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CTD-X-corps Funding


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#51 kafros

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Posted 06 October 2007 - 08:54 AM

Still seems good enough, can't find any flaws in the text

Edit: Actually, have a look at my post in the Storage Facility CT concerning the DAO ;)

Edited by kafros, 06 October 2007 - 12:01 PM.


#52 Mad

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Posted 08 October 2007 - 02:44 AM

X-CORPS FUNDING
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Logistics/Funding

With the sudden increase of alien sightings around the globe, world political leaders acknowledged the imperious need of constituting a defensive authority against the Alien menace, leading to initiation of Project Xenocide and the founding of X-Corps. The projected budget for such a massive operation is too large for any single government to finance on its own and would put its economical and political stability in jeopardy. Therefore, the economically most powerful nations established the Council of Funding Nations (CFN), a secret political agency that will provide the necessary funds to X-Corps. Each member-country of the CFN is represented by a speaker. The speaker's obligation is to take care of his country's interest and as such has the right to veto any proposal made by X-Corps. Even though X-Corps is granted total autonomy of operations, the organization should focus only on humanity's best interest.

In order to prevent exposure of the organization's existence to the public, various corporations were founded and collectively codenamed XCFF (X-Corps Funding Firms). XCFF's responsibility is the management of X-Corps' funds, the materialization of economic transactions and the signing of contracts with recruitment and logistics agencies as well as military manufacturers around the globe. Thus, the organization has access to a variety of goods and resources. In addition, XCFF handles the selling of classified material (such as alien artifacts or in-house developed equipment), assuring even distribution to CFN members and prevention of information leaks to the black market. Transactions are handled by the X-Corps internal General Accounting Office (GAO), which has released a set of guidelines for Base Commanders to ensure maximum efficiency of labour.

Each month, all CFN members are called to discuss with the XCFF about the organization's performance and changes in funding. Countries have the ability to increase their funding, lower it and even withdraw from the CFN, granted that the organization's actions do not meet their expectations. The whole procedure is classified in order to eliminate suspicion of the existence of X-Corps and the CFN. The agreement and all logs are kept by the X-Corps Command and must be provided in these monthly meetings.

Most leaders believe that the Aliens do not pose an immediate threat and may have even come in peace. X-Corps duty is to be vigilant in case the Aliens adopt a hostile attitude against humanity. We speculate that sooner or later the Aliens will take direct action against political leaders in order to neutralize mankind's defense from the inside. We must provide adequate support and take immediate action once the alien menace moves against mankind, not only to protect the innocent people but also to provide leaders with motives to support the organization's funding.

"Heavy Cannon... $8000, XC-11 Condor... $600,000, 50 highly paid scientists... $1,800,000... To find the right answer when THEY come knocking at your door... priceless. There are things in life you cannot buy, for everything else, there's Xenocard!



I have to say, if it weren't for the discussion on the fluff i would send this to proofreading directly. This is a very good CT!
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#53 kafros

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Posted 08 October 2007 - 05:41 AM

As it is 2vs2 on the fluff, let's ask dteviot's, RK's and Darkhomb's opinions, that way we can't have a draw ;). Or even leave the call to RK alone, whatever you prefer

So, the fluffs:

New::
"Heavy Cannon... $8000, XC-11 Condor... $600,000, 50 highly paid scientists... $1,800,000... To find the right answer when THEY come knocking at your door... priceless. There are things in life you cannot buy, for everything else, there's Xenocard!

Original:
"Let's see... Ammunition... $5000...New weaponry... $20.000...What's this? An Alien fighting simulator called Space Invaders?!
~Head of Economics Megonac Hellaro

Edited by kafros, 08 October 2007 - 06:10 AM.


#54 red knight

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Posted 08 October 2007 - 05:46 AM

Just my personal opinion, there is no need to finish the sentence with "There are things in life you cannot buy, for everything else, there's Xenocard!" as as noted the Xenocard is out of place... there real reference to the Mastercard ad is found in the first 6 words :) so finish it in priceless just makes the point.

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#55 kafros

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Posted 08 October 2007 - 06:10 AM

Ok Rk, in case u didn't notice see my updated post above

#56 Mad

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 08:19 AM

Ok, since there is no decision made in this, and noone else will vote, I am putting an end to this. New fluff goes as it is.

