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#1 Cpt. Boxershorts

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Posted 27 June 2003 - 06:40 PM

And the Medium....

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#2 Cpt. Boxershorts

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 08:24 PM

Maybe this should go into a topic of it's own at this point...

At any rate, here's the next installment:

Recon UFO

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

  The smallest of the armed alien craft, the Recon UFO seems to have been a common visitor to our world.  Virtually all of the UFO sightings through the mid to late twentieth century were of these small, one or two room ships.  Though given the name 'Frisbee' due to the disc-like shape of the most commonly encountered configuration, this class of scout ship comes in many forms.  Like the smaller Foo Fighters, the purpose of this vessel is exploration rather than simple military conquest. 
  With only a light weapons complement, this craft is more likely to flee a confontation than stand and fight.  However, like a rat, it can give a nasty bite when trapped.  Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the intercepter for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.
  Containing several banks of delicate scanning equipment, the Frisbee is often used to search a larger vehicle's future flight path for threats.  These vehicles can also be equipped for initial research on terrestrial organisms.  Often found grounded in rural agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experiments upon.  A typical crew consists of only five or six extraterestrials. When downed, these craft pose only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team. 
  This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons, from maxiumum range.  This way our intercepters can remain undamaged, and still leave the majority of the craft intact for recovery after a hard landing.  More powerful weapons should only used if a recovery mission is unlikely as little, if anything, of use will remain.
  These craft are powered by a single reactor, usually set in the center of the main room.  In an undamaged ship, our operatives can expect to find minimal amounts of the alien alloy and supplies.  The most useful substance carried by this class of ship is the small amount of Xenium used to power the vessel.
  While the military threat presented by a Recon-class UFO is minimal, it is imperative that we disrupt the Alien research and reconnaissance as much as possible.  We must take any steps possible to attempt to slow their invasion force, no matter how futile it may seem.

"I come out thinkin' them rabbits was in my cabbages agin', and then I see them little grey fellers pokin' around.  I shouted, and shot a load of double-aught buck in the air to scare 'em...next thing I know, I'm wakin' up, and m'fields are picked clean!"
          - Bob Robertson, Farmer [Post-landing interrogation session #34B]


Wow, that's a pitiful attempt at a fluff...

-The Captain

Edited by Cpt. Boxershorts, 08 April 2005 - 08:26 PM.

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#3 Astyanax

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Posted 11 April 2005 - 01:21 PM

Recon UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

The smallest of the armed alien craft, the Recon UFO seems to have been a common visitor to our world.  Virtually all of the UFO sightings through the mid to late twentieth century were of these small, one or two room ships.  Though given the name 'Frisbee' due to the disc-like shape of the most commonly encountered configuration, this class of scout ship comes in many forms.  Like the smaller Foo Fighters, the purpose of this vessel is exploration rather than simple military conquest.

In sentence 2, since there is no way of knowing for certain that all those sighting were definitively Recon UFOs, maybe state it so it’s slightly more vague: “Virtually every UFO report from the mid- to late twentieth century fits the description of these small, single or double room ships.”  As for “Frisbee”, isn’t that a copyrighted name?  I’m kind of fuzzy on the specifics, so I’m not sure whether the name can be used or not.

With only a light weapons complement, this craft is more likely to flee a confontation than stand and fight.  However, like a rat, it can give a nasty bite when trapped.  Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the intercepter for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.

In sentence 2, maybe: “However, like a trapped rat, it can still deliver a nasty bite.”

Containing several banks of delicate scanning equipment, the Frisbee is often used to search a larger vehicle's future flight path for threats.  These vehicles can also be equipped for initial research on terrestrial organisms.  Often found grounded in rural agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experiments upon.  A typical crew consists of only five or six extraterestrials. When downed, these craft pose only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team.

In the first sentence, maybe rephrase and combine with the second: “…Frisbees often sweep the airspace ahead of larger craft for potential threats, but they can also conduct initial research on terrestrial organisms.” (“conduct” in the next sentence can be changed to “perform”?)

This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons, from maxiumum range.  This way our intercepters can remain undamaged, and still leave the majority of the craft intact for recovery after a hard landing.  More powerful weapons should only used if a recovery mission is unlikely as little, if anything, of use will remain.

