grip’s safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a second, it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The XLW-07’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor is situated below the primary grip and grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing too great of a charge from building up.

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will quickly need to be recharged, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed, the weapon was out of commission.  Although redundant, it was deemed important enough to include in this advanced design.

 

Yes, it might be too redundant, we will look into it

 

The Broiler’s larger frame allows a larger and more advanced black carbon prism to be mounted as an amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through the prism, the beam’s energy is magnified two-fold, doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

"Significantly" might be too overused in this text, I'll try to substitute some.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to burn a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont

Edited by Azrael
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  • 1 month later...
I am not too happy with the heavy laser nickname "Broiler". you might consider this insignificant, but in some parts of germany, "Broiler" is used for grilled chicken (as in put-an-entire-chicken-on-a-stick-and-rotate-it-over-the-fire-for-as-long-as-it-takes). actually, it's kind of the local specialty dish, and therefore quite well-known in german-speaking countries. so when you have a soldier running around with a "broiler" in his hands, that evokes some rather weird imaginations. :D
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I am not too happy with the heavy laser nickname "Broiler". you might consider this insignificant, but in some parts of germany, "Broiler" is used for grilled chicken (as in put-an-entire-chicken-on-a-stick-and-rotate-it-over-the-fire-for-as-long-as-it-takes). actually, it's kind of the local specialty dish, and therefore quite well-known in german-speaking countries. so when you have a soldier running around with a "broiler" in his hands, that evokes some rather weird imaginations. :D

 

:D How about Broilermaker? :D I wonder if laser fried aliens would smell like chichen...

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LOL you guys!

 

I don't have an issue with "Broilermaker" (fluff: "Aliens: they taste like chicken!" -Ensign Robert McKinsley, after a dare), but while we're coming up with nicknames, how about "Incinerator"? :D

Edited by Astyanax
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Guest Azrael
I am not too happy with the heavy laser nickname "Broiler". you might consider this insignificant, but in some parts of germany, "Broiler" is used for grilled chicken (as in put-an-entire-chicken-on-a-stick-and-rotate-it-over-the-fire-for-as-long-as-it-takes). actually, it's kind of the local specialty dish, and therefore quite well-known in german-speaking countries. so when you have a soldier running around with a "broiler" in his hands, that evokes some rather weird imaginations. :D

 

 

LOL you guys!

 

I don't have an issue with "Broilermaker" (fluff: "Aliens: they taste like chicken!" -Ensign  Robert McKinsley, after a dare), but while we're coming up with nicknames, how about "Incinerator"? :D

 

"Broiler" is the chosen nickname. This game is in english, for now, if it's translated to german, the nickname can be changed. Unless there is a strong reason, we won't change it :)

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Broiler debate aside, my comment-o'-rama continues...

 

The usual conventions (red for additions, orange for deletions, and blue for comments), plus purple to highlight text under contention (the tertiary capacitor may be too redundant).

 

XLW-07 “BROILER” [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The Broiler is an basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring both better damage and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. This [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch even through heavy Alien armor, making it vital in combating the more resilient strains of Alien creatures.

 

The use of "vital" isn't quite right in the last sentence; the heavy laser would be "valuable", but it isn't "vital", which implies it is a necessity for beating the game...

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor,; we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a [HEAVY CANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler[HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.” -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

Changed a semi-colon to a comma; the first clause wasn't an independent clause. Also, in sentence 3, maybe change "...simply did not have enough space" to "...simply could not support the additional weight"?

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced terrestrial personal weapon available. Its damage capability and range have been significantly increased from the earlier rifle and pistol designs. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have moved away from a hand-held rifle concept and embraced a larger two hand frame similar to the [HEAVY] and [AUTOCANNON]s currently in use. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of seven distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, amplifier, and targeting computer system.

 

In sentence 3, suggest changing "...have moved away from a hand-held rifle concept..." to "have abandoned the hand-held rifle concept" to avoid having two "move"s in close proximity.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from those of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the rear grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. By depressing a recessed safety catch and twisting the grip, the weapon can be discharged.

 

Maybe change the last sentence to "The weapon can be fired by depressing a recessed safety catch and twisting the grip"; "discharged" doesn't sound dynamic enough, imho.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material within the core and merges the high-energy product (a HEL or High-Energy Laser) into a coherent beam. Once the trigger grip’s safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a second, it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The XLW-07’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

Removed "HEL" because the acronym is never used. Removed "trigger grip's" because it was mentioned in the previous paragraph, and it is logical that there'd only be one safety. The charging time of 1 second is awfully long in a combat situation- maybe reduce it to "a fraction of a second"?

 

The secondary capacitor is situated below the primary grip and grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing too great of a charge from building up.

 

In the last sentence, suggest changing "too great of a charge" to "an excess charge" and "building up" to "accumulating" to simplify.

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will quickly need to be recharged, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed, the weapon was out of commission. Although redundant, it was deemed important enough to include in this advanced design.

 

The Broiler’s larger sturdy frame allows a larger and more advanced black carbon prism to be mounted as an amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through the prism, the beam’s energy is magnified two-fold, doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

Changed "larger" to "sturdy" to avoid two "larger"s in close proximity.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to burn a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont

Edited by Astyanax
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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, lets see if I can make this more readable. I've taken the liberty of implementing changes directly into the text, but if the changes sound worse than the original, they can easily be changed back. How does the text read now?

