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CTD - Raptor Autopsy


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#51 tzuchan

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Posted 01 April 2006 - 11:50 AM

*Waves*
Any comments(Aside from the buggy stuff that is)? 'Cos it's been a few days and no-one's commented on it. Otherwise, I'd say it's pretty much done, and I'm ready to pick on the poor sidewinder missile.

Also, one more personal opinion thing, I understand the need for proofreading and all that, but the way we do things(Or at least previously under Azrael) is beginning to feel funny to me. I mean, we have various writers that work very hard on their 'Masterpieces' and then when that's done, the work is shipped over to the Proofreading Taskforce, where re-writes of entire sentences, sometimes even entire paragraphs happen with little or no input from the original author.

Personally, I feel, as a person who enjoys working on the Creative Texts, that I would like to have discussions about rewriting sentences and/or paragraphs happen where I can get at it(NOTE: I can 'get' at my texts because I'm a member of the proofreading taskforce. I'm not sure if other CT members can post in the proofreading forum). Preferably, what the Proofreading Taskforce will then do is to catch typos, minor grammer problems and inconsistencies. What I would really prefer is that the author of the CT is the one that implements any changes, because then the author can really learn from mistakes that he/she may have made in the text.

Of course, this is just my two cents. Take it as you will.
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#52 Guest_Azrael_*

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Posted 01 April 2006 - 01:09 PM

*Waves*
Any comments(Aside from the buggy stuff that is)? 'Cos it's been a few days and no-one's commented on it. Otherwise, I'd say it's pretty much done, and I'm ready to pick on the poor sidewinder missile.

Also, one more personal opinion thing, I understand the need for proofreading and all that, but the way we do things(Or at least previously under Azrael) is beginning to feel funny to me. I mean, we have various writers that work very hard on their 'Masterpieces' and then when that's done, the work is shipped over to the Proofreading  Taskforce, where re-writes of entire sentences, sometimes even entire paragraphs happen with little or no input from the original author.

Personally, I feel, as a person who enjoys working on the Creative Texts, that I would like to have discussions about rewriting sentences and/or paragraphs happen where I can get at it(NOTE: I can 'get' at my texts because I'm a member of the proofreading taskforce. I'm not sure if other CT members can post in the proofreading forum). Preferably, what the Proofreading Taskforce will then do is to catch typos, minor grammer problems and inconsistencies. What I would really prefer is that the author of the CT is the one that implements any changes, because then the author can really learn from mistakes that he/she may have made in the text.

Of course, this is just my two cents. Take it as you will.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree with tzuchan, that's the reason I stopped doing proofreading, I never quite liked the idea of other people changing it completely, I had several arguments about that with dipstick and Astyanax, IIRC...? anyway, after a while since I didn't know what to do and didn't have enough time I just stopped the whole thing :)

#53 Mad

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Posted 01 April 2006 - 01:43 PM

You two have a valid point there, and I have to admitt, I never thought much about this. Fact is, that some text need to be streamlined a bit. But if this is done in the normal "Active" part 1000 people are going to make comments on this, and we will never be able to finish a CT.
So my proposal would be: Proofreading is, where CTs are checked for consistency, spelling and grammar. If the proofreader feels he needs to streamline a CT in a way that involves more than just replacement (in both senses: change position in the text as in re place, as well as use another word instead of the previous used) of one or two words, he should contact the author via PM and discuss his ideas. Should the original author not be available anymore, the proofreader should enahance the text to his own liking. This might slow down proofreading even more, but on the other hand everyone can b sure that his texts aren't changed in a mssive way without him knowing.

As for the Raptor autopsy, I feel it's more or less done. I'll leave it here for a few days, so if someone has any comments, he can come up with them.
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#54 tzuchan

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Posted 01 April 2006 - 02:05 PM

*shrugs* From what I unerstand of RL proofreading process, the author finishes the first draft, then kicks it to a cabal of proofreaders who then provide feedback on what he needs to fix, grammatically as well as content wise. The author then fixes his work according to feedback, and pass the resultant draft back to the proofreaders and this repeats until one of the two parties decides that the text is good enough as it is.

And that means that if you think about it, the proofreading process has already starts in the active CT forums. By all rights, when we kick it to the so-call proofreading taskforce, the author, as well as the majority of people interested in the topic, have already gone over the text in question. What the proofreading task force should do then is to go over it with a fine tooth comb one last time for quality control.

That's what's kinda happening in this thread, if you think about it. I tend to wait a few days and not touch the current draft until I receive at least a few comments, then I work on a new draft. If there's no comments, I generally bump the thread up to check for comments, and if there's still no comments, I consider it done. Unless, of course, I feel that there's room for improvement(Which rarely happens, since I consider my own work to be perfect :P )

Your proposed system is actually very close to what I have in mind, except that maybe we shouldn't be too stringent about separating the writing process with the proofreading process. I suggest that unless the author himself decides that the text is good enough(Ideally only after there's a lack of comments on how to improve the last draft), then we do a final proof with a fine tooth comb. If and only if the original writer disappears and every one agrees that the last draft is close to perfect, then we proof it by committee, ie, the text gets passed to the proofread taskforce to finalize.

Er... Maybe we should tear out the few posts regarding proofreading process and move it to a more suitable location? But please make it a place where all members of CT can discuss about it. As it is, we are going way OT here...

Edited by tzuchan, 01 April 2006 - 02:09 PM.

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#55 Zombie

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Posted 01 April 2006 - 04:21 PM

Go easy on me here. Proposed changes are in blue, deletions in red.

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the Raptor's resilience to damage. However, study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may be vulnerable to incendiary weapons.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, <Insert Full Auto's Name here?>.