In the original X-Com, I don’t think the weapons used to down the UFO have an effect on how damaged the recoverable craft is (in one of NKF’s posts, it was mentioned that you could save right before starting the mission, and if the UFO was badly damaged, you could reload until you get a relatively intact one…).  Since Xenocide is trying to emulate the original as closely as possible, I’d imagine it would be the same?

These craft are powered by a single reactor, usually set in the center of the main room.  In an undamaged ship, our operatives can expect to find minimal amounts of the alien alloy and supplies.  The most useful substance carried by this class of ship is the small amount of Xenium used to power the vessel.

In the first sentence, you could avoid passive tense by using, “A sole reactor, usually mounted centrally in the main room, powers these crafts.”  In the second sentence, I’d suggest “limited” instead of “minimal”.  Also, mention of “Xenium” may not be a good thing, especially if the player hasn’t researched it yet (unlikely, but you never know).  Perhaps use “exotic substances and materials”?

While the military threat presented by a Recon-class UFO is minimal, it is imperative that we disrupt the Alien research and reconnaissance as much as possible.  We must take any steps possible to attempt to slow their invasion force, no matter how futile it may seem.

Minor nitpick- maybe substitute “no matter” in the last sentence to “regardless of”?

"I come out thinkin' them rabbits was in my cabbages agin', and then I see them little grey fellers pokin' around.  I shouted, and shot a load of double-aught buck in the air to scare 'em...next thing I know, I'm wakin' up, and m'fields are picked clean!"
          - Bob Robertson, Farmer [Post-landing interrogation session #34B]

The fluff is fine the way it is, but for some more “local color”, maybe change and to an’, wakin’ to a-wakin’, and Bob to Bobby John (Southern names tend often have double names).

It looks pretty good so far, Cpt. Boxershorts. =b

Edited by Astyanax, 14 April 2005 - 05:44 PM.

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#4 Cpt. Boxershorts

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 02:55 PM

Okay, lots of cahnges...thanks for all the suggestions. I checked, and 'Frisbee is trademarked, so I removed all references to it. Also cleaned up a few references to x-com names.

Recon UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

The smallest of the armed alien craft, the Recon UFO seems to have been a common visitor to our world.  Virtually all of the UFO sightings through the mid to late twentieth century fits the description of these small, one or two room ships.  Though given the name 'Frisbee' due to the disc-like shape of the most commonly encountered configuration, this class of scout ship comes in many forms.  Like the smaller Probe vessels, the purpose of this vessel is exploration rather than simple military conquest.

With only a light weapons complement, this craft is more likely to flee a confontation than stand and fight.  However, like a trapped rat, its small plasma cannon gives it a nasty bite.  Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the intercepter for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.

Containing several banks of delicate scanning equipment, this classic flying disc usually sweep the airspace ahead of larger craft for potential threats, but they can also perform initial research on terrestrial organisms.  Often found grounded in rural agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experiments upon, with a typical crew consisting of only five or six extraterestrials. When downed, these craft pose only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team.

This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons, from maxiumum range.  This way our intercepters can remain undamaged, and still leave the majority of the craft intact for recovery after a hard landing.  More powerful weapons should only used if a recovery mission is unlikely as little, if anything, of use will remain.

A sole reactor, usually mounted centrally in the main room, powers these crafts.  In an undamaged ship, our operatives can expect to find limited amounts of the alien composite and supplies.  The most useful substance carried by this class of ship is the small amount of exotic substances and materials used to power the vessel.

While the military threat presented by a Recon-class UFO is minimal, it is imperative that we disrupt the Alien research and reconnaissance as much as possible.  We must take any steps possible to attempt to slow their invasion force, regardless of how futile it may seem.  The constant increase in UFO sightings and interceptions force us to consider the frightening possibility that these small ships are merely the vanguard of a much greater extraterrestrial threat.


-The Captain
"...you're always afraid you'll lose control and wake up some morning with a half-built time machine and a plan to go back in time and pants Hitler."
- A Miracle of Science


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#5 Astyanax

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Posted 18 April 2005 - 06:26 PM

Very nice, Captain! I like the changes. =b

There were two tiny things that caught my eye, though:

The smallest of the armed alien craft

Virtually all of the UFO sightings...

It's not a big deal, but consider removing the "of the" in each of these lines; the meanings would be unchanged and it slightly improves the flow: a minor detail at best.


This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons, from maxiumum range.

