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#1 nixnihil

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Posted 12 February 2004 - 02:32 PM

EDIT: PLEASE NOTE THE XENOCIDE NAME FOR THIS ALIEN IS RAPTOR, REFERENCES TO OTHER NAMES BY INDIVIDUALS IS NOT CONDONED BY THE PROJECT AND THE PROJECT DOES NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR SUCH ACTIONS. INDIVIDUALS SHOULD REFER TO THIS ALIEN AS "RAPTOR". THANKS!


I'll also add that I already looked in the workshop. Reaper had no entries, so I wrote one last night. I think it's quite good.

However, I'm not sure about your "standardization" format. Like should I have made Specs (height, weight, etc.) or spent more time describing physical attributes? I noticed other writeups had amusing little quotes so I put some in too.

Whaddya think?

EDIT: Reaper Writeup 2.0 is located below, so this version is obsolete. You can still read it if you want though...

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Edited by Breunor, 24 February 2004 - 08:55 AM.


#2 nixnihil

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:11 AM

hm. 3 people have DLed my reaper thing, but nobody left feedback. Thanks for nothing guys! :puke:

haha, just kidding.

#3 Puasonen

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:35 AM

Yep, good first draft. Have you seen the concept images of our new reaper?
http://www.xcomufo.c...pic=2185&st=175

Specs are something that you can decide. Give him some attributes (speed, weight, etc.) Look at that concept and try to figure out some good specs. It doesn't matter if it goes totally wrong, we will surely correct you and propose our own ideas. Just make a firsr draft for specifications too. (here's an example of chryssalids specs):

RESEARCH COMPLETED: [Chryssalid]

HEAD OF RESEARCH PROJECT: [HARRY DRESDEN]

SPECIFICATIONS:
WEIGHT:___________________ [250 lbs]
SIZE:______________________ [7’ on average]
TYPE:_____________________ ALIEN LIFE FORM
OTHER:___________________ Able to infect humanoid species and reproduce within the timeframe of a single combat situation.
There's no need for a sig..

#4 Anthraxus

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 05:57 AM

Typically you should give people a least a day to respond before you complain. And if nobody says anything than it means that you must have gotten everything right, right?? :whatwhat:
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#5 Breunor

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 09:29 AM

Actually the first 2 posts were in the recruit center thread, I moved them here after the fact. So he's responding to the lack of action in there, not here. But yeah, if things go for several days or even a week with little action, just realise nixnihil that many of us participate as time permits, and real life takes precedence. Most of the seniors at least will try to announce if we're going to be away for a few days so people know though.

Regarding your text, first I would remove hell and other words like that, we are not going to have any text along those lines. I'd start the text out with shorter version of your third paragraph. Answering your first question, don't worry about putting the stats in the text, all I need is for it to be in a basic 3 section format: summary paragraph, details paragraph, and then any quotes or fluff text. That's the format it will be saved in for the game code. So your second paragraph should go at the end, and all the references to Waterloo or a specific battle should be in that fluff text. I like your line about it either being a cunning instictive skill or possible mind control that gives them good stalking skills, since there's not going to be an obvious "brain control box" strapped on it like the original game had.

#6 nixnihil

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:06 PM

:wacko: Easy guys, I was just bitching as a joke :devillaugh:

Oh yeah, and I asked somewhere else, but forgot where...how do I make the "reaper" topic exclusively my own? Some topics have names next to theirs so no one else takes it, and I was wondering how I get specifically "assigned" to such things?

P.S.- If I ever get "told" to do something, I would prefer it to be a creature, interrogation, or autopsy. I'm not so good with equipment because I'm not exactly a physics professor :D

Edited by nixnihil, 13 February 2004 - 01:25 PM.


