Harald387 Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 This is inspired by the '100 things Skippy is not allowed to do in the US Army' list. 100 Things Skippy is not allowed to do in X-Com: 1. 'Muton Girls are Easy' is not the motto of the Psi Divison. 2. I am not allowed to encourage the PsiDiv members to "have the aliens do the can-can". 3. Plasma Rifles may not be used to heat my morning coffee. 4. I may not accuse PsiDiv members of 'messing with my head'. 5. Even if they're actually doing it. 6. Commander Jonlan's proper form of address is "Commander", not "Miss Cleo" 7. Psi-amps are not filled with yummy candy. 8. Elerium-115 is not to be sold in schoolyards as 'the next wave in chemical entertainment'. 9. Proximity grenades may not be left in the latrines 'in case the aliens go to the loo'. 10. Filling aliens full of stimulants 'just to see them jitter and jive' is not an appropriate use of my medikit. 11. The purpose of rookies is *not* "To open doors carrying two primed grenades". 12. The Firestorm is not a UFO; I am not allowed to shoot at it. 13. I may not hang a 'Just Married' sign and a bunch of tin cans from the back of the hovertank. 14. Blaster Launchers are not to be sold on the black market. 15. Plasma weaponry is not to be sold on the black market. 16. I am not allowed to sell anything on the black market. 17. The alien surgery may not be used to 'play doctor'. 18. Alien Food is not food. 19. Snakemen may not be kept in aquariums. 20. Reapers are not fuzzy pets. 21. Alien Entertainment is not suitable for children. 22. Stun Bombs are not fireworks. 23. Flying suits may not be used to 'buzz the tower'. 24. Alien corpses may not be turned into 'Do It At Home Alien Autopsy Kits'. 25. Tinfoil hats are not a substitute for the base's Mind Shield. 26. Civilians are not "Chryssalids waiting to happen." 27. The Hyper-Wave Decoder does not receive cable TV. 28. I may not leave my pet rock in charge of my station. 29. Dead Silacoids may not be substituted for pet rocks. 30. Live Silacoids may not be substituted for pet rocks. 31. Aliens do not like bubblegum. 32. Not even if I brought enough for all of them. 33. Celatid venom is a paralytic nerve toxin, not 'happy juice'. 34. I may not sign a secret pact with the alien forces. 35. I may not sign a public pact with the alien forces. 36. I am not permitted to defect in order to get 'supreme alien powers'. 37. The X-Com Commander is not an alien, and I am not allowed to deploy the fusion ball defenses against him. 38. At no point during a mission should I point and scream "facehugger!!!". 39. Blaster Launchers may not be programmed for U-turns. Further contributions are welcome. (This list was made by K. Smyth ([email protected]. Feel free to distribute it, but kindly attribute it as well. Thanks!) -K"H"S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deimos Posted April 25, 2003 Share Posted April 25, 2003 2. I am not allowed to encourage the PsiDiv members to "have the aliens do the can-can". 10. Filling aliens full of stimulants 'just to see them jitter and jive' is not an appropriate use of my medikit. 11. The purpose of rookies is *not* "To open doors carrying two primed grenades". 31. Aliens do not like bubblegum.Or an easy lesson in how not to be drinking morning coffe when reading this. Where's my screen wipes, man that is funny stuff. Number 10, why not? It just sooo funny. I reckon we should impliment that as an undocumented feature. Though I'd waste my medkits on them. Hmm maybe do the same for troopers, give them too much stim and they go jittering around like George of the jungle after too much espresso. 11. Is my standard operating procedure :devilsmile: what else are rookies good for? 31. Can you just imagine giving am muton bubblegum 40. When exiting landing craft do not leave primed proxy grenades on the floor, no matter how much of a laugh it is. 41. Alien bases are not the place to pronounce you're pregnant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harald387 Posted April 25, 2003 Author Share Posted April 25, 2003 Number 10, why not? It just sooo funny. I reckon we should impliment that as an undocumented feature. Though I'd waste my medkits on them. Hmm maybe do the same for troopers, give them too much stim and they go jittering around like George of the jungle after too much espresso.I can just see it now: *blam blam blam blam blam blam* 'Armand Lacointe is high on stims' flashing up on the screen... Added 'Proximity Grenades do not substitute for electro-flares' and 'Alien Bases are *not* the correct locale to announce that I am pregnant' to the list. -K"H"S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harald387 Posted April 28, 2003 Author Share Posted April 28, 2003 This list is now updated and maintained at http://mx-deus.net/xcom; please send submissions to ksmyth387-at-sympatico-dot-ca. -K"H"S Muton girls are still easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustang Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Funny! :: :: :: :: :: :: :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGold Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hehe - I especially like: 11. The purpose of rookies is *not* "To open doors carrying two primed grenades". and 33. Celatid venom is a paralytic nerve toxin, not 'happy juice'. Good stuff!Gold Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustang Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 (edited) I like the onesPsi-Amps are not filled with "yummy candy" andCelatid venom is a paralistic nerve toxin not 'happy juice' Edited June 26, 2003 by Mustang678 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoopher Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 1 you