The Raptors average between two to three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this with the heavily muscled tail and the Raptor is able to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the redundant fail-safes of the major organs, including the three paired sets of eyes. The Raptor essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting the Raptor independently, but there is also evidence that the Raptor may be able to divert blood flow between those systems, thus explaining why it was difficult to incapacitate the specimen. Dissection of the eye reveals that the Raptor is capable of vision within the infra-red spectrum. It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. It is likely that when a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger.

However, there is a potential weakness. A study of the skin sample obtained from the Raptor reveals that the sweat glands excrete not water, but a combination of methanol and ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons would likely cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device.

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

I lost track of the changes to the 4th paragraph so I just made it all blue. Minor cultural spelling changes as well as punctuation were also fixed throughout.

I still think the first sentence in the first paragraph sounds too choppy with all those adjectives... :wink1:

- Zombie

Edited by Zombie, 01 April 2006 - 07:57 PM.

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#56 Zombie

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Posted 13 August 2006 - 07:40 PM

Bump. Just some minor revisions.

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the Raptor's itís resilience to damage. However, study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may be vulnerable to incendiary weapons.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, <Insert Full Auto's Name here?>.

The Raptors average between two to three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this with the heavily muscled tail and the Raptor this creature is able to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the redundant fail-safes of the major organs, including the three paired sets of eyes. The Raptor essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting the Raptor independently, but there is also evidence that the Raptor may be able to divert blood flow between those systems, thus explaining why it was difficult to incapacitate the specimen. Dissection of the eye reveals that the Raptor is capable of vision within the infrared spectrum. It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. It is likely that when a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger.

However, there is a potential weakness. A study of the skin sample obtained from the Raptor reveals that the sweat glands excrete not water, but a combination of methanol and ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons would likely cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device.

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

After mulling on the first paragraph for a while it sounds better now. :)

Comments? Anyone? Hello? ^_^

- Zombie

Edited by Zombie, 13 August 2006 - 07:45 PM.

The Mr. Grognard of X-COM

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!


#57 Ghost5831

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Posted 17 August 2006 - 03:51 AM

Bump. Just some minor revisions.

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the Raptor's itís the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol and, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.


"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, <Insert Full Auto's Name here?>.

"Ha-ha look at him bur n!" - Rookie after firing his incendiary rocket at a Raptor (space is there as burn looked like bum)

The Raptors average between two to three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this with the heavily muscled tail and the Raptor this creature is able has the ability to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the redundant fail-safes of the major organs, including the three paired sets of eyes. The Raptor essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting the Raptor independently, but there is also evidence that the Raptor may be able to divert blood flow between those systems, thus explaining why it was difficult to incapacitate the creature (Specimen sounds like its already dead) specimen. Dissection of the eye reveals that the Raptor is capable of vision within the infrared spectrum. It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. It is likely that when a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger.

However, there is a potential weakness. A study of the skin sample obtained from the Raptor reveals that the sweat glands excrete not water, but a combination of methanol and ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons would likely cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames. (Moved to the top)

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. More? Example: If this implant is severed then the creature is "freed" from its controller and either loses all morale or goes berserk and goes on a killing spree attacking everything no matter whether friend or foe.

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

After mulling on the first paragraph for a while it sounds better now. :)

Comments? Anyone? Hello? ^_^

- Zombie


There, I have added my suggestions to the Raptor Autopsy ^^
Red highlight is additions
Green highlight is comments
Strikethrough obviously deletions :D

Edit: Any Comments? If not then I hand this over to Proof reading and set it as "confirmed - 100%" in the bug tracker

Edited by Ghost5831, 17 August 2006 - 07:35 AM.

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#58 j'ordos

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Posted 17 August 2006 - 08:53 AM

After reading this I was, well, puzzled.
1) It originates from a hot world, yet it produces 'sweat' that easily ignites... that just doesn't sound very logical to me :)
2) It originates from a hot world, so does it make sense to have IR-vision if everything you see is hot? I don't know so it could, though.

Just my *counts* yep, 2 cents
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#59 Ghost5831

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Posted 17 August 2006 - 09:34 AM

After reading this I was, well, puzzled.
1) It originates from a hot world, yet it produces 'sweat' that easily ignites... that just doesn't sound very logical to me :)
2) It originates from a hot world, so does it make sense to have IR-vision if everything you see is hot? I don't know so it could, though.

Just my *counts* yep, 2 cents


1) Yes, it originates from a hot world, but one of the viscous biological substances stops the ethanol and methanol spontaneously combusting but it itself only works to a certain temperature and so the incendiary is hot enough to light the M&E B)
2)No, it doesnt, as infared is for use in low light situations such as night vision, not for when there is vast amounts of heat :D
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#60 Ghost5831

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Posted 17 August 2006 - 11:33 AM

Here is the (hopefully) version of the Raptor Autopsy that will be submited
Any Comments?


RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.


"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, <Insert Full Auto's Name here?>.

"Ha-ha look at him burn!" - Rookie after firing his incendiary rocket at a Raptor

The Raptors average between two to three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this with the heavily muscled tail and this creature has the ability to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the redundant fail-safes of the major organs, including the three paired sets of eyes. The Raptor essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting the Raptor independently, but there is also evidence that the Raptor may be able to divert blood flow between those systems, thus explaining why it was difficult to incapacitate the creature. Dissection of the eye reveals that the Raptor is capable of vision within the infrared spectrum. It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. It is likely that when a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. We believe that if this implant is severed then the creature is "freed" from its controller and either one of two things happen; It does not realise and will freeze on the spot "waiting for orders", or loses its sense of friend/foe and goes on a killing spree attacking everything regardless of who the prey is.

