Jump to content


Photo

100 Things Skippy Can't Do In Xcom


  • Please log in to reply
93 replies to this topic

#51 Raven

Raven

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 37 posts

Posted 18 November 2003 - 03:27 PM

:wub: I may not ask the alian leaders daughter out on a date
It is not Death that you fear,
it is how you could die that scares you.

#52 Mustang

Mustang

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 542 posts

Posted 18 November 2003 - 03:44 PM

I may not use a laser pistol to play Star Wars in the base


#53 SupSuper

SupSuper

    Programming Department

  • Xenocide Programming Department
  • 2,418 posts

Posted 18 November 2003 - 03:57 PM

I may not switch new weapon designs for toy weapon designs.

too bad, now you will never know the ancient secrets of supsupers long gone avatar ;)

Posted Image


#54 Raven

Raven

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 37 posts

Posted 18 November 2003 - 06:57 PM

:devillaugh: I may not take weapons designs home to build them
I may not sell weapons designs to the alians
Evan if they already have them
Aquatoids are not sushi
Aquatoids are not to replace sushi
sushi may not replace Aquatoids
The alians in containment are not to be let out for gym
In case of emergency do not push the green button, push the red one.
Sectoids and Ethreals are not to be cross breeded
I did not see Bob the builder at a crash site
I did not see the president at a crash site
i did not see anybody except my crew and the alians at the crash site :beer:
It is not Death that you fear,
it is how you could die that scares you.

#55 Robo Dojo 58

Robo Dojo 58

    Colonel

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,001 posts

Posted 24 November 2003 - 03:56 PM

Wow, there are some nice ones here. I especially like #33. here are a few of my own.

You may not use a Psi-Amp to be an Ethereal on Halloween.
Stun rods are not for cutting in line.
Do not make shadow puppets on the radar screen.
The air vents are not for storage.
Chrysallid eggs are not to be used for paintball.
Chrysallid eggs are not to be put in someone elses food.
Wearing an Ethereal cloak will not give you psychic powers.
Taking baths every day is mandatory.
Do not open a plasma clip.
Do not open a fusion ball.
Stun bombs are not stress releivers.
Blaster bomb obstacle courses are not allowed.
There is to be no racing of tanks.
Mind probes are not allowed on poker nights.
High Explosives are not lincoln logs.
You are not allowed to haze rookies with blaster bombs. ("trust me, it won't hit you...")
Do not pretend to be under alien control.
Do not even think about being under alien control.
You may not inject morphine-based painkillers.
You may not mind control aliens to touch live wires.
You may not mind control aliens to drown themselves.
You may not mind control aliens to join X-COM.
You may not mind control aliens to fight to the death.
Only the supreme commander can take bets.
Razors are scientific equipment.
Dentist tools are scientific equipment.
Duct tape, blind folds, and gasoline cans are scientific equipment.
Interrogations must be done by no fewer than 100 properly equipped scientists.
The hyperwave decoder is not for downloading pr0n.
Posted Image Haha! I'm now the Supreme Commander of X-COM. Time to kiss Earth goodbye.

My first order of business: Homeless people make cheap rookies, and are great at opening UFO doors. Heck, they're so cheap, I'm going to replace all personel with them!
Secondly: This organisation takes too much money to run. Weapon shipments will come from Siberia from now on. Costly maintenance is to be cut on all facilities. That includes venting.
Thirdly: We have a new colonel. His name is Facehugger, he loves aliens, and I want you all to treat him with respect.
Lastly: I'll be in my condo on an undisclosed island, if you need me. Good day.

FMIX-The General Stores

#56 Deathskull

Deathskull

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 439 posts

Posted 25 November 2003 - 11:13 AM

Chrysallids may not be used in pit fights
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

#57 Ryker

Ryker

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 18 posts

Posted 25 November 2003 - 11:32 AM

You may not crash the Avenger into the Cydonia base even if you think it would save time.

#58 mikker

mikker

    Artwork Department

  • Xenocide Artwork Department
  • 2,211 posts

Posted 25 November 2003 - 01:16 PM

The hyperwave decoder is not for downloading pr0n.

why not?

1)You get information about the girls hight, etc.
2)You get to know her current location
3)You get to know her current destination
4)You get to know her name
5)Its 3D dude! 3D!

Some people say that dreams are a portal to the subconscious. If that is so, I am a very disturbed person.

the truth about scientology

#59 Robo Dojo 58

Robo Dojo 58

    Colonel

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,001 posts

Posted 26 November 2003 - 09:06 AM

why not?

1)You get information about the girls hight, etc.
2)You get to know her current location
3)You get to know her current destination
4)You get to know her name
5)Its 3D dude! 3D!