 

Edit- mikker from the AWD has informed me that the Heavy Laser's trigger is on the front grip, not the rear one. I have changed it to "forward grip" (paragraph 5) for the time being.

 

XLW-07 “BROILER” [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The Broiler is an basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring both better damage and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. This [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch through heavy Alien armor, making it valuable in combating the more resilient Alien strains.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply could not support the additional weight. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a [HEAVY CANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler [HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced terrestrial personal weapon available. Its damage capability and range have been significantly increased from the earlier rifle and pistol designs. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the hand-held rifle concept and embraced a larger two hand frame similar to the [HEAVY] and [AUTOCANNON]s currently in use. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of six distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), amplifier, and targeting computer system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from those of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material within the core and merges the high-energy product into a coherent beam. Once the safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a fraction of a second, it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The XLW-07’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating.

 

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows a larger and more advanced black carbon prism to be mounted as an amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through the prism, the beam’s energy is magnified two-fold, doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont

Edited by Astyanax
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  • 3 weeks later...

"Red"-deletions, "green"-additions,"blue"-comments.

XLW-07 “BROILER” [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The [HEAVY LASER], nicknamed as Broiler, is an basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring both better damage and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. This The [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch through heavy Alien armor, making it valuable in combating the battle combat against more resilient Alien strains.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making made a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply could not support the additional weight. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a [HEAVY CANNON]. From there we just crammed were able to cram all the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler [HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced terrestrial personal weapon available. Its damage capability and range have been significantly increased from the earlier rifle and pistol designs. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the hand-held rifle concept and embraced a larger two hand frame similar to the [HEAVY] and [AUTOCANNON]s currently in use. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of six distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), amplifier, and assisted targeting computer system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle. "Any estimated power in gigajoules per cycle?"

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from those of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material within the core and merges (what, the primary capacitor merges product/light?) the high-energy product into a coherent beam. Once the safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a fraction of a second, it will have gathered accumulated, gained enough energy to fire. The XLW-07’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating. I guess overheating is also prevented this way.

 

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows a larger and more advanced black carbon prism to be mounted as an amplifier. Ha, ha, right, black stuff amplifying light. And my charcoal in the grill is totally transparent too. When the laser beam is directed through the prism, the beam’s energy is magnified two-fold concentrated, focused, doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones people to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires aims by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! Hmmm, do you suggest it can hit more than one target in a shot? I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont

Edited by dan2
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Mikker asked me if I can help him voice his oppinion about this text, so here it is

You made some comments last, and as i don't have writing permission, I'd send it to you

 

1) Heavy laser:

 

The current Auto Cannon model is much more physically resambling to the heavy laser then the Heavy Cannon (look in the 'man portable auto cannon' thread for the auto cannon). I'd suggest a change of that.

I hope this will be solved somehow :fingerscrossed:

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I'm glad mikker is helping out; he's made some good catches. :)

I've incorporated many of the changes and made a few of my own. How's it look?

 

Changes are in blue. I've gotten lazy. :P

XLW-07 "BROILER" [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The [HEAVY LASER], nicknamed the "Broiler", is basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring improved damage and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch through heavy Alien armor, making it effective against the more resilient Alien strains.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply could not support the additional weight. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from an [AUTOCANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler [HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced terrestrial personal weapon available. Its damage capability and range have been significantly increased from the earlier rifle and pistol designs. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our [AUTOCANNON]s. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of six distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), amplifier, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon is capable of generating greater quantities of photons in concert and allows larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from those of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a fraction of a second, it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The XLW-07’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating.

 

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows a larger and more advanced black carbon prism to be mounted as an amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through the prism, the beam’s energy is concentrated, doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont

Some notes:

1.) Many word choices you suggested were good, dan2 =b; most of them were incorporated. In the fluff text, however, the language is supposed to be coarser and informal, so it doesn't need to be perfect-- I didn't retain those suggestions.

 

2.) Changed any mention of [HEAVY CANNON]s to [AUTOCANNON]s. Thanks mikker!

 

3.) Changed some wording in paragraph 3: "hand-held rifle concept" didn't make much sense since the "two-hand frame" is, well, also hand-held. ^_^

 

4.) "Any estimated power in gigajoules per cycle?" At the moment, I don't think any of the laser texts mention the actual amount energy in the lasers, and I'm not convinced (yet!) that it would be a good thing to add. This is because

a.) I haven't the slightest idea what is a good ballpark figure :P and more importantly,

b.) it might be too much detail; it would also mean that a whole lot of texts would have to be changed. For instance, plasma weapons don't say how much energy is in each shot, fusion weapons don't put a number on their explosive yield, guns don't mention kinetic energy or muzzle velocities, etc. I'm not 100% against it, but there's going to have to be an extremely good reason to make me consider it.

 

5.) "what, the primary capacitor merges product/light?" I commented on this previously in one of the laser texts (I can't remember which one!). I, too, thought it was strange that an electrical capacitor somehow made light, but I summarily forgot about it :Blush:. I'm not sure how to resolve this without making sweeping changes to other texts. Maybe the Laser Weapons System CT can be altered to mention that the new capacitors are fitted with a series of high-intensity LEDs or something (I just read an article about advanced LEDs recently)? That would explain the electricity-to-light transformation...