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

Edited by Ghost5831, 17 August 2006 - 11:35 AM.

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#61 Zombie

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Posted 17 August 2006 - 07:10 PM

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.


"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, <Insert Full Auto's Name here?>.

"Ha-ha look at him burn!" - Rookie after firing his incendiary rocket at a Raptor

The Raptors average between two to three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this with the heavily muscled tail and this creature has the ability to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the redundant fail-safes of the major organs, including the three-paired sets of eyes. The Raptor essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting the Raptor independently, but there is also evidence that the Raptor may be able to divert blood flow between those systems, thus explaining why it was difficult to incapacitate the creature. Dissection of the eye reveals that the Raptor is capable of vision within the infrared spectrum. It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. It is likely that When a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. We believe that if this implant is severed then the creature is "freed" from its controller and either one of two things happen; It does not realise and will freeze on the spot "waiting for orders", or loses its sense of friend/foe and goes on a killing spree attacking everything regardless of who the prey is.

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

So how exactly did the IR bit weasel its way into the text? Like you mentioned Ghost, if the surroundings are already hot, then it would be difficult to track prey through this spectrum as the surroundings would "blind" the eye. Perhaps UV would be a better choice in this type of landscape? In any event, I greyed the text in question off until this is resolved. ^_^

Also, I feel as though the implant severing may be a bit too much. At least the "one of two things happen" part. In the past, it was assumed that severing this connection would lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own. (A complete breakdown as it now lacks any kind of "direction"). Same deal here: that text is greyed out too. :wink1:

- Zombie
The Mr. Grognard of X-COM

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!


#62 Ghost5831

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Posted 18 August 2006 - 02:52 AM

Yeh good point about the severed brain stem, change it to somthing like "We believe that, just like humans, if this is severed or destroyed then the creature dies instantly..."

I still strongly believe that we should just keep his vision in the visible light spectrum - again ultra violet is not for use to find "prey" we all know what a black light is used for ;) and they use ultra violet light

for those who dont know what a black light is used for click here

Pay attention to the "body fluids section" :sperm:



So unless his prey is covered in white paper or male juice "protein" I dont think its of any use to him! LOL

Edited by Ghost5831, 03 September 2006 - 08:51 AM.

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#63 Ghost5831

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Posted 19 August 2006 - 05:10 AM

So no extra Comments? I will take a final read through on this and then post a final version to submit to Mad
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#64 kafros

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Posted 19 August 2006 - 05:20 AM

So no extra Comments? I will take a final read through on this and then post a final version to submit to Mad

No need to PM it to Mad. Leave it here and he will move it once he logins, reads it and thinks it is complete.

In addition, not hearing any comments for a period of 1-2 days doesn't mean the text is complete. You may not get any comments for a period of 4 months, this has happened some times... Usually, you wait for about 1 week or so.

Once I have the needed time/mood, I will read it carefully and post my comments :)

#65 Zombie

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Posted 19 August 2006 - 07:29 PM

Ok, so IR vision is out. *Zombie crosses that off*. I used some text from my last post to incorporate the result of severing the implant connection. Also, I fooled around with the third paragraph to reduce useage of "Raptor" (and hopefully) to make it sound better and nixed the FullAuto mention (he's not a member anymore) as we can always add a catchy name. (As always, Blue for additions, Purple for rewording and strikethroughs for deletions):

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, <Insert Full Auto's Name here?>.

"Ha-ha look at him burn!" - Rookie after firing his incendiary rocket at a Raptor

The Raptors average between two to three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this with the heavily muscled tail and this creature has the ability to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the redundant fail-safes of the major organs, including the three-paired sets of eyes. The Raptor creature essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting the Raptor it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between those systems, thus explaining why it was so difficult to incapacitate the creature. It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. When a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

We are getting close here, folks. But as you can see, there is always room for nitpicking and rewording. That's why I never press for a text to be moved to complete too soon: some of you may still have changes and Mad needs to add his final stamp of approval. B)

- Zombie
The Mr. Grognard of X-COM

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!


#66 Mad

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Posted 20 August 2006 - 07:50 AM

OK, so some comments on the text, using Zombie's post as basis.
Usual color scheme:
red: deletions
orange: proposed deleteions
blue: comments, additions

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

"Ha-ha look at him burn!" - Rookie after firing his incendiary rocket at a Raptor Actually, I cant"t find anything funny on this one - and one in-text fluff is more than enough.
The Raptors average between two to three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combined this with the heavily muscled tail and this allows the creature has the ability to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.
I would recommend a rephrasing of these last three sentences, to enhance text flow. What do you think of the following: A low - forward centre of gravity combined with a heavily muscled tail and sceleton reinforcing (or just "biomechnical implats"?) implants allow (for?) rapid movements and excellent balance.

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the a? redundant fail-safes of the all? major organs, including the a? three-paired sets of eyes. The creature essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between those systems, thus explaining why it was so why so? is it mentioned somewhere before? difficult to incapacitate. [...] thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy? It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes the gap to the previous mentioning is too large. either rephrease the whole paragraph, or delete the first mentioning of the eyes and rephrase this sentence to mention the eyes for the first time. autonomously search the landscape for prey. When a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger. this is the autopsy. how do they know this behaviour? I think this would be something for the living raptor text. you could add a speculation about the function o the eyes though...