Not only that, you get to know her speed, and what she's going to do when she gets there.

okay, time to check up on my GF.

WOMAN'S MIND DECODED
UW-1212347

Size- 5 1/2

Race- Samantha Billins

Altitude- 5"8'

Heading- Route-239

Speed- 80 MPH

Destination - Ex's house

Mission - Retaliation

:o :cussing: WTF?! All Avenger-1 crew, this is a priority one call...
Posted Image Haha! I'm now the Supreme Commander of X-COM. Time to kiss Earth goodbye.

My first order of business: Homeless people make cheap rookies, and are great at opening UFO doors. Heck, they're so cheap, I'm going to replace all personel with them!
Secondly: This organisation takes too much money to run. Weapon shipments will come from Siberia from now on. Costly maintenance is to be cut on all facilities. That includes venting.
Thirdly: We have a new colonel. His name is Facehugger, he loves aliens, and I want you all to treat him with respect.
Lastly: I'll be in my condo on an undisclosed island, if you need me. Good day.

FMIX-The General Stores

#60 Cpl. Facehugger

Cpl. Facehugger

    Creative Text Department

  • Xenocide Inactive
  • 3,749 posts

Posted 26 November 2003 - 09:07 AM

LOL! :)
I'm only partially inactive. :P I can still be reached at cpl.facehugger@gmail.com, and via PM. Preferably the former.

*Coming back? Avast! Facehugger, finish your assignments!*

Posted Image

#61 Raven

Raven

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 37 posts

Posted 03 December 2003 - 03:32 PM

:hammer: roflol
It is not Death that you fear,
it is how you could die that scares you.

#62 SupSuper

SupSuper

    Programming Department

  • Xenocide Programming Department
  • 2,418 posts

Posted 04 December 2003 - 03:56 AM

n1 ;)

too bad, now you will never know the ancient secrets of supsupers long gone avatar ;)

Posted Image


#63 Trevelyan

Trevelyan

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 311 posts

Posted 18 December 2003 - 05:07 PM

*soldier walks up to a scientist*

^_^ - hey you wanna research my TV? Channel 64 is coming in fuzzy...

:huh:
Posted Image

My conscience is clear, therefore I am guilty of having a bad memory.

#64 Robo Dojo 58

Robo Dojo 58

    Colonel

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,001 posts

Posted 28 December 2003 - 07:48 PM

The stun rod is not a club
Electroflares are not a toy
Training exercises are not to be done in combat
Don't use two grav shields to punch holes in space
Don't puncture space in an atmosphere
Don't save the civilians
Don't use the Skyranger for combat
Don't replace the hot potato with a stun bomb
Don't use the Hangar lift for "Walking the plank" :devillaugh:
Don't drink the vials
Don't use the manufacturing equipment for augmentation :ninja:
Don't use Elerium for decoration
Don't make Elerium sculptures, except of the commander :beer:
Don't make Elerium teeth :fang:
Don't touch the Elerium, period.
Don't taste Alien Alloys
Don't use Alien Alloys for model rockets
Don't use the Alien Alloys to make Knight armor
Don't sell Alien Entertainment to druggies
Don't make Chrysallid carpets
X-Corps doesn't get the Spice channel for free
Posted Image Haha! I'm now the Supreme Commander of X-COM. Time to kiss Earth goodbye.

My first order of business: Homeless people make cheap rookies, and are great at opening UFO doors. Heck, they're so cheap, I'm going to replace all personel with them!
Secondly: This organisation takes too much money to run. Weapon shipments will come from Siberia from now on. Costly maintenance is to be cut on all facilities. That includes venting.
Thirdly: We have a new colonel. His name is Facehugger, he loves aliens, and I want you all to treat him with respect.
Lastly: I'll be in my condo on an undisclosed island, if you need me. Good day.

FMIX-The General Stores

#65 Crus8r

Crus8r

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 10 posts

Posted 24 January 2004 - 02:35 AM

I may NOT "blow off the cow's hed" before the Harvester has been cleared, no matter how funny it is.

Explosive ordinance is dangerous and expensive, and NEVER to be used for "creative landscaping" after the last alien operative has been neutralized.

ESPECIALLY Blaster Bombs!!!

Edited by Crus8r, 24 January 2004 - 02:38 AM.


#66 RustedSoul

RustedSoul

    Creative Text Department

  • Xenocide Creative-Text Departmen
  • 477 posts

Posted 24 January 2004 - 06:24 AM

skippy the bush kangaroo? ^_^

edit. May not assume the identity of an Australian TV icon

Attached Thumbnails

  • skip.jpg

Edited by RustedSoul, 24 January 2004 - 09:09 AM.