 

Edit- I just read up on lasers, and the electricity just initiates the "stimulated emission of radiation" within the laser core. I can't believe I forgot about that, too. :Blush: Never mind what I said about LEDs. Anyway, I re-read the sentence, and you're right, the capacitor doesn't merge the light. I've deleted that section and mentioned photon-generation in paragraph 4.

 

6.) "Ha, ha, right, black stuff amplifying light. And my charcoal in the grill is totally transparent too." I'm not well-versed in laser prisms; do you have a better, not-overly-technical suggestion? :)

 

7.) "Hmmm, do you suggest it can hit more than one target in a shot?" Well, you're right that this wouldn't happen in-game... but I'm willing to stretch boundaries a little to help emphasize the power of this weapon. Still, if it must be modified, perhaps "...it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder!" can be changed to "...it actually melted a foot-wide hole straight through the bug!"?

 

Glad to have you back, dan2. ^_^

Edited by Astyanax
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The oversized laser core within the weapon is capable of generating greater quantities of photons in concert and allows larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle.

Some notes:

1.) Many word choices you suggested were good, dan2 =b; most of them were incorporated. In the fluff text, however, the language is supposed to be coarser and informal, so it doesn't need to be perfect-- I didn't retain those suggestions.

2.) Changed any mention of [HEAVY CANNON]s to [AUTOCANNON]s. Thanks mikker!

4.) "Any estimated power in gigajoules per cycle?" At the moment, I don't think any of the laser texts mention the actual amount energy in the lasers, and I'm not convinced (yet!) that it would be a good thing to add. This is because

a.) I haven't the slightest idea what is a good ballpark figure :P and more importantly,

b.) it might be too much detail; it would also mean that a whole lot of texts would have to be changed. For instance, plasma weapons don't say how much energy is in each shot, fusion weapons don't put a number on their explosive yield, guns don't mention kinetic energy or muzzle velocities, etc. I'm not 100% against it, but there's going to have to be an extremely good reason to make me consider it.

5.) "what, the primary capacitor merges product/light?" I commented on this previously in one of the laser texts (I can't remember which one!). I, too, thought it was strange that an electrical capacitor somehow made light, but I summarily forgot about it :Blush:. I'm not sure how to resolve this without making sweeping changes to other texts. Maybe the Laser Weapons System CT can be altered to mention that the new capacitors are fitted with a series of high-intensity LEDs or something (I just read an article about advanced LEDs recently)? That would explain the electricity-to-light transformation...

Edit- I just read up on lasers, and the electricity just initiates the "stimulated emission of radiation" within the laser core. I can't believe I forgot about that, too. :Blush: Never mind what I said about LEDs. Anyway, I re-read the sentence, and you're right, the capacitor doesn't merge the light. I've deleted that section and mentioned photon-generation in paragraph 4.

6.) "Ha, ha, right, black stuff amplifying light. And my charcoal in the grill is totally transparent too." I'm not well-versed in laser prisms; do you have a better, not-overly-technical suggestion? :)

7.) "Hmmm, do you suggest it can hit more than one target in a shot?" Well, you're right that this wouldn't happen in-game... but I'm willing to stretch boundaries a little to help emphasize the power of this weapon. Still, if it must be modified, perhaps "...it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder!" can be changed to "...it actually melted a foot-wide hole straight through the bug!"?

8.)Glad to have you back, dan2. ^_^

How about:

The oversized laser core within the weapon is capable of a much greater energy output for the coherent beam released every firing cycle, vastly increasing its penetration and damage.

1) I'm trying to help as a beginner, so take my proposals only if they seem worthy

4) I was just curious, that's all. I think it can be compared with the power generated by an average lightning, to show the true power of the weapon, but indeed, here in Active: XNet Proof Task Force is not the right place. Take it as pure curiousness, nothing more

5) Glad it's better

6) Well, something highly reflective or refractive. I propose synthetic diamond or exotic metals or alloys deposited as highly reflective layers. Just tell me which way you want it, reflective or refractive

7) That sounds definitely better in a way, but if the beam is highly focused, why the hole in the bug would be huge? The damage should be in the slicing and igniting department, if I think of it

8) I wasn't really gone anywhere, I just didn't have much to say and nobody asked about anything that I could provide help. But I hope I'll have more comments in the future, if the circumstances will change

Have a nice "text polishing till it glows" day

Edited by dan2
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Not bad, but I realized that the lasers in the game were pulse lasers, not beam lasers, so I had to change it quite a bit. I'm not completely satisfied with it yet, though.

The oversized laser core within the weapon is capable of generating energy pulses of a much greater magnitude than in previous laser weapon designs, vastly increasing its penetration and damage.

 

1) I'm trying to help as a beginner, so take my proposals only if they seem worthy

The more comments, the merrier! :)

 

6) Well, something highly reflective or refractive. I propose synthetic diamond or exotic metals or alloys deposited as highly reflective layers. Just tell me which way you want it, reflective or refractive

I think synthetic diamond would be simplest- perhaps too simple. I'd imagine scientists would have thought of it earlier. Maybe dope it with some exotic metals? We'll see what other people think. (by the way, I think "refractive" sounds better)

 

7) That sounds definitely better in a way, but if the beam is highly focused, why the hole in the bug would be huge? The damage should be in the slicing and igniting department, if I think of it

Good point. But the lasers are also pulse lasers, so slicing probably wouldn't be realistic. Maybe melting or vaporizing?