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#67 Ghost5831

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Posted 03 September 2006 - 07:18 AM

Here is the first of two updates on the raptor autopsy, as I have not yet touched paragraph 3 (I want to look at it seperatly)

OK, so some comments on the text, using Zombie's post as basis.
Usual color scheme:
red: deletions
orange: proposed deleteions
blue: comments, additions

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

The Raptors average between two to and three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.

The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this [/color] with the heavily muscled tail and this allows the creature has the ability to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.
I would recommend a rephrasing of these last three sentences, to enhance text flow. What do you think of the following: A low - forward centre of gravity combined with a heavily muscled tail and sceleton reinforcing (or just "biomechnical implats"?) implants allow (for?) rapid movements and excellent balance.
(Just a comment about the "skeletal muscles" - all muscles have a bone to pull on!)

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the a? redundant fail-safes of the all? major organs, including the a? three-paired sets of eyes. The creature essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between those systems, thus explaining why it was so why so? is it mentioned somewhere before? difficult to incapacitate. [...] thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy? It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes the gap to the previous mentioning is too large. either rephrease the whole paragraph, or delete the first mentioning of the eyes and rephrase this sentence to mention the eyes for the first time. autonomously search the landscape for prey. When a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger. this is the autopsy. how do they know this behaviour? I think this would be something for the living raptor text. you could add a speculation about the function o the eyes though...

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


Your Spoon is no match for my Sniper Rifle

#68 Ghost5831

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Posted 03 September 2006 - 07:44 AM

Done and Done. Usual key:
Blue - additions
Green - comments
strikethrough - deletions

Here is the first of two updates on the raptor autopsy, as I have not yet touched paragraph 3 (I want to look at it seperatly)


OK, so some comments on the text, using Zombie's post as basis.
Usual color scheme:
red: deletions
orange: proposed deleteions
blue: comments, additions

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

The Raptors average between two to and three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.

The center of gravity is located forward of the hips. Combine this [/color] with the heavily muscled tail and this allows the creature has the ability to maintain its balance during rapid movement. This natural capability is further enhanced by implants located through the body, which reinforce the skeletal muscles, tendons and joints.
I would recommend a rephrasing of these last three sentences, to enhance text flow. What do you think of the following: A low - forward centre of gravity combined with a heavily muscled tail and sceleton reinforcing (or just "biomechnical implats"?) implants allow (for?) rapid movements and excellent balance.
(Just a comment about the "skeletal muscles" - all muscles have a bone to pull on!)

A chief advantage of the Raptor is the The Raptors chief advantage is a redundant fail-safe of the all its major organs; The creature essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between those systems, thus explaining why it was so why so? is it mentioned somewhere before? (no, but we assume that the player has shot the heck out of it and wondered "why won't it die!") difficult to incapacitate. thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. The creature has been blessed with six eyes, forming three pairs; It is our belief that when hunting, these three pairs of eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. As we have discovered that these eyes can be controlled seperatly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once, such as primary prey, more targets and possible danger When a victim is found, one pair of eyes will track the prey, another set scans the surroundings for more prospective targets, while the third pair watches for danger. this is the autopsy. how do they know this behaviour? I think this would be something for the living raptor text. you could add a speculation about the function o the eyes though...

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


Edited by Ghost5831, 03 September 2006 - 07:45 AM.

Your Spoon is no match for my Sniper Rifle

#69 Ghost5831

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Posted 06 September 2006 - 06:20 AM

Hello? Has the whole Creative Text department fallen to Unknown psychic force...Master?...kill all humans...

Edited by Ghost5831, 08 September 2006 - 05:10 AM.

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#70 Zombie

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Posted 08 September 2006 - 11:56 PM

No, not yet. :)

Sorry for my absence, but I have been tied up with many RL issues as well as a crappy internet connection. I'm here now though. I'll take a closer look at this text later today and report back. Hold on tight. :wink1:

- Zombie
The Mr. Grognard of X-COM

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!


#71 Ghost5831

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Posted 09 September 2006 - 05:40 AM

RL= Real Life?
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#72 Zombie

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Posted 09 September 2006 - 09:22 PM

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, which are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in hard to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

The Raptors average between two and three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.

The Raptors chief advantage is a redundant fail-safe of all its major organs; the creature essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between those systems, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. The creature has been blessed with six eyes, forming three pairs and it is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. As we have discovered that these eyes can be controlled independantly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once, such as primary prey, more targets and possible danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

Minor changes really. Mostly it was punctuation. Now that the text is cleaned up, let's take a closer look at it again. :)

Yup, RL=real life.

- Zombie
The Mr. Grognard of X-COM

Zombie: Empirical data's your only man, when formulating a research plan.
A soldier's death is never in vain if it makes the formula more plain.
A few dozen make a better case for refining that third decimal place.
They call me Zombie because I don't sleep, as I slowly struggle to climb this heap,
of corpses, data points, and trials, but from the top - I'll see for miles!


#73 Ghost5831

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Posted 16 September 2006 - 04:34 AM

[quote name='Zombie' date='Sep 10 2006, 04:22 AM' post='159867']

[quote]
The Raptors average between two and three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.
[/quote]

I was having problems with this paragraph the first time I looked at it:

The raptors average between two and three meters in height - when you use the word "between" you are already stating that it is between the numbers about to follow and so you put an "and" (I found it with a "to") problem is now we arnt consisten because the next bit says

and three to four meters in length - either we add between in this sentence and replace "to" with "and" or we take between away completely and replace the first "and" (which I changed) into a "to"

Any preference?

Edited by Ghost5831, 16 September 2006 - 04:34 AM.

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#74 Astyanax

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Posted 26 September 2006 - 11:58 PM

Some sleep-haloed comments:

Just a nitpick, Kevlar is pretty vulnerable to knives and the like; it's strength is in its ability to blunt the impact of bullets. Perhaps: "...capable of slicing through Kevlar body armour with ease."?