I don't know... some things about this sentence strike me as odd. When the player has researched better craft weapons, the "This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons" no longer holds true; downing the craft with more advanced weapons would then be "best". On the flip side, at the beginning of the game, the player can only shoot things down with conventional weapons, so it's redundant. So I thought to myself, "Maybe delete it from the sentence?"

But if the mention of conventional weapons was excised, you'd be left with, "This vessel is best downed from maximum range,"... but isn't that true for virtually all UFO interceptions? :huh?: So then I thought, "Maybe delete the entire sentence...?"

But then if the sentence is deleted, the rest of the paragraph is orphaned and loses its meaning. Maybe delete the whole paragraph? I don't know, what're your thoughts on the matter?

Anyway, aside from these two niggling comments, outstanding job, Boxers. It's very readable and it flows rather well, in my not-so-humble opinion. ^_^

-Asty
(endless nitpicker)

Edited by Astyanax, 18 April 2005 - 06:30 PM.

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#6 Blehm 98

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Posted 18 September 2005 - 07:32 PM

no posts for a while, i claim this one
red is recommended deletions
orange what to replace the deletions with
blue highlights are additions
purple in-word changes

____________________________________________________________________



Recon UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

The smallest of the armed alien craft, the Recon UFO seems to have been a common visitor to our world. Virtually all of the UFO sightings through the mid to late twentieth century fits the description of these small, one or two room ships. Though given the name 'Frisbee' due to the disc-like shape of the most commonly encountered configuration, this class of scout ship comes in many forms. Like the smaller Probe vessels, the purpose of this vessel is exploration rather than simple military conquest although this vessel is quite capable of air combat.

Not much here, a couple changes, but overall nice

With only a light weapons complement, this craft is more likely to flee a confrontation than stand and fight. However, like a trapped rat, its small plasma cannon gives it a nasty bite. Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the intercepter for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.

Very small change, but this is a very nice paragraph

Containing several banks of delicate scanning equipment, this classic flying disc usually sweeps the airspace ahead of larger craft for potential threats, but they can also perform initial research on terrestrial organisms. Often found grounded in rural agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experiments upon, with a typical crew consisting of only five or six extraterestrials. When downed, these craft pose only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team.

good paragraph, minor mistake corrected, I can't stand mistakes, although extraterestrials may have been mispelled, i can't tell

This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons, from maximum range. This way our intercepters fighter can remain undamaged, and still leave the majority of the craft intact for recovery after a hard landing. More powerful weapons should only used if a recovery mission is unlikely as little, if anything, of use will remain.

minor mistake fixed

A sole reactor, usually mounted centrally in the main room, powers these crafts. In an undamaged ship, our operatives can expect to find limited amounts of the alien composite and supplies. The most useful substance carried by this class of ship is the small amount of exotic substances and materials used to power the vessel.

all clear here

While the military threat presented by a Recon-class UFO is minimal, it is imperative that we disrupt the Alien research and reconnaissance as much as possible. We must take any steps possible to attempt to slow their invasion force, regardless of how futile it may seem. The constant increase in UFO sightings and interceptions force us to consider the frightening possibility that these small ships are merely the vanguard of a much greater extraterrestrial threat.

this one's fine

____________________________________________________________

overall very good, anyone else want to take a shot?

Edited by Blehm 98, 18 September 2005 - 07:33 PM.

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#7 Astyanax

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Posted 18 September 2005 - 11:17 PM

Only two things really caught my eye:

Like the smaller Probe vessels, the purpose of this vessel is exploration rather than simple military conquest although this vessel is quite capable of air combat.

It seems to me that "military conquest" and "air combat" are a bit redundant because as far as I know, Scout UFOs don't "conquer" ground targets; maybe something akin to: "Like the smaller Probe vessels, the purpose of this vessel is primarily for exploration, though it is quite capable of air combat"?

Also, I think it's spelled "interceptors"?

Besides that, the text looks good to me. :)

Edited by Astyanax, 18 September 2005 - 11:19 PM.

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#8 Mad

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Posted 03 April 2006 - 07:17 AM

Needs a fluff, maybe some polishing.

RECON UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

The smallest of the armed alien craft, the Recon UFO seems to have been a common visitor to our world.  Virtually all of the UFO sightings through the mid to late twentieth century fits the description of these small, one or two room ships.  Though given the name 'Frisbee' due to the disc-like shape of the most commonly encountered configuration, this class of scout ship comes in many forms.  Like the smaller Probe vessels, the purpose of this vessel is exploration rather than simple military conquest.