#67 mikker

mikker

    Artwork Department

  • Xenocide Artwork Department
  • 2,211 posts

Posted 24 January 2004 - 12:54 PM

i don't know the kengaroo, but i understood the joke :)

Some people say that dreams are a portal to the subconscious. If that is so, I am a very disturbed person.

the truth about scientology

#68 LordT

LordT

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 715 posts

Posted 24 January 2004 - 01:28 PM

i don't know the kengaroo, but i understood the joke :)

You've never seen Skippy?? Oh dear lord!
Take your time and submit a name to the Names Database.

Resistance is futile! (if < 1 ohm)

#69 SupSuper

SupSuper

    Programming Department

  • Xenocide Programming Department
  • 2,418 posts

Posted 25 January 2004 - 08:34 AM

skippy the bush kangaroo? ^_^

edit. May not assume the identity of an Australian TV icon

LOLZ! :LOL: ^_^ :D

too bad, now you will never know the ancient secrets of supsupers long gone avatar ;)

Posted Image


#70 Raven

Raven

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 37 posts

Posted 08 February 2004 - 09:11 PM

:hammer: How could have never seen skippy the bush kangaroo?
It is not Death that you fear,
it is how you could die that scares you.

#71 Deathskull

Deathskull

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 439 posts

Posted 21 March 2004 - 12:07 PM

I may not juggle primed grenades
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

#72 mikker

mikker

    Artwork Department

  • Xenocide Artwork Department
  • 2,211 posts

Posted 21 March 2004 - 12:11 PM

i don't know the kengaroo, but i understood the joke :)

You've never seen Skippy?? Oh dear lord!

it were in a single cinema in the capital, but only in a week as only few saw the movie (me not included) :rolleyes:

Some people say that dreams are a portal to the subconscious. If that is so, I am a very disturbed person.

the truth about scientology

#73 x_man586

x_man586

    Squaddie

  • Forum Members
  • PipPip
  • 1 posts

Posted 24 March 2004 - 02:26 PM

I may not use mind control on the Civilians

#74 Lord FoX

Lord FoX

    Rookie

  • Forum Members
  • Pip
  • 0 posts

Posted 24 March 2004 - 03:08 PM

nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu the site no worky!!!!!!
:crying: :crying:

Thou Shalt not use the Master Brain as a basketball, no matter how squishy

No using the Hyperwave Decoder to "Phone Home"

Loop the Loops in an Avenger is strictly forbibben

I shall not connect the Toaster to a Power Source

Installing UFO Navigation in your car is forbidden :naughty:

.......Even if my GPS is broken

Playing paintball with a Plasma Cannon is not acceptable, no matter how green

Shooting people in cloaks and Screaming "Ethereal" is wrong! :devillaugh:

I will not mate Chysilids(sp?) with flys to create a "better breed"

Using a Blaster bom as a firework is not allowed

Nailing a Plasma Clip to my rifle will not make it "better"

Trying to inscribe "I woz 'ere" in a Cyberdisc with a Stunrod is stupid

Trying to inscribe "I woz 'ere" in a Sectopod with a Stunrod is even more stupid

I will not sit on a Hovertank making VRRROOOOOOM BANG BANG noises :D

Kicking UFO power sources is a bad idea :blink:

#75 Danny252

Danny252

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts

Posted 18 April 2004 - 01:58 PM

Plasma is not orange juice. It is superheated radioactive orange juice.
The Hyperwave decoder is not to be used for flirting with ethereal girls, even if they are mysteriously sexy.
The aliens are not interested in the Roman conquest of Britain.
Mutons are not people who work in radioactive anti-matter matter conversion chambers.
Interceptors are not compatible with stun rods.
Heavy Cannons cannot fire HE rockets.
Plasma cannons cannot fire rifle rounds.
Sectopods are not robotic dogs which have lost a leg but replaced it with a few plasma cannons.
Placing proximity grenades on a herd of cows is not amusing to the farmer when he comes.
Throwing plasma clips out the door and then shooting them while in transit does not make a nice firework display.
Elerium crystals are not seethrough carrots.
Elerium crystals are not to be pulveriused into elerium sauce then had with bacon and eggs.
UFO power sources are not compatible with microwaves, even if you do want to fry a silicoid.
Interceptors are not suped-up F22's.
Never take the Avenger to pick up your girlfriend.
If you do never let her examine the fusion ball launcher.
If you do never press the fire button.
If you do never tell her that it is not a warm bouncy ball.
If you do never let her press the "detonate" button.
If you do never find a new girlfriend.
If you do never repeat this.
If you do it wasn't my fault someone took the Avenger.
A Plasma cannon is not compatible with a missile.
Adding Elerium 115 to a missile warhead will not make it "Look cool".
Don't blame the CO if you fire at Will.

