EDIT: would you believe I spent fifteen minutes trying to fix the quote tags, only to discover that the only problem was that I had one too many quotes? Note to all forum users: 10 is the maximum number of quotes allowed. And if you exceed it, be aware that it's not the ones after ten that quit working - it's all of them. With no warning.
I thought it was more of a distinction to let it remain unqualified...it is/will be the only aircraft plasma weapon in V1.0, so it will be the first human-designed one. Of course, the same argument almost applies to it being the only human-designed plasma weapon, if you don't count base defense..
"Plasma weapon" is a little vague; it is more accurately "aircraft plasma weapon".
I'll try to find some way to address these concerns... good points.
Using Xenium "directly from base storage" ...
Because I was about to make a joke Also b/c I don't know who all is on X-Corp payroll, and so I didn't know who I could slap in there without making a bit of a blunder. I be guessin' that part of the machine's "maintenance" is pilot pay...though I suppose you could say the same for a ground crew.
Out of curiosity, why is the pilot doing this instead of maintenance crews?
The other plasma weapons. You're right, though, I should make that more clear. Even if I think everyone shoul d have memorized my texts by now, when they are playing the game they probably will remember it for a good five minutes.
"Normal"? Compared to what?
And therein lies the joke...it's not like they are going to croak and fall over from exposure to radiation (if that happened, people wouldn't have been carrying radioactive materials around as "good luck charms" when they were first discovered). So only those who need be concerned about a life after the War need follow precautions...I have no idea why I found that funny, looking back, it isn't particularly.
The last sentence sounds a bit strange... why are only confident pilots advised? Imho, it would make more sense if the sentence says, "Pilots who want to live through the war are advised..."
Yes, there's a serious verb tense problem going on with this paragraph. My trouble was that I made it the pilot, who clearly can't have done it at the point this research is published, so I found myself in futuretense land. Which, frankly, is a nasty place to be. As you discovered with your next few comments.
There something confusing in the paragraph, and I'm not quite sure how to explain it. I think it's because there is a change in the point of view and/or verb tense- "the pilot will place", "the pilot will add", "the weapon will... test", and then "Adding heavy water is the last step [for the pilot]" and "it too is tested". Maybe it's because sentence 2 refers to an existing process, while the explanation of the processes are in future tense...?
I arrogantly suggest you stop being so humble You realize you said that like ten times in that one post (although sometimes buried in acronyms)? Sorry, just had to comment on this one... we've worked together on too many of these things now for me not to know that your opinions are usually valid and always deserve consideration.
I humbly suggest...
Case in point.
It may be confusing whether Xenium is a part of the plasma, or separate from it. Maybe say, "The Xenium in the plasma burst is slowly consumed..."?
...the verb "consume"...
I was aiming for the name of the old topic, though I think that may be in error since it probably changed. I think I'll take that your suggestion unless you or I can think of a way to phrase it that clarifies that researching individual UFO's (i.e. the harvester) isn't the way to go. Though, again, it's just a preliminary sort of game hint...
Perhaps be more specific about "UFO construction"- something like: "Research into UFOs and their ability to defy gravity may lead..."?
Come on man, pull yourself together...no, really, your stuff is always helpful even when I disagree with your suggestions, because it makes me think about what I'm saying and if you misunderstood then probably most people when.
Sorry, Kikanaide, if this post is messy. I had a really difficult time trying to explain why paragraph 3 felt weird, plus I had to go back and revise some of my previous comments.
Glad you like it better....I'm happier with it, although clearly I still need to do a lot of revision. Could you comment on some of my responses...particularly the pilot problem, and see if there's a way to salvage the humor there? Or at least add some water...hehe...I made another funny...wait, no, I probably didn't.
Edited by Kikanaide, 27 July 2005 - 03:47 PM.