With only a light weapons complement, this craft is more likely to flee a confontation than stand and fight.  However, like a trapped rat, its small plasma cannon gives it a nasty bite.  Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the intercepter for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.

Containing several banks of delicate scanning equipment, this classic flying disc usually sweep the airspace ahead of larger craft for potential threats, but they can also perform initial research on terrestrial organisms.  Often found grounded in rural agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experiments upon, with a typical crew consisting of only five or six extraterestrials. When downed, these craft pose only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team.

This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons, from maxiumum range.  This way our intercepters can remain undamaged, and still leave the majority of the craft intact for recovery after a hard landing.  More powerful weapons should only used if a recovery mission is unlikely as little, if anything, of use will remain.

A sole reactor, usually mounted centrally in the main room, powers these crafts.  In an undamaged ship, our operatives can expect to find limited amounts of the alien composite and supplies.  The most useful substance carried by this class of ship is the small amount of exotic substances and materials used to power the vessel.

While the military threat presented by a Recon-class UFO is minimal, it is imperative that we disrupt the Alien research and reconnaissance as much as possible.  We must take any steps possible to attempt to slow their invasion force, regardless of how futile it may seem.  The constant increase in UFO sightings and interceptions force us to consider the frightening possibility that these small ships are merely the vanguard of a much greater extraterrestrial threat.


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And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#9 kafros

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Posted 03 June 2006 - 07:21 AM

RECON UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

The smallest of the armed alien craft, the Recon UFO seems to have been a common visitor to our world. Virtually all of the UFO sightings through the mid to late twentieth century fit the description of these small, one or two room ships. Though given the name 'Frisbee' due to the disc-like shape of the most commonly encountered configuration, this class of scout ship comes in many forms. Like the smaller Probe vessels, the purpose of this vessel is exploration rather than simple military conquest.

With only a light weapons complement, this craft is more likely to flee a confontation than stand and fight. However, like a trapped rat, its small plasma cannon gives it a nasty bite. Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the intercepter for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.

Containing several banks of delicate scanning equipment, this classic flying disc usually sweeps the airspace ahead of larger craft for potential threats, but it can also perform initial research on terrestrial organisms. Often found grounded in rural agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experiments upon, with a typical crew consisting of only five or six extraterestrials. When downed, this craft poses only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team.

This vessel is best downed with conventional weapons, from maxiumum range. That way, our interceptors can remain undamaged, and still leave the majority of the craft intact for recovery after a hard landing. More powerful weapons should only used if a recovery mission is unlikely as little, if anything, of use will remain.

What does that mean?

A sole reactor, usually mounted centrally in the main room, powers these crafts. In an undamaged ship, our operatives can expect to find limited amounts of the alien composite and supplies. The most useful substance carried by this class of ship is the small amount of exotic substances and materials used to power the vessel.

I think it's repeated. Maybe add about the Alien materials and components?

While the military threat presented by a Recon-class UFO is minimal, it is imperative that we disrupt the Alien research and reconnaissance as much as possible. We must take any steps possible to attempt to slow their invasion force, regardless of how futile it may seem. The constant increase in UFO sightings and interceptions force us to consider the frightening possibility that these small ships are merely the vanguard of a much greater extraterrestrial threat.

"Ok, target practice! My last score was... 1650 points, right."
- Pilot Dick Dangerous, audio log during a dogfight

Edited by kafros, 03 June 2006 - 07:22 AM.


#10 Mad

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Posted 03 June 2006 - 08:53 AM

[...] More powerful weapons should only used if a recovery mission is unlikely as little, if anything, of use will remain.

What does that mean?

It means: "Cowboy, if you intend to recover more than some melted alien alloys, don't use GDLs on this.

You wanne take this CT? ;)
Keep smiling while dying

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And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#11 Moriarty

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Posted 03 June 2006 - 09:07 AM

took a shot at re-writing all three small UFO texts

Recon UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon UFO

The smallest armed alien craft, the Recon UFO appears to have been a common visitor to our world for centuries. Many UFO sightings throught the mid to late twentieth century fit the description of these small ships. The purpose of this vessel is mainly exploration. Although it features basic armor as well as weaponry, this craft is more likely to flee a confrontation than stand and fight. If forced to a direct confrontation, however, the Recon UFO's weapon system is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to an XC-1 to necessitate extended repairs.