#7 nixnihil

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 01:39 PM

Okay, here is a revised copy.

changes:

I think that Sergeant Toren cursing like a sailor (or squaddie may be more appropriate ^_^ ) is a funny little feature that shows the stereotype of soldiers picking up foul language. See the movie "hamburger hill" where one of the black guys tells the tale of how he was visiting his mother after serving in 'Nam and was saying things like "Pass the goddamn potatoes" and "Mom, this ham is fukkin' A".
Kinda a venture into how war changes you, but mine is in a humorous context. So instead of actually swearing, I put [expletive deleted]. Players can puzzle it out and laugh at it, and little kids would have no idea what the heck I'm talking about. So everyone wins. A little risque humour, but no overt vulgarity.

I went more into details of the physical description, made some conjectures of natural predatory instinct and possible amphibious origins. I don't think there are TOO many holes in my logic :D

I also messed around with the original order and tweaked some other things. Sooo...Check this version out!

EDIT: There, I fixed the problem.

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Edited by nixnihil, 13 February 2004 - 05:21 PM.


#8 Breunor

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 02:14 PM

I tried to open and/or download your text, and the file's empty. I even renamed it to rtf format in case that was it. For future reference, just keep the filename simple, reaper.rtf is fine.

I added your name to the asset list, but everybody remember this is just as an easy way to find out who's been writing what, it's not a final word on who's concept is being used. That's another way of saying the names on the assetlist don't really serve much of a purpose.

Earlier in the project people were writing up texts outside these threads, so the names helped figure out who was doing what. I'm more of a task master :) and ask everybody to post their ideas up front in a new thread for people to evaluate. So the threads are serving the same purpose as the names in the asset list. There's 3 ways to say it. ;)

#9 nixnihil

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 05:29 PM

So, I fixed the problem. I also want to do a commander interrogtion. First, could you tell me some guidelines? Since no one else has any done I'm not certain what is being looked for. Should it be something expository like:

"Upon interrogating the commander, X-Corps officials have determined that...blah blah blah"

or should it be more narrative like:

" Due to the successful capture of a commander, a team of scientists began interrogations immediately. The official transcript of the Commander is as follows:

Dr. Kovalov: " Shall we begin the questioning the civil way, or the X-corps way?"

Commander: "I'll tell you nothing! Pax Cydonia!"

Dr. Kovalov: "Administering electro shocks now..."

Commander: " Blaargh...oh god why?"

:explode: <----commander's face

Haha, that's an amusing mental picture. So, give me some info and I'll get right to work. Now that my Raptor writeup is complete and posted correctly, I'll begin revisions as soon as I get more feedback.

#10 Foozball

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 05:58 PM

Just come up with something and post it.
If we like it and you're on the right track, we'll let you know. If we don't like it and you're on the wrong track, we'll also let you know. ^_^
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#11 Foozball

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 06:49 PM

Ummm, you should post stuff like this in the art department workshop, not here. This is a CT-only forum. :wink:

BTW, trust me: this issue has been discussed to death. Although, the raptor concept is not finalized yet, so feel free to make as many suggestions as you like there.

Edited by Foozball, 13 February 2004 - 06:51 PM.

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#12 nixnihil

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 07:42 PM

I DID post it in the art department as well ;)

I just I should post it here too because it's my work and I'm doing the writeup as well. Just so I can keep track of my postings so I don't get lost.

#13 Anthraxus

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 09:12 PM

Actually if you dig down a bit, you'll see that I already started a thread for the Commander Interrogation concept. It's down there I promise.

Your rewrite is looking better, but you shouldn't reference a specific location as the "first encounter". There is no way to be sure that the first time a player meets Raptors will be anywhere near any Waterloo. It's good copy, just not applicable in any circumstance. The CTDs need to hold true to any game they are used in.

If you want to expand on the biology some more you could pickup the Raptor Autopsy CTD.
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#14 nixnihil

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 02:33 AM

I don't really think that the "first encounter" thingy is that relevant, couldn't it be assumed that a different team picked it up, or they were encountered before X-Corps was fully amalgomated etc.? Or maybe I could be completely wrong.

So, does this thing have fur or what? I was looking at the concept sketches and some of them didn't look that furry. Kinda hard to write a description when nothing is finalized. haha. Well, one step at a time I suppose, the drafts will only get better and better.