Edited by Danny252, 18 April 2004 - 01:58 PM.

*Atishoo.. atishoo..*
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
"Oops.. I set off the self destruct device.. damn.."
Last words of Sergant Leia Evans before being blown to bits by the alien self destruct mechanism.

"Hey, look, roasted Greys!"
Colonel Bob Newman, the Sahara, downed Grey scout ship.

#76 Danny252

Danny252

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts

Posted 18 April 2004 - 01:59 PM

I wrote that many bad jokes in one reply?
*Atishoo.. atishoo..*
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
"Oops.. I set off the self destruct device.. damn.."
Last words of Sergant Leia Evans before being blown to bits by the alien self destruct mechanism.

"Hey, look, roasted Greys!"
Colonel Bob Newman, the Sahara, downed Grey scout ship.

#77 Lord FoX

Lord FoX

    Rookie

  • Forum Members
  • Pip
  • 0 posts

Posted 20 April 2004 - 08:43 AM

Well I liked the herd of cows trick!!
....Maybe if I try giving a primed Proxy to a civilian.....hmmmm :idea: Suicide bombers......

Chysilid(sp?) bait!!! "EAT ME!!!" beep beep beep, "awwww damn" SPLUT! :explode:

#78 Judge_Deadd

Judge_Deadd

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 270 posts

Posted 30 April 2004 - 01:30 AM

You cannot sell your alien grenades to civilians when on a terror mission.

Doing a wrestling match with mutons is a VEEERY bad idea.

You can't grab Sectoids by legs and wave them in circles.

You are not allowed to climb on Sectopods and have a ride.

You are not allowed to put prox grenades in W.C.

I said: You are not allowed to put prox grenades in W.C.

ARE YOU DEAF? YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PUT PROX GRENADES IN W.C.!

Aliens aren't your friends, even cute ones.
"This is why I love subtle humour, it's as dirty or as clean as the reader's own mind." -- Sinscale17

"Just imagine if you were really the XCOM commander. You'd build defence modules like there was no tomorrow. Because if you didn't, there really would be no tomorrow!" -- Aiki-Knight

#79 Danny252

Danny252

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts

Posted 30 April 2004 - 04:03 AM

Sectoids are annoying buggers..
last time I play superhuman..
*Atishoo.. atishoo..*
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
"Oops.. I set off the self destruct device.. damn.."
Last words of Sergant Leia Evans before being blown to bits by the alien self destruct mechanism.

"Hey, look, roasted Greys!"
Colonel Bob Newman, the Sahara, downed Grey scout ship.

#80 Cpt. JAG

Cpt. JAG

    Squaddie

  • Forum Members
  • PipPip
  • 7 posts

Posted 03 May 2004 - 12:51 AM

You may not go to cydonia with the intention of getting the master Brain to do your homework.

If you see an etherial, dont assume its hallowean and ask the civilians for candy.

You may not use stun bombs as sleeping pills.

You cant ask the engineers to build you a swislaserplasmastunrod knife.

When you see a reaper, dont call out "Giant chicken spotted!"

Edited by Cpt. JAG, 04 May 2004 - 06:02 PM.


#81 Gene$|s

Gene$|s

    Rookie

  • Forum Members
  • Pip
  • 0 posts

Posted 06 May 2004 - 02:40 PM

Grenades have perfect accuracy, they always hit the ground.

Clean your blaster bomb launcher, a misfiring launcher could make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit.

When in doubt, empty the magazine.

All newbies may be used to sweep for prox mines...once

Never go in first, never go in last

Do not play 'knock knock - who's there?' games on battleship doors

Don't draw alien fire, it irritates the people around you

If it is stupid but works, it isn't stupid!

If you can't remember, the blaster launcher is aimed away from you

Never tell the commander you have nothing to do

UFO's attrack fire, do not hide behind them

Teamwork is essential, it gives the aliens someone else to shoot at

The easy way always has blasterbombs

Try looking like a civilian, the aliens might be low on ammo

Who cares if a blasterbomb is accurate to one feet?

:beer:

#82 Sanguineangel2005

Sanguineangel2005

    Rookie

  • Forum Members
  • Pip
  • 0 posts

Posted 07 May 2004 - 11:42 PM

I will not play hot potato with a live alien grenade.

Sectoids ARE NOT to be asked for cosmetic surgery if they abduct and perform experiments upon you.

That goes for all the bugs, come to think of it.