These UFOs are equipped with several banks of delicate scanning equipment which can be used to sweep the airspace ahead of larger craft for potential threats. At the same time, the Recon UFO is capable of performing initial research on terrestrial organisms. Often found landed in rural and agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experients upon. With a typical crew size of less than 8 Aliens, these craft pose only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team in ground battles.

In air combat, the Recon UFO can be downed with conventional weapons, preferably long-ranging missiles to keep the X-Corps craft beyond the Alien weapon range. In a dogfight, the high maneuverability of the Alien propulsion systems provides a disadvantage to an XC-1 interceptor. The Recon UFO is powered by a single power source, mounted centrally in the craft. From an undamaged Recon UFO, X-Corps can also expect to recover alien navigation systems and scavengeable alien composites from the hull.

While the military threat posed by a Recon-class UFO is small, intercepting a mission conducted by one of these craft is likely to disrupt Alien research and reconnaissance. X-Corps must take any steps possible to slow their invasion force, regardless of how small they may seem. The material gained from these UFOs and the information gained from interrogating the higher-ranking members of the crew may be invaluable to us. The constant increase in UFO sightings forces us to consider the possibility that these small ships are merely the vanguard of a much greater Alien threat.


I doubt, therefore I might be.

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#12 kafros

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Posted 03 June 2006 - 10:10 AM

Ok Mad, enjoy this version. Made some more changes, added information, corrected some minor errors I missed...

Edit: Sorry Morty, my browser's window was open for some hours without refreshing and so I couldn't notice that you had already posted :(


RECON UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

The smallest armed alien craft, the Recon UFO seems to have been a common visitor to our world. Virtually all UFO sightings through the mid to late twentieth century fit the description of these small, one or two room ships. Despite given the name “Frisbee”, due to the disc-like shape of the most commonly encountered configuration, this class of scout ship comes in many forms. Like the smaller Probe-class, the purpose of this vessel is primarily for exploration, although it is capable of air combat.

With only a light weapons complement, this craft is more likely to flee a confrontation than stand and fight. However, like a trapped rat, its single plasma cannon gives it a nasty bite. Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the interceptor for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.

Containing several banks of delicate scanning equipment, this classic flying disc usually sweeps the airspace ahead of larger craft for potential threats, but it can also perform initial research on terrestrial organisms. Often found grounded in rural agricultural areas, the crew will take samples of local flora and small fauna to conduct preliminary experiments upon, with a typical crew consisting of only five or six extraterrestrials. When downed, this craft poses only a minor threat to an experienced X-Corps team.

A sole reactor, usually mounted centrally in the main room, powers these crafts. Assaulting a landed vessel will prove to be a simple way to salvage various Alien composites, devices and components. Alas, the circular layout of the ship gives no attacking potential to the assaulting team, because once the entrance door is opened, incoming personnel will be subject to reaction fire from a wide angle. It is advised that either an exploding mechanism should be utilized, or personnel should wait for the Aliens to go on a sortie.

While the military threat presented by a Recon-class UFO is minimal, it is imperative that we disrupt the Alien research and reconnaissance as much as possible. We must take any steps possible to attempt to slow their invasion force, regardless of how futile it may seem. The constant increase in UFO sightings and interceptions force us to consider the frightening possibility that these small ships are merely the vanguard of a much greater extraterrestrial threat.

"Ok, target practice! My last score was... 1650 points, right."
- Pilot Dick Dangerous, audio log during a dogfight

Edited by kafros, 03 June 2006 - 10:12 AM.


#13 Mad

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Posted 03 June 2006 - 10:53 AM

I recommend you two communicate via MSN or ICQ and bring out a new draft together. What do you think?
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#14 The Master Maniac

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Posted 06 June 2006 - 03:58 PM

Sorry to sound so nit-picky.

Although unlikely to be able to destroy an XC-1 in a dogfight, one of these vessels is more than capable of inflicting enough damage to ground the interceptor for weeks, or simply leave it vulnerable to other UFOs as the plane returns to base.


I like how this details the craft's combat-effeciency, but there's the issue of directly mentioning a specific craft, as well as that of paper-rock-scissors generalization, and perhaps it's a bit too detailed for a scientific report. I've learned in the past that it's generally not a good idea to directly mention anything else in a particular submission. For example: mentioning the plasma rifle in a brief about the plasma pistol, as the player may just have never even encountered a plasma rifle at that point. I understand that the XC-1 is a standard-issue craft, but there is an established trend...