 

Hmm, I'm looking over the text, and I can't find where it says the beam is tightly focused, though it would be a logical assumption. Perhaps the focused laser is "fat", or the fluff could be changed... we'll have to think on how to change it. Any ideas?

 

8) I wasn't really gone anywhere, I just didn't have much to say and nobody asked about anything that I could provide help. But I hope I'll have more comments in the future, if the circumstances will change

Have a nice "text polishing till it glows" day

Haha, alright, how about, "Glad to see you posting again, dan2." ;) And thanks for the sentiment... but isn't it "text polishing till it glows" day everyday? ^_^

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Hmm, you know what? Pure diamonds are insulators, but when they're doped with berillium, boron, nitrogen and oxygen they become semiconductors. Perhaps the diamond core is drawing power from the secondary capacitor and in itself is a big light emitting diode with silvered paralel edges.

Even if the pulses are short, the speed of light is huge and every pulse generates a beam which is interrupted eventually. But it's a minor point.

Of course the light is focused for increased damage, it said so here.

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows a larger and more advanced black carbon prism to be mounted as an amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through the prism, the beam’s energy is concentrated, doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

I said nice, didn't I?

Haha, alright, how about, "Glad to see you posting again, dan2."  And thanks for the sentiment... but isn't it "text polishing till it glows" day everyday?

I'm sure not all your days are nice, but I hope this one is! Happy polishing :)

Edited by dan2
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The oversized laser core within the weapon generates coherent energy pulses of great magnitude during each firing cycle, and is capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.
How's this? Mmh, it doesn't sound as dynamic as it did before...

 

About the synthetic diamonds, I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. Why would the diamond LED be used in this laser, and is doped-diamond as a semiconductor even a good thing? Is this intended to replace the amplifier?

 

Just as long as things don't change so drastically that the Laser Cannon CT no longer makes sense, I'm ok with new ideas. :)

 

I missed that focusing part... I should have slept earlier last night. :Blush:

 

Thanks for the well-wishes, dan2. Hope you're having a good text-polishing day, too.

Edited by Astyanax
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The oversized laser core within the weapon generates coherent energy pulses of great magnitude during each firing cycle, and is capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.
How's this?

 

About the synthetic diamonds, I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. Why would the diamond LED be used in this laser, and is doped-diamond as a semiconductor even a good thing? Is this intended to replace the amplifier?

Just as long as things don't change so drastically that the Laser Cannon CT no longer makes sense, I'm ok with new ideas. :)

Sounds great, maybe a few word changes, but it sounds really well now.

About diamond LEDs, I was trying to have in the weapon not only the optics (lenses, mirrors) made from diamond, but even the laser core made of diamond. I guess this seems unacceptable now, but think about it as the plan B.

Trust me, monocrystalline diamond is hard to get these days, so even if someone already thought of it, it's not something really easy to do and requires top-edge technology. Including diamond, though, would allow a really lightweight weapon, since it's lenses would have low density (3.4 g/cm3 - iron has 7.6 g/cm3) and huge refraction index (2.45 - quartz has only 1.55). Also, diamond gets cooled very easy since it conducts heat extremely well, better than copper.

I believe it would be a shame if laser will not have included some diamond parts, this material is perfect for the job. It can even be a reason why this kind of weaponry is more expensive than usual.

But I should hold on, this is the proofing section :(

Edited by dan2
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The oversized laser core within the weapon generates an enormous stream of synchronized light energy each firing cycle, making the [heavy laser] capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.
Still playing around with this...

 

I think monocrystalline diamond laser cores could work well here. How exactly are they created and why is it so difficult? Can monocrystalline diamond actually release photons through stimulation?

 

Another thing to consider: the Laser Cannon CT makes no mention of its laser core (it does mention its diamond focusing lenses, though). That text was sent back to Active because it needs to expand on more details, so there's a little leeway in this case as new details can still be added.

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The oversized laser core within the weapon generates an enormous stream of synchronized light energy each firing cycle, making the [heavy laser] capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.
Still playing around with this...

 

I think monocrystalline diamond laser cores could work well here. How exactly are they created and why is it so difficult? Can monocrystalline diamond actually release photons through stimulation?

 

Another thing to consider: the Laser Cannon CT makes no mention of its laser core (it does mention its diamond focusing lenses, though). That text was sent back to Active because it needs to expand on more details, so there's a little leeway in this case as new details can still be added.

Sounds nice, I think it's good.

 

Well, lasers are produced when atoms get excited. The process is taking long to explain, but in short you need to give the crystall energy in order to give energy as a laser beam. This external energy can be supplied in two ways: as an external powerful light (the sun or a xenon lamp or other strong light sources) or from electrical power in Laser LEDs. It would be simple if you make a semiconducting crystall of diamond transform electrical power from the capacitors directly into the required Laser.

The difficulty comes now because the technology today have a hard time to create monocrystalline diamond. It is possible to get diamond dust from saw powder, but monocrystals are created very slowly at a very high pressure. Actually there are methods today to make it, but details are not known but to people who patented the techniques. I know for sure they make it because their creations, yellow small diamonds, are shown and sold as synthetic. So it is possible.

To the question "Can monocrystalline diamond actually release photons through stimulation?" the answer is "I don't know, it is possible in theory, but I don't know if somebody did it already"

Have fun

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Typically, very intense flashes of light or electrical discharges pump the lasing medium and create a large collection of excited-state atoms...
Found this on the web from here, and if this is true, then I think "electrical" discharges straight from the capacitor would be the easiest. Well, it would also mean fewer changes to other texts, too-- always a good thing. ^_^

 

A side note: maybe we could mention that it is classified as a Class IV (or newly created Class V) laser. Nah, maybe we should save it for the Laser Cannon CT...