Just because I am an XCOM operative, I do not have the right to shoot up on cocaine on the claim that it enhances combat performance.

People have to pay to replace the barns you blow up with the blaster bombs. If you know there's not an alien in there, don't be cute and level the building. Leave it alone.

Your NCO will not appreciate a near miss with a blaster bomb whose detonation misses him by inches, especially if you drop the blaster launcher and point to the rookie next to you in blame.

It is not advisable to pretend to be Egore for your scientist friends during an alien autotopsy.

If your pal in the xenobiology department lets you play Egore, remember that blaster bombs are not acceptable suppositories for live subjects.

On the other hand, any form of lesser explosive is an acceptable suppository, so long as the alien has already divulged all useful information.

The bug juice in the mess hall is NOT Sectoid blood, even though it's green and has the same texture...

As amusing as it may be, the psi-amp should not be used to get a date with Sergeant Colette Gaudin.

Likewise, the psi-amp should not be used to attain that nifty new plasma rifle in the laboratory display case for your own personal use.

Rookies are not meat shields. They have feelings too. They prefer their job to be called "on-the-job training" for when (if) they become ranking operatives. They really are meat shields though. :rolleyes:

Once in a blue moon, it's perfectly acceptable to see what the big red button on the fusion defense system controls does. After all, there's something very wrong if there's a large blue orb right outside the base.

#83 Gryx

Gryx

    Squaddie

  • Forum Members
  • PipPip
  • 3 posts

Posted 16 August 2004 - 05:08 AM

On halloween you may not walk around the base wearing an alien costume.

On any other day you may not walk around the base wearing an alien costume.

You may not "borrow" the ufo and use it to offer rides.

You may not launch the missile defenses to celebrate New Years or 4th of July.

#84 Chris StarShade

Chris StarShade

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 178 posts

Posted 19 August 2004 - 03:32 PM

You may not unload the skyranger if the general stores are full.

You may not use plasma weapons for base defense if you have 80 electroflares in storage.

You may not dismantle the hangar while a craft is parked there.

You may not dismantle the hangar if the craft normally parked there is out on a mission.

You may not dismantle the research lab while the scientists are working in it.

You may not dismantle the work shop if the engineers are working in it.

You may not dismantle the living quarters while people are sleeping there.

You may not dismantle the access lift.

You may not tell representatives from the funding nations that the war is going badly.

You may not use the psi-amp on the members of the funding nations to improve funding, however tempting.

You may not attach your PS2 to the alien entertainment.

You may not attach anything to the alien entertainment.

You may not shove a heavy plasma clip in a dead alien's mouth and attempt to shoot it.

You may not capture civilians.

You may not attempt to use the Psi-Amp on the alien brain.

You may not make milkshakes with the alien food processors.

You may not drink milkshakes made with the alien food processors.

If you do drink milkshakes made with the alien food processors, report to medical.

You may not sell laser cannons to the taliban.

You may not sell laser cannons to the alien sympathizers.

You may not fly the Lightning to Cydonia.

You may not be in a logical formation at the beginning of a base defense mission.

You may not fire a blaster launcher at the UFO Power sources.

If you have not reported to the Psi-Lab for Psionic Strength tests, you may not make eye contact with any sectoids or ethereals in alien containment.
Psionics? Bah! Glorified staring contest.

#85 scorps04

scorps04

    Squaddie

  • Forum Members
  • PipPip
  • 7 posts

Posted 21 August 2004 - 07:53 AM

you may not play pool with stun rods and stun bombs on an examination table

you may not use psi-amps to seduce female soldiers

you may not let prisoners out of the alien containment for a cigarette

when playing baseball, you may not use stun bombs to "strike out" batters

#86 Exo2000

Exo2000

    Colonel

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,009 posts

Posted 31 August 2004 - 02:58 PM

The Psi-Amp is not filled with pink bubblegum, therefore you may not break it open.

Stun Bombs are not Blackcurrant Chewits

Alien Grenades are not Toffee Apples

Sectoids do not glow in the dark. Unless you stick flares to them.

If you have 20 rifles which have been hacked to be uber and need no ammo, you will always get heavy plasmas and one clip per person.

If you are the last man left in a City Terror Mission, it is NOT Silent Hill or Resident Evil. But the zombies that look like your co-workers ARE zombies and should be shot. Lots. Even if all you have is a pistol. A plasma pistol will do. Heck, even a laser one.

If you run out of Plasma Rifle Ammo, you've forgotten your Laser Pistol.

If you run out of Blaster Launcher Ammo, you've forgotten WHERE your Laser Pistol is because you dropped it three turns ago to pick up some more Blaster Bombs and the entire battlefield is so full of smoke you can't see anything. Including your teammates. And your laser pistol. You are -so- buggered.