#15 Mad

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Posted 06 June 2006 - 04:11 PM

I like how this details the craft's combat-effeciency, but there's the issue of directly mentioning a specific craft, as well as that of paper-rock-scissors generalization, and perhaps it's a bit too detailed for a scientific report. I've learned in the past that it's generally not a good idea to directly mention anything else in a particular submission. For example: mentioning the plasma rifle in a brief about the plasma pistol, as the player may just have never even encountered a plasma rifle at that point. I understand that the XC-1 is a standard-issue craft, but there is an established trend...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

no, I don't see a reason for not mentioning standard crafts/weapons as long as it is limited to this (as it has been until now). As for the level of detail, I think this is the way to go, plus it adds some flavour... :)
Keep smiling while dying

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And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#16 The Master Maniac

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Posted 06 June 2006 - 04:15 PM

Okay - I just wanted to make sure. :)

Otherwise, no complaints at all. ;)

#17 Mad

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Posted 06 June 2006 - 04:17 PM

Okay - I just wanted to make sure.  :)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And you were more then right to do it! In fact I'd appreciate more people posting things that they think to be problematic. :)
Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#18 theseraphim

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Posted 06 April 2008 - 04:59 AM

My version of the recon thingy

Recon UFO ?Flying Saucer?


At first glance at this UFO it becomes clear where the myth of Flying saucers comes from as this vessel looks very much like the ideal version of an UFO. Its small, disc like and its center fuselage actually spins clockwise in flight. Our opinion about this UFO is that it have to be some form of recon craft because of its minor offensive armament.
The Recon UFO craft primary role seems to be scouting and to bring recon parties to the ground as its size makes it hard to detect and it can with ease land just about everywhere. It seems that is powered and propelled by some form of anti gravity projector that enables it to hover in mid air and land and take-off vertically. We barely understand this technology at this moment and further research on alien subsystems is needed before we understand the whole system as one.
Its surface material is something completely new to us as its composition cannot be found on earth and it doesn't even resemble the word metal as we think of it. The surface material feels plastic and artificial but still its extreme tough but its not impossible to breach it as it seems that its sensitive to shock waves from high explosive blasts that make it crack. Once cracked it looks like the craft is unable to continue to fly and is forced to an emergency landing often resulting in further damage to the craft and its delicate subsystems. We don't know why they are so sensitive for small cracks in the hull but one theory is that the anti gravity system needs an total air tight system and it fails as soon as air starts to leak in. Another theory is that the aliens is scared of loosing crafts and prefer to make an emergency landing and to be rescued later rather than trying to fight to the bitter end.
Our initial spectrum analyst reports indicates that we can reproduce the alien hull material and further research in this area can lead to major breakthroughs in the war against the aliens.
Still it small size does not mean it is defenseless as it has a smaller weapon system integrated in the hull that can damage our crafts and even destroy them.
The Recon UFO carries a small team of alien insurgents to the ground where they perform recon but also small pinpoint attacks to intimidate human governments. If halter the alien recon missions effectively it is most likely that the alien will become more aggressive and send more powerful crafts as revenge or to escort the recon missions. This in fact can be an good thing as we can get more interesting crafts to study in the future.

#19 kafros

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 07:41 AM

RECON UFO
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Craft/Recon

At first glance at this UFO it becomes clear where the myth of Flying saucers comes from as this vessel looks very much like the ideal version of an UFO. Its small, disc like and its center fuselage actually spins clockwise in flight. Our opinion about this UFO is that it have to be some form of recon craft because of its minor offensive armament. Why are "we" so unsure?

The Recon UFO craft primary role seems to be scouting and to bring recon parties to the ground as its size makes it hard to detect and it can with ease land just about everywhere. It seems that is powered and propelled by some form of anti gravity projector that enables it to hover in mid air and land and take-off vertically. We barely understand this technology at this moment and further research on alien subsystems is needed before we understand the whole system as one. same. In addition, "it seems to be powered", "we barely understand"... Ok, what happens if you have research "Alien Navigation" already? BEEEEEEEEEEP, error :P