Para. 1, last sent.: maybe change "As a result" to "Consequently" to avoid the repetition of "result"?

Tweaked for grammar: "Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you wouldn't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir"

Like Ghost5831, I found the following sentence to be awkward: "The Raptors average between two and three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail." Perhaps delete "from ground to hip" and "nose to tail" because heights and lengths are generally measured from the furthest points. If this isn't the case here, maybe increase the values? E.g., "Raptors average two to three meters in height and three to four meters in length." Alternatively, you could delete "in height" and "in length" because they are less specific (and redundant) with the anatomical points you've mentioned. E.g., "Raptors average about two to three meters from ground to hip, and three to four meters from nose to tail."

Para. 4, sent. 2- the italicized "it" is grammatically vague... does "it" refer to a group of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems, or does "it" refer to the Raptor? "Not only is each capable of supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between those systems, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy." Perhaps: "...the creature essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory elements. Not only can each system independently sustain this beast, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between systems, thus explaining our extreme difficulty in subduing this foe."

I'm noticing that para. 1, sent 3 seems very similar to para. 4, sent. 1-2. Perhaps they can be reordered and combined, or one removed?

Maybe replace "pen" with "containment" in the fluff?

Edited by Astyanax, 27 September 2006 - 12:25 AM.

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#75 Ghost5831

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Posted 12 November 2006 - 02:29 PM

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with great ease. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, not only is each capable of supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between them, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemywhich are most likely to be the cause of the creatures resilience to damage. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not excrete secrete water, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in harddifficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

The Raptors average between two and three meters in height, from the ground to the hip, and three to four meters in length from nose to tail. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.
This creature is as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall, bending ninety degrees at the hip so that it's back is parallel to the ground,(does it bend at the hip like in old UFO?) and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.

The Raptors chief advantage is a redundant fail-safe of all its major organs; the creature essentially has two groups of partially interconnected circulatory and respiratory systems. Not only is each capable of supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between those systems, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. The creature has been blessed with six eyes, forming three pairs and it is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. As We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independantly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once, such as primary prey, more targets and possible danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

Minor changes really. Mostly it was punctuation. Now that the text is cleaned up, let's take a closer look at it again. :)

Yup, RL=real life.

- Zombie


Your Spoon is no match for my Sniper Rifle

#76 Mad

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Posted 12 November 2006 - 04:03 PM

Quite nice, still needs some work though.
A few comments.

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

Here I'm missing an introductory sentence. Maybe you could rephrase the first sentence into something like "the vicious bipedal Aliens we encountered in blablabla..."
The vicious bipedal Aliens are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with great ease. The autopsy of the recovered Raptor corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems, not only is each capable of this reads awkward. maybe try a rephrase.supporting it independently, but there is also evidence that blood flow can be diverted between them, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete water a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know do, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This creature is as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall sounds strange, bending ninety degrees at the hip so that it's back is parallel to the ground, and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement. I would suggest a slight rephrasing of this ß maybe in the spirit of sth like this: "This creature is as large as it is dangerous; It can grow up to a total height of three meters and up to four meters in length. The heavily musceled tail combined with a forward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants allows for perfectly maintained balance even in rapid movement."

The creature has been blessed equiped? with six eyes, forming three pairs and - it is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independantly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once, such as primary prey, more targets and possible danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


Edited by Mad, 12 November 2006 - 04:04 PM.

Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#77 Mad

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Posted 25 February 2007 - 04:08 PM

Anyone working on this? I assume Ghost is gone for good?
Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#78 Ghost5831

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Posted 30 March 2007 - 01:52 PM

No i am here just VERY busy with work of all kinds imaginable I! I was lucky to quickly think "hmm wat shud I do i know Zen Forums aint checked those in a while" cant stay long tho ill have a quick poke at it but not promising much

Additions
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RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The Raptor, a large, Thesevicious and bipedal Aliens who are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. The Raptors, Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with great ease. The autopsy of the recovered Raptorcorpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can supporting itthe creature independently, but there isbut also further evidence shows that blood flow can be diverted between them, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know do, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This creature is as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall, bending ninety degrees at the hip so that it's back is parallel to the ground, and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.

The creature has been blessedarmed withan array of six eyes, forming three pairs - it is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independantly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once, such as primary prey, more targets and possible danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


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#79 Ghost5831

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Posted 26 June 2007 - 11:15 AM

Hes Back Baby, and with a Vengeance...I believe this text is done...any comments?

No i am here just VERY busy with work of all kinds imaginable I! I was lucky to quickly think "hmm wat shud I do i know Zen Forums aint checked those in a while" cant stay long tho ill have a quick poke at it but not promising much

Additions
Deletions


RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The Raptor, a large, vicious and bipedal Alien who are unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with great ease. The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can support the creature independently but further evidence investigation revealsshows that blood flow can be diverted between them, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know do, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This creature is as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.

The creature has been armed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs - it is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independantly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once, such as primary prey, more targets and possible danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


Edited by Ghost5831, 26 June 2007 - 11:16 AM.

Your Spoon is no match for my Sniper Rifle

#80 Mad

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Posted 26 June 2007 - 04:21 PM

I think there's still some work to do
Don't have very much time atm, so now only a fast glance

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

The Raptors are, a large, vicious and bipedal Alien species who are which is unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, Raptors possess claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length that are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with great ease. The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can support the creature independently but further investigation reveals that blood flow can be diverted between them, thus explaining our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. However a study of the Raptor's skin revealed that it may have a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of viscous biological substances. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. As a result, use of incendiary weapons can cause the secretions to ignite, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This creature is as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance through rapid movement.