If you run out of Rifle Ammo, grab some from the dead guy next to you.

If you run out of Rocket Launcher ammo, the guys with the extra missiles have almost certainly gone and gotten either lost or killed. And you don't have a pistol of any kind.

Celatids are not basketballs. Or footballs. Or balls of any kind.

Edited by Exo2000, 31 August 2004 - 03:06 PM.

Posted Image

#87 Deathskull

Deathskull

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 439 posts

Posted 31 August 2004 - 06:45 PM

you are always expected to run infront of chryssalids if told to and are not to assume the player made a "missclick"

Edited by Deathskull, 31 August 2004 - 06:45 PM.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

#88 Raven

Raven

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 37 posts

Posted 07 September 2004 - 11:06 PM

I havent looked in here for ages cos someone moved it when i was running wild on a RAAF base. u guys are going great.
It is not Death that you fear,
it is how you could die that scares you.

#89 Exo2000

Exo2000

    Colonel

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,009 posts

Posted 24 September 2004 - 09:26 AM

You may not ask the Overspawn out for a pint or two. A drunk Overspawn would be worse than a sober one.

~~
But the thought of an Overspawn sitting there and crying talking away in a big rumbly voice saying how it was abandoned by it's parents when it was 2 is quite amusing.
Posted Image

#90 Guest_Azrael_*

Guest_Azrael_*
  • Guests

Posted 17 December 2004 - 04:36 PM

Modified with Xenocide names :)
Please post more if you can, but please follow the number and layout pattern, and if possible, use Xenocide names :D