Its surface material is something completely new to us as its composition cannot be found on earth and it doesn't even resemble the word metal as we think of it. The surface material feels plastic and artificial but still its extreme tough but its not impossible to breach it as it seems that its sensitive to shock waves from high explosive blasts that make it crack. Once cracked it looks like the craft is unable to continue to fly and is forced to an emergency landing often resulting in further damage to the craft and its delicate subsystems. We don't know why they are so sensitive for small cracks in the hull but one theory is that the anti gravity system needs an total air tight system and it fails as soon as air starts to leak in. Another theory is that the aliens is scared of loosing crafts and prefer to make an emergency landing and to be rescued later rather than trying to fight to the bitter end. and once again the same. What happens if we know about Alien Composites? :P
In addition, "its" isn't the same as "it's", the latter means "it is" and the former shows a "possession relation"


Our initial spectrum analyst reports indicates that we can reproduce the alien hull material and further research in this area can lead to major breakthroughs in the war against the aliens. Still it small size does not mean it is defenseless as it has a smaller weapon system integrated in the hull that can damage our crafts and even destroy them. Well, damaging a hull is one thing, "even destroying them" is another! If it can destroy an XC-1 then it's far from defenceless :P

The Recon UFO carries a small team of alien insurgents to the ground where they perform recon but also small pinpoint attacks to intimidate human governments. If halter the alien recon missions effectively it is most likely that the alien will become more aggressive and send more powerful crafts as revenge or to escort the recon missions. This in fact can be an good thing as we can get more interesting crafts to study in the future. That last paragraph is too informal, "can be an good thing" doesn't sound nice. Nevertheless, X-Corps definitely has a specific agenda concerning artefact salvage and research, "hoping" that they'll get to research something isn't really professional ^_^.
Btw, "revenge"? Why, they get bullied and want to fight back? In addition, crafts until V1 won't have any escort


"Ok, target practice! My last score was... 1650 points, right."
- Pilot Dick Dangerous, audio log during a dogfight


It would be nice if you could base your work upon existing texts. A lot of thought and writting has been put in order to bring them to their existing state, it's bad to see it wasted ;)

#20 socratesmcgonagal

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Posted 25 April 2008 - 05:24 PM

Ok first of all, hello to you theseraphim, pleased to meet you. :) Now down to business. I have a few suggestions that I think will improve your text a little. I'll colour code these for easy reading. If you don't agree, well, you don't have to listen to me but I hope this is helpful for you :D
BTW Your english is very good considering that it isn't your first language but I've been speaking it my whole life. So please don't think of my corrections as criticism, I'm just trying to be helpful.
original
reworded
suggestions

At first With a glance at this UFO it becomes clear where the myth of Flying saucers comes from originated as this vessel looks very much like the ideal version popular image of an UFO. Its small, disc like, and its center central fuselage actually spins clockwise in during flight. Our opinion about this UFO is that it have has to be some form of recon craft because of its minor offensive armament.

Just a few wording changes that I think improve this paragraph a little. And like kafros says the study of the UFO has been done so it's mostly facts rather than opinions or theory you should be writing about.

The Recon UFO craft primary role seems to be scouting and to bring transport recon parties to the ground as its size makes it hard to detect and it can with ease land just about everywhere. It seems that is powered and propelled by some form of anti gravity projector that enables it to hover in mid air and land and or take-off vertically. We barely understand this technology at this moment and further research on alien subsystems is needed before we understand the whole system as one.

Making sure your CTs match up with researched technology and other CTs can be a pain can't it? Mad and Kafros have been very helpful with my work so far so if you're not sure about something you could always ask. (McGonagal passes the responsibility to the boss-men hoping it doesn't earn him a place as X-corp toilet cleaner :P ). I couldn't find a CT for an alien scouting mission so perhaps you could include a little about that in this (or another) paragraph. And since you can't use the "seems to be powered" or "barely understand" bits perhaps you could describe the engineering in a little more depth (why does it spin clockwise?). I'm afraid I know very little about engineering or physics so this is all I can offer.

Its surface material is something completely new to us as its composition cannot be found on earth and it doesn't even resemble the word metal as we think of it. The surface material feels plastic and artificial but still its extreme tough but its not impossible to breach it as it seems that its sensitive to shock waves from high explosive blasts that make it crack. Once cracked it looks like the craft is unable to continue to fly and is forced to an emergency landing often resulting in further damage to the craft and its delicate subsystems. We don't know why they are so sensitive for small cracks in the hull but one theory is that the anti gravity system needs an total air tight system and it fails as soon as air starts to leak in. Another theory is that the aliens is scared of loosing crafts and prefer to make an emergency landing and to be rescued later rather than trying to fight to the bitter end.