Edited by nixnihil, 14 February 2004 - 02:39 AM.


#15 nixnihil

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 01:19 PM

Reaper Writeup Version 3.0:

Changes:

-added some neurobiology details

-expanded on the physical description: why the tail is so large, etc.

-Spruced up the concluding statement

Some people didn't like my idea of tying it in to a battle that players are most likely not going to fight (at Waterloo). However, I was under the impression that there could be some aspect of imagination added to the description. I.e.- one could assume that a different team picked up that particular mission, perhaps even before you were appointed as commander of the X-Corps project. I was assuming that aliens had been encountered before X-Corps was on it's own two legs. What if I say "Human Forces" instead of X-Corps in specific, so that perhaps it could pertain to local law enforcement or military? I really want to keep my little allusion in...:(

P.S.: Is this thing hairy? The concept sketches make it look more reptilian and I wasn't sure if we decided to keep the hair. Tell me the answer and I'll be glad to include it in the next version.

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Edited by nixnihil, 17 February 2004 - 01:22 PM.


#16 j'ordos

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 01:40 PM

I believe we were planning on keeping the fur, if it didn't show on the concept pics it was just left out due to lazyness :)
Although it doesn't HAVE to turn out that way, I think it'll stay furry, and I like it that way. Makes for a more a-typical alien ;)
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#17 Breunor

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 02:22 PM

Yeah, it will have fur, which helps explain why it takes more damage from incindiary weapons (I believe that was the damage type it was vulnerable to).

Since you don't get this text until you research your own live alien, it wouldn't make sense to say another team from another location/agency researched it as well and passed on their info at the same time. Part of the writing assignment is making sure it fits in all scenarios, so specific locations the player might never have seen to that point, or other research/aliens they might not have reached, should be avoided. It's the same as if you included the line, "compared to the sectopod, this thing blah blah blah..." it would sound wrong if you didn't already have a sectopod, right?

Regarding the writeup for the text, there are some references to reapers and floaters still, you'll want to swap out the new names there. The amphibious versus land-based line seems out of place, that sort of jumps out of what? I can see making a comparison to dinosaurs, with the comment that if they had survived, perhaps this is what some of them might have looked like. The reference to multiple organs is interesting, I'd say they seem to be all functioning, and during its massive sprints it must put them all to maximum use. During normal activity it might survive on less than 100%, suggesting a durability to watch out for in combat.

Regarding interrogation text, look at the original entries from xcom which are found at www.xcomufo.com/ufopaedia/index.html for inspiration. The new text needs to point the player in the same directions as the originals, but can have some extra flair as well. It would make sense if they follow a progression or theme for consistency.

#18 Anthraxus

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 02:42 PM

What if you drop the second to last paragraph and change the last line of the fluff text to read "That will be known as Xcorp's Waterloo... Mark my words."
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#19 nixnihil

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 02:56 PM

Okay. So Here are changes to version 3.1:

-Got rid of the amphibious bullshiit. I figured that since they had no legs (and always resembled furry frogs in my mind) I was open to make up some BS. Oh well, scrap that.

-Took out the much-debated anecdote about the "first encounter". You win guys :(

-Added more detail about the multiple organs shite.

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#20 RustedSoul

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 05:36 PM

Took out the much-debated anecdote about the "first encounter". You win guys


it could have stayed if you changed x-corps to a "local military search and rescue team" (not sure what they call themselves there)

#21 nixnihil

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 05:11 AM

hmm...maybe you're right. Not a bad idea! We'll see what the head honchos think of that! :beer:

#22 Breunor

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 08:13 AM

Well my previous comments about the whole Waterloo encounter focused on the fact that you were mentioning a specific location and scenario, which should be avoided. If you make it a generic location, and say "civilian reports of this creature reinforce our own findings, etc etc" then it's fine.

#23 nixnihil

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 03:13 PM

Blah, screw it. I don't really care anymore. So, anything else that needs to be tweaked a bit?