Proofreading is imminent

X-CORPS FUNDING
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Logistics/Funding

With the sudden increase of alien sightings around the globe, world political leaders acknowledged the imperious need of constituting a defensive authority against the Alien menace, leading to initiation of Project Xenocide and the founding of X-Corps. The projected budget for such a massive operation is too large for any single government to finance on its own and would put its economical and political stability in jeopardy. Therefore, the economically most powerful nations established the Council of Funding Nations (CFN), a secret political agency that will provide the necessary funds to X-Corps. Each member-country of the CFN is represented by a speaker. The speaker's obligation is to take care of his country's interest and as such has the right to veto any proposal made by X-Corps. Even though X-Corps is granted total autonomy of operations, the organization should focus only on humanity's best interest.

In order to prevent exposure of the organization's existence to the public, various corporations were founded and collectively codenamed XCFF (X-Corps Funding Firms). XCFF's responsibility is the management of X-Corps' funds, the materialization of economic transactions and the signing of contracts with recruitment and logistics agencies as well as military manufacturers around the globe. Thus, the organization has access to a variety of goods and resources. In addition, XCFF handles the selling of classified material (such as alien artifacts or in-house developed equipment), assuring even distribution to CFN members and prevention of information leaks to the black market. Transactions are handled by the X-Corps internal General Accounting Office (GAO), which has released a set of guidelines for Base Commanders to ensure maximum efficiency of labour.

Each month, all CFN members are called to discuss with the XCFF about the organization's performance and changes in funding. Countries have the ability to increase their funding, lower it and even withdraw from the CFN, granted that the organization's actions do not meet their expectations. The whole procedure is classified in order to eliminate suspicion of the existence of X-Corps and the CFN. The agreement and all logs are kept by the X-Corps Command and must be provided in these monthly meetings.

Most leaders believe that the Aliens do not pose an immediate threat and may have even come in peace. X-Corps' duty is to be vigilant in case the Aliens adopt a hostile attitude against humanity. We speculate that sooner or later the Aliens will take direct action against political leaders in order to neutralize mankind's defense from the inside. We must provide adequate support and take immediate action once the alien menace moves against mankind, not only to protect the innocent people but also to provide leaders with motives to support the organization's funding.

"Heavy Cannon... $8000, XC-11 Condor... $600,000, 50 highly paid scientists... $1,800,000... To find the right answer when THEY come knocking at your door... priceless. There are things in life you cannot buy, for everything else, there's Xenocard!

I think this is more or less flawless. Did only find one small error. Maybe someone else could check it, and then we'll put this into completed asap.
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Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#57 kafros

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 11:51 AM

X-CORPS FUNDING
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Logistics/Funding

With the sudden increase of alien sightings around the globe, world political leaders acknowledged the imperious need of constituting a defensive authority initiative? against the Alien menace, leading to the initiation of Project Xenocide and the founding of X-Corps. The projected budget for such a massive operation is too large for any single government to finance on its own and would put its economical and political stability in jeopardy. Therefore, the economically most powerful nations established the Council of Funding Nations (CFN), a secret political politico-economic? agency that will provide the necessary funds to X-Corps. Each member-country of the CFN is represented by a speaker. The speaker's whose obligation is to take care of his country's interest and as such has the right to veto any proposal made by X-Corps. Even though X-Corps the organization is granted total autonomy of operations, the organization should focus onlyit should exclusively focus on humanity's best interest.

In order to prevent exposure of the organization's existence to the public, various corporations were founded and collectively codenamed XCFF (X-Corps Funding Firms). XCFF's responsibility is the management of X-Corps' funds, the materialization of economic transactions and the signing of contracts with recruitment and logistics agencies as well as military manufacturers around the globe. Thus That way?, the organization has access to a variety of goods and resources. In addition, XCFF handles the selling of classified material (such as alien artifacts or in-house developed equipment), assuring even distribution to CFN members and prevention of information leaks to the black market. Transactions are handled by the X-Corps internal General Accounting Office (GAO), which has released a set of guidelines for Base Commanders to ensure maximum efficiency of labor.

Each month, all CFN members are called to discuss with the XCFF about the organization's performance and changes in funding. Countries have the ability to increase their funding, lower it and even withdraw from the CFN, granted that the organization's actions do not meet their expectations. The whole procedure is classified in order to eliminate suspicion of the existence of X-Corps and the CFN. The agreement and all logs are kept by the X-Corps Command and must be provided in these monthly meetings.