Sorry mate but I'm not sure about this one at all. Can't seem to find the alien alloys CT to check into it so I'll leave that bit alone for now. Apart from that you need to make sure your texts complement actual in game events. I'm new to this too so I'm not sure but do aliens send more UFOs to perform rescue missions? And I'm pretty sure that during dogfights you have to damage a UFO 100% before it crash lands so although I really like the bit about the cracked hull causing a crash I'm afraid I think you might have to change it. Don't take my word as gospel though, I'm still learning too.

Our initial spectrum analyst reports indicates that we can reproduce the alien hull material and further research in this area can lead to major breakthroughs in the war against the aliens.


Like kafros said this stuff is only relavant if the player hasn't already researched alien alloys. It is however a very nicely constructed sentence. :)

Still it Although small in size does not mean it is far from defenseless as it has a smaller weapon system integrated in the hull that can damage our crafts and or even destroy them.

A couple of wording changes here. Maybe you should beef this up a little, after all us boys love guns ;). Take a look at the previous efforts, I really like the "cornered rat" bit.

The Recon UFO carries a small team of alien insurgents to the ground where they usually perform recon missions, but may also carry out small pinpoint attacks to intimidate human governments. If halter we effectively halt the alien recon missions effectively it is most likely that the aliens will become more aggressive and send more powerful crafts as revenge or to escort the recon missions. This in fact can be an good thing as we can get more interesting crafts to study in the future.

A few more wording changes. Again I agree with kafros, X-corp may rely on the aliens for their existence but I think they'd rather the aliens packed up and went home. They certainly wouldn't like the idea of larger, more agressive UFOs to fight.

"Ok, target practice! My last score was... 1650 points, right."
- Pilot Dick Dangerous, audio log during a dogfight


Sound like a porn-star name. LOL It also sounds like a name from a 1950's comic book hero which set copyright alarm bells ringing in my head. I done a google for the name and sure enough there it was. There's a band called "Dick Dangerous and the Love B*st*rds". It was such a great name for a pilot too :crying1:

Finally a little advice. Having to read and use other peoples work may seem like an annoyance at first but I quickly learned that it's not at all. By looking at old ideas I've been given new ideas that I would never have thought of by my self. I've also found it useful to sometimes "borrow" the paragraph structure which cuts down on the amount of effort I have to do to finish my work.

Hope this is all useful to you mate and look forward to reading your next draft! :)
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#21 Mad

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 06:49 AM

Both of you: It is important that you do not include links (of any kind) to other texts that the player might or might not have researched yet!
In other words, you don't know what items the player might have recovered or researched until now.
There are CTs for everything, but you can't see them, because we decided to move them from "Complete" to "Proofreading" to make sure everyone understands that these texts still need to be proofread. Unfortunately rookies do not have access to that part of the forums. So, if you need anything, just drop me a PM and I'll gladly deliver it to you. Or have a look in the game or the svn. There you can find all the CTs, regardless of their state.
Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#22 kafros

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 04:53 PM

http://svn.projectxe...epartment/XNet/

Just to make your life a bit easier :)

And concerning the writting style: Each CT is supposed to be a scientific report for a very specific subject that a military commander (the player) is going to read

What does that mean?
1) A scientist will publish/report his team's research results in a formal style, trying to explain his work in a way as if he was talking to a highly educated layman. Not a lot of information (we aren't supposed to teach quantum physics to the player :P) but don't just say "Hey commander, you are going to use this neat stuff and kick some alien arse!".
2) As Mad said, sometimes you haven't researched other topics connected to the concept of the CT you are writting. i.e. We know that the plasma rifle clip has a mysterious compound in it that provides energy. We probably don't know what is it or how it works, just what it does. Thus, talking about "xenium" in the CT is a big no-no! :P
3) We're talking about the military here! Stereotype: Probably not a high education, IQ at most (lower than) average, no real interest in the scientific knowledge provided but in practical benefits etc. We don't want to overwhelm the player, but provide some rational explanation that anyone will understand. In addition, we throw some more bits of information for the geek inside us, if you are science-literate just read it and enjoy it, if you are not then don't read it!

Points 1 and 3 are similar, and In My Opinion are the main feature that will differentiate our texts from UFO: AI.