:P

 

I was looking at some other stuff, too, and unfortunately, semiconductor lasers appear to be pretty tame:

Semiconductor lasers, sometimes called diode lasers, are not solid-state lasers. These electronic devices are generally very small and use low power. They may be built into larger arrays, such as the writing source in some laser printers or CD players.
I'm guessing solid-state lasers are what are described in the other laser texts? If so, the heavy laser should probably be solid-state as well. Unfortunately, it appears that solid-state lasers are stimulated via flash tubes, not electrical impulses. I wonder if that could be changed and still make sense, though... Edited by Astyanax
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Typically, very intense flashes of light or electrical discharges pump the lasing medium and create a large collection of excited-state atoms...
Found this on the web from here, and if this is true, then I think "electrical" discharges straight from the capacitor would be the easiest. Well, it would also mean fewer changes to other texts, too-- always a good thing. ^_^

 

A side note: maybe we could mention that it is classified as a Class IV (or newly created Class V) laser. Nah, maybe we should save it for the Laser Cannon CT...

:P

 

I was looking at some other stuff, too, and unfortunately, semiconductor lasers appear to be pretty tame:

Semiconductor lasers, sometimes called diode lasers, are not solid-state lasers. These electronic devices are generally very small and use low power. They may be built into larger arrays, such as the writing source in some laser printers or CD players.
I'm guessing solid-state lasers are what are described in the other laser texts? If so, the heavy laser should probably be solid-state as well. Unfortunately, it appears that solid-state lasers are stimulated via flash tubes, not electrical impulses. I wonder if that could be changed and still make sense, though...

The actual Laser LEDs are really lame today because the emitting crystal is far smaller than crystalls used for light induced Laser. But if the semiconducting layers (donor and acceptor, depending on dopant) of diamond are grown into a really large crystal (layered multiple diode), then that Laser should be stronger than those before mentioned because the crystal is the same size, but the yield of transforming electricity to Laser would be higher than electricity->light->absorbtion into crystal->laser.

It's not yet available, but one can think the X-Corps have the best guys and technologies behind them and this is just one step ahead.

I'll stop here, because I'm aware this forum is for corrections only.

Now time to hunt little, tiny mistakes :hmmm:

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I'm just trying to flesh the idea out for myself, and considering exchanging "black carbon prism amplifier" with something more plausible.

 

Now that you mention it, we have strayed from that quite a bit, huh? :Blush:

 

Maybe "monocrystalline diamond amplifier" would suffice?

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I'm just trying to flesh the idea out for myself, and considering exchanging "black carbon prism amplifier" with something more plausible.

 

Now that you mention it, we have strayed from that quite a bit, huh? :Blush:

 

Maybe "monocrystalline diamond amplifier" would suffice?

Yes, of course, something simple.

Edited by dan2
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Sorry for getting off-track for a while, but I'm glad we had that discussion- I understand the topic much more thoroughly now.

 

Next version. Changes are in blue.

XLW-07 "BROILER" [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The [HEAVY LASER], nicknamed the "Broiler", is basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring improved damage and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch through heavy Alien armor, making it effective against the more resilient Alien strains.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply could not support the additional weight. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from an [AUTOCANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler [HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced terrestrial personal weapon available. Its damage capability and range have been significantly increased from the earlier rifle and pistol designs. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our [AUTOCANNONS]. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of six distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), amplifier, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon generates an enormous stream of synchronized light energy each firing cycle, making the [heavy laser] capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from those of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a fraction of a second, it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The XLW-07’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating.

 

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows for the inclusion of the larger and more advanced monocrystalline diamond amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through this prism, the beam’s energy is concentrated further, doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont

Edited by Astyanax
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Guest Azrael

XLW-07 "BROILER" [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The Broiler [HEAVY LASER] is basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring both improved damage capability and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch even through heavy Alien armor, making it a valuable asset against the more resilient Alien strains.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from an [AUTOCANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler [HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.” -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced Terran personal weapon available, with its range being significantly increased from the earlier pistol and rifle models. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our [AUTOCANNONS]. The larger frame allows for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of seven distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, amplifier, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle, making the [heavy laser] capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from that of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a second, it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The [XLW-07]’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating.

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will quickly need to be recharged, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed, the weapon was out of commission.

 

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows for the inclusion of the larger and more advanced monocrystalline diamond amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through this prism, the beam’s energy is concentrated further, effectively doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont.

Edited by Azrael
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"Red"-deletions, "green"-additions, "blue"-suggestions or comments

XLW-07 "BROILER" [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The Broiler [HEAVY LASER] is basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring both improved better damage capability and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch even through heavy Alien armor, making it a valuable asset against the more resilient Alien strains races.

 

“Commander Schultsky told asked me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an initial attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a heavier an enlarged model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use instead a frame salvaged from an [AUTOCANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler [HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced Terran personal weapon available, with its range being significantly increased from the earlier pistol and rifle models. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our [AUTOCANNONS]. The larger frame allows for incorporation of additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of seven distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, amplifier, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle, making the [heavy laser] capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from that of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a second in very short time, it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The [XLW-07]’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating.