#24 nixnihil

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Posted 24 February 2004 - 02:53 PM

Okay, so this is my final draft:

- Changed the erroneous "graviton" to "satyrian"
-fixed a small repetition problem

One last thing: are we supposed to capitalize the names? like:

The Raptors are mean.

or:

The raptors are mean.

I've seen people do it both ways. In my opinion, since "raptor" isn't a form of address or a title, or a proper name, then it should be in lower case.

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#25 Anthraxus

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Posted 24 February 2004 - 03:02 PM

In standard english a group name is capitalized when refering to the entirity of the group, but it is not when refering to an individual. I.E. "I love the Chinese." as opposed to "I love that chinese girl."
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#26 nixnihil

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Posted 25 February 2004 - 03:05 AM

Well, I guess I'll just leave my draft as such, and someone else can change it if they think there's something wrong with it. Most of my references to raptors are in lower case.

#27 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 18 January 2005 - 05:49 PM

RAPTOR
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Species/Raptor

The large beasts known as Raptor terrorists are frequently seen in terror missions or Alien bases mindlessly serving their Satyrian masters. They appear to be devoid of any emotions, but seem to take an unearthly delight in tearing the enemy into shreds and feasting on its remains. Although appearing large and clumsy, the Raptors are actually extremely fast and agile creatures.

The Raptor's intelligence was found to be somewhat limited. Although neural activities were very low in the cerebral cortex, particularly the frontal lobe, they were found to be intense in the cerebellum. This shows that although cultural, intellectual, and creative aspects of the Raptor species are virtually nonexistent, the basic instinctual impulses are very well developed: muscle growth, reflexes, and balance are extremely refined. It is not wise, however, to simply dismiss a Raptor as stupid; using its natural cunning instinct, or perhaps telepathic commands from a higher caste; Raptors have been known to stealthily ambush X-Corps patrols and catch them off guard, either wiping out the teams themselves, or creating a diversion that allows their Satyrian counterparts to seize an advantage within the chaos of death screams and torn flesh.

"Wilkins, get over here and cover my flank! One of those Raptors just went around that building...Wilkins? Wilkins! Respond, rookie! If I have to turn around... Hey, Wilkins where did you g-...Mother of...Noooooo [unintelligible]" -Last transmission from Corporal Nicholas Beauchesne.

The Raptor's physical form in itself appears to be very simple, consisting only of a small abdomen, two massive legs, and a head. In addition to this is an elongated tail to serve as a counterbalance to its bizarre physique. Although the Raptor has no arms, this lack of dexterous appendages is more than compensated for by their enormous crushing jaws and razor sharp fangs. This makes it obvious that Raptors are definitely not engineers. Their bodies are also covered in a thick mantle of fur. Our scientists have discovered that the natural oils that coat the fur are highly combustible. Our knowledge about their origins is very limited and is a subject of pure speculation, but researchers unanimously conclude that their nature is predatory.

One peculiarity of Raptors is that when placed under ultrasound analysis, what appear to be two fully functional hearts can be detected. This, and the amount of damage that is required to significantly wound one of these creatures, leads us to believe that the creature not only possesses two hearts, but two pairs of lungs, and basically two of what we would call “vital” organs. Only the most severe of wounds will bring one of these horrific creatures down, as the backup organs will keep it alive unless they are all thoroughly incapacitated. Multiple sets of vital organs serve other advantages as well: Raptors can sprint for long distances without growing tired, as their vital organs "cycle" to keep its body operating at maximum efficiency. Whether this feature is naturally evolved or is a feat of Alien engineering is not known at this point. This is still a supposition and has to be corroborated by the autopsy.

In summary, Raptors are fast, deadly, and aggressive predators that cannot be reasoned with and will stop at nothing to ensure the destruction of any Human that stands in their path. Raptors should be considered high priority targets and eradicated when any opportunity presents itself.

"It was a [expletive deleted] mess, that's what it was. You scientist-types have no idea what [expletive deleted] we soldiers go through! Those gigantic freaks should be slower than molasses due to their size. Boy, were we in for a surprise when we got caught right in the [expletive deleted] middle! Those other Aliens blazing away with their rifles, and those [expletive deleted] monsters behind us devouring our men alive...we lost a lot of good men, I tell 'ya..." - Ex-Sergeant Ralph Toren, stationed at Sunny Hills Psychiatric Center pending evaluation.