The creature has been armed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs - it is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independantly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once, such as primary prey, more targets and possible danger.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction".

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#81 Astyanax

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Posted 27 June 2007 - 03:11 AM

Kinda tired at the moment, so I'll just comment on a couple things really quick.

1) Heya Mad! :) Hi and welcome back, Ghostbat! :)

2) Extra comma after "Raptors are" in the 1st sentence, but disregard if you follow the next suggestion.

3) Weird singular/plural verb agreement in the 1st sentence, probably because the plural of species is species. :P Suggestion/tweak: "The Raptor, a large, vicious, and bipedal Alien species, is unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters (the "a large, vicious, and bipedal species" is its own phrase... the actual sentence reads: "The Raptor is unnaturally agile, inhumanly resistant to damage, and terrifyingly effective in close quarters" )

4) "...its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know..." Maybe use: "its sweat glands do not secrete a watery fluid as most terrestrial lifeforms do, but instead secrete..."

5) "Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two half-alive monsters after you!" I think won't ("will not") should be changed to wouldn't to agree with the you'd ("you would") later in the sentence. In other words, use wouldn't-would or won't-will instead of mixing them as won't-would.

6) "The creature has been armed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs..." Can this be simplified to just "The creature has been armed with three pairs of eyes"?

7) In the last paragraph before the fluff, "Severing this connection will possibly lead to instant death as the creature would be unable to function on its own due to lack of "direction"." I suggest changing will to would to match "possibly". "Will" tends to represent future certainty, "would" sometimes represents future possibility.

Sorry for the nitpickiness- mostly minor little things, which means this text progressing nicely! :P

Edited by Astyanax, 27 June 2007 - 03:22 AM.

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#82 Ghost5831

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 01:50 PM

.......Ghostbat?? LOL :KooKoo: Ill get on it sometime next week...mayb even 2moro...hu knows :D
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#83 Mad

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 05:51 PM

.......Ghostbat?? LOL :KooKoo: Ill get on it sometime next week...mayb even 2moro...hu knows :D

That's what your name spells... At least with a little fantasy and creativity. :)
Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#84 Astyanax

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Posted 22 July 2007 - 09:28 AM

.......Ghostbat?? LOL :KooKoo: Ill get on it sometime next week...mayb even 2moro...hu knows :D

Er... Sorry about that Ghost5831.

I don't know what I was thinking... guess I was more tired than I expected. :P
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#85 Mad

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Posted 05 August 2007 - 04:37 AM

Sooo? Ghost5831? What's up? We're waiting anxiously for your next draft!
Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#86 Mad

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Posted 19 April 2008 - 03:48 AM

So, since ghost left kind of in a hurry (maybe he took some cookies from the jar? Who knows... ;) ) here is someone else who I am pretty sure will do a very nice job, despite my inability to ever pronounce his name...

The raptor sounds like it's all set to become a fearsome enemy. I remember their ancestors from the old Xcom game were just big targets and a great way for rookies to earn that first kill.
The logic behind their flammability works just perfectly too. It makes complete sense as fire only really becomes a problem if sentient beings with things like lighters and matches (or flamethrowers) are around.
It may make an interesting side note that life can evolve to function at higher temperatures. Volcanic vents in the mid-atlantic ridge support a rich diversity of life and the water there is hot enough to melt the perspex window of a mini-sub. But I'm going to forget I ever heard that for a little while ;)
It's already a well written CT with a few great pieces of humour so I don't think I'll be changing much. Notes in red.

X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

Raptors are a large, bipedal alien species with unnatural agility and a vicious temperament. They are incredibly resistant to damage and terrifyingly effective at close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, Raptors possess hooked claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length which are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with great ease. The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can support the creature independently but further investigation reveals that the flow of blood can be diverted between them. When combined with the excessively high level of pain relieving endorphines in this organisms blood stream this explains our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. Thankfully a closer examination of the raptors skin revealed that it has a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of a viscous oily mucus. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. Because of this use of incendiary weapons is recommended. These are likely to ignite the secretions, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

Love the idea with the multiple organs. I think this was a feature of raptors in Xcom but them being able to redirect blood flow is new and it works really well. I added the endorphines to explain why this creature can keep going even if it's bones are shattered by bullets. I am aware that oil was dropped as it would hinder heat loss through evaporation and the cold climate raptor didn't really work but I think it's ok when combined with the alchohols.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two alive half-monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This is our lead researcher!?!?! Oh my god we're doomed! OMG I really like that sentence though. :)

This creature is almost as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance even through the most rapid of movement.

The creature has been endowed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs. It is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independantly, the creature can effectively look at three different things at once. This means the raptor could be aware of primary prey, possible danger and other pack members all at the same time and without even turning its head.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or control device. Severing the connection of such a device will result in the raptor reverting to its natural behavior. We can safely assume that it has a natural fear of fire and in this situation will promptly panic and try to escape the smoke and noise of the battlefield. Without these neuro-chips the raptor is likely to only be dangerous if cornered...... Or hungry!

I really didn't like the idea of the raptors keeling over dead just because nobody's telling them what to do. But I also didn't know if there was any game logic for the severing of neuro-chips (e.g. by killing the commander) so I included an alternative expanation.

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander

What a boss! I wonder what he does if you come to work late.

like I said not much has changed here. Just a bit of re-structuring and a couple of new ideas.


Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#87 kafros

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Posted 19 April 2008 - 06:31 AM

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

Raptors are a large, bipedal alien species with unnatural agility and a vicious temperament. They are incredibly resistant to damage and terrifyingly effective at close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, Raptors possess hooked claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length which are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with greatrelative? or even remove the adjective altogether ease. The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can support the creature independently but further investigation reveals that the flow of blood can be diverted between them. When combined with the excessively high level of pain relieving endorphins in this organism?s blood stream this suggets a terrestial-like biology, do we want that? this explains our severe difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. Thankfully aA closer examination of the Raptor's skin revealed that it has a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of a viscous oily mucus. It is likely that the Raptors originate from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. Because of this use of incendiary weapons is recommended. These are likely to ignite the secretions, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half, you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two alive half-monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This creature is almost as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance even through the most rapid of movement.

The creature has been endowed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs. It is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independently, the creature can effectively look at three different things directions at once. This means the Raptor could be aware of primary prey, possible danger and other pack members all at the same time and without even turning its head.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or a control device. Severing the connection of such a device will result in the Raptor reverting to its natural behavior. We can safely assume that it has a natural fear of fire and in this situation will promptly panic and try to escape the smoke and noise of the battlefield. Without these neuro-chips the raptor is likely to only be dangerous if corneredendangered... or hungry!

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creature known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander


What a boss! I wonder what he does if you come to work late.
Probably makes you write endless reports, or complete unfinished creative texts for open-source games hehehe :P

Another improvement in the text would be to use either plural or singular all over... Raptos are, Raptor is... It definitely improves the text

#88 Mad

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 12:57 AM

When combined with the excessively high level of pain relieving endorphins in this organism's blood stream
this suggets a terrestial-like biology, do we want that?
At first I wasn't convinced this needed changed. Then I remembered that it's a 3 meter tall lizard that sweats methanol. :P I'll keep the basic idea but change this to fit the raptor's biology.


Edited by Mad, 22 April 2008 - 07:58 AM.

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And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#89 Mad

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Posted 22 April 2008 - 01:05 AM

Another improvement in the text would be to use either plural or singular all over... Raptos are, Raptor is... It definitely improves the text

I am not that sure. The first three sentences refer to the raptors as a species and can be seen as introductory sentences, thus justifying the use of the plural. These sentences should maybe stand in a paragraph of their own. Then there is the autopsy of the body. Here only the singular form should be used.

edit: it is however possible - with some rewording - to use singular throughout the whole text. Do not use plural, since you are reporting the autopsy of one corpse.

Edited by Mad, 22 April 2008 - 01:07 AM.

Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#90 socratesmcgonagal

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Posted 03 May 2008 - 05:24 AM

Just a few tweaks to improve the CT for our good friend the raptor. I was surprised at the number of grammatical errors I had missed the first time round but it should be pretty much fixed now. ^_^

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

Raptors are a large, bipedal alien species with unnatural agility and a vicious temperament. They are incredibly resistant to damage and terrifyingly effective at close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, Raptors possess hooked claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length which are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with ease.

The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can support the creature independently and further investigation reveals that the flow of blood can be diverted between them. When combined with the excessively high level of pain relieving chemicals with an effect similar to endorphins in the bloodstream of the raptor this explains our extreme difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. A closer examination of the Raptor's skin has revealed a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of a viscous oily mucus. It is likely that the Raptor originated from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. Because of this use of incendiary weapons is recommended. These are likely to ignite the secretions, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two alive half-monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This organism is almost as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance even through the most rapid of movements.

The creature has been endowed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs. It is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independently, the creature can effectively look in three different directions at once. This means the Raptor could be aware of primary prey, possible danger and other pack members all at the same time and without even turning its head.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or a control device. Severing the connection of such a device will result in the Raptor reverting to its natural behavior. We can safely assume that it has a natural fear of fire and in this situation will promptly panic and try to escape the smoke and noise of the battlefield. Without these neuro-chips the raptor is likely to only be dangerous if threatened... or hungry!

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creatures known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander.

Edited by socratesmcgonagal, 03 May 2008 - 05:26 AM.

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#91 Mad

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Posted 03 May 2008 - 05:43 AM

very nice, some ideas:

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

Raptors are a large, bipedal alien species with unnatural agility and a vicious temperament. They are incredibly resistant to damage and terrifyingly effective at close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, Raptors possess hooked claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length, which are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with ease.

The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can support the creature independently, and further investigation reveals that the flow of blood can be diverted between them. When Combined with the excessively high level of pain relieving chemicals - with an effect similar to endorphins - found in the bloodstream of the raptor, this explains our extreme difficulties in incapacitating this enemy. A closer examination of the Raptor's skin has revealed a potentially fatal weakness: its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of a viscous oily mucus. It is likely that the Raptor originated from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. Because of this, use of incendiary weapons is recommended. These are likely to ignite the secretions, causing the Raptor to be covered in difficult to extinguish flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two alive half-monsters after you!" - Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This organism is almost as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance even through the most rapid of movements.

The creature has been endowed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs. It is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. We have discovered that as these eyes can be controlled independently, the creature can effectively look in three different directions at once. This means the Raptor could be aware of primary prey, possible danger and other pack members all at the same time and without even turning its head.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or a control device. Severing the connection of such a device will most probably result in the Raptor reverting to its natural behavior. We can safely assume that it has a natural fear of fire and in this situation will promptly panic and try to escape the smoke and noise of the battlefield. Without these neuro-chips the raptor is likely to only be dangerous if threatened... or hungry!

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creatures known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander.


Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#92 Ghost5831

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 04:22 AM

A levels suck a lot of life and time out of you and you slowly drop commitments until all you have left is books, msn and food

BUT they are over now woohoo so I have time again, thing is I now have skills in computer programming and so would like to help out in that department If I can? Ill make a post somewhere and see if I can join em.

Good to see you are all well and still going strong :)
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#93 Mad

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 06:34 AM

A levels suck a lot of life and time out of you and you slowly drop commitments until all you have left is books, msn and food

BUT they are over now woohoo so I have time again, thing is I now have skills in computer programming and so would like to help out in that department If I can? Ill make a post somewhere and see if I can join em.

Good to see you are all well and still going strong :)

pm dteviot - he'll get you started
Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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#94 kafros

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Posted 28 September 2009 - 12:28 AM

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

Raptors are a large, bipedal alien species with unnatural agility and a vicious temperament. They are incredibly resistant to damage and terrifyingly effective at close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, Raptors possess hooked claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length, which are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with ease.

The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; evidence suggests that each system can support the creature independently, and further investigation reveals that the flow of blood can be diverted between them. Its skin consists of scutes that acts as body armor. Combined with high level of pain relieving chemicals found in its bloodstream, the creature shows great physical condition and resistance to punishment, providing for a challenging incapacitation.

Although, in human terms, the Raptor could be described as a reptilian species, one of its anthropomorphic features is of great interest: sweat glands. A closer examination of the Raptor's skin has revealed that its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most lifeforms we know, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of a viscous oily mucus. It is likely that the Raptor originated from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. Because of this, use of incendiary weapons is recommended. These are likely to ignite the secretions, causing the Raptor to be engulfed in flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two alive half-monsters after you!"
- Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This organism is almost as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a foward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance even through the most rapid of movements.

The creature has been endowed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs. It is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. Evidence suggests that these eyes can be controlled independently, permitting the creature to effectively look in three different directions at once. This means the Raptor could be aware of primary prey, possible danger and other pack members all at the same time and without even turning its head.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or a control device. Severing the connection of such a device will most probably result in the Raptor reverting to its natural behavior. We can safely assume that it has a natural fear of fire and in this situation will promptly panic and try to escape the smoke and noise of the battlefield. Without these neuro-chips the raptor is likely to only be dangerous if threatened... or hungry!

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creatures known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander.


The first half is almost fully rephrased. So is the paragraph describing the eyes of the creatures.
The claws should also be described.

#95 Mad

Mad

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Posted 29 July 2010 - 08:35 AM

RAPTOR AUTOPSY
X-Net://Pegasus.net/Alien/Autopsies/Raptor

Raptors are a large, bipedal alien species with unnatural agility and a vicious temperament. They are incredibly resistant to damage and terrifyingly effective at close quarters. Like their namesake, the Velociraptors, Raptors possess hooked claws ranging from 20 to 30 centimeters in length, which are capable of slicing through Kevlar body amour with ease.

The autopsy of the recovered corpse revealed twin sets of respiratory and circulatory systems; between which blood flow can be diverted, however- evidence suggests that each system can also support the creature independently , and further investigation reveals that the flow of blood can be diverted between them.[/s ] Its skin consists of scutes that act[s]s as body armor. Combined with a high level of pain relieving chemicals found in its bloodstream, the creature shows great physical condition and resistance to punishment, providing for a challenging incapacitation.

Although, in human terms, the Raptor could be described as a reptilian species, one of its anthropomorphic features is of great interest: sweat glands. A closer examination of the Raptor's skin has revealed that its sweat glands do not secrete a water based fluid like most life-forms we know, but a combination of methanol, ethanol and minute amounts of a viscous oily mucus. It is likely that the Raptor originated from a planet both hotter and more humid than Earth, resulting in the need for more volatile liquids to maintain the optimum body temperature. Because of this, use of incendiary weapons is recommended. These are likely to ignite the secretions, causing the Raptor to be engulfed in flames.

"Unbelievable! If you chop this beast in half you won't have one dead monster; you'd have two alive half-monsters after you!"
- Lead Researcher, Dr. Wasif Negir

This organism is almost as large as it is dangerous, in height it can grow up to three meters tall and in length it can grow up to 4 meters between its horizontal extremities. A heavily muscled tail, combined with a forward centre of gravity and a number of biomechanical implants enable these creatures to maintain perfect balance even through the most rapid of movements.

The creature has been endowed with an array of six eyes, forming three pairs. It is our belief that when hunting, these eyes autonomously search the landscape for prey. Evidence suggests that these eyes can be controlled independently, permitting the creature to effectively look in three different directions at once. This means the Raptor could be aware of primary prey, possible danger and other pack members all at the same time and without even turning its head.

Study of the brain reveals numerous metallic fibers originating from a small implant at the base of the skull. Despite the fact that it remained inert throughout the examination, it is likely that the implant is either a communication or a control device. Severing the connection of such a device will most probably result in the Raptor reverting to its natural behavior. We can safely assume that it has a natural fear of fire and in this situation will promptly panic and try to escape the smoke and noise of the battlefield. Without these neuro-chips the raptor is likely to only be dangerous if threatened or hungry!

"The proposal that X-Corps supplement its budget by raising the creatures known as Raptors to produce 'Raptor Juice: Finest All Natural Alcohol from the Stars' has been rejected. The next person to submit similar proposals will be tossed into a pen with a hungry Raptor." - Memo from Base Commander.


Modified a few things, removed some typos (not all highlighted). I think this one is very close to completion.
Keep smiling while dying

Of course I have gone mad with power! It would be completely ridiculous to go mad without power!
And no, this is not a quote from the Simpson's movie, I want it on paper, that I actually wrote that quite some time before the movie came out.

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