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will quickly need to be recharged, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed, the weapon was out of commission.

 

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows for the inclusion of the larger and more advanced monocrystalline diamond amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through this prism lens, the beam’s energy is concentrated further, effectively doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont.

 

P.S. Larger doesn't always mean more powerful or heavier. It's a matter of technology or density

Edited by dan2
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Changes in blue, text under contention in purple

XLW-07 "BROILER" [HEAVY LASER]

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/[Heavy Laser]

 

The Broiler [HEAVY LASER] is basically an improved [LASER RIFLE], featuring better damage capability and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The [HEAVY LASER]’s damage potential is great enough to punch even through heavy Alien armor, making it a valuable asset against the more resilient Alien races.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the [LASER RIFLE] for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from an [AUTOCANNON]. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler [HEAVY LASER]. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced Terran personal weapon available, with its range being significantly increased from the earlier pistol and rifle models. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our [AUTOCANNONS]. The larger frame allows space for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of seven distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, amplifier, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle, making the [heavy laser] capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from that of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the safety is depressed, the weapon begins charging, and within a second it will have gathered enough energy to fire. The [XLW-07]’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating.

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will quickly need to be recharged, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed, the weapon was out of commission.

 

The Broiler’s sturdy frame allows for the inclusion of the larger and more advanced monocrystalline diamond amplifier. When the laser beam is directed through this lens, the beam’s energy is concentrated further, effectively doubling the [HEAVY LASER]’s striking power and greatly increasing its range.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new [HEAVY LASER], and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont.

Some comments:

- Nice catch of the repetition of "improved". Changed it to "better" as per dan2's suggestion.

- "Strains" vs. "races": more or less the same, but I've taken dan2's suggestion.

- dan2's suggestion ("incorporation of") did point out an improper sentence, but I've simplified and added "space" to address the issue.

- Fluff text language is more conversational, so it rarely needs changing unless the "voice" is inconsistent (e.g. a really stupid grunt saying things in refined English) or inaccurate.

- The purple text: as I understand it, all lasers have to charge before firing (as reflected in their TU cost); I think "charging after the safety is depressed" would make the player think that the weapon can immediately be fired (e.g. it's a fast weapon). My proposed paragraph:

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the lasing material and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the trigger is pressed, the weapon must briefly charge up before releasing a powerful laser blast. The [XLW-07]’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.
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Strain is used in biology for various low complexity organisms, but I don't have much knowledge there. I might be wrong, but races sounds better to me.

Is the weapon charging, or just transfers energy between capacitors. Hmm, I would use something like "weapon activating" instead of "weapon charging", or something similar to "activating".

I can't choose between purple text and the bottom text, they sound about the same. Hmm... I guess they're both good enough for me

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  • 2 weeks later...

As mikker suggested, I changed all the occurences of "lasing core" with the simpler "laser core". I think this text contains also one "lasing" that should be changed. Thanks

 

P.S. Can we introduce a sentence about the heat disipation problems that disabled the auto-mode on Heavy Laser Rifle (this name won the poll, remember?)?

Edited by dan2
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  • 4 weeks later...

Changes in blue

XLW-07 "BROILER" Heavy Laser Rifle

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/Heavy Laser Rifle

 

The Broiler Heavy Laser Rifle is basically an improved Laser Rifle, featuring better damage capability and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The Heavy Laser Rifle’s damage potential is great enough to punch even through heavy Alien armor, making it a valuable asset against the more resilient Alien races.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a larger and more powerful version of the Laser Rifle for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good: our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a heavier model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a Repeater Cannon. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler Heavy Laser Rifle. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  -Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced Terran personal weapon available, with its range being significantly increased from the earlier pistol and rifle models. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our Repeater Cannons. The larger frame allows space for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of six distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle, making the Heavy Laser Rifle capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.  However, even with the advanced heat sinks embedded in the weapon’s frame, the heat generated from continuous firing resulted in irreparable deformation of the laser core.  As a result, the the rate of fire of the Heavy Laser Rifle has been capped and the “auto-fire” mode disabled.

 

The firing mechanism on the Broiler differs significantly from that of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the laser core and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the trigger is pressed, the weapon must briefly charge up before releasing a powerful laser blast. The [XLW-07]’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating.

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will quickly need to be recharged, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed, the weapon was out of commission.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as a sight. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the new Heavy Laser Rifle, and I must say it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle, and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful, too: it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” -Sgt. Alex Dupont.

 

Strain is used in biology for various low complexity organisms, but I don't have much knowledge there. I might be wrong, but races sounds better to me.

Yeah, I think “races” sounds better, too; I’ve already changed it in the text.

 

Is the weapon charging, or just transfers energy between capacitors. Hmm, I would use something like "weapon activating" instead of "weapon charging", or something similar to "activating".

I can't choose between purple text and the bottom text, they sound about the same. Hmm... I guess they're both good enough for me

The way I see it, the capacitor excites the laser core once the trigger is pressed, and it takes a moment to build up enough synchronized light. Of course, I could be totally wrong in my understanding of lasers. I imagine that light-based weapons would be tremendously fast!

 

The main difference between the two texts is that the purple text says the safety is pressed, and the bottom text says the trigger is pressed- totally different meaning. The safety is sort of like a mechanism that prevents the weapon from accidentally firing, and the trigger is, well, a trigger.