do not talk about xcom2 you do not talk about xcom3 No shirt no shoes no belt (it is an alien)4 an assault mission will go on aslong as it has to. 5 if they aliens go limp tap out the fight is over6 Only two sides to a fight7 (forgotten)8 If it is your first assault mission you have to fight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikker Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 (edited) 42) Snakemen eggs does NOT fitt with bacon.43) I may not press the red button on the control panel in the alien containment.44) I may not take my new cryssaloid friend into the personal quarters.45) While on the way to mars, i may not open the doors.46) When on mars, I may not take of my mask to take some fresh air.47) I may not take on an ethernal cape, and ring door bells.48) When in battle, I may not panic, and take the skyranger home.49) I may not play amarican football with a blaster bomb. I've send it. Edit: darn...i missed a f in "off" , and a s after "ethernal" Edited June 27, 2003 by mikker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j'ordos Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 and it's etherEal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikker Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 garrggg........ i need to get some more english lessons...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippyjon Posted June 29, 2003 Share Posted June 29, 2003 43) I may not press the red button on the control panel in the alien containment.43a) i may not press any button onthe control panel in the alien containment.43b) i may not press buttons, flick switches or poke things with sticks eastereggeastereggeasteregg somewhere on the reserch tree, you only get it in rare cirumstances (like if things are reserched in a particular order and not in your first game) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikker Posted June 29, 2003 Share Posted June 29, 2003 yes, you would get a thing in the general store called easteregg. When you bring it with you into battle, it will take up 1 space, and you will get an engergizer rabbit with the drum weapon! and when you come back, you have 2 eggs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atropos Posted June 30, 2003 Share Posted June 30, 2003 I will never again teach a Muton to play poker. If I do teach a Muton to play poker, I will not play with him. If I do play with him, I will not bet the Skyranger. If I do bet the Skyranger, I will not do so in the hopes that I will draw into an inside straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fafnir Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 Hehehe, this is some pretty funny stuff, man.Good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge_Deadd Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 I'm not allowed to take prox grenades home and use them as burglar alarm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miceless Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 Do not eat flares, regardless of how 'cool' you look in the dark. Stun rods are not to be used for recreational purposes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jim69 Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 I must not spike my NCO's drink with stims from the Medikit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred the Goat Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 (edited) Funny stuff! The equipment lockers are to remain closed and locked through the week preceding the fourth of July. - Inspired by Deadd Aliens are dangerous - do not tap, moon, or lick the glass. Stun bombs are not for playing hot potato. I just read all of them at the website, that is some seriously hilarious sh!t. Edited August 2, 2003 by Fred the Goat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 Laser rifles are not to be used to cook my food The Fusion Ball launcher is not a deep frier I may not use any weapons for cooking food Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jim69 Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 The Psi-Amp is NOT to be used to blackmail the NCO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted September 10, 2003 Share Posted September 10, 2003 The White House is not an alien base. I may not destroy it.The Statue of Liberity is not a ufo.The Mexican bull run is not target practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limit Four-Five Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 Stupid government that takes all the fun out of the bull run. I may not use the Psi-Amp on the bank manager to give myself enormous amounts of moneyCyberdiscs are not frisbiesReapers are not big shaggy dogsWhen irritated i cannot use the Stun Baton on the NCOEthreals are not Heart Donors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jim69 Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 I must not tell my NCO that an alien attack is imminent so that I can steal his ciggerettes while he is raising the alarm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 :happybanana: Migets are not Sectoids in Disguise"The door was locked" is not an exuse for not infiltrating an alien baseI am not a Chryssalid, you may not shoot meLast nights dinner was not "Sectoid Soup"Snake Men are not to be taken home as petsEthreals are not to be taken home as petsI am not permitted to take any alien home as a petThe Psi amp is not to be used to get cars for a low priceThe Psi amp is not to be used to get a condo for a low priceI may not use the Psi amp for my own pleasure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jim69 Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 I may not steal Elerium for my girlfriends engaguement