Most leaders believe that the Aliens do not pose an immediate threat and may have even come in peace. X-Corps' duty is to be vigilant in case the Aliens adopt a hostile attitude against humanity. We speculate that sooner or later the Aliens will take direct action against political leaders in order to neutralize mankind's defense from the inside. We must provide adequate support and take immediate action once the alien menace moves against mankind, not only to protect the innocent people but also to provide leaders with motives to support the organization's funding.

"Heavy Cannon... $8000, XC-11 Condor... $600,000, 50 highly paid scientists... $1,800,000... To find the right answer when THEY come knocking at your door... priceless. There are things in life you cannot buy, for everything else, there's Xenocard!

Very nice overall, it was hard to find things that could be improved. The important changes IMHO are the spelling error (labour instead of labor) and the "X-Corps" repetition at the end of the first paragraph. Politico-economic may be wrong, I am not sure (that is, the economic part could be wrong). The other changes were for better text flow, feel free to reject them if you think they do more bad than good

#58 Mad

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 12:30 PM

good changes!

X-CORPS FUNDING
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Logistics/Funding

With the sudden increase of alien sightings around the globe, world political leaders acknowledged the imperious need of constituting a defensive initiative against the Alien menace, leading to the don't think "the" is necessary here initiation of Project Xenocide and founding of X-Corps. The projected budget for such a massive operation is too large for any single government to finance on its own and would put its economical and political stability in jeopardy. Therefore, the economically most powerful nations established the Council of Funding Nations (CFN), a secret political [color="#0000ff"]politico-economic?[/color] changes meaning of CT and thus has no place in proofreading. Plus I think political is ok. agency that will provide the necessary funds to X-Corps. Each member-country of the CFN is represented by a speaker whose obligation is to take care of his country's interest and as such has the right to veto any proposal made by X-Corps. Even though the organization is granted total autonomy of operations, it should exclusively focus on humanity's best interest.

In order to prevent exposure of the organization's existence to the public, various corporations were founded and collectively codenamed XCFF (X-Corps Funding Firms). XCFF's responsibility is the management of X-Corps' funds, the materialization of economic transactions and the signing of contracts with recruitment and logistics agencies as well as military manufacturers around the globe. Thus That way? I think "thus sounds better here., the organization has access to a variety of goods and resources. In addition, XCFF handles the selling of classified material (such as alien artifacts or in-house developed equipment), assuring even distribution to CFN members and prevention of information leaks to the black market. Transactions are handled by the X-Corps internal General Accounting Office (GAO), which has released a set of guidelines for Base Commanders to ensure maximum efficiency of labor.

Each month, all CFN members are called to discuss with the XCFF about the organization's performance and changes in funding. Countries have the ability to increase their funding, lower it and even withdraw from the CFN, granted that the organization's actions do not meet their expectations. The whole procedure is classified in order to eliminate suspicion of the existence of X-Corps and the CFN. The agreement and all logs are kept by the X-Corps Command and must be provided in these monthly meetings.

Most leaders believe that the Aliens do not pose an immediate threat and may have even come in peace. X-Corps' duty is to be vigilant in case the Aliens adopt a hostile attitude against humanity. We speculate that sooner or later the Aliens will take direct action against political leaders in order to neutralize mankind's defense from the inside. We must provide adequate support and take immediate action once the alien menace moves against mankind, not only to protect the innocent people but also to provide leaders with motives to support the organization's funding.

"Heavy Cannon... $8000, XC-11 Condor... $600,000, 50 highly paid scientists... $1,800,000... To find the right answer when THEY come knocking at your door... priceless. There are things in life you cannot buy, for everything else, there's Xenocard!


Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#59 tzuchan

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 05:33 AM

Quick nitpick:

various corporations were founded and collectively codenamed XCFF (X-Corps Funding Firms).

The phrasing is backwards. It should be "...various corporations were founded and collectively codenamed X-Corps Funding Firms(XCFF)."
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#60 kafros

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 10:47 AM

Ehm, you said the same thing (L) ;)

aaah just noticed, you mean to place the acronym after the "X-Corps Funding Firms", now I got u! Yep that's right

Edited by kafros, 27 November 2007 - 10:48 AM.