 

As mikker suggested, I changed all the occurences of "lasing core" with the simpler "laser core". I think this text contains also one "lasing" that should be changed. Thanks

Good point, dan2/mikker. It has been changed.

 

P.S. Can we introduce a sentence about the heat disipation problems that disabled the auto-mode on Heavy Laser Rifle (this name won the poll, remember?)?
Thanks for the reminder about the proper names, I forgot they had been finalized. :Blush: I’ve changed [Heavy Laser], [Laser Rifle], and [Autocannon] to Heavy Laser Rifle, Laser Rifle, and Repeater Cannon.

 

That’s another good point about the auto-mode on the Heavy Laser Rifle. I just checked and the Heavy Laser in X-Com does not even have an auto-fire mode! I’ve added a a couple short lines to address this in the text.

 

Edit- deleted all mention of the "amplifier" to maintain consistency with the Laser Principles CT.

Edited by Astyanax
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Just a note for the future: there's some discussion in the AWD whether to add a button trigger to one of the grips. Pending the final decision, the text in paragraph 5 describing the "twist trigger" may need to be tweaked. Not a big deal, but I have a reputation to uphold, after all. ;) Edited by Astyanax
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  • 8 months later...

Suggested changes in blue.

 

XLW-07 "BROILER" Heavy Laser Rifle

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/Heavy Laser Rifle

 

The Broiler Heavy Laser Rifle is basically an improved Laser Rifle, featuring better power and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The Heavy Laser Rifle’s damage potential is great enough to punch through even heavy Alien armor, making it a valuable asset against the more resilient Alien races.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a more powerful version of the Laser Rifle for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good; our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a more powerful model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a Repeater Cannon. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler Heavy Laser Rifle. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  - Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced Terran personal weapon available, with its range being significantly increased from the earlier pistol and rifle models. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our Repeater Cannons. The larger frame allows space for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of six distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle, making the Heavy Laser Rifle capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.  However, even with the advanced heat sinks embedded in the weapon’s frame, the heat generated from continuous firing results in irreparable deformation of the laser core.  As a result, the the rate of fire of the Heavy Laser Rifle has been capped and the “auto-fire” mode disabled.

 

The firing mechanism differs significantly from that of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the forward grip of the weapon contains the twist-trigger. The weapon can be fired by depressing the recessed safety catch and twisting the grip.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the laser core and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the trigger is pulled, the weapon must charge briefly before firing. The [XLW-07]’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction.

 

The secondary capacitor situated below the primary grip grounds the user from premature discharges. It also regulates the primary capacitor, preventing an excess charge from accumulating

 

The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will need to be recharged quickly, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed the weapon was out of commission.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as an aiming point. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the Broiler, and it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful too; it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” - Sgt. Alex Dupont.

 

Nothing major.

Edited by FullAuto
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But they wouldn't try to make a heavier model on purpose, would they?  More powerful, yes, but the added weight would be an unwelcome side-effect.

No, heavy here only reffers to the power. This is slang. If you really have concerns with this (remember, it's just a fluff), please think of something different than "more powerful".

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Hi FullAuto! Nice to meet you! It's nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of; this forum has been a ghost town for a while. I'm much busier these days than when I was a terror of the forums, but just so you know, I can be a bit thorough. If I make a ton of comments in lots of different colors (I'm better now, I swear!), please realize that it's nothing personal and that you've just become the next unwitting victim of Astyanaxization™.

 

Anyway, I have a few comments about your revisions (don't be intimidated by my comments- if you really feel like something should be changed, explain it to me, argue with me, convince me! It's better for people to be on the same page, and I'll do the same for you). :)

 

"better power and accuracy": maybe "increased power and accuracy"?

 

"punch through even heavy Alien armor": I like this; it's a good change.

 

"create a more powerful": I don't know... the original "create a larger and more powerful" sort of implies that the final product is going to be indeed larger (e.g. the heavy laser) rather than just more powerful (e.g. laser rifle mk II)

 

"making a more powerful model": hm, I think the original "making a heavier model" is better. In this case, "heavy" means "beefier" and "more robust." It isn't actually slang; it's another definition of heavy.

 

"the heat generated from continuous firing results": thank you for the catch, FullAuto; I missed the incorrect verb tense.

 

"The firing mechanism differs significantly": I don't feel particularly attached to the new or old versions; both work for me.

 

"Once the trigger is pulled": this may be a consistency issue. If the AWD (art folks) decided to add a button, the trigger would instead be "pressed," like in the original. If I recall correctly, the "twist-trigger" part (paragraph 5) might also have been axed. If so, that part would need to be fixed. By the way, CTD almost always defers to AWD (it's harder to change art models than text).

 

"must charge briefly before firing": I like this- it's much clearer than my original revision.

 

A period was accidentally deleted at the end of paragraph 7 after "accumulating"...

 

"it will need to be recharged quickly": mmh, I actually never liked the whole paragraph because the rationale for a tertiary system seems overkill to me. But that's just my opinion. :P

 

"aiming point": hm, I'm not thrilled about "sight" nor "aiming point"... I don't know, maybe "and assists sight alignment with the target"? Maybe too wordy? How about "aiming reference"?

 

"test the Broiler, and it was love": this is my personal preference, though others may have differing points of view: I'm a lot more forgiving about quotes because people talk (in my opinion) in a different way than people write in text. Sometimes the flow and "coarseness" of a quote is part of the personality of the excerpt... that's where I generally come from. Therefore, can you guess what I think about the revision? :P

 

A nice set of revisions. I look forward to working with you, FullAuto!