ring Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikker Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 I may not buy 500 avalance launchers, instead of avalance misiles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j'ordos Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 So you have done something like that as well "Oh I'm out of Avalanches, better buy some new ones"couple of hours later: "new cargo arrived at xcombase1: 30 Avalanche Launchers" *silence, stares in disbelief* !!! :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikker Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 thats because the launchers comes before misiles :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jim69 Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 I once brought 50,000 shells for the Interceptors when all I wanted was 500 shells for the Tank And I have done that many times, sell em back to em and lose 40% :whatwhat: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 Sectoids do not drive Corvettes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mustang Posted September 15, 2003 Share Posted September 15, 2003 I may not take a plasma cannon home to take care of those "nosy neibors"(I know I spelled it wrong) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deathskull Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 (edited) Mind probes are not bowling balls since they dont any finger holes. If you find a mind probe with finger holes you may not use it as a bowling ball, unless nobody can tell the diference. Proximity mines are not to be put into toilets or alien corpses that are about to be disected, even if its to protest alien disection. Edited November 6, 2003 by Deathskull Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupSuper Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 You can't target the Firestorm at George Bush even if you think he's an alien. Flying Suits are not to be used for "air shows". Blaster Launchers are not to be used in-doors. Research equipment is not to be stolen just to "mess around". Manufacturing plans are not to be stolen for making home-made weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deimos Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 The Large radar is not a microwave. Do not use it to cook popcorn. The alien hyerwave decoder is not to be used to send text messages to the aliens. Alien autopsies do not make good haloween gifts. The base raid alarm is not to be used on April the 1st. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted November 11, 2003 Share Posted November 11, 2003 The Firestorm is not for street racingEven if you know you'll winDo not challenge the police to a race in the FirestormI don't know why you want to but you can't take the Firestorm to MexicoNo you can't have an open house party at the baseNo you can't invite the Sectoids to a party at the base Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikker Posted November 11, 2003 Share Posted November 11, 2003 shouldnt this be ranamed "100 things Tommy can't do in X-com"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted November 11, 2003 Share Posted November 11, 2003 -_- Yeah, that would be a lot better.Whats skippy got to do with X-Com anywayLast I checked you can't buy him as a unit ( although that could be a bit funny, Skippy Vs Ship full of Sectoids) Bets now :1 for skippy, 2 for ship full of sectoids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpl. Facehugger Posted November 11, 2003 Share Posted November 11, 2003 Well, Skippy comes from "100 things skippy can't do in the army" list. It is sort of like Murphey's law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted November 11, 2003 Share Posted November 11, 2003 I havn't looked at the 100 Things Skippy can't do in the army yet. I think it's lying around on my computer at home. I'd check it tonight but I've got an AIRTC meeting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikker Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 -_- Yeah, that would be a lot better.Whats skippy got to do with X-Com anywayLast I checked you can't buy him as a unit ( although that could be a bit funny, Skippy Vs Ship full of Sectoids) Bets now :1 for skippy, 2 for ship full of sectoidsi herby bet a million on the sectoid ship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I don't like skippys chances either, 2 million on the sectoids to win Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupSuper Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 3 million! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge_Deadd Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 100000.000000.0000000.000000 million x 10000! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordT Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Oh, you're SO going to lose that bet. Skippy Is Great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cpl. Facehugger Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Yeah, skippy can't really die. Otherwise, who would write skippy's 100 list? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
revenant4 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 I got 1 thing to say about #11...Awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge_Deadd Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I am not allowed to play football with blaster bombs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I may not play Hot Potato with a primed grenade Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deathskull Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 (edited) Psi amps may not be used make 'friends' Edited January 13, 2004 by Deathskull Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now