133 Things Tommy is not allowed to do in X-Corps:

1. 'Morlock Girls are Easy' is not the motto of the Psi Divison.
2. I am not allowed to encourage the PsiDiv members to "have the aliens do the can-can".
3. Plasma Rifles may not be used to heat my morning coffee.
4. I may not accuse PsiDiv members of 'messing with my head'.
5. Even if they're actually doing it.
6. Commander Jonlan's proper form of address is "Commander", not "Miss Cleo"
7. Psi-amps are not filled with yummy candy.
8. Xenium 122 is not to be sold in schoolyards as 'the next wave in chemical entertainment'.
9. Proximity grenades may not be left in the latrines 'in case the aliens go to the loo'.
10. Filling aliens full of stimulants 'just to see them jitter and jive' is not an appropriate use of my medikit.
11. The purpose of rookies is *not* "To open doors carrying two primed grenades".
12. The Starfire is not a UFO; I am not allowed to shoot at it.
13. I may not hang a 'Just Married' sign and a bunch of tin cans from the back of the hovertank.
14. Fusion Launchers are not to be sold on the black market.
15. Plasma weaponry is not to be sold on the black market.
16. I am not allowed to sell anything on the black market.
17. The alien surgery may not be used to 'play doctor'.
18. Alien Food is not food.
19. Vipers may not be kept in aquariums.
20. Raptors are not fuzzy pets.
21. Alien Entertainment is not suitable for children.
22. Stun Bombs are not fireworks.
23. Flying suits may not be used to 'buzz the tower'.
24. Alien corpses may not be turned into 'Do It At Home Alien Autopsy Kits'.
25. Tinfoil hats are not a substitute for the base's Mind Shield.
26. Civilians are not "Spawns waiting to happen."
27. The Hyper-Wave Decoder does not receive cable TV.
28. I may not leave my pet rock in charge of my station.
29. Dead Silabrates may not be substituted for pet rocks.
30. Live Silabrates may not be substituted for pet rocks.
31. Aliens do not like bubblegum.
32. Not even if I brought enough for all of them.
33. Ventriculant venom is a paralytic nerve toxin, not 'happy juice'.
34. I may not sign a secret pact with the alien forces.
35. I may not sign a public pact with the alien forces.
36. I am not permitted to defect in order to get 'supreme alien powers'.
37. The X-Com Commander is not an alien, and I am not allowed to deploy the Fusion defenses against him.
38. At no point during a mission should I point and scream "facehugger!!!"
39. Fusion Launchers may not be programmed for U-turns.
40. When exiting landing craft do not leave primed proxy grenades on the floor, no matter how much of a laugh it is.
41. Alien bases are not the place to pronounce you're pregnant.
42) Vipers eggs do NOT fit with bacon.
43) I may not press the red button on the control panel in the alien containment.
43a) I may not press any button on the control panel in the alien containment.
43b) I may not press buttons, flick switches or poke things with sticks
44) I may not take my new Spawn friend into the personal quarters.
45) While on the way to Mars, I may not open the windows.
46) When on Mars, I may not take of my mask to take some fresh air.
47) I may not take on an Cloak cape, and ring door bells.
48) When in battle, I may not panic, and take the Skyranger home.
49) I may not play american football with a Fusion bomb.
50) I will never again teach a Morlock to play poker.
50a) If I do teach a Morlock to play poker, I will not play with him.
50b) If I do play with him, I will not bet the Skyranger.
50c) If I do bet the Skyranger, I will not do so in the hopes that I will draw into an inside straight.
51) I'm not allowed to take prox grenades home and use them as burglar alarm.
52) I may not eat flares, regardless of how 'cool' I look in the dark.
53) Aliens are dangerous - do not tap, moon, or lick the glass.
54) Stun bombs are not for playing hot potato.
55) Laser rifles are not to be used to cook my food.
55a) The Fusion Missile launcher is not a deep fryer.
55b) I may not use any weapons for cooking food.
56) I may not use the Psi-Amp on the bank manager to give myself enormous amounts of money
57) Terror-discs are not Frisbees
58) Raptors are not big shaggy dogs
59) Midgets are not Greys in Disguise
60) "The door was locked" is not an excuse for not assaulting an alien base
61) Last nights dinner was not "Grey Soup"
62) Vipers are not to be taken home as pets
62a)Cloaks are not to be taken home as pets
62b)I am not permitted to take any alien home as a pet
63) I must not buy 500 Titan launchers, instead of Titan missiles.
64) I may not take a plasma cannon home to take care of those "nosy neighbors"
65) I can't target the Starfire at George Bush even if you think he's an alien.
66) Flying Suits are not to be used for "air shows".
67) Fusion Bomb Launchers are not to be used in-doors.
68)Research equipment is not to be stolen just to "mess around".
69) The alien hyperwave decoder is not to be used to send text messages to the aliens.
70) The base raid alarm is not to be used on April the 1st.
71) The Starfire is not for street racing
71a) Even if you know you'll win
71b) Do not challenge the police to a race in the Starfire
72) I can't have an open house party at the base
72a) I can't invite the Greys to a party at the base
73) Psi amps may not be used make 'friends'
74) I may not ask the alien leaders daughter out on a date
75) I may not use a laser pistol to play Star Wars in the base
76) Aquatoids are not sushi
77) You may not use a Psi-Amp to be an Cloak on Halloween.
78) Wearing an Cloak robe will not give you psychic powers.
79) There is to be no racing of tanks.
80) Mind probes are not allowed on poker nights.
81) I am not allowed to haze rookies with Fusion bombs. ("trust me, it won't hit you...")
82) Do not pretend to be under alien control.
83) Interrogations must be done by no fewer than 100 properly equipped scientists.
84) The hyperwave decoder is not for downloading p0rn.
84a) Even if it is 3D.
84b) Yes, even then.
85) Nailing a Plasma Clip to my rifle will not make it "better"
86) Trying to inscribe "I woz 'ere" in a Terror-disc with a Stunrod is stupid
86a)Trying to inscribe "I woz 'ere" in a Artopod with a Stunrod is even more stupid
87) I will not sit on a Hovertank making VRRROOOOOOM BANG BANG noises.
88) Kicking UFO power sources is a bad idea.
89) Plasma is not orange juice. It is superheated radioactive orange juice.
90) The Hyperwave decoder is not to be used for flirting with Cloak girls, even if they are mysteriously sexy.
91) Artopods are not robotic dogs which have lost a leg but replaced it with a few plasma cannons.
92)Placing proximity grenades on a herd of cows is not amusing to the farmer when he comes.
93) Never take the Vengeance to pick up your girlfriend.
93a) If you do, never let her examine the Fusion Missile launcher.
93b) If you do, never press the fire button.
94)Adding Xenium 122 to a missile warhead will not make it "Look cool".
95) You can't grab Greys by legs and wave them in circles.
96) You are not allowed to climb on Artopods and have a ride.
97) Grenades have perfect accuracy, they always hit the ground.
98) Clean your Fusion bomb launcher, a misfiring launcher could make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit.
99) When in doubt, empty the magazine.
100) All newbies may be used to sweep for prox mines...once
101) Do not play 'knock knock - who's there?' games on battleship doors
102) Don't draw alien fire, it irritates the people around you
103) If it is stupid but works, it isn't stupid!
104) Teamwork is essential, it gives the aliens someone else to shoot at
105) The easy way always has Fusion bombs involved.
106) Try looking like a civilian, the aliens might be low on ammo.
107) A Fusion Bomb Launcher is not accurate while standing in one feet.
108) Greys ARE NOT to be asked for cosmetic surgery if they abduct and perform experiments upon you.
108a) That goes for all the bugs, come to think of it.
109) Just because I am an XCOM operative, I do not have the right to shoot up on cocaine on the claim that it enhances combat performance.
110) People have to pay to replace the barns you blow up with the Fusion bombs. If you know there's not an alien in there, don't be cute and level the building. Leave it alone.
111) It is not advisable to pretend to be Igor for your scientist friends during an alien autopsy.
113) As amusing as it may be, the psi-amp should not be used to get a date with Sergeant Colette Gaudin.
114) Have you noticed there is no number 112?
115) Rookies are not meat shields. They have feelings too. They prefer their job to be called "on-the-job training" for when (if) they become ranking operatives. They really are meat shields though.
116) Once in a blue moon, it's perfectly acceptable to see what the big red button on the fusion defense system controls does. After all, there's something very wrong if there's a large blue orb right outside the base.
117) On halloween I may not walk around the base wearing an alien costume.
117a) I may not ever walk around the base wearing an alien costume.
118) I may not "borrow" the ufo and use it to offer rides.
119) I may not launch the missile defenses to celebrate New Years or 4th of July.
120) I may not unload the skyranger if the general stores are full.
121) I may not use plasma weapons for base defense if you have 80 electroflares in storage.
122) I may not dismantle the hangar while a craft is parked there.
122a) I may not dismantle the hangar if the craft normally parked there is out on a mission.
122b) I may not dismantle the research lab while the scientists are working in it.
122c) I may not dismantle the work shop if the engineers are working in it.
122d) I may not dismantle the living quarters while people are sleeping there.
122e) I may not dismantle the access lift.
123) I may not tell representatives from the funding nations that the war is going badly.
124) I may not use the psi-amp on the members of the funding nations to improve funding, no matter how tempting.
125) I may not attach your PS2 to the alien entertainment.
125a) I may not attach anything to the alien entertainment.
126) I may not make milkshakes with the alien food processors.
126a) I may not drink milkshakes made with the alien food processors.
127) I may not sell laser cannons to the alien sympathizers.
128) I may not be in a logical formation at the beginning of a base defense mission.
129) I may not fire a Fusion launcher at the UFO Power sources.
130) I may not use psi-amps to seduce female soldiers
131) I playing baseball, I may not use stun bombs to "strike out" batters
132) The Psi-Amp is not filled with pink bubblegum, therefore I may not break it open.
133) Greys do not glow in the dark. Unless you stick flares to them.