-Asty

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Thank you. :) I try, I try.

 

"better power and accuracy": maybe "increased power and accuracy"?

 

No preference, really. I just used 'better' because it's shorter than 'increased'. They both mean the same thing in this context. I suppose the latter sounds a little more technical.

 

"create a more powerful": I don't know... the original "create a larger and more powerful" sort of implies that the final product is going to be indeed larger (e.g. the heavy laser) rather than just more powerful (e.g. laser rifle mk II)

 

"making a more powerful model": hm, I think the original "making a heavier model" is better. In this case, "heavy" means "beefier" and "more robust." It isn't actually slang; it's another definition of heavy.

 

Well, the robustness of the system is explained in the article, but I always thought the main point was a more powerful weapon, rather than increased size or reliability. However, this is a minor issue of semantics, and 'heavier' serves quite well, I think. The weapon is, after all, heavier and more durable. :)

 

"The firing mechanism differs significantly": I don't feel particularly attached to the new or old versions; both work for me.

 

I thought 'of the Broiler' was a little bit redundant. We know what we're reading about. We don't need to be reminded every paragraph, otherwise we will get annoyed. ;)

 

"aiming point": hm, I'm not thrilled about "sight" nor "aiming point"... I don't know, maybe "and assists sight alignment with the target"? Maybe too wordy? How about "aiming reference"?

 

'Aiming reference' means the same as 'aiming point' in this case, I feel, but it does sound more technical.

 

Apart from that, I think we're in pretty much solid agreement.

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  • 3 months later...

Incorporated most of FullAuto's suggestions and changed the parts about the grips and triggers to match the AWD model (paragraphs 7-8). I collapsed paragraphs 8-10 into a single paragraph as well and streamlined it slightly.

 

XLW-07 "BROILER" Heavy Laser Rifle

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Weapons/Heavy Laser Rifle

 

The Broiler Heavy Laser Rifle is basically an improved Laser Rifle, featuring increased power and accuracy at the expense of rate of fire. The Heavy Laser Rifle’s damage potential is great enough to punch through even heavy Alien armor, making it a valuable asset against the more resilient Alien races.

 

“Commander Schultsky told me and my research team to create a more powerful version of the Laser Rifle for our operatives to use. The word from the front was not good; our soldiers were getting pasted. In an attempt to tip the scales in our favor, we tried making a more powerful model, but the standard rifle frame simply did not have enough space. It was Jessica’s idea to use a frame salvaged from a Repeater Cannon. From there we just crammed the components in. A month later we unveiled the Broiler Heavy Laser Rifle. That same day I proposed to Jessica, and she accepted.”  - Head physicist George Schlieffen.

 

The Broiler is currently the most advanced Terran personal weapon available, with its range being significantly increased from the earlier pistol and rifle models. In an evolutionary move, X-Corps designers have abandoned the one-handed rifle concept and embraced the larger two-handed frame currently used in our Repeater Cannons. The larger frame allows space for additional components to increase the weapon’s functionality. The Broiler consists of six distinct components: laser core, firing mechanism, primary capacitor, secondary capacitor (safety circuit), tertiary capacitor, and computer-assisted targeting system.

 

The oversized laser core within the weapon allows for larger, more powerful streams of synchronized light energy to be released every firing cycle, making the Heavy Laser Rifle capable of vastly increased penetration and damage over previous designs.  However, even with the advanced heat sinks embedded in the weapon’s frame, the heat generated from continuous firing results in irreparable deformation of the laser core.  As a result, the the rate of fire of the Heavy Laser Rifle has been capped and the “auto-fire” mode disabled.

 

The firing mechanism differs significantly from that of previous laser weapons. Due to weight and balance issues, the weapon is supported from the hip instead of the shoulder elbow. The forward grip of the weapon provides the additional stability for a weapon of this size, while the rear grip contains the thumb-operated trigger. The Heavy Laser Rifle's unique design is equally effective in the hands or right- and left-handed individuals.

 

The primary capacitor stores the energy used to excite the laser core and initiate the emission of high-energy photons. Once the trigger is pressed, the weapon must charge briefly before firing. The [XLW-07]’s primary capacitor is larger and more robust than the earlier laser designs, significantly decreasing the chances of weapon malfunction. The secondary capacitor, located below the forward grip, regulates the primary capacitor; it prevents an excess charge from accumulating and grounds the user from premature discharges. The tertiary capacitor can, in the event of a failure of the primary capacitor, store a limited amount of laser energy. While the weapon can still fire at reduced strength, it will need to be recharged quickly, unlike previous weapon designs where if the primary capacitor failed the weapon was out of commission.

 

The integrated targeting computer is a high-grade target acquisition system which emits a low-powered targeting laser when the safety is released. This targeting laser is aligned with the main laser beam and acts as an aiming reference. The soldier’s HUD is sensitive to the targeting laser’s wavelength, allowing the soldier to determine when the weapon is on target with point-and-click accuracy.

 

“I was one of the first ones to field test the Broiler, and it was love at first shot. The damn thing nearly fires by itself! The only thing I had to do was center the Grey in my HUD, twist the handle and wham! One less bug polluting the universe! It’s powerful too; it actually burned through the bug and went on to melt a foot-wide hole through a boulder! I hope I never have to use a normal gun again!” - Sgt. Alex Dupont.

Edited by Astyanax
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