#28 Astyanax

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Posted 15 March 2005 - 06:19 PM

The usual stuff: Red text indicates additions, orange text indicates deletions, and blue text indicates comments or suggestions.

Added [brackets], capitalizations of the word "Alien", and British spellings replaced by American ones are not denoted.

Proofreading Round 1


RAPTOR
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Species/Raptor

The large beasts known as Raptors terrorists are frequently seen in terror missions or and Alien bases mindlessly serving their Satyrian masters. They appear to be devoid of any emotions, but seem to take save for an unearthly delight in tearing the enemy into shreds and feasting on its remains. Although appearing large and clumsy, the Raptors are actually extremely fast and agile creatures.

The Raptor's intelligence was found to be somewhat limited. Although neural activities were very low in the cerebral cortex, particularly the frontal lobe, they were found to be particularly intense in the cerebellum. This shows that although cultural, intellectual, and creative aspects of the Raptor species are virtually nonexistent, the basic instinctual impulses are very well developed: muscle growth, reflexes, and balance are extremely refined. It is not wise, however, to simply dismiss a Raptor as stupid,; using only its natural cunning instinct, or perhaps telepathic commands from a higher caste; Raptors have been known to stealthily ambush X-Corps patrols and catch them off guard, either wiping out the teams themselves, or creating a diversion that allows their Satyrian counterparts to seize an advantage within the chaos of death screams and torn flesh.

"Wilkins, get over here and cover my flank! One of those Raptors just went around that building...Wilkins? Wilkins! Respond, rookie! If I have to turn around... Hey, Wilkins where did you g-...Mother of...Noooooo [unintelligible]" -Last transmission from Corporal Nicholas Beauchesne.

The Raptor's physical form in itself appears to be very simple, consisting only of a small abdomen, two massive legs, and a head. In addition to this is and an elongated tail to serve as a counterbalance to its bizarre physique. Although the Raptor has no arms, this its lack of dexterous appendages is more than compensated for by their its enormous crushing jaws and razor sharp fangs. This makes it obvious that Raptors are definitely not engineers. Their bodies are also covered in a thick mantle of fur. Our scientists have discovered that the natural oils that coat the fur are highly combustible. Our knowledge about their origins is very limited and is a subject of pure speculation, but researchers unanimously conclude that their nature is predatory.

One peculiarity of Raptors is that when places under Peculiarly, ultrasound analysis detects, what appears to be two fully functional hearts can be detected. This finding along with, and the amount of damage that is required to significantly wound one of these creatures, leads us to believe that the creature known as the Raptor not only possesses two hearts, but two pairs of lungs, and basically two sets of what anything we could call “vital” organs. Only the most severe of wounds will can bring one of these horrific creatures down; because of the redundant organ systems, anything short of incapacitating damage, as the backup organs will keep it alive unless they are all thoroughly incapacitated would allow the Raptor to continue functioning with little apparent effect. Multiple sets of vital organs serve other advantages as well: Raptors can sprint for long distances without growing tired, as their vital organs "cycle" to keep its body operating at maximum efficiency. Whether this feature is naturally evolved or is a feat of Alien genetic engineering will be addressed in a Raptor autopsy is not known at this point. This is still a supposition and has to be corroborated by the autopsy. Changed in case the player has already researched the Raptor autopsy.

In summary, Raptors are fast, deadly, and aggressive predators that cannot be reasoned with and will stop at nothing to ensure the destruction of any Human that stands in their path. Raptors should be considered high priority highly dangerous? targets and eradicated when any opportunity presents itself.