Edited by Azrael, 17 December 2004 - 04:38 PM.


#91 floater medic

floater medic

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 164 posts

Posted 05 January 2005 - 09:20 AM

even if the guy in charge of formation on base defence missions is drunk u must do what he says and split yourself into 2 teams

team1: stand around the corridors looking at the walls

team2: hide in the little store rooms
-WHEN THERES A WILL THERES A WAY WHEN THERES A WHIP THERES A GAY-
-STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WHIPS AND CHAINS EXITE ME-
-MOTHER ALWAYS SAID LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF EGGS......STUPID COW-

"a plastyc bag??? we cent tayk a plastyc bag if it hasen` got a speshel mark! doos eet hev a speshel mark????? oo it dont hev a speshel mark!!!!! we cent tek that eet cud strngle a lil kiddie that cud!!!!!!!"

#92 floater medic

floater medic

    Captain

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 164 posts

Posted 05 January 2005 - 09:21 AM

In base defence missions the standard equipment is 80 large rockets and nothing else
-WHEN THERES A WILL THERES A WAY WHEN THERES A WHIP THERES A GAY-
-STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT WHIPS AND CHAINS EXITE ME-
-MOTHER ALWAYS SAID LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF EGGS......STUPID COW-

"a plastyc bag??? we cent tayk a plastyc bag if it hasen` got a speshel mark! doos eet hev a speshel mark????? oo it dont hev a speshel mark!!!!! we cent tek that eet cud strngle a lil kiddie that cud!!!!!!!"

#93 teukros

teukros

    Sergeant

  • Forum Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 41 posts

Posted 06 January 2005 - 06:22 AM

You will keep your buddy in your sight at all times, unless returning fire.

When returning fire, you will first make sure that your buddy is not in your sights...
runs with primed grenades

#94 SupSuper

SupSuper

    Programming Department

  • Xenocide Programming Department
  • 2,418 posts

Posted 06 January 2005 - 09:13 AM

When returning fire, you will first make sure that your buddy is not in your sights...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Unless he's the one firing at you ;)

too bad, now you will never know the ancient secrets of supsupers long gone avatar ;)

Posted Image