"It was a [expletive deleted] mess, that's what it was. Ya ou scientist-types pencilnecks have no friggin’ idea what all the [expletive deleted] we us soldiers go through! You’d think those gigantic freaks would be slower than molasses due to lookin’ at their size. Boy Christ, were we in for a surprise when we got caught right in the [expletive deleted] middle! Those other Aliens blazing away with their rifles, and those [expletive deleted] monsters behind us devouring eatin’ our men alive...we lost a lot of good men, I tell 'ya [expletive deleted]..." - Ex-Sergeant Ralph Toren, stationed at Sunny Hills Psychiatric Center pending evaluation.

Changed "scientist-types" to "pencilnecks" to match soldier slang in other fluffs. Changed the language to try to make the guy less coherent. :P
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#29 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 30 April 2005 - 12:29 AM

RAPTOR
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Species/Raptor

The large beasts known as Raptors are frequently seen in terror missions and Alien bases, mindlessly serving their Satyrian masters. They appear to be devoid of any emotions, save for an unearthly delight in tearing the enemy into shreds and feasting on its remains. Although appearing large and clumsy, the Raptors are actually extremely fast and agile creatures.

The Raptor's intelligence was found to be somewhat limited. Although neural activities were very low in the cerebral cortex, particularly the frontal lobe, they were found to be particularly intense in the cerebellum. This shows that although cultural, intellectual, and creative aspects of the Raptor species are virtually nonexistent, the basic instinctual impulses are very well developed: muscle growth, reflexes, and balance are extremely refined. It is not wise, however, to simply dismiss a Raptor as stupid; using only its natural cunning instinct, or perhaps telepathic commands from a higher caste; Raptors have been known to stealthily ambush X-Corps patrols, either wiping out the teams themselves or creating a diversion that allows their Satyrian counterparts to seize an advantage within the chaos of death screams and torn flesh.

"Wilkins, get over here and cover my flank! One of those Raptors just went around that building...Wilkins? Wilkins! Respond, rookie! If I have to turn around... Hey, Wilkins where did you g-...Mother of...Noooooo [unintelligible]" -Last transmission from Corporal Nicholas Beauchesne.

The Raptor's physical form in itself appears to be very simple, consisting only of a small abdomen, two massive legs, a head and an elongated tail to serve as a counterbalance to its bizarre physique. Although the Raptor has no arms, its lack of dexterous appendages is more than compensated for by its enormous crushing jaws and razor sharp fangs. Their bodies are also covered in a thick mantle of fur. Our scientists have discovered that the natural oils that coat the fur are highly combustible. Our knowledge about their origins is very limited and is a subject of pure speculation, but researchers unanimously conclude that their nature is predatory.

Peculiarly, ultrasound analysis detects what appear to be two fully functional hearts. This finding along with the amount of damage that is required to significantly wound one of these creatures, leads us to believe that the creature known as the Raptor not only possesses two hearts, but two pairs of lungs, and basically two sets of anything we could call “vital” organs. Only the most severe of wounds can bring one of these horrific creatures down; because of the redundant organ systems, anything short of incapacitating damage would allow the Raptor to continue functioning with little apparent effect. Multiple sets of vital organs serve other advantages as well: Raptors can sprint for long distances without growing tired, as their vital organs "cycle" to keep its body operating at maximum efficiency. Whether this feature is naturally evolved or is a feat of Alien genetic engineering will be addressed in a Raptor autopsy.

In summary, Raptors are fast, deadly, and aggressive predators that cannot be reasoned with and will stop at nothing to ensure the destruction of any Human that stands in their path. Raptors should be considered highly dangerous targets and eradicated when any opportunity presents itself.

"It was a [expletive deleted] mess, that's what it was. Ya pencilnecks have no friggin’ idea all the [expletive deleted] us soldiers go through! You’d think those gigantic freaks would be slower than molasses lookin’ at their size. Christ, were we in for a surprise when we got caught right in the [expletive deleted] middle! Those other Aliens blazing away with their rifles, and those [expletive deleted] monsters behind us eatin’ our men alive...we lost a lot of good men, [expletive deleted]..." - Ex-Sergeant Ralph Toren, stationed at Sunny Hills Psychiatric Center pending evaluation.

Edited by Azrael, 30 April 2005 - 07:01 PM.